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Unexpected guest on trip...advice

drcasey

Well-Known Member
So I am supposed to be taking a trip with my mom the first two weeks of march, my only vacation this year. I am in medical school so this vacation is much needed after a demanding year of schoolwork. So this morning my mom informs me she invited my aunt along on the trip without asking me. Since I'm in the room with double beds, shell be in the room with me. I am really bummed. I wanted this to just be us on this trip. She already invited her so it's not like she can uninvite her. I am pretty upset about this
 

contrariwise

Well-Known Member
I would be upset too. Is it just the room situation that is troublesome, or is having the aunt on the trip at all the problem? I was wondering if you could book a different type of accommodation. Or would mom be willing to room with aunt since she invited her?
 
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drcasey

Well-Known Member
Original Poster
I would be upset too. Is it just the room situation that is troublesome, or is having the aunt on the trip at all the problem? I was wondering if you could book a different type of accommodation. Or would mom be willing to room with aunt since she invited her?

It's not just the rooming, it's the whole thing. But you are right, I could ask to have the master room I guess. I was expecting a mother daughter trip and that's not what we are doing now. I'm annoyed and upset that she didn't even ask me. This is literally my only vacation this year
 
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drizgirl

Well-Known Member
It's not just the rooming, it's the whole thing. But you are right, I could ask to have the master room I guess. I was expecting a mother daughter trip and that's not what we are doing now. I'm annoyed and upset that she didn't even ask me. This is literally my only vacation this year

I totally get that. You have different discussions when it's not just you and mom. And someone is always the odd man out on rides. It's just not the same experience.
 
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drizgirl

Well-Known Member
She is. Which is why I can't say anything. And yes I know I am lucky to even be able to go on a trip. It's just not what I expected

Yeah, I was going to suggest ways to talk to mom about un-inviting the aunt. But that's more complicated with mom paying. Is there anyone the aunt could invite along so you could split up occasionally? In this case, 4 might be better than 3.
 
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MySmallWorldof4

Premium Member
It seems unfair that your mom would not have brought up to you about inviting your aunt before she did it. So you probably feel that this will be a sister trip with you tagging along as opposed to a mother-daughter trip. I would feel upset also. I do not know your aunt or her situation but maybe if she is having any issues your mom is trying to do something nice for her? Uninviting someone is practically impossible and may cause strife between your aunt and your mom. Of course there is unspoken strife between you and your mom and possibly you are resenting your aunt right now. I would go with a previous suggestion and see if someone else could make it a foursome and then maybe you and your mom could set up some private dining together without your aunt. I would still tell your mom that you were hoping to just have some alone time with her on your trip. I would say to her, "mom, when we are in Disney do you think we can have some private time together. It was nice that you invited Aunt______, but I would love to just have a private lunch or dinner together." She should be overjoyed that her daughter wants her all to herself. Just my 2 cents.
 
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drcasey

Well-Known Member
Original Poster
Thanks for taking the time to respond. It's actually her sister in law. She doesn't have any financial trouble or anything like that, but can't really afford nice vacations. A group of them went to a beer fest last night and I think she invited her when she was "under the influence". I feel like Inviting another person would just pack the room even more and we can't afford to pay for a whole other room, and my aunt can't afford her own room. At this point I am so upset I'm considering not even going and just doing something else with my time off. Seems extreme but I am super upset
 
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MySmallWorldof4

Premium Member
I would just tell her straight up then especially if you think she was not in her right mind and maybe was a little too exuberant. If it just happened last night then it should not be a big deal. Your mom should just tell your aunt that you really just wanted time alone with her and she didn't realize it when she invited her. Do it sooner than later.
 
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contrariwise

Well-Known Member
At this point I am so upset I'm considering not even going and just doing something else with my time off. Seems extreme but I am super upset

I thought this very thing when I first read this thread. It doesn't seem extreme to me at all. Everyone's family is different, but if my mom and I were going on a trip and she invited my aunt, my knee jerk reaction would be to bow out gracefully. Obviously honesty is the best policy, but if you don't want to confront your mom or be honest about why you're not going (which I totally understand), you can beg out of it with an excuse of some sort. You just have to think about whether you would regret going on the trip at some point.

If you did decide to go, you could let your mom know that you'll be doing your own thing, and strike off on your own at times. That might makes things more palatable.

One last thought - are you sure your aunt is going to go? If it was just the beer talking, maybe she didn't even take it seriously. *fingers crossed*
 
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ajrwdwgirl

Premium Member
You really should talk to your mom about this soon than later like @MySmallWorldof4 said. I think you need to let your feelings known to your mom because if you don't say anything you might have some feelings of resentment that bubble out maybe on the trip. Or if you pull out of the trip your mom might be hurt or you will later regret it. Best to clear the air now. Have you thought about talking to your aunt and telling her that you were really looking forward to just some mother daughter time, she might volunteer to back out or at least agree to letting you and your mom have time alone together sometimes. Or just decide to go with them both and focus on having a fun girls trip. Take if from someone who doesn't have their mom around anymore, enjoy whatever time you get with her and be honest with her about your feelings.
 
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JIMINYCR

Well-Known Member
Well, it IS Disney and you do deserve the trip to your favorite place after working so hard. Right not you're super angry about the extra invite and I'd be too. I'd say that since this is your only chance to vacation at Disney. If mom can't make auntie bow out, I'd still go, and find a way to still have a great time. If you do vacation somewhere else you'll probably still be upset, not fully enjoy yourself, be angry that it wasn't Disney and all next year you'll be stewing over all the things at Disney you missed out on. Disney is Disney and nothing else compares, so go, have a relaxing time and don't let aunties presence hurt you. If you do there will be bad blood between the two of you from now on. There still can be another mom only trip to look forward to for you later on.
 
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Monty

A legend.
Premium Member
In the Parks
No
I don't know how to say this other than to be blunt.

Your Mom is being nice and taking you to Disney. You say you're lucky to even be going. By the sound of it, your Aunt is someone who couldn't do the trip on her own either and our Mom is being nice to her too.

Unless you genuinely despise this Aunt, which none of your posts suggest, it sounds to me like you're being very selfish.

Go to Disney. Enjoy yourself and enjoy sharing your mother's benevolence with your Aunt.
 
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drcasey

Well-Known Member
Original Poster
I work my butt off in medical school. I've been starting rounds before 5 am and working 15 hours 6 days a week on my surgical rotation for a month now. I am also 200k in debt and not even done with med school yet. I get 2 weeks off in an entire year. These are my only 2 weeks of living a normal human life. You bet I'm being selfish for those 2 weeks. If I had known that my aunt would be joining us, I would have planned something different and paid for a different trip with my own money. This was not the trip I had planned for my precious 2 weeks off.
 
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MinnieM123

Premium Member
I'm just wondering if you all could go, but what if you and your mom set aside a few days each week (I think you said you were going for 2 weeks), just to be together and enjoy the parks. The aunt might also like some space for a day here and there as well. Do you think this compromise suggestion might work for you and the others? I want you to have your vacation at WDW and to enjoy yourself--you've worked hard in medical school and need a nice vacation.
 
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Nemo14

Well-Known Member
I work my butt off in medical school. I've been starting rounds before 5 am and working 15 hours 6 days a week on my surgical rotation for a month now. I am also 200k in debt and not even done with med school yet. I get 2 weeks off in an entire year. These are my only 2 weeks of living a normal human life. You bet I'm being selfish for those 2 weeks. If I had known that my aunt would be joining us, I would have planned something different and paid for a different trip with my own money. This was not the trip I had planned for my precious 2 weeks off.
Then perhaps you should stay home and relax and not worry about making your mom feel guilty about being too generous. I'm sure they'll have a good time without you.
 
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