Where in the World Isn't Bob Saget?

Songbird76

Songbird76

Well-Known Member
Goofyernmost said:
I have to admit that I have been conversing more and more about the past. They have both told me about positive things they remember growing up. Even some things that seem negative, like what health food things she pack for school lunches as apposed to their friends. I didn't detect any anger in that, just fact and understanding why. But, as you say, what we remember the clearest is what happened recently not much further back.

I gave a small eulogy at her burial service. It was for two reasons. The one that was the most important was the fact that none of her four grandchildren had ever known her when she was well. Their only memory was when there was anger, upset and distance. I printed out, for them to keep, a photo montage of some of the happy days as a family for them along with a synopsis of her life which was filled with accomplishment and caring. The second reason was still directed to the Grandkids , but, hopefully picked up by my children. Just a reminder that not all was bad and quite frankly, with the words "no one sets out wanting to be that depressed, lonely and deserted".

Your putting me off any food that comes from the State of Washington. Who wants to eat a big old hunk of Grammy Lettuce or Uncle Joe's Ear of Corn! Not me!
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Yeah, I think in your daughter's case, I can understand your sadness at their feelings because your wife was mentally ill and that makes a difference...she really couldn't help the way she was. With my mom, it wasn't a mental illness...it was just meanness and judgement. And as I said, I loved my mom, and like you said about your situation, not all was bad. We had good memories, but when I look back, so much is tinted with other memories. When I think about the difference between the way she treated me, and the way she treated my brother, I can't help but feel like my mom didn't have the same love for me that she had for him. She certainly didn't love me unconditionally. She could look past my brother being gay, even though that was totally against her beliefs, but she couldn't look past me dating someone she hadn't given me permission to date, as an adult. And she would gush about my brother labeling her pill bottles for her and how amazing he was for being with her when she had her surgery and first chemo, but not a word was said about the fact that I was there too, and I was actually the one taking care of her once she got home. I was making her meals, taking her to follow up appointments, cleaning her house, making sure her bills got paid, while my brother was back to his own life. But HE was the amazing one because he wrote "puke" on her anti-nausea pill bottle. He was everything to her, and I couldn't compete....that is so painful to me that I was expendable....my contribution meant nothing to her because I wasn't as important to her. And she didn't have the excuse of mental illness to justify it, and the cancer wasn't until later in life, but this kind of treatment was my whole life, so it wasn't a matter of her feeling sick and being cranky or depressed. It was just that she didn't love me the same as she loved him.
I love that you try to give your kids and grandkids the positive attitude, and remind them of the good that was certainly there, even if forgotten. That's so great that you can still have the respect for her that you do, and that you want them to remember her for the good she did. I WISH I could feel that way about my mom, and I DO to an extent, but I'm also still so hurt, and part of it is that whenever I confronted her about the difference in treatment, she justified it and would never apologize, even for hurting my feelings. She would just pile on more meanness and make me feel worthless. So it's hard to forgive when she KNEW she was hurting me, but told me I deserved it and she didn't feel at all bad for it. And if I can't forgive, I can't get past it...so it's hard for me to reconcile that.
 
Goofyernmost

Goofyernmost

Well-Known Member
Songbird76 said:
Yeah, I think in your daughter's case, I can understand your sadness at their feelings because your wife was mentally ill and that makes a difference...she really couldn't help the way she was. With my mom, it wasn't a mental illness...it was just meanness and judgement. And as I said, I loved my mom, and like you said about your situation, not all was bad. We had good memories, but when I look back, so much is tinted with other memories. When I think about the difference between the way she treated me, and the way she treated my brother, I can't help but feel like my mom didn't have the same love for me that she had for him. She certainly didn't love me unconditionally. She could look past my brother being gay, even though that was totally against her beliefs, but she couldn't look past me dating someone she hadn't given me permission to date, as an adult. And she would gush about my brother labeling her pill bottles for her and how amazing he was for being with her when she had her surgery and first chemo, but not a word was said about the fact that I was there too, and I was actually the one taking care of her once she got home. I was making her meals, taking her to follow up appointments, cleaning her house, making sure her bills got paid, while my brother was back to his own life. But HE was the amazing one because he wrote "puke" on her anti-nausea pill bottle. He was everything to her, and I couldn't compete....that is so painful to me that I was expendable....my contribution meant nothing to her because I wasn't as important to her. And she didn't have the excuse of mental illness to justify it, and the cancer wasn't until later in life, but this kind of treatment was my whole life, so it wasn't a matter of her feeling sick and being cranky or depressed. It was just that she didn't love me the same as she loved him.
I love that you try to give your kids and grandkids the positive attitude, and remind them of the good that was certainly there, even if forgotten. That's so great that you can still have the respect for her that you do, and that you want them to remember her for the good she did. I WISH I could feel that way about my mom, and I DO to an extent, but I'm also still so hurt, and part of it is that whenever I confronted her about the difference in treatment, she justified it and would never apologize, even for hurting my feelings. She would just pile on more meanness and make me feel worthless. So it's hard to forgive when she KNEW she was hurting me, but told me I deserved it and she didn't feel at all bad for it. And if I can't forgive, I can't get past it...so it's hard for me to reconcile that.
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I'm sorry that your life was that way. It totally sucks. Your anger is totally justified, but, if it were me I would be asking myself... Who is hurting me now. Is it memories that I refuse to let go of, or at the very least are giving some kind of justification to believe that you really are as worthless as she made you feel. I know it is tough to overcome, I had to do it with my wife. I was in competition with a past "boyfriend" that she went on one date with before he died in a boating accident. She, over the years, had conjured up a Prince Charming image of what her life would be like had he lived. All that after only one date. It stuck in her brain all those years. I couldn't compete with that and to make matters worse, at the end of our marriage she started accusing me of being "controlling". Maybe a little, but, damn, I was just trying to survive. She was led by her psychologist who when my wife told her how terribly controlling I was, advised her to leave. Without ever knowing the other side. Still, I know that I am not that person, never was that person and never will be that person. Because I know she was ill at the time, it was easier to forgive and remember the person that I married, not the one that divorced me.

Except for her obvious lack of ability to mingle or be there for others in her lasts years, the girls have stuck on that vision and remembrance. It should be a lot easier for two well educated women to accept that it wasn't directed at them. It was her paranoia that was in control. It is over now, she has passed away. I think it is time for them to let it go. Your situation was a lot different then theirs. In their case the way she looked at them was as accomplished and she was proud of them. And she told them that well before she went deeper in her world. Even after she was into it, she was just out of constant touch and never was critical of them. Whole different thing. I hope you can accept that if she was that mean, that isn't normal human behavior. That was either threatened by you and saw you as superior to herself and just struck unnecessarily back at you. But, no mentally sound individual acts like that. It was her imagined situation, not yours.
 
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Songbird76

Songbird76

Well-Known Member
Goofyernmost said:
I'm sorry that your life was that way. It totally sucks. Your anger is totally justified, but, if it were me I would be asking myself... Who is hurting me now. Is it memories that I refuse to let go of, or at the very least are giving some kind of justification to believe that you really are as worthless as she made you feel. I know it is tough to overcome, I had to do it with my wife. I was in competition with a past "boyfriend" that she went on one date with before he died in a boating accident. She, over the years, had conjured up a Prince Charming image of what her life would be like had he lived. All that after only one date. It stuck in her brain all those years. I couldn't compete with that and to make matters worse, at the end of our marriage she started accusing me of being "controlling". Maybe a little, but, damn, I was just trying to survive. She was led by her psychologist who when my wife told her how terribly controlling I was, advised her to leave. Without ever knowing the other side. Still, I know that I am not that person, never was that person and never will be that person. Because I know she was ill at the time, it was easier to forgive and remember the person that I married, not the one the divorced me.

Except for her obvious lack of ability to mingle or be there for others in her lasts years, the girls have stuck on that vision and remembrance. It should be a lot easier for two well educated women to accept that it wasn't directed at them. It was her paranoia that was in control. It is over now, she has passed away. I think it is time for them to let it go. Your situation was a lot different then theirs. In their case the way she looked at them was as accomplished and she was proud of them. And she told them that well before she went deeper in her world. Even after she was into it, she was just out of constant touch and never was critical of them. Whole different thing. I hope you can accept that if she was that mean, that isn't normal human behavior. That was either threatened by you and saw you as superior to herself and just struck unnecessarily back at you. But, no mentally sound individual acts like that. It was her imagined situation, not yours.
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Thank you so much for those words....it's a great reminder. I am going to have to think about that....who is hurting me now? I hadn't looked at it like that. And I can't change it, so it does no good to dwell on those painful memories. I just wish I had someone to remind me of the untainted GOOD memories. But I will definitely give this some thought. As you said, no normal human behaves the way she did, so there had to be something else behind it, and of course I don't know what that is, but it wasn't about me. I really kind of think it was about my dad....that I reminded her of my dad, because I was always more like him than I was like her. And she hated him. It doesn't necessarily make it less painful, but maybe easier to understand. Thank you for that. You have a real way with laying things out in a way that makes it more clear.
 
Songbird76

Songbird76

Well-Known Member
Songbird76

Songbird76

Well-Known Member
JenniferS

JenniferS

When you're the leader, you don't have to follow.
Songbird76 said:
Oh I love all that exposed brick. So cool looking. And I've always wondered what muffaletta is....still not exactly sure. What exactly is it?
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Before I discovered the pork chop, the muffuletta was always my go-to at Sunshine Seasons.

It’s essentially a sandwich made with various Italian cured meats on really thick, round bread. As long as you leave off all that icky olive tapenade gunk, it’s very good. And very filling.
 
Songbird76

Songbird76

Well-Known Member
I know some of you all recommended kinetic tape for injuries, but how do you use it? Do you leave one piece of tape on for several days, or are you supposed to change it daily? Can you shower with it on? My wrist has been hurting for a few days...I think probably just overuse...strained or it feels similar to the bursitis in my hip, so maybe it's an infected bursa. But I got a wrist and elbow pre-cut bit of "kinesiology tape" to see if it helps, but I don't know how to use it. It just says to apply 30 minutes before activity....does that mean I shouldn't put it on before bed?
 
JenniferS

JenniferS

When you're the leader, you don't have to follow.
Songbird76 said:
I know some of you all recommended kinetic tape for injuries, but how do you use it? Do you leave one piece of tape on for several days, or are you supposed to change it daily? Can you shower with it on? My wrist has been hurting for a few days...I think probably just overuse...strained or it feels similar to the bursitis in my hip, so maybe it's an infected bursa. But I got a wrist and elbow pre-cut bit of "kinesiology tape" to see if it helps, but I don't know how to use it. It just says to apply 30 minutes before activity....does that mean I shouldn't put it on before bed?
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I don’t recommend it, ‘cause it turns out my leg was broken, not sprained, so it didn’t do a dang thing for me except give me adhesive burn.

Yes, you can shower with it. The Pro lasts longer. There are dozens of YouTube videos that demonstrate how to apply, depending on the area to be treated.
 

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