Family Issues

[gleason406]

I need to vent....my DH and I are taking our DS 3 1/2 & DS 2 on a 10 day trip in September and we have also included grandma in our plans and we are paying her way. We were able to take advantage of the free dining so that saved us some money but we are still paying the room/tickets & airfare. The problem is we have family that lives in the Tampa area and while we are going on a much needed family vacation they see it as we have to see them while we are there. We fly so we don't have to rent a car and deal with car seats and then we are not obligated to drive all over the state of Florida visiting family. We have always invited them to spend the day with us hanging by the pool or whatever. Well this year my aunt would like my mom to spend a few days with her at her new house. I have already made all of of ADR's and now my mom wants to spend 3 days with my aunt & uncle and I kind of feel that is unfair to us since we are paying for the vacay. They are also driving up to spend an entire day with us at the resort so we are giving up a day in the parks. My mom also doesn't understand the whole ADR thing and the difficulty of getting into certain places and changing them.

So my question is should I be mad at my mom? have a converstaion with my aunt? I'm a little annoyed that my mom's room will be empty for 2-3 nights especially since the money is coming out of my pocket....

I just feel we can never venture to Disney for a vacation without drama.....

Help!

 

[Raven66]

I understand what you are saying. When we started going to WDW we lived in MI, then MO and now AR and my family lived in FL thru all of our moves. When we would go to WDW we could only afford the one trip. My family lived 4 hrs from Orlando. Since we fly we couldn't get to them anyhow. Well, I'm rambling but what we did is asked if they would meet us there and they got to pick the park they wanted to be in for their day. So my mom, dad and sister would come for the whole day and we got to see them. We had a lot of fun. What I'm saying is maybe the family your mom wants to see can come for the day and it can be spent like that.

If not, just do what others have said and let her go. Just cancel her room. Let her go the last 3 days of your trip and ask that the family have her at the airport at the appropriate time.

What ever you do, have fun!!

 

[dvcnut39]

I have family in Deland (west of Daytona). If we have time, we visit. If not, we invite them to join us at a resort restaurant. If they can make it, great, if not, catch them on the next trip.

 

[Monsterfan99]

next time you plan to come to florida, i would sneak down with your kids and hubby and not tell anyone so no ones feelings can be hurt!

Words of wisdom right there.

 

[captainkidd]

I say screw your mother. Sorry, but she's being very selfish. You've already paid for her room and now she decides she wants to spend 3 days elsewhere? I'd call Disney and cancel her room, get the money back, and tell the aunt or whoever it is, she can pay for airfare and transportation for your mother.

My mother always tries to guilt me into renting a car on vacation to go visit my grandparents in West Palm Beach when we go to Disney. I love my grandparents, don't get me wrong. But I am not throwing 3 kids into a rental car I don't need to drive 4 hours down to West Palm Beach on our vacation.

One thign I am confused about - You mentioned flying so you don't need car seats. How do you do that with a 2 and 3 year old? They need to be in car seats on the airplane.

 

[Susan Savia]

Years ago we had relatives living in the St. Pete area and they expected us to visit when we were there. We built a day into our vacation just for this and it made everyone happy. We didn't lose any park time and we had a nice visit with meals and it gave us a break mid week from the parks.

 

[I_heart_Tigger]

I say screw your mother. Sorry, but she's being very selfish. You've already paid for her room and now she decides she wants to spend 3 days elsewhere? I'd call Disney and cancel her room, get the money back, and tell the aunt or whoever it is, she can pay for airfare and transportation for your mother.

My mother always tries to guilt me into renting a car on vacation to go visit my grandparents in West Palm Beach when we go to Disney. I love my grandparents, don't get me wrong. But I am not throwing 3 kids into a rental car I don't need to drive 4 hours down to West Palm Beach on our vacation.

I was surprised to see this view since my thought was more like, screw you, you're being selfish for caring about your own trip instead of your family (not that I was feeling that harsh about it...just comparing it to your phrase) I guess it depends on the relationship the OP has or wishes to have with her mother after this trip

My last trip to Disney with my mother will probably be our last trip there together since she's having a difficult time getting around, for 2 days she didn't feel up to spending the day in the parks so I gave up my days to spend time with her at the resort instead. Taking 2 days out of a 6 night trip didn't matter to me...and I didn't once think about the money I was out from my park passes (and trust me...i have to scrimp and save for every vacation)

My feeling is that she would have paid the money anyway so let her visit her family and take those days to enjoy free time spent with just the hubby and kids...she's not out any money, just out the companionship of her mother for those three days and with a positive attitude she can make the best of it.

My father died suddenly just before I was due to go work in WDW for a year. I would have given up the entire year there just to spend more time with my family (actually I told my mom and sister I was calling them to cancel it so I could stay home and be there with them but they wouldn't hear of it). That was truly a once in a lifetime opportunity that I was willing to pass up for my family, not just 3 days of a resort and a couple of ADR's.

I guess the OP just has to decide which is more important to her...Disney or family, for me it's a no brainer

 

[thrupaytonseyes]

I don't blame you for being upset. It is frustrating when your expectations are not met. You expected that your mom would be spending the time with you and your family since you paid for the trip. I would not be too happy about it either.

We invite my parents along on many of our Disney trips. My grandparents and one of my brothers and his family are in the Tampa area. The annoying thing is that my mother always brings one of my nephews with her. She lets us know that she is bringing one very last minute. I wish she would spend some quality time with my kids without my nephew. She watches those nephews every weekday so it is not like she doesn't spend time with them. But I digress. The one thing she does do right is that she adds time on to her trip to visit the family. She will either go down before us or stay after we leave.

We rotate which family travels to see the other one each trip. One time we will head over to visit the family, the next time we will meet up with my brother and fam at Seaworld since they have the annual passes for Busch Gardens, SeaWorld, etc. My grandparents used to make the trip every other time too but can't travel anymore. So now we try and make trips exclusively to visit them and try and get a day in at Disney during that time to give them a little down as my kids can be exhausting!

But anyway you came here to vent so I hope getting it out helped a little. I think you should talk to your mom and let her know how you are feeling. Of course, easier said than done. Good luck!

 

[captainkidd]

I guess the OP just has to decide which is more important to her...Disney or family, for me it's a no brainer

I don't think that's fair at all. Why couldn't her family have thought of this before she planned and booked (and paid) for everything? If her aunt wants to see her mother so bad, she should have arranged a trip on her own, rather than taking advantage of the families vacation.

And she is out some money. She's out the money she spent for an additional room for 3 nights. I'd be ed too.

 

[wannabeBelle]

I don't think that's fair at all. Why couldn't her family have thought of this before she planned and booked (and paid) for everything? If her aunt wants to see her mother so bad, she should have arranged a trip on her own, rather than taking advantage of the families vacation.

And she is out some money. She's out the money she spent for an additional room for 3 nights. I'd be ed too.

I hate to say it but I completely agree with you. A number of years ago I had a trip planned with my Mom. My sister decided to come along, which was fine. But my sister wanted to stay at a different resort, eat in different restuarants, see different attractions etc. You name it, she wanted the opposite. My Mom was a total champ on this one though. I told my sister that is she wanted a trip with "Her mother" that she should certainly take the time and effort and plan one, I know my mom she would go in a heartbeat ( Mom is WAY COOL like that) If she wanted to join Mom and I on this trip, she was just going to have to do what Mom and I wanted. After the trip was over, the best times we had and the memories we still talk about were the things I had planned.
Family is tough, but I think you Mom should have stood up to the others and said " She made the reservations and arrangements for me and has already paid for them. Id love to come and visit you another time so I dont feel so rushed to get back, When would be good for you?" Belle
As an add on I dont think the issue is really about money or Disney actually, It is more the fact that Mom made plans with the one family and then is breaking those plans to spend time with another family. I Am sure the OP wouldnt feel bad if Mom was going to visit them another time, but to take away the family time that has already been set aside for one family to go with another I feel is wrong.

 

[I_heart_Tigger]

I hate to say it but I completely agree with you. A number of years ago I had a trip planned with my Mom. My sister decided to come along, which was fine. But my sister wanted to stay at a different resort, eat in different restuarants, see different attractions etc. You name it, she wanted the opposite. My Mom was a total champ on this one though. I told my sister that is she wanted a trip with "Her mother" that she should certainly take the time and effort and plan one, I know my mom she would go in a heartbeat ( Mom is WAY COOL like that) If she wanted to join Mom and I on this trip, she was just going to have to do what Mom and I wanted. After the trip was over, the best times we had and the memories we still talk about were the things I had planned.
Family is tough, but I think you Mom should have stood up to the others and said " She made the reservations and arrangements for me and has already paid for them. Id love to come and visit you another time so I dont feel so rushed to get back, When would be good for you?" Belle
As an add on I dont think the issue is really about money or Disney actually, It is more the fact that Mom made plans with the one family and then is breaking those plans to spend time with another family. I Am sure the OP wouldnt feel bad if Mom was going to visit them another time, but to take away the family time that has already been set aside for one family to go with another I feel is wrong.

The Op said

I have already made all of of ADR's and now my mom wants to spend 3 days with my aunt & uncle and I kind of feel that is unfair to us since we are paying for the vacay

So it seemed to me like it was mainly a money issue and doesn't have anything to do with her wanting to spend more time with her mother, in fact she said it would be fine if she was able to take the last 3 days of the vacation away just not 3 days in the middle.

I still think that since she is not out any extra money at all - she would be paying X amount of $$$ if her mom is on the room and also X $$$ if her mother does not and then she can take advantage of the private family time and the extra room.

It seemed to be all about money and I think family is more important, which obviously you do as well, just from a different viewpoint.

She probably doesn' get to see her sister much so let her, and talk to your aunt about chipping in any extra money that would come of the trip

 

[sweetpee_1993]

I feel where the OP is coming from. It's not as simple as choosing what's more important: family or Disney. Even as adults we sometimes need a little Mom time. It sounds like the OP had put a lot of thought and effort into planning, dreaming, and getting his/her hopes up. To have everything turned upside-down is frustrating. That's totally understandable.

I, too, have "family" who live in the Orlando area. My mom's ex-husband who raised me so still is "Dad" and one of my ex-step-sibs both live in Winter Park. We used to tell them waaay in advance when we were coming to Disney and invite them out to hang out or join us in the parks. Dad used to come out but he just doesn't do the whole Disney thing so well. It gets on his nerves, he gets aggravated, and becomes a pretty embarrassing person to be around. Not fun. We've tried treating him to meals we had ADRs for just to have him spend the time with us but he freaks out at the cost which makes it uncomfortable and drains the magic from the moment. A few years ago he started pressing us to let him come pick us up and take us off-property to spend a day going here or there visiting my brother (who never ever expresses any interest in coming out to visit us when we come all the way down to Orlando) and all the people who are part of their lives that we don't even know. It's really quite odd. We've just gotten where we don't want to throw away an entire day of our vacation this way. The past few trips we've just not told any of them that we're going down there. It's just easier that way. I don't feel like I'm being selfish.

To the OP, I know from experience that if you show up at an ADR with a different number of people than what you reserved it generally can be accommodated. We've arrived with a couple less and explained that the others became sick at the last minute and were not able to come on the trip and it was okay. We've also checked in at CRT for dinner with 1 more person than we had on our ADR and we were accommodated. The lady at CRT told me that although they can't guarantee that it will be okay, they almost always work something out. So if you show up to your ADRs a few more or less you aren't automatically told "tough noogies". K?

I understand your mom wanting to have some time with her sister. Could she possibly plan those 3 days at the end of the trip? That way she can be there with you all for the duration of the trip you have planned, check-out the same day as you, then fly home a few days later than you. That way it doesn't cut into your trip but still gives her the time she wants.

Above all else, your feelings are totally valid. Be honest. Tell your mom how you feel. See if she can work things so it's a win-win for everyone. If she can't don't let that take away from your family's trip. If she leaves y'all for 3 days during the trip try to make those 3 days some good, solid bonding time for the 4 of you! :wave:

 

[GenerationX]

It's a ten day trip. One day with relatives messing up your ADRs and touring is not really a big deal. You'll need a non-park day or two in there, anyway.

As for Mom's three day visit to her sister's: a very reasonable desire. You'll still have plenty of time to enjoy the parks with Mom. However, you said you feel this is unfair because you are paying her way. You also said this is a much-needed family vacation, and you wish there wasn't so much drama. Why take Mom at all, then? ... Unless Mom's way is being paid in return for babysitting and now you're upset because her services will no longer be available for three days.

 

[Figment73]

I would never ever ever take my family or my very unappreciative in-laws with me to the HAPPIEST PLACE ON EARTH. To much drama. Especially with my out-laws i mean in-laws:ROFLOL:

 

[slappy magoo]

Sounds like such a no-win situation to me. First of all, apparently your relatives don't know how much effort and cost can go into a WDW vacation. But it's the sort of thing you really can't make a stink about it without sounding like a whiner.

This might sound dumb, but maybe you should call a Disney agent, who can perhaps best arrange your reservation needs around your unique situation. One thing I'd suggest you suggest is this: First of all, try to get your mom and her sister to at least TRY to arrange their part of the trip so it's not smack dab in the middle of your vacation. Explain to your mom that you can't (or, and I think that this is fair, won't) pay for a room for 3 nights if she's not in it. If she leaves in the middle of the trip and returns, there's no guarantee Disney will put her back in the same room. Also, maybe your mom's sister would be willing to spend one night with her mom in her room, and leave the next morning. Whatever ADR you have for that night, they may be able to accommodate you for a slightly larger party, then you could possibly all get together for breakfast before they head back to your aunt's new place, and you're only without your mom for 2 nights. Not exactly what you had in mind, but you know what they say about the best laid plans of men going to see the mouse...

 

[corey154]

I think this post was just so she could vent about her situation. I think people get too carried away sometimes. We're here to support people, not make them feel worse:xmas: