Oh that sounds like something I would do!! I'm so sorry you are hurting. It's soooo embarrassing when you do something like that. I work in a big warehouse and there are pillars throughout the whole building. Back before we had karts, we carried plastic grocery baskets for each order and I was CONSTANTLY misjudging the distance to those pillars and running into them. One of the girls thought it was HILARIOUS. And my husband says he doesn't know it's me if I don't trip or run into something daily, so when we're together and I trip, he says "Hi, sweetie."
Can you make up a story to explain the black eyes that's not embarrassing? Even if it's obviously a lie...keep people wondering what you did. I sliced my pinky a couple of years ago when a knife fell off the counter, and me, being uncoordinated, my reflex was to reach out and catch it.
I told people I was attacked by zombie velociraptor sharks...it sounded so much cooler than what really happened.