Unexpected guest on trip...advice

drcasey

drcasey

Well-Known Member
So I am supposed to be taking a trip with my mom the first two weeks of march, my only vacation this year. I am in medical school so this vacation is much needed after a demanding year of schoolwork. So this morning my mom informs me she invited my aunt along on the trip without asking me. Since I'm in the room with double beds, shell be in the room with me. I am really bummed. I wanted this to just be us on this trip. She already invited her so it's not like she can uninvite her. I am pretty upset about this
 
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mousehockey37

mousehockey37

Well-Known Member
First things first, you need to talk to your mom. Right now you've got a bratty vibe. A lot of people put in super long hours with very little time off to be able to afford a vacation. So your mom asked your aunt to go... Was this a trip that was slated as a mother/daughter trip the whole time? If yes, then you have a reason to confront her, if not, and she has now added a 3rd wheel, then you need to back off. You say you're in a professional career, well, handle this situation like a professional would... not a 3 year old having a temper tantrum.
 
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contrariwise

contrariwise

Well-Known Member
While I agree mom is being generous and is certainly entitled to call the shots, I think that if it no longer sounds fun to OP, she has the right to bow out. I also don't think there's anything wrong with OP telling mom the way she feels.

If someone offers me something for free, I'm not obligated to take it. Especially if I don't want it.

I think OP was really looking forward to this trip as it was planned, and is now really disappointed that plans are changing. Understandable.

I have a boatload of extended family members that I would not want to be anywhere near on a vacation.
 
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drcasey

drcasey

Well-Known Member
Original Poster
mousehockey37 said:
First things first, you need to talk to your mom. Right now you've got a bratty vibe. A lot of people put in super long hours with very little time off to be able to afford a vacation. So your mom asked your aunt to go... Was this a trip that was slated as a mother/daughter trip the whole time? If yes, then you have a reason to confront her, if not, and she has now added a 3rd wheel, then you need to back off. You say you're in a professional career, well, handle this situation like a professional would... not a 3 year old having a temper tantrum.
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Yes, this was very clearly supposed to be a mother daughter trip. I talked to her just a bit ago and nicely explained that I was upset she invited my aunt along without asking for my input first. I work very hard and am very stressed most of the time, so forgive me for wanting my only vacation time to be perfect. She is also upset, as she regrets asking her (she was drunk when she asked her). Many others have replied they'd also be upset in this situation. My aunt is a nice person, but not someone I would choose to spend my only time off with by any means.
 
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contrariwise

contrariwise

Well-Known Member
mousehockey37 said:
First things first, you need to talk to your mom. Right now you've got a bratty vibe. A lot of people put in super long hours with very little time off to be able to afford a vacation. So your mom asked your aunt to go... Was this a trip that was slated as a mother/daughter trip the whole time? If yes, then you have a reason to confront her, if not, and she has now added a 3rd wheel, then you need to back off. You say you're in a professional career, well, handle this situation like a professional would... not a 3 year old having a temper tantrum.
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I'm not getting a bratty vibe. OP was called selfish and got defensive. I would too. So she explained why this particular vacation is a bit high stakes for her. Would you spend your only vacation time doing something you didn't want to do? Unless there was a compelling reason to do so, I would not.
 
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mousehockey37

mousehockey37

Well-Known Member
drcasey said:
Yes, this was very clearly supposed to be a mother
daughter trip. I talked to her just a bit ago and nicely explained that I was upset she invited my aunt along without asking for my input first. She gets about 6 weeks of vacation a year. I work very hard so forgive me for wanting my only vacation time to be perfect. She is also upset, as she regrets asking her (she was drunk when she asked her). Many others have replied they'd also be upset in this situation.
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No one cares that you work really hard for your vacation to be perfect... WE ALL DO! There's not 1 person here that would ever say they work really hard for their vacation to be crap.

Everyone's upset now. Awesome. Well, are you still gonna go? Not go?

Do you have a right to be upset? Yes. You've made it known, now what's happening from here?

contrariwise said:
I'm not getting a bratty vibe. OP was called selfish and got defensive. I would too. So she explained why this particular vacation is a bit high stakes for her. Would you spend your only vacation time doing something you didn't want to do? Unless there was a compelling reason to do so, I would not.
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Based off of her responses, yes, I got the brat vibe. The tact of the posting leads to this. Easily the OP could've just said something like "I have an issue that my mother/daughter trip has now gotten changed into a 3 person trip because my mom in a drunk moment invited my aunt along, what should I do?", but no, we got a ton of sob story back info that she's super busy at work and only gets 2 weeks off and everything needs to be perfect... We all work hard to earn a vacation and we all want it to go perfectly. It's handling the situation like an adult would do that she hasn't shown through the thread.
 
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Nemo14

Nemo14

Well-Known Member
contrariwise said:
I'm not getting a bratty vibe. OP was called selfish and got defensive. I would too. So she explained why this particular vacation is a bit high stakes for her. Would you spend your only vacation time doing something you didn't want to do? Unless there was a compelling reason to do so, I would not.
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Hence why she should stay home if she really feels that this free trip would be less than a perfect time for her. Why stress!
 
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contrariwise

contrariwise

Well-Known Member
mousehockey37 said:
No one cares that you work really hard for your vacation to be perfect... WE ALL DO! There's not 1 person here that would ever say they work really hard for their vacation to be crap.

Everyone's upset now. Awesome. Well, are you still gonna go? Not go?

Do you have a right to be upset? Yes. You've made it known, now what's happening from here?

Based off of her responses, yes, I got the brat vibe. The tact of the posting leads to this. Easily the OP could've just said something like "I have an issue that my mother/daughter trip has now gotten changed into a 3 person trip because my mom in a drunk moment invited my aunt along, what should I do?", but no, we got a ton of sob story back info that she's super busy at work and only gets 2 weeks off and everything needs to be perfect... We all work hard to earn a vacation and we all want it to go perfectly. It's handling the situation like an adult would do that she hasn't shown through the thread.
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Agree to disagree.
 
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drcasey

drcasey

Well-Known Member
Original Poster
mousehockey37 said:
No one cares that you work really hard for your vacation to be perfect... WE ALL DO! There's not 1 person here that would ever say they work really hard for their vacation to be crap.

Everyone's upset now. Awesome. Well, are you still gonna go? Not go?

Do you have a right to be upset? Yes. You've made it known, now what's happening from here?



Based off of her responses, yes, I got the brat vibe. The tact of the posting leads to this. Easily the OP could've just said something like "I have an issue that my mother/daughter trip has now gotten changed into a 3 person trip because my mom in a drunk moment invited my aunt along, what should I do?", but no, we got a ton of sob story back info that she's super busy at work and only gets 2 weeks off and everything needs to be perfect... We all work hard to earn a vacation and we all want it to go perfectly. It's handling the situation like an adult would do that she hasn't shown through the thread.
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I did ask for advice. Where is my sob story? I explained why this vacation is so important to me. I calmly explained to my mom why I was feeling upset. Communicating is something adults do. How would you have handled this differently?
 
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mousehockey37

mousehockey37

Well-Known Member
contrariwise said:
I'm not sure you're handling this like an adult.
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Either way, go or no go, this is gonna put stress on everyone. I'd still go though. Giving up a Disney vacation isn't something easy to do, but hey, that's just me. If mom really wanted to, she'd find a way to make it right. What's that way? I dunno.
 
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drcasey

drcasey

Well-Known Member
Original Poster
contrariwise said:
I'm not sure you're handling this like an adult.
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I was thinking the same thing. The only person not behaving like an adult in this thread seems to be the person being nasty to me while possessing the knowledge that I am already upset. If I have offended you in some way mousehockey, I sincerely apologize. I know we all work hard! We all deserve perfect vacations!
 
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mousehockey37

mousehockey37

Well-Known Member
contrariwise said:
I completely agree with this. However, the older I get, the more particular I get about who I travel with. You may be more laid back about that than me. That may be the disconnect.
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I mean, there is always the option of asking mom if she can use some time of her other 4 weeks of vacation to take a 2nd trip with the aunt, and have mom say that's what she really meant.

I totally get it about being particular, but there's also times where you just have to bite your tongue and go with the flow. Being a month or less away from the trip, yeah, this is a big thing to deal with, but at the same time, you're almost at the point of having to just deal with it and go too. There's no super easy solution, unless something like I mentioned above with the mom doing a 2nd trip or something.
 
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MySmallWorldof4

MySmallWorldof4

Well-Known Member
I think it is great that you talked to your mom. As it was originally supposed to be a mother/daughter I get why you were upset and hopefully she can tell her sister that in her drunken stupor mistakenly had diarrhea of the mouth and invited her on a trip that was just supposed to be the 2 of you. Hopefully your aunt will be sensitive enough to the situation and back off.
 
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BigRedDad

BigRedDad

Well-Known Member
I read through most of the posts. I was always told "complaining without a solution is whining". All of the stuff about I work this long, I have this much debt, I have only 2 weeks off is whining plain and simple. What you are going through is no worse than what a huge portion of the population in the US is going through. The difference is most of those people will not have a job paying 6-figures at the end of the day.

To net it out, this is what you have:
1. A 2-week trip to Disney World you are not paying for
2. You, your mom, and your aunt will be there (assuming you all go)
3. You want it to just be you and your mom

My advice is that you are an adult and this sounds a lot more like whining than solution finding. Remember, your only horse in the race is that you want a mother/daughter trip paid for by mom. I can understand the reasoning but you are not paying for it. I've seen the same types of issues with weddings. Bride fighting with family on what she must-have, but she is not paying for it. If its your money, then you have all of the say in the decision.

Its 2 weeks. Maybe ask her if you go with her for 1 week and the aunt go the other week. This lets you get what you want, lets your mom get what she wants, and aunt get what she wants. Everyone is compromising. Otherwise, offer some other solutions that are beneficial to all.

I forgot to add, a bad day at Disney is far better than the best day at work.
 
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NYwdwfan

NYwdwfan

Well-Known Member
drcasey said:
Yes, this was very clearly supposed to be a mother daughter trip. I talked to her just a bit ago and nicely explained that I was upset she invited my aunt along without asking for my input first. I work very hard and am very stressed most of the time, so forgive me for wanting my only vacation time to be perfect. She is also upset, as she regrets asking her (she was drunk when she asked her). Many others have replied they'd also be upset in this situation. My aunt is a nice person, but not someone I would choose to spend my only time off with by any means.
Click to expand...
Did she regret asking her before...or after you said you were upset. You may have made her feel guilty about trying to do a good thing and now she feels bad all around.
 
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