working out for Disney

[HouCuseChickie]

Sam is probably not a huge fan of that pic. Also, I had put out a hoodie that morning but forgot it. So, I'm in a tank top wearing a beach towel for the first half of this visit. Brrrrrr!

 

[HouCuseChickie]

We bought some souvenirs at the Alpine Visitor Center...including a lovely moose shirt to keep me warm. It was a surprisingly thick long sleeve tee. It was better quality than some of the equally priced sweatshirts.



As you can see, we also suffered some damage while we were away. Kendall informed us a part of a limb hit the family room. It rained several times and seemed OK, but in the few short days we were home, it began pouring inside the house. We got a roofer out to tarp but this prompted David to skip Atlanta and stay home to make sure all was OK while waiting on them to fix it. While this was happening, another leak showed up both in the family room and an upstairs bedroom. At first we thought it was roof related, but it turns out the A/C lines were leaking in a similar area and causing damage on both floors. It's all fixed now, but even more reason for David to stay home.

Next up...I drive solo to Georgia with Sam!

 

[Songbird76]

Certainly trying! I'm still recovering from my birthday. I weighed myself a few days later just for an honest dose of reality. All of the fitness gurus say that one day or even a few bad ones won't totally wreck you but I was up 5lbs and I could see it. I know that's in the range of standard fluctuations, but I haven't been fluctuating that much over these months. So, that one day definitely threw me off more than anything while I was on the road. I weighed in again today just to see if being back on my normal routine was working and now I'm only 2 lbs above my most recent low last Saturday morning. That's a more normal fluctuation.

As for him...who the heck knows. I thought it might be insecurity at first but I really don't think that's it. He was very popular at one point too. In fact, we're pretty certain he was one of the ultra popular bully athlete guys in school. He claims nobody was ever bullied in his school but that's usually the hallmark of being the one doing the bullying. At the very least, he is painfully blunt to the point that he's driven off pretty much all of our friends over the years. I even had friends leave me or refuse to do stuff with both of us because they couldn't handle hanging out with his personality. I've had to keep an eye out with softball because he's already created a few tense relationships with his personality and lack of awareness about what is and isn't offensive/appropriate. He's always had the "if you're offended, that's a YOU problem" mentality. As for insecurities...When we were dating, and even in the early stages of our marriage, he never acted threatened by other men approaching me. He even welcomed it if those men wanted to buy me drinks and save us some money. In fact, the only thing that has ever bugged him over the years is if I wear something more revealing... and even that's off because it's really silly little things. Like a pair of leggings that may be a tad see through when I bend/squat or a top with tiny sheer panels in areas around my waist and shoulders. In other words, more obviously provocative clothing was never a problem. Short skirts, cleavage, tight fitting, bare midriff, you name it... fine. Seriously, men used to sit down with me when we were out at bars, trying to steal me, while he was 10 feet away playing games and he couldn't care less. Even when we were out in CA last month I had another example occur. We were out at dinner one night but at three separate tables. I was a few tables away with another mom and he didn't bat an eyelash even though this man from another group spent the entire meal popping by to chat with me...eventually calling me beautiful, among other things. He just keeps harping on how I'm no longer fun. It's as if he'd rather have me physically and mentally miserable if it means having a drinking and eating buddy in me. Personally, I'm hitting a point where my patience is running insanely thin with all of it. He's been so indifferent about me that he's failing to pay attention to all sorts of things. Like the day in CA where he took my stuff out of the wagon to make room for his things and just left my stuff behind on the pavement, not caring or really paying attention because it wasn't his stuff. Thankfully, it wasn't taken because I had my wallet, car keys, jewelry, etc. in it. It was sitting there while we were on the nearby beach for at least an hour before I discovered what he'd done. It's a vagrant infested garage and it was just sitting there in the open behind the truck where he left it. Add in that his not caring about what anyone thinks has led to him turning into a complete slob and I'm just at a breaking point being hit with his dissatisfaction with my habits for betterment. I made an interesting observation with some of it the other week. There's a man in our softball world that I think has developed an interest in me over the last few months. He is a big guy, yet I see some real appeal there. That's critical because clearly it's not some extra weight that's making me sour at home. Some may just be that new interest is flattering, but I think it's because he's not going around in stained, dirty (food crusted on the front), ripped, etc. clothing. Sorry...long rant and maybe TMI but I'm just feeling like I'm approaching a breaking point and his preference for me being in line with his slovenly approach to everything vs. happy and healthy has me doing a lot of soul searching these days.

I'm so sorry! It does kind of sound like he just wants a buddy to be snacking with, or maybe even just to validate that that's ok. Like, you trying to make healthier choices makes him feel guilty that he's not.

And people do change over time. My husband is so different from when we met. And it was a gradual change over time. And I know I've changed too, which I think plays a part. I was always a people pleaser and would always give in just to keep the peace. He encouraged me not to do that, but I think now that I don't do that as often, he realizes how much I let him have his way before, which he liked. I think he misses that, because who doesn't like to get their way all the time? So may you and your husband have both changed and the changes are not really beneficial to your relationship.

 

[HouCuseChickie]

I'm so sorry! It does kind of sound like he just wants a buddy to be snacking with, or maybe even just to validate that that's ok. Like, you trying to make healthier choices makes him feel guilty that he's not.

And people do change over time. My husband is so different from when we met. And it was a gradual change over time. And I know I've changed too, which I think plays a part. I was always a people pleaser and would always give in just to keep the peace. He encouraged me not to do that, but I think now that I don't do that as often, he realizes how much I let him have his way before, which he liked. I think he misses that, because who doesn't like to get their way all the time? So may you and your husband have both changed and the changes are not really beneficial to your relationship.

We've always been very different but I do feel like we're changing as we age, making those differences more profound and pronounced. They say that perimenopause and menopause also trigger some hormonal changes that can make women less likely to tolerate bad behavior from the men in their lives...or something like that. I guess, in the childbearing years, we're chemically wired to be forgiving for procreation purposes but those chemicals wane as we move on to the later stages of life. I know some people will say HRT could help but do I want it to? I mean, I really don't care for a lot of how he is behaving and I think remaining focused on betterment of self is a positive endeavor. I'm not making any rash or hasty decisions but I will be doing what is best for my physical and mental health while trying to hold it together with all of the other adulting needed in life.

 

[HouCuseChickie]

Good morning

The scale was becoming obsessive last week, so I'm contemplating skipping it until a week after I get back from my weekend in Montana. Then again, I may brave it this Thursday morning, after my weighted vest walk. I made special cookies and all kinds of frosting fillings this past weekend for a big softball potluck and while I wasn't completely out of hand with them (nothing like my bday indulgence) I had a bit more than I should. So, I want a little time to adjust. I don't think I feel or look any larger. In fact, some of my recently purchased size small shorts are already showing signs that I could dip down to an XS. I'm just trying to maintain that balance and not get too mentally crazy over it.

Speaking of the weighted vest...I must admit that my first week was a bit rough. My speed and distance were fine but I started having some back pain to the point of needing ibuprofen and a heating pad. I gave it a break over the weekend but started back with it yesterday. So far...two days back at it and no pain. It does make me sweat more from having to work harder but it doesn't make wearing the vest any more uncomfortable than it would be in cold conditions. In fact, I'm getting speedy enough in it that I'm starting to like it. The only tough thing is running. Not that I was doing a ton of running, but it's not well suited for running. I sometimes have to play frogger with traffic at the end of my morning walk and a heavy vest is not ideal for trying to scoot across the street in school day morning traffic.

I also made a cheap addition to my gym gear. I noticed some calluses starting to form on my hands from arm/back days. I "invested" in the cheapest pair I could find on Amazon. I think they were a little over $7 after tax. So, minimal out of pocket to save my hands.

I'm really hoping the time away this weekend will help me clear my head on all of the other drama at home and stress at work. I was originally thinking we'd drive up to Glacier after Sam's camp, but the camp ends at 3:30pm, kids usually hang around longer to talk to the coaches and take pics for social media, plus she'll need to change. We'll see. I may aim for the eastern entrance instead and skip doing a full drive through the park. That's where I wanted to go anyway since I wanted to be by the lake on that side around sunset.

 

[HouCuseChickie]

Good morning!

I decided to do a weigh in before heading to MT tomorrow. I figured it would be better to have an honest picture of where I'm at right now vs. wallowing in the birthday setbacks...which could lead me to some bad choices. I know much of that was bloating from sodium but a friend also noted prolonged inflammation likely being an issue due to my standard digestive issues. She's probably right, because my tummy has not been the greatest since my bday and I've had far fewer issues since my dietary changes. I am happy to report that as of this morning, I am below the weight I was on my bday morning. It's just 1 pound, but still...it's a pound lost and back to going in the right direction.

Things are still going well with the weighted vest. I got in around 4.15 miles before work this morning and did some speedy uphill power walking in the process. I have to get ready for travel and I probably should build in a home workout day to focus on some things I don't normally hit at the gym. So, I think I'm going to walk some more (probably without the vest) and bike after work and then do a "home routine." My home routine still does light arms, but it gets in a lot more shoulders, squats, planks, abs, pelvic lifts, etc. It's been a couple of weeks since I've had a home workout day and it might be best before travel. I am hoping to hit the gym in Missoula in addition to walking and hiking, so I SHOULD be good during this trip. Now fingers crossed that things go smoothly with flights.

 

[HouCuseChickie]

Going to add a quick travel update from our summer adventures. These are some pics from GA. Not much to it but you get an idea just how steep the trails were around the fields.

The sunrise pic is important because it’s right before I stopped at the Auburn Buc-ee’s to take a short nap. I had driven through the night and was finally fading. Still, I made great time and totally proved that I can do long road trips on my own. Sam was too tired but she helped on the way home.

 

[StarWarsGirl]

Quick update: for those who don't know, I injured my ankle back on June 1. We finally made the decision that I will be having it fixed surgically this week. Surgery is scheduled for September 19.

It has been a year. I also had my gallbladder out this year and have since drastically changed my diet and lost 35+ pounds. I am currently in WDW on an ECV, which is wonderful because this is the most mobile I have been since May. I feel like I have been trapped honestly, even with using a knee scooter.

Anyway, the only rollercoaster I was ever unable to fit in was Tron, which I feel like is still because that is a poor design. I did a similar rollercoaster in Knott's Berry Farm without issue. Always had to go to the back seats.

Whelp, I had to take off the boot and nearly didn't make it because I forgot a second shoe, so I ended up taking out the thing on the inside of the boot (which they allowed, lol) but I finally made it!

Yeah, I get it, bike seats make a huge difference on that ride.

 

[HouCuseChickie]

Whew...it's Monday again!

I was hoping to walk this morning but my phone has been having some issues charging overnight. Needless to say, it died and failed to wake me up to walk. It may be for the best. We had a horrendous day of travel yesterday. As you may know, those little airports don't get a ton of flights, so if something goes wrong, you're stuck. We got our first delay notification before we even got to the airport. I would have spent the day enjoying more of Missoula but I had a specific time that I needed to return the rental car. It progressively got worse for the flight as we waited to check our bag but at that point, the gate agent was certain we'd make it. By the time we got through security, the delays mounted and the airline had already rebooked us onto a connection out of Dallas today (i.e. next morning) and had a hotel ready. Just for some perspective, it was about 11:30 am and they already knew it was so bad that we were going to miss an 8:50pm flight. I knew there was one more flight into Houston departing around 10:45pm and there was still a chance we could make it, so I called and got us onto that flight. We barely made it. Our flight from Missoula to Dallas was nearly 5 hours late in total, not counting time getting to the gate and deplaning. I was monitoring gates and times while we were in the air and if they hadn't put us four gates away from our Houston flight, we probably would have missed it and spent the night in Dallas. Thankfully, most people let those of us still with connection chances get off first. It was kind of nice having people cheering us on and the FAs were superb...trying to keep us individually updated throughout the flight. Unfortunately, Sam's bats (which had to be checked) missed the connection. We got home around 1:30am and in bed around 2. The bats just landed in Houston and are supposed to be delivered to our house this afternoon. Friday's flight into Missoula was delayed nearly 3 hours, but at least we made it. Sam would have missed her camp if we got bumped to the next day. I at least got in my steps power pacing for over 2.5 hours through this tiny airport.

I will walk later on today, but I'll share a little bit of our weekend.

- Friday's exercise was mainly running through the Dallas airport. Seriously. Our gate was changed multiple times and we initially had some tight connection times before the delay. Even after that, they suddenly announced another change halfway across the airport. DFW is not small, so it was definitely a day of lots of steps and power walking. We were so stressed that we didn't do a ton to explore Missoula that day like we'd planned. There was also a fire impacting the interstate and some roads, so we really just checked out campus, the camp venue, and did some bat testing at Scheels. Yeah, they were also my backup plan. Space for carry-ons was so limited on our MT flight and I forgot to tag Sam's that I was using Scheels as my backup plan for gear should any of our bags go missing.
- Saturday, I dropped off Sam and then decided to have a "me day." I drove over to an area by the school football stadium to pick up a trail to the big M on the mountainside that overlooks the campus. The trail is a zig zag series of switchbacks. I think it was a 650' elevation gain to the bottom of the M. I hiked to two different levels above it, which was around 700-750' up. I'll share a video at the end but pardon my breathing. LOL
- On Saturday, I also checked out the local PF for a gym workout and elliptical cardio. Nothing too exciting, but it felt good.
- After the gym, I did something I've wanted to do for nearly 20 years. I went to the Big Sky Brewing Co.'s taproom... home of Moose Drool! Had I not bought a hat for David, it would have been a real steal...and even that wasn't too pricey. 8oz drinks were $3, 16oz drinks were $6, and samples (which looked to be 3-4oz) were complimentary. I had three 8oz drinks, 3 samples, and got a hat for $35! The people that work there, as well as their regulars, were a lot of fun.
- After that, I got Sam. We wanted to do something fun but camp went longer than I expected. Option 1 was drive to Spokane, WA for dinner and add a new state to our list. Option 2 was drive to Glacier NP. We didn't have enough time to do my full plan in Glacier, but I thought I could make it to Logan Pass for the Alpenglow effect at sunset. We just had to be fast because I didn't want to be on the upper portions of Going-to-the-Sun Road after dark...especially on a pitch black night (Black Moon that night). She chose Glacier. No bears or moose, but we finally got to see three mountain goats close up (they are soooooooo fluffy- no pics) and we got parking at Logan Pass to do some really quick exploration. We were past West Glacier by the time we lost all natural light. So, I managed to time us well for safety. Sam didn't understand the urgency until she saw the sheer drops in the park (we didn't drive that direction last time + she forgot) and didn't realize how dark it was going to get.


*In case you're curious, the trail starts right across the street from the football stadium. I was parked in that area. The area I zoom in on at the beginning is the softball field. It's primarily obscured by trees but I could see the M from the bleachers.

 

[HouCuseChickie]

Little update before I jump into some more pics to start sharing the CA leg of our summer travels.

I did walk yesterday during my lunch. I also hit the gym. I skipped the weighted vest yesterday and today because I tweaked my left shoulder during our mad rush off of the plane. I also pulled something a little in my left leg, but I think that's from my midflight trip to the restroom when I wound up having to hurdle the armrest due to aisle space (where the guy next to me was standing to let me out). Last night's gym workout was a little more lackluster than usual. Sure, some was just me being tired from travel and nursing my soreness, but I also was running late due to a wild goose chase with Sam's bat bag.

Let's just say that the AirTag finally paid for itself. American promised that the bag would be flown to Houston first thing yesterday morning and delivered to our house by 3:30pm yesterday afternoon. It made it to Houston and sat at the airport until early afternoon. I could see it in transit but moving away from the airport and the house. It eventually stopped moving at some spot on the other side of the city. At first I thought it was a delivery location and they'd be driving all over town, but it just sat and sat. I did some digging through the third party app used by the airline and the location of the tag. I was able to pinpoint some no-name delivery company...with horrible reviews. I found a phone number and after a few attempts, I managed to get someone. The bag was there and she set it aside for me, since they had no idea when it would be delivered (potentially days). She never gave me an address, so I mapped myself to the first address I found online that was in the general vicinity of the tag. I arrived at an unmarked warehouse. It looked sketchy, but I tried the door and it was locked. I found another door with the same address, but it was also locked. There was no signs of life. So, I called again...got a guy this time and got some crazy directions to another warehouse down the road. I walked into what looked like old office space and had to ring a dinner bell to get someone's attention. Thankfully someone saw me and I was able to get the bag but it's likely they would have been missing for a while if I didn't have the tag. UGH!

 

[Sans Souci]

Time got away from me. I'll hopefully share more pics later on today...but for now, a fitness update.

I weighed in on Saturday, after my break day walk but before my birthday eating. I'm down another 2 pounds. I then proceeded to eat ALL the things after a few hours with softball stuff. We went out for Mexican for lunch and I had queso flameado con chorizo as well as an enchilada trio. Surprisingly, I did not inhale the chips and salsa. For a snack, I ate some of the Almond Joys we bought to go on my cake and had some of Sam's leftover pizza (not worth it). For dinner, I made MY mac and cheese and then we had a coconut cake topped in Almond Joys. I made so much mac that I froze a full casserole dish and am hoping to have some more on a holiday. My tummy is still mad at me, but I got back on track on Sunday. I went about 7.5 miles yesterday and then hit the gym yesterday afternoon for 30 minutes on the elliptical and a full leg workout.

Today, I got out early and put in a little over 4 miles on the trails in my new weighted vest (bday gift from my parents). I saw a lot of recs to go for something around 10-12 lbs but that seemed so light and my friend wears a 25 lb one (she is over 6' tall though), so they got me a 25 lb vest. Let me just say that it is not the easiest thing to put on, and towards the end, I could really feel it in my shoulders. I definitely sweat more but I didn't feel it under the vest, so the extra didn't bother me. My pace was also comparable to without, so no slowing me down. I don't think I'd use it for more than 5 miles, but I could definitely feel myself working harder. So, hopefully it'll show some dividends as I track my progress.

Speaking of fitness, goals, and weight loss...David and I are at our next phase of battling on the matter. We had our beefs during travel this summer, trying to balance out my getting to the gym and schedules. I was hoping it was just that, but apparently, he's still not happy that I'm trying to get myself back to a healthy place. I'll spare you the novel but he got on my case yesterday saying that I looked just fine before all of this and my weight wasn't nearly as bad as I say it was. I explained to him (again) all of the issues that the excess weight had created and he just shrugged it off, like I was still in this for superficial reasons and my quality of life/health frustrations were irrelevant. He's harping on how I am more fun when I'm not being mindful of all of this. The reality is that I am still 24 pounds heavier than I was before I let myself go a few years ago...and he had no beef with me then. I have a lot of thoughts on why he's being like this, but he'd never admit it and it's starting to really bother me. We had a number of other fights and issues during travel and this is just compounding these matters. Either way, I will not be halting any of this simply because he doesn't see the value in me getting and keeping my health on track.

Happy belated birthday! That cake sounds delicious. Do you have a recipe?

 

[Sans Souci]

Certainly trying! I'm still recovering from my birthday. I weighed myself a few days later just for an honest dose of reality. All of the fitness gurus say that one day or even a few bad ones won't totally wreck you but I was up 5lbs and I could see it. I know that's in the range of standard fluctuations, but I haven't been fluctuating that much over these months. So, that one day definitely threw me off more than anything while I was on the road. I weighed in again today just to see if being back on my normal routine was working and now I'm only 2 lbs above my most recent low last Saturday morning. That's a more normal fluctuation.

As for him...who the heck knows. I thought it might be insecurity at first but I really don't think that's it. He was very popular at one point too. In fact, we're pretty certain he was one of the ultra popular bully athlete guys in school. He claims nobody was ever bullied in his school but that's usually the hallmark of being the one doing the bullying. At the very least, he is painfully blunt to the point that he's driven off pretty much all of our friends over the years. I even had friends leave me or refuse to do stuff with both of us because they couldn't handle hanging out with his personality. I've had to keep an eye out with softball because he's already created a few tense relationships with his personality and lack of awareness about what is and isn't offensive/appropriate. He's always had the "if you're offended, that's a YOU problem" mentality. As for insecurities...When we were dating, and even in the early stages of our marriage, he never acted threatened by other men approaching me. He even welcomed it if those men wanted to buy me drinks and save us some money. In fact, the only thing that has ever bugged him over the years is if I wear something more revealing... and even that's off because it's really silly little things. Like a pair of leggings that may be a tad see through when I bend/squat or a top with tiny sheer panels in areas around my waist and shoulders. In other words, more obviously provocative clothing was never a problem. Short skirts, cleavage, tight fitting, bare midriff, you name it... fine. Seriously, men used to sit down with me when we were out at bars, trying to steal me, while he was 10 feet away playing games and he couldn't care less. Even when we were out in CA last month I had another example occur. We were out at dinner one night but at three separate tables. I was a few tables away with another mom and he didn't bat an eyelash even though this man from another group spent the entire meal popping by to chat with me...eventually calling me beautiful, among other things. He just keeps harping on how I'm no longer fun. It's as if he'd rather have me physically and mentally miserable if it means having a drinking and eating buddy in me. Personally, I'm hitting a point where my patience is running insanely thin with all of it. He's been so indifferent about me that he's failing to pay attention to all sorts of things. Like the day in CA where he took my stuff out of the wagon to make room for his things and just left my stuff behind on the pavement, not caring or really paying attention because it wasn't his stuff. Thankfully, it wasn't taken because I had my wallet, car keys, jewelry, etc. in it. It was sitting there while we were on the nearby beach for at least an hour before I discovered what he'd done. It's a vagrant infested garage and it was just sitting there in the open behind the truck where he left it. Add in that his not caring about what anyone thinks has led to him turning into a complete slob and I'm just at a breaking point being hit with his dissatisfaction with my habits for betterment. I made an interesting observation with some of it the other week. There's a man in our softball world that I think has developed an interest in me over the last few months. He is a big guy, yet I see some real appeal there. That's critical because clearly it's not some extra weight that's making me sour at home. Some may just be that new interest is flattering, but I think it's because he's not going around in stained, dirty (food crusted on the front), ripped, etc. clothing. Sorry...long rant and maybe TMI but I'm just feeling like I'm approaching a breaking point and his preference for me being in line with his slovenly approach to everything vs. happy and healthy has me doing a lot of soul searching these days.

I don't mean to speak out of turn, but have you both considered couples' therapy? if he won't go, you could always see someone yourself. You can't control the wind, but you can control the sails.

 

[Sans Souci]

We've always been very different but I do feel like we're changing as we age, making those differences more profound and pronounced. They say that perimenopause and menopause also trigger some hormonal changes that can make women less likely to tolerate bad behavior from the men in their lives...or something like that. I guess, in the childbearing years, we're chemically wired to be forgiving for procreation purposes but those chemicals wane as we move on to the later stages of life. I know some people will say HRT could help but do I want it to? I mean, I really don't care for a lot of how he is behaving and I think remaining focused on betterment of self is a positive endeavor. I'm not making any rash or hasty decisions but I will be doing what is best for my physical and mental health while trying to hold it together with all of the other adulting needed in life.

HRT doesn't make you tolerate bad behavior in men. It helps with brain fog and other issues. But it won't make you a Stepford wife. That's what's putting you off of of trying it, don't worry about that.

 

[Sans Souci]

Hello-

I am in Phoenix and I have been here since Sat. Got off to a bumpy start, but it's ok now. I was unwell the first 2 days, I think b/c of travel stress then excessive heat. I haven't been too active, but we went on a guided sunrise hike yesterday. Honestly, I just want to chill. My sinuses feel great though! lol

There was a big dust on Monday. They don't give you much warning. We went to pick up a pizza when the alerts started coming through our phones. We got back just in time. It got so dark and I went to open the hotel room door because I wanted to see what was going on outside and it blew the door open. We had to put a towel in front of the door because so much dust was coming through. There was a ground stop at PHX. This is a photo of the storm. That's dust, not mountains (behind the mountain on the right). There were some gnarly t-storms behind it too.



I am on the fence about coming back here in August. It is searingly hot and the sun is still quite intense. But it's dead and there are maybe 20 odd people at the pool everyday. So, you're not fighting for a chair. They are good at keeping you hydrated at the pool; they come around with large plastic jugs of ice water every 15-20 minutes, urging you to drink. I have never been so hydrated in my life lol Out of curiosity, I looked at how much it was to rent a cabana and it was crazy cheap. So, we rented one for today. It's worth it for the shade.

Just a weird aside, there are quite a few people from France staying here and it's not a tour group. I really wasn't expecting to see people visiting the US right now, given the travel warnings.

Here is one more photo I took on my hike yesterday.

 

[HouCuseChickie]

I don't mean to speak out of turn, but have you both considered couples' therapy? if he won't go, you could always see someone yourself. You can't control the wind, but you can control the sails.

I've thought about it; however, in discussing with a friend who has known us for years and has some more of the nitty gritty details...he'd never go. He's one of those man-child people who cannot handle being wrong. Not that I'd expect a therapist to tell him he's wrong, but the slightest hint of him being steered to change his ways and he gets defensive. As he puts it, "You know what you signed up for." Even when I've found angles to make him more receptive, he's horrible about following through long term. I might see a week or two of improvement and once he thinks I'm placated enough, he goes back to whatever he was (or wasn't) doing.

HRT doesn't make you tolerate bad behavior in men. It helps with brain fog and other issues. But it won't make you a Stepford wife. That's what's putting you off of of trying it, don't worry about that.

It's not so much tolerating them, but I've got a few friends who felt it reignited the "pleaser" side to them after they were on it for a bit. They said the fog had at least lifted but it had made them less combative/argumentative, to the point that they felt like they were ushering back in some of what they were trying to curb. I have always had side effect/inverse type reactions to many meds, so it concerns me with my history.

Happy belated birthday! That cake sounds delicious. Do you have a recipe?

I never made what I had in mind. I just wound up buying a Pepperidge Farms coconut cake and topping it with cut up Almond Joys. I can try and write out what I was planning on doing had I baked:

The cake basics:
3 Cups of All Purpose Flour
3 Cups of Granulated Sugar
3 Sticks of Unsalted Butter
6 Large Eggs
1/4 TSP Baking Powder
1/4 TSP Salt
1 Cup of Sweetened Coconut Cream (like the kind used for mixed drinks- I like Goya's)
Coconut milk at the ready to get it to your desired consistency (I tend to go on the dense side)
1/2-1 tsp extract - I often stick with vanilla to balance the flavor but you could get coconut extract
Bakers Joy to coat cake pans
*I do not use shredded coconut in the cake itself because I like my coconut cake to have a smooth texture, just like a plain pound cake. The coconut cream and milk make this possible

- Cream the butter and sugar
- Add in eggs one by one until fully incorporated
- Technically should have dry ingredients combined/sifted in a separate bowl and add in a bit at a time, alternating with the coconut cream/milk, until fully mixed... making sure not to overmix.
- I usually add the extract last so I can taste the batter to make any final tweaks
- Bake at 325 until done *depends on the oven. My old oven was more in the 35 minute range while the current is more like 42-45. I just start monitoring around 30 and use a toothpick to test as the center starts looking done.
- Once done, you can level them while they're still in the pans and then remove them once sufficiently cooled.

This is supposed to be a pound cake, so I go slow with the cream and milk because I want it to be dense enough to still stick to the beater. i.e. I do not want it dripping off like a looser cake mix.

The ganache:
It's a pretty basic ganache that I had in mind, although...I planned to mix dark and milk chocolate to be closer to the candy bar. This is a decent tutorial if you've never made a pourable ganache.

Easy Dark, Milk, and White Chocolate Ganache

Make ganache perfect for frosting, glazing, dripping, or even truffles. Learn what ratios are best for milk, dark and white chocolate, and how to fix common ganache problems.

sugargeekshow.com

*no recipe here, but I planned to "sprinkle" the top with almonds (probably slivered or chopped). I had not decided yet if I was going to leave them raw or toast them, but toasting would probably make them hold up better as they can get mushy when exposed to moisture for a while.

The frosting:
I tend to go for variations on American buttercream. I don't have specific measurements, but I start with 1 stick of unsalted butter that I whip for a minute or two, about 1/4 tsp of salt, and add in whipping or heavy cream as well as powdered sugar until I'm at my desired consistency. I'm usually looking for a crusting buttercream, so less liquid to make sure it sets up a bit hard. I wanted almond flavor for this cake. Bare minimum, I was looking at adding in almond extract instead of vanilla; however, I considered tossing some warmed marzipan into the mixture to give it more depth. I was just using it to crumb coat and dam the layers, so it didn't need to be pretty.

The filling:
Here's where things got iffy as I found a number of random recipes. The one that made the most sense and seemed the least contrived was mixing unsweetened shredded coconut with sweetened condensed milk and then salt + vanilla to taste. I saw one note on this recipe saying powdered sugar might be good to have handy if you want it sweeter but don't want to add any more moisture with extra sweetened condensed milk. This is another one of those without specific measurements where you add until you obtain the desired texture/density. I was going for filling, so I needed it more on the dense side.

 

[ajrwdwgirl]

I've thought about it; however, in discussing with a friend who has known us for years and has some more of the nitty gritty details...he'd never go. He's one of those man-child people who cannot handle being wrong. Not that I'd expect a therapist to tell him he's wrong, but the slightest hint of him being steered to change his ways and he gets defensive. As he puts it, "You know what you signed up for." Even when I've found angles to make him more receptive, he's horrible about following through long term. I might see a week or two of improvement and once he thinks I'm placated enough, he goes back to whatever he was (or wasn't) doing.

It's not so much tolerating them, but I've got a few friends who felt it reignited the "pleaser" side to them after they were on it for a bit. They said the fog had at least lifted but it had made them less combative/argumentative, to the point that they felt like they were ushering back in some of what they were trying to curb. I have always had side effect/inverse type reactions to many meds, so it concerns me with my history.

I never made what I had in mind. I just wound up buying a Pepperidge Farms coconut cake and topping it with cut up Almond Joys. I can try and write out what I was planning on doing had I baked:

The cake basics:
3 Cups of All Purpose Flour
3 Cups of Granulated Sugar
3 Sticks of Unsalted Butter
6 Large Eggs
1/4 TSP Baking Powder
1/4 TSP Salt
1 Cup of Sweetened Coconut Cream (like the kind used for mixed drinks- I like Goya's)
Coconut milk at the ready to get it to your desired consistency (I tend to go on the dense side)
1/2-1 tsp extract - I often stick with vanilla to balance the flavor but you could get coconut extract
Bakers Joy to coat cake pans
*I do not use shredded coconut in the cake itself because I like my coconut cake to have a smooth texture, just like a plain pound cake. The coconut cream and milk make this possible

- Cream the butter and sugar
- Add in eggs one by one until fully incorporated
- Technically should have dry ingredients combined/sifted in a separate bowl and add in a bit at a time, alternating with the coconut cream/milk, until fully mixed... making sure not to overmix.
- I usually add the extract last so I can taste the batter to make any final tweaks
- Bake at 325 until done *depends on the oven. My old oven was more in the 35 minute range while the current is more like 42-45. I just start monitoring around 30 and use a toothpick to test as the center starts looking done.
- Once done, you can level them while they're still in the pans and then remove them once sufficiently cooled.

This is supposed to be a pound cake, so I go slow with the cream and milk because I want it to be dense enough to still stick to the beater. i.e. I do not want it dripping off like a looser cake mix.

The ganache:
It's a pretty basic ganache that I had in mind, although...I planned to mix dark and milk chocolate to be closer to the candy bar. This is a decent tutorial if you've never made a pourable ganache.

Easy Dark, Milk, and White Chocolate Ganache

Make ganache perfect for frosting, glazing, dripping, or even truffles. Learn what ratios are best for milk, dark and white chocolate, and how to fix common ganache problems.

sugargeekshow.com

*no recipe here, but I planned to "sprinkle" the top with almonds (probably slivered or chopped). I had not decided yet if I was going to leave them raw or toast them, but toasting would probably make them hold up better as they can get mushy when exposed to moisture for a while.

The frosting:
I tend to go for variations on American buttercream. I don't have specific measurements, but I start with 1 stick of unsalted butter that I whip for a minute or two, about 1/4 tsp of salt, and add in whipping or heavy cream as well as powdered sugar until I'm at my desired consistency. I'm usually looking for a crusting buttercream, so less liquid to make sure it sets up a bit hard. I wanted almond flavor for this cake. Bare minimum, I was looking at adding in almond extract instead of vanilla; however, I considered tossing some warmed marzipan into the mixture to give it more depth. I was just using it to crumb coat and dam the layers, so it didn't need to be pretty.

The filling:
Here's where things got iffy as I found a number of random recipes. The one that made the most sense and seemed the least contrived was mixing unsweetened shredded coconut with sweetened condensed milk and then salt + vanilla to taste. I saw one note on this recipe saying powdered sugar might be good to have handy if you want it sweeter but don't want to add any more moisture with extra sweetened condensed milk. This is another one of those without specific measurements where you add until you obtain the desired texture/density. I was going for filling, so I needed it more on the dense side.

The cake you were planning sounds great, although Pepperidge Farm cake can be good too. When I was a kid they were the fancy cakes and my sister and I liked to eat them partially frozen.

 

[HouCuseChickie]

The cake you were planning sounds great, although Pepperidge Farm cake can be good too. When I was a kid they were the fancy cakes and my sister and I liked to eat them partially frozen.

There was a lot of work involved in what I'd planned if I were to bake from scratch, not to mention there also would have been a lot of cake sitting around the house. The Pepperidge Farm cake hit enough of the flavors I was aiming for to curb the craving. I think the chocolate one they make is especially good when served partially frozen. It makes it feel more fudgy and decadent, even if it's just a texture thing from not being fully thawed.

 

[HouCuseChickie]

Now, I will get into the CA part of the trip. We start off with Sam helping with some of the drive on our way to our stopping point on day 1. I think we're in New Mexico at this point because I know she got to go through the border patrol stop.


We stopped in Tempe, AZ for the night. I found a surprisingly inexpensive hotel that was technically considered an airport hotel but was still far enough away that there was no jet noise. They also had a decent breakfast and gym for my needs that day. This was also the day the truck decided to not want to start when we'd stopped for dinner. Thankfully, it was fine after the computer had about an hour of sitting to reset itself. I was already investigating rental cars and hotel shuttles in case I needed a plan to get Sam to CA on my own.


We had a series of scrimmages in CA on our first day at some fields we played at last year. So we hit a park in the northeastern portion of Anaheim, right on the edge of Yorba Linda. It wasn't the greatest of trail options, but the park had trails...so I went walking.


We checked into our hotel afterwards. Great location from a softball perspective, but that view out our window was the 405. Yeah...it was LOUD!


We had our next couple of days playing at this amazing facility in Irvine, right on the edge of Tustin. These were my first birds of paradise for the trip. I also found myself walking to a Planet Fitness both days. It was only about a mile away but I had to cross some crazy busy intersections to get there and back. The entire shopping center reminded me a bit of Disney Springs.

 

[HouCuseChickie]

At least the trails at these fields were attached to a much larger trail system. I definitely got my steps in. Day 1 playing in Irvine, we hit up a cute brewery place for lunch. It was confusing because it all looked like one big office campus but there was definitely a food spot in there. There was lots of yummy looking stuff, but I tried to go a little more nutrient forward with my pick and got the hummus plate. That last pic is what I found sitting behind the truck when I got back. I guess it's a blessing that we had to go all the way to the roof because I'm pretty sure it would have been gone if we found a better spot inside the lower levels of the garage. I was crying when I saw it...just so thankful that it was there. He still refuses to accept any responsibility for any of this and once again continues to push the blame to me. To add insult to injury, on my way back to the garage, some guys in a truck stopped to asked if I needed help and invited me to get in with them because I didn't look OK. If they knew what my idiot husband had done, they probably wouldn't be OK either.



We popped by the house some of her teammates were renting that night and were treated to the smallest swimming pool ever! OK, maybe not ever...but it was tiny.


Next day we had beach plans, so after hitting the gym (but before walking back to the fields), I went to a TJ Maxx in the same shopping center. This was mid to early later July to early later July at this point and they were all set with Halloween merch.


We went as a group to a fave we experienced last year. It was this great German spot in Huntington Beach. Yes, I drank my grapefruit beer from the boot and I had this princess cake concoction that had a marzipan topping.


This is where the day turns sideways and I lose my mind over my husband. We parked in a Huntington Beach parking garage that is notoriously full of vagrants. It was a decent walk to the beach so I put my backpack in our wagon. I had everything from beach gear in there to my belt bag containing my wallet, my car keys, my house keys, and whatever jewelry I took off for beach time (i.e. my engagement ring, wedding ring, a big gold bracelet, a nice watch, etc.). About an hour into our beach time, I went to get something out of the backpack for Sam and realized it was missing from the wagon. I recalled David taking it out so he could put in his stuff but that's the last I saw of it. I assumed he had the common sense and courtesy to put the bag back in that he took out. I know he likes to make rude jokes about not remembering or caring when it's my stuff...but this time, that's literally what he did. I angrily power walked off of the beach and back to the garage (about 20 minutes).

 

[HouCuseChickie]

After retrieving the bag, I decided to come back to the beach but I sat up on a cement ledge near the walkway area by the street portion for quite a while. He never texted or anything even though I was gone for well over an hour. I honestly had a moment there where I was ready to find someone to get him his keys, book an Uber or Lyft to the hotel, pack up and head to the airport to figure out what next. He eventually saw me and waved me down to the beach area but he acted again like he'd done nothing wrong, tried to blame it on me, and claimed he even texted me (no evidence on either side, whatsoever). So, I sat in my bleacher seat in the sand, separated from the group and furious about everything. I'd periodically take pics but I was just so fed up.


The sun was setting, it was getting late, and while a mom on the team washed some of Sam's uniforms a previous night...I needed to do the rest of the laundry. I loaded up everything into the hotel laundry facilities and camped out by the fire pit for a while.


The next day, we started bracket play and there were some trails near the fields. I immediately jumped out and got to walking so that I could have more me time alone. It was a gloomy morning and the trail was just so so. It didn't help that there were horse stables in one area and it had a horrible smell when downwind. That last pic at the end is a raptor sanctuary that was built into this park area. I didn't see any birds but it was a good hill for climbing.