Okay, for the small handful of people who care, I finally watched a YouTube version of this new ride. To give it the most benefit of the doubt, I first made myself a dry martini
(Roku gin, Dolin vermouth, California almond-stuffed olive) and then pulled up the Attractions 360 video from YouTube on my 70 inch 4K TV screen in the family room. This is about as close to real life as we can get these days, until they invent smell-a-vision.
My thoughts on this
new six month old Spiderman ride? From someone who has absolutely no idea what he's talking about regarding comic books, but knows a thing or two about theme parks...
- Pre-show. Okay.... um... this almost seems like a caricature of a theme park pre-show. The chirpy dialogue, the fake plotline of an "Open House!", the predictable herding by the CM's "Right this way recruits!" or whatever we're supposed to be. Then there's a video of a twink in a small t-shirt who starts talking, and right away Something Goes Terribly Wrong! with all those robot crabs the twink is replicating. Or something. This ride gets an award, either for introducing the Something Goes Terribly Wrong! concept before we've even been asked to pull down on the lapbar, or for having a twink in a small t-shirt be our host. Either way, it wins an award.
- Loading Area. Kind of a letdown after that dramatic pre-show with the twink in a small t-shirt. But we do have to get assigned to a row and pull down on a lapbar, that's just the nature of the business.
- Ride. And we're off! Where's the twink? What are we doing? Narrator lady is half-screaming "blah-blah-blah webslingers!" over the speaker. There's no gun. I'm supposed to go pew-pew with my hands? Do I really have to do that dorky hand posture, or can I just make a gun with my hand like a normal American? Loud noises! Dialogue! You can do it! More dialogue! Pew-pew. Spiderman. Pew-pew. Robot crabs. We did it! You won! Spiderman won! Something happened! Closing dialogue. Push up on lapbar and exit to your right super people. You are awesome and truly meaningful!
So, I'm still confused. The ride overall was colorful and zippy, I'll give them that.
But whose idea was it to put this Midway Mania clone in the same park as Midway Mania? What was the other option?
This ride seems like a jokey knock-off of a theme park ride. I got definite Universal Studios circa 2005 vibes from the overall experience. The fake "workshop" pre-show with wrenches and hammers hot-glued to the walls and electrical wires thrown about by WDI interns, the fake industrial cement and pipes and industrial props of the overall design. It's industrial, so it's supposed to look this cheap! The CM's in giant baggy shorts and giant baggy untucked shirts because it's "industrial" and "modern". It's Universal Studios for some random superhero ride from 15 years ago.
What's the point again? And where did that twink in the small t-shirt disappear to?
I think I'll stick with an evening martini instead of a Magic Key. At least for now.