Unexpected guest on trip...advice

[drcasey]

So I am supposed to be taking a trip with my mom the first two weeks of march, my only vacation this year. I am in medical school so this vacation is much needed after a demanding year of schoolwork. So this morning my mom informs me she invited my aunt along on the trip without asking me. Since I'm in the room with double beds, shell be in the room with me. I am really bummed. I wanted this to just be us on this trip. She already invited her so it's not like she can uninvite her. I am pretty upset about this

 

[contrariwise]

I don't get all the judgment. Mom gets tipsy and invites a random family member (mom's sister in law) on what was supposed to be a mother-daughter trip, but daughter can't have a minute to say wth?

I get that mom is paying and calling the shots. That doesn't mean daughter has to be happy with this turn of events. I wouldn't be happy with this turn of events.

 

[xdan0920]

I don't get all the judgment. Mom gets tipsy and invites a random family member (mom's sister in law) on what was supposed to be a mother-daughter trip, but daughter can't have a minute to say wth?

I get that mom is paying and calling the shots. That doesn't mean daughter has to be happy with this turn of events. I wouldn't be happy with this turn of events.

Lots of people wouldn't be thrilled with it. The off putting thing is her general bratty-ness.

 

[Disney Stine]

First off. This is the internet so people will be judging you based on what you're typing, without knowing you or knowing your family. OP, you're in the right to be upset. It was a planned vacation for just the two of you and in your mind, it was going to be perfect. Things happen. Things changed. It's like if you went on the vacation and it rained every single day but you planned on going to the pool each afternoon. You know what you do... you go to the pool anyways and make the most of it.
I like the idea of the aunt going for one week and the remaining week going with just your mom. If this isn't feasible, then plan dinners with just your mom. And plan a dinner with just your aunt! Make the most of it. Have fun. Take time with both of them and when you need a break, go off on your own.
I hope you get to enjoy your vacation. As someone who is still in a graduate program, I take my vacations very seriously as well. Heading off to Disney World will be 100% better than sitting on your couch, watching TV, and thinking of the fun you could have had, instead of actually going and having that fun!

 

[BigRedDad]

I get that mom is paying and calling the shots. That doesn't mean daughter has to be happy with this turn of events. I wouldn't be happy with this turn of events.

This is Big Girl time. She is doing residency to be a surgeon. Figure 8-years for college, etc, this puts her at least 26 years old. If this was a 12 year, I could understand it. She is a grown woman. The reaction to the situation is extremely simple...go or don't go. There is no other discussion on her end unless she is the one footing the $900+ for tickets, ~$2,400 for a room for 2 weeks, and a very conservative $1,500 for meals for 2 weeks.

A mature adult would say, Thank You mom. However, that $2,500 you are spending on me would be better spent paying down that $200,000 loan I have. Instead, she is making her mom feel guilty in how she spends her own money. What this reminds me of is the father that bought his daughter a $50,000 car for her birthday, she yells and curses at him because it is the wrong color. A good parent would solve this the correct way...withdraw the offer to go and cancel it. Tell her YOYO.

 

[drcasey]

This is Big Girl time. She is doing residency to be a surgeon. Figure 8-years for college, etc, this puts her at least 26 years old. If this was a 12 year, I could understand it. She is a grown woman. The reaction to the situation is extremely simple...go or don't go. There is no other discussion on her end unless she is the one footing the $900+ for tickets, ~$2,400 for a room for 2 weeks, and a very conservative $1,500 for meals for 2 weeks.

A mature adult would say, Thank You mom. However, that $2,500 you are spending on me would be better spent paying down that $200,000 loan I have. Instead, she is making her mom feel guilty in how she spends her own money. What this reminds me of is the father that bought his daughter a $50,000 car for her birthday, she yells and curses at him because it is the wrong color. A good parent would solve this the correct way...withdraw the offer to go and cancel it. Tell her YOYO.

This is Big Girl time. She is doing residency to be a surgeon. Figure 8-years for college, etc, this puts her at least 26 years old. If this was a 12 year, I could understand it. She is a grown woman. The reaction to the situation is extremely simple...go or don't go. There is no other discussion on her end unless she is the one footing the $900+ for tickets, ~$2,400 for a room for 2 weeks, and a very conservative $1,500 for meals for 2 weeks.

A mature adult would say, Thank You mom. However, that $2,500 you are spending on me would be better spent paying down that $200,000 loan I have. Instead, she is making her mom feel guilty in how she spends her own money. What this reminds me of is the father that bought his daughter a $50,000 car for her birthday, she yells and curses at him because it is the wrong color. A good parent would solve this the correct way...withdraw the offer to go and cancel it. Tell her YOYO.

I am not in residency to be a surgeon. I have not made my mom feel guilty at all. Two examples of you jumping to conclusions. I'll be sure to pass on your parenting advice to her

 

[mousehockey37]

I am not in residency to be a surgeon. I have not made my mom feel guilty at all. Two examples of you jumping to conclusions. I'll be sure to pass on your parenting advice to her

I work my butt off in medical school. I've been starting rounds before 5 am and working 15 hours 6 days a week on my surgical rotation for a month now. I am also 200k in debt and not even done with med school yet. I get 2 weeks off in an entire year.

Your words, not ours. If this isn't a residency, what is it?

 

[drcasey]

Your words, not ours. If this isn't a residency, what is it?

Residency and rotation are two different words. You can google the process of becoming a licensed physician if you don't understand it.

 

[mousehockey37]

A mature adult would say, Thank You mom. However, that $2,500 you are spending on me would be better spent paying down that $200,000 loan I have. Instead, she is making her mom feel guilty in how she spends her own money. What this reminds me of is the father that bought his daughter a $50,000 car for her birthday, she yells and curses at him because it is the wrong color. A good parent would solve this the correct way...withdraw the offer to go and cancel it. Tell her YOYO.

I actually was saying something like this to someone else last night about this situation.

 

[LAKid53]

I'd talk to your mom. Let her know that after a grueling year of medical school, you wanted - and needed - a mother daughter trip. Those trips will become fewer and fewer as you start your residency and then a practice. And then the time comes when they are no longer possible. If this was your mom's closest and dearest sister, I could understand. But she's the one who created the problem for you...and she's the one who will have to fix it. We've all been in that jovial spirit when we do things like this...and then later think better of it. Your time with your mother is more important than time with your aunt. Hopefully your aunt would understand this - I wouldn't want to be that third wheel on a special trip like this.

Had a similar situation with my daughter's in-laws. We planned - my daughter, son in law, and me - a special Disney cruise (which I paid for). His parents decided at the last minute they wanted to make this a family vacation (because it wasn't otherwise?) and told my daughter they were going to include themselves. I wasn't happy about this at all. There's times I want to spend with just my daughter and son in law and times I don't mind if others join us. I explained it to my daughter and she certainly understood. It was moot anyway, since it was a DVC member cruise and sold out.

Talk to your mom once you cool down. Disregard those who said you're selfish. I can no longer spend time with my mom.

 

[LAKid53]

First things first, you need to talk to your mom. Right now you've got a bratty vibe. A lot of people put in super long hours with very little time off to be able to afford a vacation. So your mom asked your aunt to go... Was this a trip that was slated as a mother/daughter trip the whole time? If yes, then you have a reason to confront her, if not, and she has now added a 3rd wheel, then you need to back off. You say you're in a professional career, well, handle this situation like a professional would... not a 3 year old having a temper tantrum.

You need to back off. Medical school is a hell of a lot different than a job with long hours. And the OP hasn't even graduated and started her residency yet - another 3-4 grueling years, depending on her specialty.

 

[LAKid53]

I am not in residency to be a surgeon. I have not made my mom feel guilty at all. Two examples of you jumping to conclusions. I'll be sure to pass on your parenting advice to her

You go girl!

So I gather you're finishing your 3rd year? My uncle was a physician. The horror stories he told me about med school once he started rotations...and then there was residency. He was trying to convince me that med school isn't all glamour...and I'd better really want it and be prepared for 7-8 years of joy and hell. It was organic that convinced me that wasn't going to be the best career choice for me.

 

[mousehockey37]

You need to back off. Medical school is a hell of a lot different than a job with long hours. And the OP hasn't even graduated and started her residency yet - another 3-4 grueling years, depending on her specialty.

Yeah, I'll pass on your advice there skippy. The OP made the choice to take on the burden of this career. You know what lies ahead when you sign up for it. So knowing that she's got over $200k in student loans, and 16 hour days makes me have no sympathy whatsoever. She chose it now she has to live with it.

None of the prior info has any bearing on the fact that her mom screwed up. I'm not the only one on this thread that pretty much has no pity. I'll go so far as to say she has a right to be upset, but it ends there. Mom's flipping the bill, mom can do what she wants.

 

[drcasey]

You go girl!

So I gather you're finishing your 3rd year? My uncle was a physician. The horror stories he told me about med school once he started rotations...and then there was residency. He was trying to convince me that med school isn't all glamour...and I'd better really want it and be prepared for 7-8 years of joy and hell. It was organic that convinced me that wasn't going to be the best career choice for me.

Thanks for the kind words! Yep, I'm in my third year. It definitely isn't glamour, but it can be very rewarding at times. Oh gosh, organic is the worst. Most of us in med school absolutely hated that class!

 

[drcasey]

So everything has been resolved! I talked with my mom, and said that I was really looking forward to some one on one time with her like we had planned and really wanted to fully relax. She said that she felt the same way! She said that even before she told me she'd invited my aunt, she regretted it (oh alcohol). So she talked with my aunt who said that she totally understands and that her son is off from school during the time we are going and she wants to spend time with him anyway! So we are going on a trip with her and her family sometime in the future. Thanks for all the advice and kind responses! To all who were not very nice and called me names, I hope you all have a magical day anyway!

 

[xdan0920]

So everything has been resolved! I talked with my mom, and said that I was really looking forward to some one on one time with her like we had planned and really wanted to fully relax. She said that she felt the same way! She said that even before she told me she'd invited my aunt, she regretted it (oh alcohol). So she talked with my aunt who said that she totally understands and that her son is off from school during the time we are going and she wants to spend time with him anyway! So we are going on a trip with her and her family sometime in the future. Thanks for all the advice and kind responses! To all who were not very nice and called me names, I hope you all have a magical day anyway!

Here is a little more advice. Delete your posts here. You came on here, trashed your mom in a public forum, for what turned out to be no reason. Not a good look.

 

[drcasey]

Here is a little more advice. Delete your posts here. You came on here, trashed your mom in a public forum, for what turned out to be no reason. Not a good look.

I did not trash my mom at all. I said I was upset. That's it

 

[xdan0920]

I did not trash my mom at all. I said I was upset. That's it

Show her this thread then.

 

[drcasey]

Show her this thread then.

Please quote what I said that was "trashing" my mom.

 

[xdan0920]

Please quote what I said that was "trashing" my mom.

Listen, do whatever you want. I'd delete the posts, but I am not you. If you think your Mom would be a-ok with finding this thread, then leave it. I couldn't care less.

 

[drcasey]

Listen, do whatever you want. I'd delete the posts, but I am not you. If you think your Mom would be a-ok with finding this thread, then leave it. I couldn't care less.

You seem pretty worked up to not care about this very much. Everything I said here I said to my mom when we talked.