Very torn. What would you do?

[sweetpee_1993]

A few years back we paid hotel and tickets for my in-laws to join us on one of our trips to WDW. It was a ton of fun. I'm very close to my in-laws, much more so than my own parents. I could tell at the time, tho, my folks' feelings were a little hurt (it was kinda hard to hide w/Mimi & Poppa in the vacation pics).

Anywhoo, I was thinking about our upcoming December trip this year. I'd love to take my mom back with me. In spite of her serious issues with clausterphobia and need to use an ECV because of her physical limitations, I'd like to take her back again. My dad has fairly serious mental issues now. Nothing like really really bad or debilitating. To describe it best and I'm not being mean here, he's a spaz. Like he gets so wound up and talks incessantly and as horrible of a daughter as I am to admit it, he drives me nutty. I can only take small doses of him when he's in that manic state. Being with him in public settings is difficult because he rarely leaves his house. Being around other people gets him all excited and he talks like crazy to poor innocent bystanders telling story after story usually about when I was a kid. Aside from both my parents' mental and physical limitations, I have memories of being in the world with them when I was a child. Neither of them have been in many, many, many years. It would be a completely new world for them to experience and I would be showing it to them. Plus, they'd get to be there with my boys and my boys would have that memory of being there with Nana & Grampaw.

If I commit to taking them it has to be 100%. Financially I would have to provide everything for this trip. Transportation, lodging, food, tickets, ECV for Mom for the duration, everything. They are on a very,very limited income. Aside from the money, I'm absolutely terrified to commit to this gi-normous of an undertaking. It really scares the bejeezus outta me. Part of me really wants to give them this gift but part of my is scared to death I'll get there and be too overwhelmed by the weight of it all. My DH, God bless his angel soul, assures me that he'll help and it won't be so bad. I'm just so scared.

Any thoughts? Words of wisdom???

 

[figmentmom]

I can't emphasize enough how much thought you should give this ahead of time. My husband's family decided to take a week-long family vacation together after my mother-in-law passed away because it was her dying wish that we do so. Needless to say, it was a HUGE disaster. We're still dealing with the fallout - and this all happened a long time ago ago! It wasn't a Disney vacation, it was a week at the beach, but emotions were running high, there were a ton of other issues at the time, and it was a MESS. Think long and hard. Your heart is in the right place.

 

[Mr Starky]

A few years back we paid hotel and tickets for my in-laws to join us on one of our trips to WDW. It was a ton of fun. I'm very close to my in-laws, much more so than my own parents. I could tell at the time, tho, my folks' feelings were a little hurt (it was kinda hard to hide w/Mimi & Poppa in the vacation pics).

Anywhoo, I was thinking about our upcoming December trip this year. I'd love to take my mom back with me. In spite of her serious issues with clausterphobia and need to use an ECV because of her physical limitations, I'd like to take her back again. My dad has fairly serious mental issues now. Nothing like really really bad or debilitating. To describe it best and I'm not being mean here, he's a spaz. Like he gets so wound up and talks incessantly and as horrible of a daughter as I am to admit it, he drives me nutty. I can only take small doses of him when he's in that manic state. Being with him in public settings is difficult because he rarely leaves his house. Being around other people gets him all excited and he talks like crazy to poor innocent bystanders telling story after story usually about when I was a kid. Aside from both my parents' mental and physical limitations, I have memories of being in the world with them when I was a child. Neither of them have been in many, many, many years. It would be a completely new world for them to experience and I would be showing it to them. Plus, they'd get to be there with my boys and my boys would have that memory of being there with Nana & Grampaw.

If I commit to taking them it has to be 100%. Financially I would have to provide everything for this trip. Transportation, lodging, food, tickets, ECV for Mom for the duration, everything. They are on a very,very limited income. Aside from the money, I'm absolutely terrified to commit to this gi-normous of an undertaking. It really scares the bejeezus outta me. Part of me really wants to give them this gift but part of my is scared to death I'll get there and be too overwhelmed by the weight of it all. My DH, God bless his angel soul, assures me that he'll help and it won't be so bad. I'm just so scared.

Any thoughts? Words of wisdom???

Sweetpee, I make this comment from my own pain and loss. Your Parents won't be around forever. Please don't loose out on this opportunity. I know that right now you may look at it as a gigantic undertaking. Let it be. I lost my Dad 8 years ago. The only time I had been at WDW was 1976 during the bicentennial when all there was, was the Magic Kingdom. I was a kid about 9 years old. I never was afforded the opportunity to go with my parents as an adult with them and my wife. It's something I have to live with. Please don't end up in my position. Thankfully my Mom is still alive and very very mobile. I hope to go with her in the next year or so. But it won't be the same. I will not be able to relive the magic with my dad, who had to hold down the accelerator while I steered the car at Indy speedway because I was to short at the time. Or take another fun picture of us in the stocks over near Liberty Square. Or watch Wishes with him. You don't know how it will hurt until it happens. Please don't have any regrets. I promise, you will absolutely decide, when one or both have passed on into eternity, that all the effort and hecticness was worth it. Here's hoping that you decide to go with them, enjoying all of it, taking mounds of pictures and loads of video, as memories. I hope, if you decide to take them that the whole trip is uplifting and a true blessing. Please try to keep in mind why Walt Disney built these parks. It's all about family and memories. Be blessed.

Starky :wave:

 

[daliseurat]

First, the mere fact the you are considering this makes you amazing. If I were you, I'd simplify it. Your mom can go. She'd love to go. You can have a nice trip with her, although it will be very different than most trips you take. It'll be slower, and it'll be shorter days. Not a problem. The issue is your Dad. You should seriously talk to your Mom about him. Can he realistically make the trip? Would his behavior totally ruin the trip for everyone? Or can it be managed? Does he want to go? Would it bother him not to go? Can he stay at home alone? And really...is it DISNEY that you need to take them to? I would follow some other advice. Take them on a weekend trip. See how it goes. That will give you the best perspective. Good Luck. They are lucky to have you!

 

[wvdisneyfamily]

Best advice yet.

Agreed!

 

[Laura]

Can you just take your mom?

I just took my dad to Disney and left my mom home with my husband. She's not so much of a Disney fan so it worked out great. My dad and I had a blast and my mom and husband would have been miserable if they were there.

 

[maryszhi]

i think you have to ask yourself if you feel comfortable taking them, and if they want to go. ask them what they feel like if they want to go. discuss what type of provisions and special things they need and if they would have fun. if its meant to be its meant to be...if not you have happy memories of when you went there together and that is what matters.

 

[VT GAL]

A few years back we paid hotel and tickets for my in-laws to join us on one of our trips to WDW. It was a ton of fun. I'm very close to my in-laws, much more so than my own parents. I could tell at the time, tho, my folks' feelings were a little hurt (it was kinda hard to hide w/Mimi & Poppa in the vacation pics).

Anywhoo, I was thinking about our upcoming December trip this year. I'd love to take my mom back with me. In spite of her serious issues with clausterphobia and need to use an ECV because of her physical limitations, I'd like to take her back again. My dad has fairly serious mental issues now. Nothing like really really bad or debilitating. To describe it best and I'm not being mean here, he's a spaz. Like he gets so wound up and talks incessantly and as horrible of a daughter as I am to admit it, he drives me nutty. I can only take small doses of him when he's in that manic state. Being with him in public settings is difficult because he rarely leaves his house. Being around other people gets him all excited and he talks like crazy to poor innocent bystanders telling story after story usually about when I was a kid. Aside from both my parents' mental and physical limitations, I have memories of being in the world with them when I was a child. Neither of them have been in many, many, many years. It would be a completely new world for them to experience and I would be showing it to them. Plus, they'd get to be there with my boys and my boys would have that memory of being there with Nana & Grampaw.

If I commit to taking them it has to be 100%. Financially I would have to provide everything for this trip. Transportation, lodging, food, tickets, ECV for Mom for the duration, everything. They are on a very,very limited income. Aside from the money, I'm absolutely terrified to commit to this gi-normous of an undertaking. It really scares the bejeezus outta me. Part of me really wants to give them this gift but part of my is scared to death I'll get there and be too overwhelmed by the weight of it all. My DH, God bless his angel soul, assures me that he'll help and it won't be so bad. I'm just so scared.

Any thoughts? Words of wisdom???

We just got back from a trip with a somewhat similar situation, and we made it work!

First thing we did was make sure that everyone was on the same page:

1. Did we all want to go with all of our hearts?
2. Did we all understand that we needed to go according to how everyone felt that day?
3. Are we all going with an open mind, because we need to make sure that we were okay deviating from any "Set" plans?

I got adjoining rooms, and SUPER planned everything! (Guest Services was amazing) I planned everything out, had a binder with information on what park we wanted to go to (even had the crowd indicator from touringplans.com) with ADR information for each day, and made sure that everyone had TONS of information to make choices as they arose.

Was it hard at times? I will not lie that it was. But I can tell you that I will NEVER EVER forget watching my little DD hold hands with my Mom in a wheelchair and my Dad as she walked down mainstreet for the first time. And then to hold my Dad's hand, like I did when I was little, as we rode IASW just made me cry like you would never believe.

Trust yourself. If you know that this is the right thing to do in your heart, then you can overcome any planning obstacles that may arise.

If you want to PM me, I can send you what I did for my binder and give you any other info that I found to be helpful.

Shelley

 

[MattyFresh]

Just take me instead and you won't have to have any hard decisions :ROFLOL:

 

[Philo]

I see where your coming from but I'm not sure that a trip to WDW is the right way to go. If your dad gets frustrated easy then there will be something a WDW that will set him off which will ruin it for him, you and whomever else is around. Claustrophobia isn't really a good thing in WDW either.

Do they really want to go to WDW or do they just want to go somewhere with you? Perhaps it wasn't that your parents were hurt you didn't go with them to WDW, just that you were away with another family.

 

[sweetpee_1993]

I called Mom yesterday afternoon to feel things out with her, to see if they would even want to go. Mom told me she would very much like to go. Dad was in the background yapping about "I've not lost anything at Disney World..." so he doesn't want to go. It's confirmed. He's officially weird. :lol: J/K. Anywhoo, after talking with her, DH, and doing some research online into cost we've pretty much decided to wait on making any firm decisions. We're trying to get our finances squared away so a DVC membership will happen by the end of the year. Ideally, if we had a villa it would be most comfortable for everyone IF they decided they wanted to go. In the future I forsee Mom going. I remember a few clausterphobic moments when I was a kid (remember the hydrolators at the Living Seas??) where she totally paniced and had to make a run for an emergency exit. This was also many years before she was under the care of mental health professionals. She's made so much progress. She even expresses interest and desire to fly in airplanes again. That's remarkable. Her biggest limitation is her oober-weak bones in her feet and back/neck chronic pain. If she had a cart she could alternate sitting & walking short distances. Having as much knowledge of the parks and attractions I feel that we can successfully work with her limitations & challenges so she can enjoy herself (ie. NOOOO stretching room at HM, etc.) It would be understood that every few days she would need to crash for numerous hours to recooperate. That's not different from her routine at home. My dad used to be notorious for digging his heals in last minute and refusing to go on vacations while everyone else went on without him. That would be my prediction if it came down to it. Yes, he's fine at home without Mom. It forces him to get up and take care of himself because he doesn't have my Mom to baby him. In that aspect it's good for Dad. Plus, my older brother lives with them and can look after him as needed. For now, I've felt them out to see what they thought. I kept the door open for future planning. I'll continue to test the waters every now and then. There's no decision that has to be made right now, tho.

Thanks to all of you for your thoughts. I appreciate your honesty, your frankness, and your perspectives. Also, to those of you who say I'm a good daughter, you have no idea how much that means. I could write a book going over it all but I won't punish you that way.

Thank you again. :kiss:

 

[mickey&me]

Sweetpea,

First of all, you don't have to take anyone to WDW to prove that you love them. Start off by spending time (in short periods) alone with them, sending them an occasional card or treat they'd enjoy, reminiscing about the pleasant memories of your childhood, stuff like that.

Talking to them about it and accurately assessing their reactions was a great idea. Maybe sometime in the future, you can all plan a vacation together that will be enjoyable for everyone. For now, enjoy the fact that you have your parents, even though they may occasionally make you feel like pulling your hair out.