working out for Disney

Songbird76

Well-Known Member
Hello-

I am in Phoenix and I have been here since Sat. Got off to a bumpy start, but it's ok now. I was unwell the first 2 days, I think b/c of travel stress then excessive heat. I haven't been too active, but we went on a guided sunrise hike yesterday. Honestly, I just want to chill. My sinuses feel great though! lol

There was a big dust on Monday. They don't give you much warning. We went to pick up a pizza when the alerts started coming through our phones. We got back just in time. It got so dark and I went to open the hotel room door because I wanted to see what was going on outside and it blew the door open. We had to put a towel in front of the door because so much dust was coming through. There was a ground stop at PHX. This is a photo of the storm. That's dust, not mountains (behind the mountain on the right). There were some gnarly t-storms behind it too.

View attachment 879731

I am on the fence about coming back here in August. It is searingly hot and the sun is still quite intense. But it's dead and there are maybe 20 odd people at the pool everyday. So, you're not fighting for a chair. They are good at keeping you hydrated at the pool; they come around with large plastic jugs of ice water every 15-20 minutes, urging you to drink. I have never been so hydrated in my life lol Out of curiosity, I looked at how much it was to rent a cabana and it was crazy cheap. So, we rented one for today. It's worth it for the shade.

Just a weird aside, there are quite a few people from France staying here and it's not a tour group. I really wasn't expecting to see people visiting the US right now, given the travel warnings.

Here is one more photo I took on my hike yesterday.
View attachment 879743
That sandstorm was on the news here! It looked really bad! I didn't realize you were there right now, but I'm glad you are ok.

There are travel advisories all over the place telling people to be realistic with traveling to the US, that it's possible you won't be let in, that your phone might be confiscated, etc. I think there are a lot of people not willing to try it, but there will always be a few, I guess.

I may be skating close to taboo subjects, but I kind of wonder if there might not be a boycott of the olympic games in 2028. I'm sure a lot of money is going into building facilities for it and if it's boycotted, it will have some major impacts on the economy that is relying on the tourism, etc. I guess we'll see. We have a few years.
 

Songbird76

Well-Known Member
I've thought about it; however, in discussing with a friend who has known us for years and has some more of the nitty gritty details...he'd never go. He's one of those man-child people who cannot handle being wrong. Not that I'd expect a therapist to tell him he's wrong, but the slightest hint of him being steered to change his ways and he gets defensive. As he puts it, "You know what you signed up for." Even when I've found angles to make him more receptive, he's horrible about following through long term. I might see a week or two of improvement and once he thinks I'm placated enough, he goes back to whatever he was (or wasn't) doing.

It's not so much tolerating them, but I've got a few friends who felt it reignited the "pleaser" side to them after they were on it for a bit. They said the fog had at least lifted but it had made them less combative/argumentative, to the point that they felt like they were ushering back in some of what they were trying to curb. I have always had side effect/inverse type reactions to many meds, so it concerns me with my history.

I never made what I had in mind. I just wound up buying a Pepperidge Farms coconut cake and topping it with cut up Almond Joys. I can try and write out what I was planning on doing had I baked:

The cake basics:
3 Cups of All Purpose Flour
3 Cups of Granulated Sugar
3 Sticks of Unsalted Butter
6 Large Eggs
1/4 TSP Baking Powder
1/4 TSP Salt
1 Cup of Sweetened Coconut Cream (like the kind used for mixed drinks- I like Goya's)
Coconut milk at the ready to get it to your desired consistency (I tend to go on the dense side)
1/2-1 tsp extract - I often stick with vanilla to balance the flavor but you could get coconut extract
Bakers Joy to coat cake pans
*I do not use shredded coconut in the cake itself because I like my coconut cake to have a smooth texture, just like a plain pound cake. The coconut cream and milk make this possible

- Cream the butter and sugar
- Add in eggs one by one until fully incorporated
- Technically should have dry ingredients combined/sifted in a separate bowl and add in a bit at a time, alternating with the coconut cream/milk, until fully mixed... making sure not to overmix.
- I usually add the extract last so I can taste the batter to make any final tweaks
- Bake at 325 until done *depends on the oven. My old oven was more in the 35 minute range while the current is more like 42-45. I just start monitoring around 30 and use a toothpick to test as the center starts looking done.
- Once done, you can level them while they're still in the pans and then remove them once sufficiently cooled.

This is supposed to be a pound cake, so I go slow with the cream and milk because I want it to be dense enough to still stick to the beater. i.e. I do not want it dripping off like a looser cake mix.

The ganache:
It's a pretty basic ganache that I had in mind, although...I planned to mix dark and milk chocolate to be closer to the candy bar. This is a decent tutorial if you've never made a pourable ganache.
*no recipe here, but I planned to "sprinkle" the top with almonds (probably slivered or chopped). I had not decided yet if I was going to leave them raw or toast them, but toasting would probably make them hold up better as they can get mushy when exposed to moisture for a while.

The frosting:
I tend to go for variations on American buttercream. I don't have specific measurements, but I start with 1 stick of unsalted butter that I whip for a minute or two, about 1/4 tsp of salt, and add in whipping or heavy cream as well as powdered sugar until I'm at my desired consistency. I'm usually looking for a crusting buttercream, so less liquid to make sure it sets up a bit hard. I wanted almond flavor for this cake. Bare minimum, I was looking at adding in almond extract instead of vanilla; however, I considered tossing some warmed marzipan into the mixture to give it more depth. I was just using it to crumb coat and dam the layers, so it didn't need to be pretty.

The filling:
Here's where things got iffy as I found a number of random recipes. The one that made the most sense and seemed the least contrived was mixing unsweetened shredded coconut with sweetened condensed milk and then salt + vanilla to taste. I saw one note on this recipe saying powdered sugar might be good to have handy if you want it sweeter but don't want to add any more moisture with extra sweetened condensed milk. This is another one of those without specific measurements where you add until you obtain the desired texture/density. I was going for filling, so I needed it more on the dense side.
I have to wonder if menopause is a huge factor in the divorce rate. We get older and are no longer willing to put up with the things we put up with when our children were small. I read recently that one of the hormones your body STOPS producing when you are no longer in your child bearing years is a hormone that makes you more patient and forgiving, because children are hard and they push boundaries. When you stop producing that hormone, you aren't as tolerant of bad behavior. It certainly makes sense if it's true. And I know my husband has some behavior that just drives me batty now. When we were living with his parents when I first moved here, I remember his mom was really pushing me to ride a bike to school instead of walking, because Dutch people ride bikes and if I didn't ride a bike, people would know I'm not Dutch. I don't care if people know I'm not Dutch....it's not important to me. And I don't like bike riding. I would rather walk half an hour than ride a bike for 15 minutes. My school was about a 15 minute walk, but she was insistent that I ride a bike because it would only take 5 minutes. I didn't WANT to ride a bike, and I kept telling her that. I told my husband it was driving me nuts and I needed her to back off. He told me just to do what he does....the way to handle his mom is to tell her what she wants to hear and then do what you want to do. Just agree to whatever she says, and then ignore it. She'll stop nagging for a while and then when she brings it up again in a few months, you just agree with her again and then continue ignoring it. So I I just said "Ok, sounds good." when she said I should ride a bike to school the next time, and then as soon as he walked in the door that night from work, she told him immediately to take me out and teach me to ride a bike, because I wanted to ride to school. So it didn't work at all. But I've learned that that's his way of dealing with everyone. He doesn't argue....he just agrees with you, and then does what he wants anyway. So if we are planning to visit his parents and I ask him what time he wants to leave the next day, he'll say "I don't have a plan....whenever." And then when I say "Maybe we should leave at 9 and grab some breakfast on the way, then we're there by 10:30 when they've finished breakfast" and he'll say "Sounds good" and then the next day, I'm ready to go at 9 and he's still lying in bed playing on his computer, not having showered or anything.

All the things we agreed to before we were married, he hasn't followed through on. We agreed to live in the US because I didn't speak Dutch and my degree can't be used here because they don't have music in schools the way we do. We agreed to have 3 kids...we even picked out names. We agreed that he'd do the dishes and mow the lawn and I would do laundry and ironing. We agreed that we'd divide the household chores based on who was working full time, part time, or not at all. Then as soon as we got married, he said he wanted to move back here. And after A was born, he said he was content and we were done having kids. He wouldn't even discuss it with me...he had already decided. First, he said he wouldn't wash my baking dishes anymore. Then he decided the kids were old enough to do chores, and the chore they were going to do was dishes. And he made excuses not to mow the lawn until I got tired of the grass being a foot tall and mowed it myself....he never touched the lawn mower again. So that's his go-to thing....tell me "I'll do it this weekend" and hope that I forget, and if I don't, he'll say "I'm too tired today. I'll do it tomorrow." and then tomorrow he'll not be feeling well....he'll do it on the weekend. And then on the weekend, it's time we visited his parents. There's always a reason not to do it. He just says what he has to say to get me to stop "nagging". Kind of like you said things will get better for a while, and then they will just go back to the same old bad behavior. And it's always been frustrating, but now it makes me so angry!!! And if I could support myself here, I'd probably leave. But I can't. And at the moment, I don't think it would be good for me to try going back to the US. Not to mention I don't want to be far away from my kids, and THEY don't want to live in the US. So I'm kind of stuck here. I asked to go to counseling....he agreed to it, and then it never happened. And I doubt it would help, because he'd just agree to whatever I said and then ignore it. And in the end, I still really do love him....it's just the brushing me off like he's in charge and I just have to go with it that drives me up a wall.

I guess what it comes down to is what/how much are you willing to live with? Is his behavior a deal breaker for you? And would the HRT make you happier even it meant tolerating some of the bad behavior? Would you be more content and would that be worth it? And what's the alternative? I can live with the behavior so that I can live in a safer country and be with my kids. For now, it's worth it, and I don't have a viable alternative that would offer that. So I'm content. But I can certainly understand if you were to say that it's not worth it for you. And if he wouldn't be receptive to therapy or to making changes....then you have to decide what that means for you. I hope you can find a solution that works for you. I think sometimes there is no perfect solution and you have to settle for whatever works the best. Sorry for the novel....I just empathize completely.
 

Sans Souci

Well-Known Member
It's not so much tolerating them, but I've got a few friends who felt it reignited the "pleaser" side to them after they were on it for a bit. They said the fog had at least lifted but it had made them less combative/argumentative, to the point that they felt like they were ushering back in some of what they were trying to curb. I have always had side effect/inverse type reactions to many meds, so it concerns me with my history.
Thank you for the cake recipe. 🙏

I could see that happening. It was an unintended side effect I never considered it. I was on it, but I am on a break because my nurse practitioner kept pushing me to higher doses when I felt so much better at the lowest dose. I wanted to be on it for the protective health benefits for your heart, your bones, your brain. It began to seriously mess with my stomach, plus she was kind of MAHA as she was blaming my antidepressants for my anxiety and urging to come off of them, telling me I probably didn't need to be on them "like most people who take them.". :rolleyes: So, I am starting over a with new NP. I'll stick to my regular MD for antidepressant expertise. There's a time and a place for NPs and there's a time and a place for MDs.
 

Sans Souci

Well-Known Member
That sandstorm was on the news here! It looked really bad! I didn't realize you were there right now, but I'm glad you are ok.

There are travel advisories all over the place telling people to be realistic with traveling to the US, that it's possible you won't be let in, that your phone might be confiscated, etc. I think there are a lot of people not willing to try it, but there will always be a few, I guess.

I may be skating close to taboo subjects, but I kind of wonder if there might not be a boycott of the olympic games in 2028. I'm sure a lot of money is going into building facilities for it and if it's boycotted, it will have some major impacts on the economy that is relying on the tourism, etc. I guess we'll see. We have a few years.
It was really wild. It came on so fast. Everything was coated in dust the next day and there were some downed trees and structural damage at the resort.

I don't if it is my ILs or this stuff isn't being covered in the news in the UK (which I doubt is the case), but my BIL invited himself to stay at our house during the World Cup. Philly is hosting some matches and he wants to go to some of those. I told my husband I will not be disrespected in my own house. His brother doesn't even act like I exist when I am around him. I'm like a ghost--no eye contact, not responding to me talking to him. If he treats me like that in my own house, I'll be taking his luggage and chucking it on the front lawn. He can go pay for a hotel. I'm not even playing. I tolerate a lot of his and his wife's nonsense when I am at my MIL's house, out of respect for my MIL. In fact, I am going to my MIL's in a couple of weeks and if he is giving me the silent treatment, I am telling him to get a hotel room in Philly, because I will not be hosting someone who thinks I am not "up on his level."
 

Sans Souci

Well-Known Member
Hello-

I did a lower body workout this AM. Last week, I did some low key workouts. I did an aqua yoga class, then I did a restorative yoga class outside (in the AM) with a live guitar. It was really good, very relaxing and not sweaty.

We had a good week after we got hiccups out of the way. My husband booked an e-mustang or similar as a rental car through Costco. Surprise, surprise--there were none left. So, they offered him a Tesla and he declined. 😄 Then they offered him an electric Ford F150, which he would have taken, but he knew it would be too big for the parking spaces at the resort. So, he paid more money to get a gas car. Then he went to take his injectable and it malfunctioned, so he had to contact the drug manufacturer, who got him a voucher for free replacement. It only took a day for CVS to get it in. But it was kind of a headache and he had to jump through a lot of hoops to prove he wasn't scamming. I always get so anxious when I have to travel and it starts the day before I fly. It's not the flight. I am fine once I am seated on the plane. It's the TSA line, it's the crazy line up to board the plane that get to me. It made me feel nauseous and I'd gotten sick once I got to my resort. Then I think the heat helped crank up my nausea to 11. But I enjoyed myself after my stomach settled down. I didn't eat much or drink many adult beverages last week (too hot for either one), but I also didn't return home feeling like a bloated tick, either. There are upsides to visiting in the summer, such as an empty resort pool and really not needing reservations for dining. But there are downsides--not all activities are available in the off season and of course, it's like being on the surface of the sun.
 

HouCuseChickie

Well-Known Member
I have to wonder if menopause is a huge factor in the divorce rate. We get older and are no longer willing to put up with the things we put up with when our children were small. I read recently that one of the hormones your body STOPS producing when you are no longer in your child bearing years is a hormone that makes you more patient and forgiving, because children are hard and they push boundaries. When you stop producing that hormone, you aren't as tolerant of bad behavior. It certainly makes sense if it's true. And I know my husband has some behavior that just drives me batty now. When we were living with his parents when I first moved here, I remember his mom was really pushing me to ride a bike to school instead of walking, because Dutch people ride bikes and if I didn't ride a bike, people would know I'm not Dutch. I don't care if people know I'm not Dutch....it's not important to me. And I don't like bike riding. I would rather walk half an hour than ride a bike for 15 minutes. My school was about a 15 minute walk, but she was insistent that I ride a bike because it would only take 5 minutes. I didn't WANT to ride a bike, and I kept telling her that. I told my husband it was driving me nuts and I needed her to back off. He told me just to do what he does....the way to handle his mom is to tell her what she wants to hear and then do what you want to do. Just agree to whatever she says, and then ignore it. She'll stop nagging for a while and then when she brings it up again in a few months, you just agree with her again and then continue ignoring it. So I I just said "Ok, sounds good." when she said I should ride a bike to school the next time, and then as soon as he walked in the door that night from work, she told him immediately to take me out and teach me to ride a bike, because I wanted to ride to school. So it didn't work at all. But I've learned that that's his way of dealing with everyone. He doesn't argue....he just agrees with you, and then does what he wants anyway. So if we are planning to visit his parents and I ask him what time he wants to leave the next day, he'll say "I don't have a plan....whenever." And then when I say "Maybe we should leave at 9 and grab some breakfast on the way, then we're there by 10:30 when they've finished breakfast" and he'll say "Sounds good" and then the next day, I'm ready to go at 9 and he's still lying in bed playing on his computer, not having showered or anything.

All the things we agreed to before we were married, he hasn't followed through on. We agreed to live in the US because I didn't speak Dutch and my degree can't be used here because they don't have music in schools the way we do. We agreed to have 3 kids...we even picked out names. We agreed that he'd do the dishes and mow the lawn and I would do laundry and ironing. We agreed that we'd divide the household chores based on who was working full time, part time, or not at all. Then as soon as we got married, he said he wanted to move back here. And after A was born, he said he was content and we were done having kids. He wouldn't even discuss it with me...he had already decided. First, he said he wouldn't wash my baking dishes anymore. Then he decided the kids were old enough to do chores, and the chore they were going to do was dishes. And he made excuses not to mow the lawn until I got tired of the grass being a foot tall and mowed it myself....he never touched the lawn mower again. So that's his go-to thing....tell me "I'll do it this weekend" and hope that I forget, and if I don't, he'll say "I'm too tired today. I'll do it tomorrow." and then tomorrow he'll not be feeling well....he'll do it on the weekend. And then on the weekend, it's time we visited his parents. There's always a reason not to do it. He just says what he has to say to get me to stop "nagging". Kind of like you said things will get better for a while, and then they will just go back to the same old bad behavior. And it's always been frustrating, but now it makes me so angry!!! And if I could support myself here, I'd probably leave. But I can't. And at the moment, I don't think it would be good for me to try going back to the US. Not to mention I don't want to be far away from my kids, and THEY don't want to live in the US. So I'm kind of stuck here. I asked to go to counseling....he agreed to it, and then it never happened. And I doubt it would help, because he'd just agree to whatever I said and then ignore it. And in the end, I still really do love him....it's just the brushing me off like he's in charge and I just have to go with it that drives me up a wall.

I guess what it comes down to is what/how much are you willing to live with? Is his behavior a deal breaker for you? And would the HRT make you happier even it meant tolerating some of the bad behavior? Would you be more content and would that be worth it? And what's the alternative? I can live with the behavior so that I can live in a safer country and be with my kids. For now, it's worth it, and I don't have a viable alternative that would offer that. So I'm content. But I can certainly understand if you were to say that it's not worth it for you. And if he wouldn't be receptive to therapy or to making changes....then you have to decide what that means for you. I hope you can find a solution that works for you. I think sometimes there is no perfect solution and you have to settle for whatever works the best. Sorry for the novel....I just empathize completely.

I have seen so many counselors and attorneys noting that they're seeing a major uptick in marital issues and divorces when women start approaching the end of perimenopause. I've probably read the same or similar studies that you've seen. It's like your brain and body no longer produces the chemicals that makes you strive to make it work for childbearing and childrearing purposes, forcing you to re-examine the relationship and connections. He's definitely driving me batty. Some of it is being sick and tired of the inconsiderate and gaslighting crud like that bag incident at the beach (which is the most serious of the issue categories), some is the little stuff...like being ready to run when I have to hear him eating and breathing loudly, and some is more maladaptive stuff that won't actually help me...which is what has kept me from fleeing thus far.

Let's just say there are a few people in my semi-regular mix that are definitely interested if I were to discreetly stray or leave. I have not done anything with any of these people...mainly because I think I'd like to be alone a while if I were to decide to leave. As exciting as these interactions can be, I know I'm finding my greatest peace in solitude as well as music and exercise. Still, it adds to the frustration with his laziness, ignorance and carelessness when you start seeing people in your mix trying to impress you in the areas where he's letting me down. Again, I don't think these crushes and flirters are the answers, but they highlight and amplify the deficiencies that are weighing on my mind a lot of late. Honestly, the most exciting and intriguing of the bunch would likely be an all-out disaster if anything happened. That dangerous element has added to the appeal, which is also a red flag for me that my head is not in the right place for any of this and it's best to just step back, think, breath, and not do anything rash or hasty.

I have also been trying to talk to my husband about some of this stuff without getting into these other people (because that would be like a bomb going off) and in a non-aggressive/non-confrontational way. He is stepping up a bit more these last few days but for how long? I don't think HRT would fix this. It might help with my concentration, sleep and brain fog for work and other adulting matters concerning responsibilities but I also want to keep my clarity with what's happening with him and our relationship. I think I still love him, but how much is romantic love vs. the general care and compassion you have for people that have been in your life for a while? How much is me being a pleaser? How much is me staying because it's easier? Will I even still feel this way in a year, or will it be better/worse?

I appreciate your novel. I think, at the very least, it can be cathartic to write it all out. It's also helpful to see other people's struggles. Not that I want anyone struggling, but there's just something about a shared common/similar issue. You are definitely going through some related emotions and changes as well. I don't have the answers, especially since everyone's situations are different, but hopefully we find some peace in all of it. I can see how you'd be, at the very least, frustrated. I also get accused of nagging but I've been pushing back on a lot of those accusations, asserting that the so-called nagging is merely a response to him failing me at times. Ok, not in those words, but that sentiment...and that if I stop that "nagging," it means I've given up and stopped caring.
 

HouCuseChickie

Well-Known Member
Thank you for the cake recipe. 🙏

I could see that happening. It was an unintended side effect I never considered it. I was on it, but I am on a break because my nurse practitioner kept pushing me to higher doses when I felt so much better at the lowest dose. I wanted to be on it for the protective health benefits for your heart, your bones, your brain. It began to seriously mess with my stomach, plus she was kind of MAHA as she was blaming my antidepressants for my anxiety and urging to come off of them, telling me I probably didn't need to be on them "like most people who take them.". :rolleyes: So, I am starting over a with new NP. I'll stick to my regular MD for antidepressant expertise. There's a time and a place for NPs and there's a time and a place for MDs.

You're welcome! I hope it works. It's actually what I use for nearly all of my non-chocolate cakes. It comes from an apple cider spice pound cake recipe I used for Sam's first birthday cake. I just sub various liquids and dry flavorings for the apple spice. The coconut pound cake and my coffee flavored pound cake have been my most successful adaptations.

I do appreciate the recommendation because it could potentially help, but if you read any of my novel above to @Songbird76 I think it's critical that I keep my mind clear when it comes to matters with him. I'm one of those people who can become highly depressed to mildly suicidal when taking things like muscle relaxers and certain asthma meds because of how they depress my system. While different than HRT, the antidepressant I took for a year numbed me so much that I stopped caring about everything while also combatting excessive hunger and overall weight gain. My MD was really cautious and started me on a lower dose but we changed meds and then bumped up dosing when I wasn't getting any benefits. My old prescription daytime allergy meds hit my system so hard to combat the irritants that they knocked me out worse than the nighttime variety. I can see why you went off of yours. It's crazy that they'd push you onto a much higher dose when you were doing well with what you had.
 

HouCuseChickie

Well-Known Member
Happy Tuesday (that feels like Monday)!

I weighed in over the weekend and am now down 5 pounds since the birthday issues. So, back to slow and steady progress. I also went back to wearing my weighted vest yesterday. I pushed it 5 miles and couldn't take any more. I wore it for 4.5 miles this morning and it was also pretty brutal at the end. It's also been so humid and I'm coming back utterly drenched. I think my shoulder issues from running with our suitcases is also improving. They are still a bit weak, but no more pain. Today is arms, which usually means some shoulder work, so we'll see how it feels tonight. On a related note, while I am still avoiding my trigger foods, I am trying my tummy with Chobani protein boosted yogurt shakes, cottage cheese, and Greek yogurt in general so that I can have some more natural protein options in my mix.

Beyond that, it's been a bad week for vacuums. Our robot vacuum died on Saturday. It was never quite as good as the reviews and ratings said it should be, but it kept me from having to push around the upright vacuum on the hard floors. I got around to getting out the upright vacuum yesterday just to have it die on me when I was about 85% done vacuuming the house. It had that electrical rubber burning smell, then started making loud noises, before just trying to start up and dying. Everything around the motor houses was hot to the touch. The robot lasted us nearly 6 years and the upright about 2.5 (which is a record for us), so I guess I'll be vacuum shopping. I'll probably just get another Shark, since they've lasted as long as the one Dyson I tried a while back (for a lot more $).

I'll try and post some more CA a bit later. This part is going to get a bit long because we went to Downtown Disney. So, of course, my photos taken increased drastically. :)
 

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