The Chit Chat Chit Chat Thread

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wdwfan4ver

Well-Known Member
Goofyernmost said:
I know it's annoying, but that is the number one concern of those of us with way to many years in our past. In other words OLD. It is more than a fear it is giving up our freedom and our control over our own lives. Most of the time it is not a problem or a burden to others but it sure as hell feels that way. Simple things like if I am playing golf with my son in law and I hit it in an area the requires that I walk or climb an area that will knock me out physically, he will go to it and pick up the ball for me. I love it and hate it all at the same time. I want him to enjoy his game and not have to compensate for my physical inabilities. He doesn't seem to mind, but I do and I can't help it.
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My dad depends on my younger brother and I more than he used stuff to like cutting the grass, and snow blowing. He is not upset with it. My dad and I switch turns for the lawn. If he doesn't have someone switch terms, he would be taking a break for cutting the lawn. He can't do some stuff non stop like he used due medical.

He had a heart attack almost 2 years ago and had triple bypass almost 12 years ago. The doctor told him as he gets older he will need more help for stuff. My dad's heart is a genetic thing.

Mom doesn't mind help as long as its not dad offering to help baking or cooking when she doesn't want it. Mom needed help with some stuff as long as I remember. Mom developed a very bad back before she reached her mid 20s. Her back was so bad that she couldn't out of her office chair in severe pain.
 
donaldtoo

donaldtoo

Well-Known Member
MinnieM123 said:
I interpret her comments as a healthy sign, that she still wants to contribute whatever abilities, etc., she has, and not be reliant on others. (As you mentioned, she's not a burden, regardless. Yet, she's made it clear that she respects how your family has opened up your home to her, and how fortunate she is.) :)
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She, of course, wants to contribute and she knows she is welcome to when she can. She bought us all kolaches Saturday morning, helped make lasagna Sunday night for dinner, and did a load of laundry yesterday. She just chilled today, which was totally fine.
She still gets some military benefits from her deceased ex-husbands service, and, of course, also gets Social Security. So, she is now able to contribute financially as she sees fit, even though we don’t expect any of that. Plus, the 1K/month we’ll be saving on helping her with her rent will help a lot.
Unlike at my BILs house in Houston, where she was, essentially, paying to be an indentured servant, we won’t let that be the case here.
 
donaldtoo

donaldtoo

Well-Known Member
MinnieM123 said:
I've seen a few of the Rivals shows, but not that one yet. The Undertaker had quite a "presence" during his heydey. . . :joyfull: . . . and still does!
I'll catch the show in reruns, at some point.

I'm interested in Randy Orton, as he's been out for a year due to some lower back surgery. Rumors are that he'll return to the ring (heard there's been a recent update to his show music), but I hope he'll make the best decision for his own health. If he does return to the WWE, it could really help Matt Riddle get back into his groove, as part of that great "Bro" duo. Riddle was at his best, pairing with Randy.
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I’ve posted about this before, but…
When we first started The Undertaker’s project, every time the partner called him the undertaker, I just assumed the client owned a funeral home(s)... :cyclops:
Finally, he was like “The wrestler, ‘The Undertaker…!’” …!!!!! :hilarious:
I had heard of him before, but never watched.
As far as Randy Orton goes, I never heard of him before I watched that Rivals episode. 🤷‍♂️
 
donaldtoo

donaldtoo

Well-Known Member
Goofyernmost said:
Yes, I know and can sympathize with both of you. In time she will stop trying to console herself by constantly looking for reinforcement that her presence isn't burdensome. It will pass, but the feeling for her might not, it will just quiet down. When identities are switched from a point of strength and self control it takes time to adjust to that change. I'm sure it is fine and not a huge lifestyle change for you, but trust me it is for her. I think it is great that you can easily adapt, but mentally it might not be as easy for her right away.
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Yep, I don’t expect her to change all those feelings overnight, by any expected measure, or, actually, if at all. It’s just not realistic, nor expected of her. We’ll just keep reassuring her and take things as they come.
 
donaldtoo

donaldtoo

Well-Known Member
Songbird76 said:
I would say maybe give her something to do so that she feels like she's contributing. Like, is there stuff that she CAN still do? Helping with cooking, or folding the laundry, or peeling potatoes? It doesn't have to be something big, but just so that it feels like she's part of it and she's not just there with everyone doing everything for her. Like she is helping you as much as you are helping her? Mostly what I hated about living with my in-laws is that they treated me like a little child. I had no independence at all. They made all sorts of rules and restrictions for us, that we weren't allowed to speak English at ALL, and I HAD to do my homework in the livingroom where they could watch me do it, and we weren't allowed to go up to our room after dinner. We had to sit and watch TV with them, but we didn't get any vote in what we watched. We HAD to watch what THEY wanted to watch, which was a lot of time Soccer, or a dutch language program. They had decided they were going to "help me learn Dutch faster" and rather than trust that I knew how to learn, being a college graduate with honors, they were going to impose their authority on me and forbid me to use English at all, forbid my husband to translate anything, and forbid us to leave the house other than him to go to work and me to go to school without their permission. We'd be ready to go out and they'd tell us we couldn't because they wanted us to clean the bathroom, or because they had told someone they could come over and get a key and we had to be there to hand off the key. Like we were grounded all the time even though we hadn't done anything wrong. And to go from being married adults living in your own home and being able to come and go as you please to suddenly be treated like a child where you had to have permission to leave, couldn't decide when or what to watch on TV or how to spend your time, even though we were paying them rent, was really hard. They made my immigration miserable and so much harder than it needed to be. I had no freedom there, and I think that's a huge deal for pretty much anyone. In their own place, they get to decide what they do, how they do it, and when they do it. If the bathroom is dirty, they can clean it when they feel like cleaning it. There's no one telling them that they must clean the bathroom right now instead of going out shopping. And if they want to read instead of watching TV, no one is telling them that they HAVE to sit and watch a tv show they hate. Moving in with someone else where they are no longer in control can feel very oppressive if the people who own the home are controlling and don't let you have your own life. And while you are grateful that they are offering you a home, it doesn't really feel like home if you have no control over even your own schedule. It's a lot to lose all at once....your freedom, your independence, your sense of self-worth. And then to feel also like you are being a burden on someone...it's a tough situation to be in.
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I assume you’ve read my responses to other members about how things are going with her, so far…?
As far as the rest of your post goes…just…….WOW.
Sorry, but, that’s nutso.
 
donaldtoo

donaldtoo

Well-Known Member
Goofyernmost said:
I know you are not thinking this she is a burden and I will venture a guess that she is not really thinking that either. I'm sure she is more than happy to be there knowing that someone that cares about her is close by. We all know that. I, for example, am still quite independent in spite of more recent, non-life threatening health issues. I dread the day when I can no longer safely be that way and yet currently I wonder what I will do if something like a heart attack or stroke decides to pay a visit and how long it would take for it to be noticed. Due to that independence we check up on each other at best weekly it could be up to a week. That scared the crap out of me.

I have a friend that texts me, or I her, every day (just a good morning) and I respond. If I don't or she doesn't and we have tried another text than a couple of tries at actual calling, we have the numbers of each others kids to let them know that we aren't getting a response and tell them they should check.

This was a mutual plan of my friend and myself and it was based on not wanting to be a burden on our children. We both want them to live their life, as we did when younger and not worry. My whole point is that whenever we, as parents, need our children to "watch over us", justified or not, it is a gigantic adjustment for us to make and although appreciated it is probably the most major life change we have to do. So rest assured that she understands that you are OK, she is trying to convince herself that it is alright for her to accept that and be happy. I can also assure you that she is internally relieved to be there and be a direct part of a loving family again.
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Carolyn has spoken with her mother several times a day for decades, no matter the distance. That’s something I accepted from day one of our 38+ year relationship.
Our daughters have done same for years, as well.
Carolyn’s folks divorced shortly after I started dating her. It has been a long haul for her mother, but, yes, her knowing she is loved definitely makes it easier…!!! :)
 
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Songbird76

Songbird76

Well-Known Member
donaldtoo said:
I assume you’ve read my responses to other members about how things are going with her, so far…?
As far as the rest of your post goes…just…….WOW.
Sorry, but, that’s nutso.
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Yep, I just read that she did laundry and helped make a lasagna. Sounds like it's going very well! But....was your BIL the one charging such exhorbitant rent? Was he just milking her for all she was worth?

And yes, it was nutso. I lived with them for 3 years, and I told my husband if we didn't have our own place within 6 months, I was done and we needed to move back to the states so we could afford a place. The cost of living was so expensive here that even with his degree in Engineering, we couldn't get a mortgage for anything more than a one bedroom apartment in the worst part of the city. He got us on a list for housing in the town where we live now. It's close enough that he can still commute easily, but the housing is way cheaper than in the city where we were living, and this list worked on a lottery basis rather than how long you had been on the list. So our number was drawn for this house and we had the option of either buying or renting, and they had a deal for starters like us that it was reduced in price if we agreed to sell it back to them if we ever wanted to move. We took it because otherwise we had to stay with his parents, and I was not willing to do that. I wanted freedom and I wanted to be able to start our family.
 
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