Uncomfortable question about teen wanting to bring friend

[UPbeekeeper]

I have a bit of an uncomfortable question I would like to ask about when your teen wants to bring a friend, and I am interested in feedback from others that have done this, or if you have a child that has been invited to go with another family.

If you are the family doing the inviting, is it expected that you will pay for the friend's entire trip?

Without question, I think the inviting family should pay 100% of the friend's food costs and 100% of any necessities they may need while they are there and I think theother teen's family should pay 100% of their souvenir /spending money.

What about park tickets and flight? I estimate WDW tickets for a 5 day hopper pass to be about $300, 2 day Universal hopper about $140, and flight to be around $400. That's almost $900.

Do you offer to pay 100% of the costs because you are choosing to invite the friend for your teen? Do you ask the parents if the teen can come and tell them the cost to see if they choose to spend that kind of money? Do you offer to pay for everything if they can buy the airline ticket and spending $?

I guess if someone asked me if my teen could go on a trip but it would cost me $1000 I would more than likely say no. If they asked if I could pay the airline ticket and I had enough notice to save the money I would be more inclined to let my teen go. But the whole subject is kind of uncomfortable to me.

What has worked or not worked for you in the past?

 

[sbkline]

I have a bit of an uncomfortable question I would like to ask about when your teen wants to bring a friend, and I am interested in feedback from others that have done this, or if you have a child that has been invited to go with another family.

If you are the family doing the inviting, is it expected that you will pay for the friend's entire trip?

Without question, I think the inviting family should pay 100% of the friend's food costs and 100% of any necessities they may need while they are there and I think the teen's family should pay 100% of their souvenir /spending money.

What about park tickets and flight? I estimate WDW tickets for a 5 day hopper pass to be about $300, 2 day Universal hopper about $140, and flight to be around $400. That's almost $900.

Do you offer to pay 100% of the costs because you are choosing to invite the friend for your teen? Do you ask the parents if the teen can come and tell them the cost to see if they choose to spend that kind of money? Do you offer to pay for everything if they can buy the airline ticket and spending $?

I guess if someone asked me if my teen could go on a trip but it would cost me $1000 I would more than likely say no. If they asked if I could pay the airline ticket and I had enough notice to save the money I would be more inclined to let my teen go. But the whole subject is kind of uncomfortable to me.

What has worked or not worked for you in the past?

I disagree with you that the "host" family should be responsible for paying any of the invitee's expenses. But it's because of that that you should definitely talk it out with the kid's family to make sure you are all on the same page. If I invite my son's friend, I expect him/his family to pay all his expenses. He and his family may expect me to foot all or part of the bill. So no one should assume or expect anything. It should be talked out ahead of time so everyone agrees who is paying what. I agree, sometimes it can be awkward, but it's something that must be addressed. Not long ago, my cousin, who started working for a toy company, asked it it would be okay to send some toys for my kids. It sounded like it would be a free gift, but I didn't want to run the risk of him expecting me to reimburse him, so I replied that it is fine as long as it doesn't cost me anything. Sure, I felt rude/awkward saying that, but I wanted to make sure we were both on the same page, so as to avoid any potential awkwardness later if he were to ask me to reimburse him.

 

[The Mom]

We live within a short drive, so that makes a huge difference. edited to add - long enough that we have to stay in a hotel once at WDW.

But when I've invited a guest for my children, I have paid for everything except souvenirs and snacks - unless it was my idea to get one. They should definitely have their own spending money.

But this was usually done instead of a birthday party and "big" present.

I think it's very important to have an open discussion about which expenses you will cover, and which will have to be paid by your guest.

 

[The Mom]

I disagree with you that the "host" family should be responsible for paying any of the invitee's expenses. But it's because of that that you should definitely talk it out with the kid's family to make sure you are all on the same page. If I invite my son's friend, I expect him/his family to pay all his expenses. He and his family may expect me to foot all or part of the bill. So no one should assume or expect anything. It should be talked out ahead of time so everyone agrees who is paying what. I agree, sometimes it can be awkward, but it's something that must be addressed. Not long ago, my cousin, who started working for a toy company, asked it it would be okay to send some toys for my kids. It sounded like it would be a free gift, but I didn't want to run the risk of him expecting me to reimburse him, so I replied that it is fine as long as it doesn't cost me anything. Sure, I felt rude/awkward saying that, but I wanted to make sure we were both on the same page, so as to avoid any potential awkwardness later if he were to ask me to reimburse him.

I would not expect my child to pay room and board if he/she was invited by another family. I would expect to pay for admission, airfare (if flying) and any souvenirs. But, as I mentioned, I would pay for admission for my child's guest - but would not be insulted if another family did not.

 

[goodanu]

I have also wondered this. So i'm very interested in the responses you get. We are going in August and are staying in a two bedroom at Bay lake. We have eight staying and have room for one more. My DW and I toyed around with letting our 17 year old bring a friend. My thoughts are on the level of yours (OP). I have no problem paying for the accommodations, some meals if they are willing to eat with the rest. But as far as transportation, spending$$ and park tickets that is way to much for us to cover. I would simply have to ask the invited guest's parents if this is something they would want to cover, otherwise the friend would stay home. If this is something the invited guest really wants to do and has time to save then I don't think you should feel funny asking at all.

 

[ThinkTink721]

My sister-in-law took one of her stepdaughter's friends on a WDW trip with them & I am pretty sure that she (my sister-in-law) paid for most of everything.
If it were me, I would definitely have a discussion with the other teen's parents so that you can make sure they know what is covered for the trip & what is not.
As for me, I would have to ask that the other teen or his/her parent(s) to pay for a majority or all of the trip...you are taking him/her, and that is a big thing in itself.
:wave:

 

[Pioneer Hall]

My parents have done this with my sister before and allowed her to bring a friend. The friends family paid for the plane and park ticket. My dad obviously paid for the hotel since there was no added expense there and he covered a large portion of her food (my sisters best friend so it really wasnt a concern).

Now my sister is is in college and two of her friends wanted to come with them last year. They paid for plane tickets, park tickets, and the shared cost of the extra room since that was needed now. My dad still paid for a good amount of the food. I guess this situation was a bit different though since there were two people instead of one and they are a bit older now.

 

[tarin24u]

My first thought is that I would not allow my child to bring a friend to Disney - nieces and nephews for sure but not anyone outside my family. I would not want to be responsible for anything medical or any emergency situation - my cousin had a terrible experience and a child in his care died in an accident. As for family members many times my sibling and I bring our nieces and nephews and it all works out. Everyone winds up sending too much $$ to cover everyone. Lots of time it becomes "I'll get this one... no, I've got it"

 

[bamillerpa]

When I was a teenager we took my best friend along. My mother paid for the hotel room but my friends mother paid for her tickets and spending money. Her mother also gave her food money but my mother also paid for some of her meals depending on where we ate. Most times we went off on our own so my friend paid for her own lunches but a lot of times we met up for dinner and my mother would pay for her then. We drove so transportation wasn't an issue. It worked out well. I remember approaching her parents and telling her that we were planning a trip to Disney World and would love for my friend to come along and giving them an estimate of what it would cost them. My mother made a point of saying that she would love to pay for everything but couldn't afford it. It was still cheaper then having them plan a trip and go and since they aren't real big Disney fans I think they jumped at the chance for someone to take their daughter along. I'm now 40 and we are still friends and we have great memories of our trip there together.

From the other side of this. I went along on a family trip with the same family mentioned above and it worked pretty much the same way. We didn't go to Disney so it was a little bit cheaper type of trip but they paid for lodging and some food and my parents paid for some food and gave me spending money.

As an adult I have seen another family handle this differently. One of my friends have a 12 year old daughter. They always take her best friend on vacation with them and pay for absolutely everything, even souvenirs. In return they take her daughter on their vacation and do the same. I guess this works when they take the same type of vacations but I can see it being a problem when one family spends a lot more money than the other. I think you should pay what you feel comfortable with and let the other parents know that you would really like to include their child and explain what you can reasonable afford to spend.

 

[smk]

We have taken many spare kids on vacation to WDW over the years. At one time we had three teenagers and we always allowed them to invite a friend. All times we have worked out that invited kids pay for their own snacks and souveniers, we got the rest. If we couldn't afford to take them then the answer to our kids asking to take a friend was always "no". Often when we took friends we scaled back the park days and spent more time at the pool, that's what teenaged girls want on spring break anyway, pool time. Vacations, dinners out, movies etc...if we do the inviting then we pay the cost. That is what we are most comfortable with. Our youngest daughter went on a cruise with a friend and her family and we paid her way, I was not insulted to do so, nor were we asked to do so. If we couldn't afford it, once again, the answer would have been "no".

 

[mhaftman7]

The way I see it, the inviting /host family should be responsible for paying for the invited. Down to the souvenirs. Most plan far in advance for WDW trips and it puts a lot of strain on the invited child's parents to have to assume such a cost. Its the same as going to the movies or for dinner. We're offering. WE. In most cases a family would send their child with spending money at the minimum.

 

[deb4him40]

The way I see it, the inviting /host family should be responsible for paying for the invited. Down to the souvenirs. Most plan far in advance for WDW trips and it puts a lot of strain on the invited child's parents to have to assume such a cost. Its the same as going to the movies or for dinner. We're offering. WE. In most cases a family would send their child with spending money at the minimum.

We have brought friends of my daughter with 3 different times, and I always paid for everything except their spending (souvenir) money. I figured if I was inviting them on something this big I should pay for it.

 

[DizneyPryncess]

I would not expect my child to pay room and board if he/she was invited by another family. I would expect to pay for admission, airfare (if flying) and any souvenirs. But, as I mentioned, I would pay for admission for my child's guest - but would not be insulted if another family did not.

This is exactly how I feel too. When I was growing up, my brothers & I took friends on vacation sometimes. My parents paid for everything except for probably some souvenirs. Our friends parents always equipped them with some cash. However I would also not be insulted if another family invited me and wanted me to pay for my airfare, park admission, etc. I would think room & board would be included though.

Since everyone feels a little different, talking it out is the best way to go. Chances are, the friends parents are wondering the same thing.

 

[I_heart_Tigger]

My parents often allowed my sister and I to bring friends with us on our Disney trip and my sister and I have been the friends that went along on other trips.

I honestly don't know whether my parents paid for everything for our friends...I believe they paid for most of the trip for my friend - her family did not have much money and had never been on a vacation out of the province before - but seem to recall my sister's friends family paying my parents some money toward their daughter traveling with us on another trip. I know our friends always had their own spending money for souvenirs.

When I went with my friends family, my parents paid for my flight and park tickets as well as spending money for souvenirs.

I don't think the host family should feel responsible for paying for the entire trip for the guest. If the guest or guests family can't afford it and the host either doesn't want to or can't afford it then the friend simply shouldn't go.

Keep in mind that with the flight costs from my home - I generally pay about $2000 per person for a Disney trip which adds a lot on to a families budget.

I really can't imagine my parents ever allowing someone else to pay for MY trip to Disney World - they would either pay or tell me it's not in the budget and I wouldn't be allowed to go. I can't imagine them placing a $2000 burden on another family just so I could accompany them to Disney World.

 

[steve2wdw]

We have brought friends of my daughter with 3 different times, and I always paid for everything except their spending (souvenir) money. I figured if I was inviting them on something this big I should pay for it.

Same here....we've paid for travel, tix, and food (snacks included). Souvenirs were their responsibility. We're DVC members, so hotel costs really don't count, although we've secured bigger units (2 bedrooms instead of one) so we've used more points. I've always felt that if I do the inviting, I do the paying.

Now if the friend asked us if he or she could come along, that would be a completely different story.

 

[ajb_tic_tac]

I have a bit of an uncomfortable question I would like to ask about when your teen wants to bring a friend, and I am interested in feedback from others that have done this, or if you have a child that has been invited to go with another family.

If you are the family doing the inviting, is it expected that you will pay for the friend's entire trip?

Without question, I think the inviting family should pay 100% of the friend's food costs and 100% of any necessities they may need while they are there and I think theother teen's family should pay 100% of their souvenir /spending money.

What about park tickets and flight? I estimate WDW tickets for a 5 day hopper pass to be about $300, 2 day Universal hopper about $140, and flight to be around $400. That's almost $900.

Do you offer to pay 100% of the costs because you are choosing to invite the friend for your teen? Do you ask the parents if the teen can come and tell them the cost to see if they choose to spend that kind of money? Do you offer to pay for everything if they can buy the airline ticket and spending $?

I guess if someone asked me if my teen could go on a trip but it would cost me $1000 I would more than likely say no. If they asked if I could pay the airline ticket and I had enough notice to save the money I would be more inclined to let my teen go. But the whole subject is kind of uncomfortable to me.

What has worked or not worked for you in the past?

If it was me I would just tell your teen they cant invite a friend. I couldnt cope with the awkwardness of it.

 

[SMS55]

If the person was invited, the inviting person/family should pay. Remember you "invited." If someone wants to tag along, or says "oh I'll pay my way" that's different. When I was a kid my dad took my two cousins along with us on two different ocassions. My parents paid for everything.

 

[Sandersfeld]

we are letting our daughter to bring her friend since its their 8th grade grad yr.we are staying at pop century and since adding only 1 more person to the room we are paying for her..Her parents did give us money for airlines and ar going to give her some spending money but otherwise we are paying for her.The biggest concern is hoping that Dad and Mom dont imbaress the hip teens to much,,,,haha good luck with that im sure we will be getting the eye rolling looks a number of times

 

[jcs4evas1298]

My family allowed my sister to bring a friend to Disney or on a cruise multiple times when she was a teenager - they always paid for everything except souvenir type stuff.

I would say if the family of the child you are inviting along has the type of discretionary income to pay for their childs own trip without too much trouble - they likely will counter your offer to pay for all major expenses with an offer of their own that takes the financial burden off of you. But, if they dont have that kind of money kicking around - you should fully expect to take the brunt of the costs... don't invite someone you cant afford to - or dont want to - pay for. That just puts everyone in an uncomfortable situation, including the kids.

 

[Nemo14]

If I invited the extra person, I would expect to pay all expenses except souvenirs and maybe snacks. If I were the parents of the invited child, I would offer to help out with the extra expenses, but certainly would not expect to foot the entire bill.
My daughter and niece are only a few months apart in age, so we often brought the niece with us on vacations when they were young. Her parents always gave us money to help cover the added expenses, but I would never have demanded that they do so.