Any humidity or just plan hot?
I know it's annoying, but that is the number one concern of those of us with way to many years in our past. In other words OLD. It is more than a fear it is giving up our freedom and our control over our own lives. Most of the time it is not a problem or a burden to others but it sure as hell feels that way. Simple things like if I am playing golf with my son in law and I hit it in an area the requires that I walk or climb an area that will knock me out physically, he will go to it and pick up the ball for me. I love it and hate it all at the same time. I want him to enjoy his game and not have to compensate for my physical inabilities. He doesn't seem to mind, but I do and I can't help it.Yep, she keeps goin’ on about bein’ a burden. We assure her that she’s not a burden (she has her own room, huge tv, lounger in there, etc.).
I want to tell her (but, I won’t) the only way she’s gonna’ be a burden is if she keeps goin’ on about bein’ a burden…!!!!!
Yikes. With Humidity 120? That's insane!
Northern Florida's only in the mid 90s this week in comparison
Yea, this isn’t our hottest summer, but, it’s pretty toasty.
Not sure what our tally is so far this year, but, in 2011 we had a record setting exactly 90 days of temps at or above 100 degrees, and our static record high was 112, as it also was in 2000…!!!
Just finished watchin’ an A&E WWE Rivals episode about Randy Orton and The Undertaker hosted by Freddie Prinze Jr. Crazy stuff.
And, I’m sure y’all recall, The Undertaker (Mark Callaway) is one of our clients…!!!
Are you guys getting any rain? I know we had a super dry season until about a couple weeks ago.
What a throwback! That's so cool he's one of your clients!
You guys getting rain hopefully?Yea, this isn’t our hottest summer, but, it’s pretty toasty.
Not sure what our tally is so far this year, but, in 2011 we had a record setting exactly 90 days of temps at or above 100 degrees, and our static record high was 112, as it also was in 2000…!!!
It must be hard feeling that way. But if I can offer a different perspective, now that my in-laws are not able to do everything themselves, it's much easier for us to just do things...much less of a burden. The burden is when they've tried to spare us having to do something and it ends up creating more work for us. For example, they get meals from a meals-on-wheels type deal, like 4 nights a week or something. They will insist that they have plenty of food, and then we'll visit and find they have nothing left in the refrigerator, but they didn't want us to worry about it. So then we have to go grocery shopping and plan and prepare a meal that they can eat for a few days when we weren't planning on that. It would be better if they just called and said, we're running out of meals, can you bring us something? And I know that's hard for them, because they feel like they are being a burden on us, but otherwise we're going to worry that they aren't eating, or when we visit, we find they have nothing and then it's a lot harder to come up with a spur-of-the-moment solution than it would have been to come up with something in advance had we known they needed more. We now schedule in with DH's brother who is going to take them to a doctor's appt, or who is going to do their grocery shopping. My BIL doesn't usually cook much, so we will make meals that they can freeze or eat leftovers from when they don't have the meals from the delivery service. But we have to coordinate everything, and that's WAY less burden than getting there and discovering that something needs to be done and they just didn't want to burden us with it. BURDEN US, PLEASE!!! It's way less worry for us than wondering if you have food tonight, or a ride to the doctor. We'd rather have it planned in and go out of our way to handle it than worrying that you are starving or don't have a way to get somewhere you need to be.
I interpret her comments as a healthy sign, that she still wants to contribute whatever abilities, etc., she has, and not be reliant on others. (As you mentioned, she's not a burden, regardless. Yet, she's made it clear that she respects how your family has opened up your home to her, and how fortunate she is.)
I've seen a few of the Rivals shows, but not that one yet. The Undertaker had quite a "presence" during his heydey. . .Just finished watchin’ an A&E WWE Rivals episode about Randy Orton and The Undertaker hosted by Freddie Prinze Jr. Crazy stuff.
And, I’m sure y’all recall, The Undertaker (Mark Callaway) is one of our clients…!!!
. . . and still does!
Yes, I know and can sympathize with both of you. In time she will stop trying to console herself by constantly looking for reinforcement that her presence isn't burdensome. It will pass, but the feeling for her might not, it will just quiet down. When identities are switched from a point of strength and self control it takes time to adjust to that change. I'm sure it is fine and not a huge lifestyle change for you, but trust me it is for her. I think it is great that you can easily adapt, but mentally it might not be as easy for her right away.
I would say maybe give her something to do so that she feels like she's contributing. Like, is there stuff that she CAN still do? Helping with cooking, or folding the laundry, or peeling potatoes? It doesn't have to be something big, but just so that it feels like she's part of it and she's not just there with everyone doing everything for her. Like she is helping you as much as you are helping her? Mostly what I hated about living with my in-laws is that they treated me like a little child. I had no independence at all. They made all sorts of rules and restrictions for us, that we weren't allowed to speak English at ALL, and I HAD to do my homework in the livingroom where they could watch me do it, and we weren't allowed to go up to our room after dinner. We had to sit and watch TV with them, but we didn't get any vote in what we watched. We HAD to watch what THEY wanted to watch, which was a lot of time Soccer, or a dutch language program. They had decided they were going to "help me learn Dutch faster" and rather than trust that I knew how to learn, being a college graduate with honors, they were going to impose their authority on me and forbid me to use English at all, forbid my husband to translate anything, and forbid us to leave the house other than him to go to work and me to go to school without their permission. We'd be ready to go out and they'd tell us we couldn't because they wanted us to clean the bathroom, or because they had told someone they could come over and get a key and we had to be there to hand off the key. Like we were grounded all the time even though we hadn't done anything wrong. And to go from being married adults living in your own home and being able to come and go as you please to suddenly be treated like a child where you had to have permission to leave, couldn't decide when or what to watch on TV or how to spend your time, even though we were paying them rent, was really hard. They made my immigration miserable and so much harder than it needed to be. I had no freedom there, and I think that's a huge deal for pretty much anyone. In their own place, they get to decide what they do, how they do it, and when they do it. If the bathroom is dirty, they can clean it when they feel like cleaning it. There's no one telling them that they must clean the bathroom right now instead of going out shopping. And if they want to read instead of watching TV, no one is telling them that they HAVE to sit and watch a tv show they hate. Moving in with someone else where they are no longer in control can feel very oppressive if the people who own the home are controlling and don't let you have your own life. And while you are grateful that they are offering you a home, it doesn't really feel like home if you have no control over even your own schedule. It's a lot to lose all at once....your freedom, your independence, your sense of self-worth. And then to feel also like you are being a burden on someone...it's a tough situation to be in.
