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Trip Canned
- Thread starter demento57
- Start date
Disney4Life
New Member
Well, hell, I don't know what their problem is. Start packing, and "Git 'R Done"!!!
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Maybe try talking to them as rational adults.
Try to find out what there concerns are and try to alleviate them.
If all else fails, invite them to come along.
Tried! I invited them to come. I invited them to call checking on her every 15 minutes. EVERYTHING!
But the excuses just keep flyin' out. MY FAVORITE!!! Which after she said that she quickly withdrew realising what I would do is. It's no different from Disneyland! Oh I was ready to give a 4 hour power point presentation :lol:
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RogueHabit
Well-Known Member
Well my $0.02 is this, though it's probably not going to be very helpful.
If, at 20 years old, your parents are not willing to allow you to make your own decisions and you allow them to rule your life like this then perhaps some assessment of your life situation is needed.
I appreciate that your girlfriend may live with her parents still, may be relying on them to help here through university and of course loves them very much, but at 20 she needs to sit them down and have the 'I'm 20 and I need to start making decisions for myself.' talk.
This is a hard one, I can understand both sides, but then again I'm not one who followed the traditional, christian upbringing, but that being said, I didn't leap into the sack at 15 or 16 either.
I would have thought that after 3 years they would know that you are trustworthy and respectful of their daughter and, as you said, WDW is not some wild party town full of bikini clad stripping students with baby oil. :drevil:
If, at 20 years old, your parents are not willing to allow you to make your own decisions and you allow them to rule your life like this then perhaps some assessment of your life situation is needed.
I appreciate that your girlfriend may live with her parents still, may be relying on them to help here through university and of course loves them very much, but at 20 she needs to sit them down and have the 'I'm 20 and I need to start making decisions for myself.' talk.
This is a hard one, I can understand both sides, but then again I'm not one who followed the traditional, christian upbringing, but that being said, I didn't leap into the sack at 15 or 16 either.
I would have thought that after 3 years they would know that you are trustworthy and respectful of their daughter and, as you said, WDW is not some wild party town full of bikini clad stripping students with baby oil. :drevil:
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polynesiangirl
Well-Known Member
Yikes. My sister in law and her now-fiancee', then boyfriend, my husband and I all went a few years ago for a couple of days. They are very religious. We all slept in one room, and for goodness' sake, it was a trip with *family members around* and we were at WDW parks during the day - by the time we all got back to the room at night there was absolutely no WAY "anything" was going to be going on! Talk about gross. :lol: Even they, who tend to be on the "lets all get separate rooms" side of things were totally fine with it, as were my in laws and my future brother-in-law's parents, who are also very religious.
The girl you're talking about is almost my age -- if I'm old enough to be married, then surely she's old enough to determine what she wants to do and with whom, especially if her parents' money is not involved here. I would hope they would have enough faith and trust in her to know that she will make good decisions for herself without them "safeguarding" her. But these are things your girlfriend should talk about with her parents.
Anyways, end of my rambling...sorry the trip isn't working out, but you never know, March of 07 is still a ways off.
The girl you're talking about is almost my age -- if I'm old enough to be married, then surely she's old enough to determine what she wants to do and with whom, especially if her parents' money is not involved here. I would hope they would have enough faith and trust in her to know that she will make good decisions for herself without them "safeguarding" her. But these are things your girlfriend should talk about with her parents.
Anyways, end of my rambling...sorry the trip isn't working out, but you never know, March of 07 is still a ways off.
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angelfaerie52
New Member
I'm kind of shocked. I am 21. I have been to WDW twice with my boyfriend and we have only been dating for two years (our first trip happened less than a year into the relationship, the other this past May). My mom really had no problem with my trips, she just wasn't going to pay for it.
On the other hand, when my boyfriend spends the night at my house, he has to sleep on the couch. It's completely reasonable for her to be that way when he's visiting her house.
I think your girlfriend needs to have a talk with her parents. Upbringing aside, she is a grown up now and taking a trip like this is the first step in being more mature. Maybe it'd be better if she didn't room with the other kids going? My mom would be more upset about me going with a group of friends rather than just my boyfriend.
Maybe you should talk to your girlfriend, too. Why isn't she just like... screw it, I'm going, I am a grown up? I mean, it's silly, but it's important to know what wavelength you all are on. I'm sorry you're having trouble figuring out your trip, but I do hope you get to go.
On the other hand, when my boyfriend spends the night at my house, he has to sleep on the couch. It's completely reasonable for her to be that way when he's visiting her house.
I think your girlfriend needs to have a talk with her parents. Upbringing aside, she is a grown up now and taking a trip like this is the first step in being more mature. Maybe it'd be better if she didn't room with the other kids going? My mom would be more upset about me going with a group of friends rather than just my boyfriend.
Maybe you should talk to your girlfriend, too. Why isn't she just like... screw it, I'm going, I am a grown up? I mean, it's silly, but it's important to know what wavelength you all are on. I'm sorry you're having trouble figuring out your trip, but I do hope you get to go.
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mousebymarriage
Active Member
Oh man that sucks! I am sooooo sorry!
I think I was 19 when my then boyfriend now hubby went down to wildwood(for those of you not from jersey it's the shore area about 3-4 hours away from my home). We went for a week with another couple , friends of ours, we rented a condo and had a blast. The following summer I was 20, he was 21 and we went to Disney. Did I ask my mommy for permission? HECK NO!
I just said " hey mom, Mike and I are going to Disney for a week, I'll send you a post card and bring you back a souvenier. SEE YA!" Mom said," have fun and behave!" I'm 35 now , married to mike for 12 years and we have 2 kids, so I survived the vacation's without my mommy! My mom was really over protective when I was younger, because I am the youngest of 9, but, she also knew I had a good head on my shoulders and could take care of myself.
I hope your girlfriends parents lighten up and cut the cord already.
I have a 10 year old daughter and if she was 21 and wanted to go away with her boyfriend(hopefully he isn't a jerk). I'd say just what my mom said, "have fun ,behave and oh, if you do anything that lands you in jail , I am not bailing you out so think before you act!":animwink:
I think I was 19 when my then boyfriend now hubby went down to wildwood(for those of you not from jersey it's the shore area about 3-4 hours away from my home). We went for a week with another couple , friends of ours, we rented a condo and had a blast. The following summer I was 20, he was 21 and we went to Disney. Did I ask my mommy for permission? HECK NO!
I just said " hey mom, Mike and I are going to Disney for a week, I'll send you a post card and bring you back a souvenier. SEE YA!" Mom said," have fun and behave!" I'm 35 now , married to mike for 12 years and we have 2 kids, so I survived the vacation's without my mommy! My mom was really over protective when I was younger, because I am the youngest of 9, but, she also knew I had a good head on my shoulders and could take care of myself.
I hope your girlfriends parents lighten up and cut the cord already.
I have a 10 year old daughter and if she was 21 and wanted to go away with her boyfriend(hopefully he isn't a jerk). I'd say just what my mom said, "have fun ,behave and oh, if you do anything that lands you in jail , I am not bailing you out so think before you act!":animwink:
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mousebymarriage
Active Member
Not meant as an attack BUT,
Unka, you did not ask that question seriously did you?
Anything they could possibly do in Disney, chaperones or not, sharing a room or not,they can do at home on a date, in their car, rent a motel room, hey on the front lawn. Plus, they are both over 18 so what they do in private is no one's business, especially her parents.
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Yellow Shoes
Well-Known Member
...perhaps if you went with her on a regular basis....
and perhaps this is the real issue here.
IF she is still "on the dole" and living at home, then she is not an independent person. If she were supporting herself and out of the house, it would be different.
angelfaerie52 said:
Kinda my point--adults don't talk that way to their parents.
Unlike many of you, I have been 20 and I am now the parent of a college freshman. I've been on both sides of this story. Bottom line is, you are not as grown up as you think you are. This does not mean that you cannot handle yourselves on a vacation; the vast majority of you will have an uneventful trip. What it does mean is that you won't realize until you are the parent of a 20 year old how "young" 20 really is.
Parents freak out--it's just what we do. (The good parents freak out--bad ones just let you do what you want because it's easier than fighting about it.)
You do have time on your side. Your strategy of inviting them, your parents, whomever will make them comfortable is a good one. If church is important to the family, and this girl is that important to you, (as in marriage is a possibility), you might try it.
It might surprise you that most parents assume their kids are "active" and hope that they're smart enough to delay grandchildren. As you said, you have had plenty of opportunity these past few years and this trip isn't about getting away in a hotel room for some privacy. HOWEVER, and here's the parental double standard--we know what you're up to, but we don't want to think about it, and
we especially don't want to tell grandma and the neighbors that our sweet little girl is in Florida with her boyfriend. We are afraid of what they will think.
I am not saying this is right or even logical -- it's just a perspective from a parent.
Good luck. (and I'm not sure that I would be 100% OK with it myself...but I probably would warm up to it in a few months.)
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Not trying to take a a religious tangent, but we are at an understanding with it, and I even help out there when I can. That's not an issue.
BUT OMG!!!! I forgot a key part of this problem!
She has a younger brother who is 19 and less than responsable (when I said that my girl and I didn't drink or party or anything, well he's the opposite).
Well last month he went out of state to visit his gf for a week... yeah... double standards. I know many of you will say "oh it's because she's a girl", but seriously, they've never had to give her a urine test.
BUT OMG!!!! I forgot a key part of this problem!
She has a younger brother who is 19 and less than responsable (when I said that my girl and I didn't drink or party or anything, well he's the opposite).
Well last month he went out of state to visit his gf for a week... yeah... double standards. I know many of you will say "oh it's because she's a girl", but seriously, they've never had to give her a urine test.
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cmatt
Active Member
harsh dude! i moved out and moved 550 miles away when i was 18 with my gf! Surely at the age of 21 your big and scary enough to look after yourself? :S
id say that your more then capable of finding help if needed AND MORESO that your are responsible to watch your back. People say well yeh your inexperienced well - you wont be quite frankly if you dont DO what you WANT to do. Dont let parents dictate to you what you can and cant do - especially at 21! im almost out of university and im 21! The world isnt rose tinted - nor is it a happy place (especially at the minute) and you need life experiences to mature. Disney is safe in comparison to when i went on a grand adventure to amsterdam *coughs*
To the person who suggested that a parent doesnt care if they let theyre 18+ young adult son/daughter go on holiday on theyre own... well you obviouslly cant relate, as alot of us whipper snappers these days ARE growing up alot quicker.... parents still 'freak out' but they just get to grips with theyre own issues and aslong as the young adult gets in contact with them letting them they are ok theres nowt to worry about
id say that your more then capable of finding help if needed AND MORESO that your are responsible to watch your back. People say well yeh your inexperienced well - you wont be quite frankly if you dont DO what you WANT to do. Dont let parents dictate to you what you can and cant do - especially at 21! im almost out of university and im 21! The world isnt rose tinted - nor is it a happy place (especially at the minute) and you need life experiences to mature. Disney is safe in comparison to when i went on a grand adventure to amsterdam *coughs*
To the person who suggested that a parent doesnt care if they let theyre 18+ young adult son/daughter go on holiday on theyre own... well you obviouslly cant relate, as alot of us whipper snappers these days ARE growing up alot quicker.... parents still 'freak out' but they just get to grips with theyre own issues and aslong as the young adult gets in contact with them letting them they are ok theres nowt to worry about
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Yellow Shoes
Well-Known Member
You're right--the brother is a major part of the parental attitude.
They have first-hand experience with what can go wrong, and it is reasonable for them to be overly cautious. EVEN THOUGH she has given them little or no reason to worry about her.
Honestly, I do thing your vacation is salvagable. Kill them with kindness, let them work through all the details in their minds on their time, and things should work out the way you want them to.
They have first-hand experience with what can go wrong, and it is reasonable for them to be overly cautious. EVEN THOUGH she has given them little or no reason to worry about her.
Honestly, I do thing your vacation is salvagable. Kill them with kindness, let them work through all the details in their minds on their time, and things should work out the way you want them to.
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Nemo14
Well-Known Member
As a parent of a 21 year-old girl who's entering her senior year of college, I have to admit that I would side with her parents. I know that you could not do anything there that you couldn't do in the back seat of a car, but to approve of such a trip implies that it's OK with them if you do. Fortunately my DD respects my values enough that it has never been an issue with her, and it says a lot about your GF that she does too. There will be plenty of timews for trips to WDW when you're married and on your own, but until then, I say have some respect. JMHO
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justducky78
New Member
Awww...I feel for you! We were in the same situation 10 years ago. My husband (who was my boyfriend at the time) and I wanted to go to WDW for our 'first' trip together. I was 18 at the time and graduated from HS, he was 22. We originally planned on going with another couple, but they backed out. My mom (who was/is extremely strict and conservative) did everything she could to keep me from going. We were both good kids (didn't drink/smoke/18 going on 60 - just like you!)...she was just being a pill.
So...we had the girl who backed out of the trip call my mom and she talked to her for a bit and eased her mind!! It was a small fib but it worked.
Long story short - we went on the trip, just the two of us, had a great time! My mom is still the same (ultra conservative) and we STILL don't drink/smoke, but now 28/34 going on 60!). We're married now and so glad we went anyways...been back quite a few times together now.
I hope it all works out for you eventually -- you deserve to go on that trip and at 21 - her parents are going to have to learn to let go! It's WDW, it's not like you're going to Vegas! Good luck!
So...we had the girl who backed out of the trip call my mom and she talked to her for a bit and eased her mind!! It was a small fib but it worked.
Long story short - we went on the trip, just the two of us, had a great time! My mom is still the same (ultra conservative) and we STILL don't drink/smoke, but now 28/34 going on 60!). We're married now and so glad we went anyways...been back quite a few times together now.
I hope it all works out for you eventually -- you deserve to go on that trip and at 21 - her parents are going to have to learn to let go! It's WDW, it's not like you're going to Vegas! Good luck!
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