Yes, I've seen that before and that's EXACTLY what it's like. I was thinking "He must think it's like the magic coffee table!"
No, I know he CAN do it, here's what I think is the problem. I used to only work about 4-5 hours a week. I'm what they consider "on call", which means I don't have set hours. I mark my availability for each week and they choose from those hours which ones they want me to work. A few years ago, I had a really bad evaluation because there was NO communication happening, and I'm a pretty quiet person with that sort of thing. I hate confrontation, and I'm the sort of person who thinks if I want something done right, I have to do it myself. So I was going around fixing the things that other people did wrong. I did the stuff that no one else wanted to do. No one liked working upstairs because it was sweltering up there and the set up was sooooo inconvenient, so I thought if I worked upstairs, it would show management that I was a team player and that I was taking initiative....I thought it would show my good work ethic. Only, they weren't paying attention and didn't realize that part of the problem is that it wasn't efficient, so everything upstairs took twice as long. So they judged me solely on how fast I was and because I was working almost exclusively upstairs, my times were slow. So I wasn't getting hours because they looked at it as, wow, she's slow. They didn't see all the extra stuff I was doing, because I didn't announce it, I just did what needed to be done. So I only got scheduled for one shift a week....just enough that they could say they were giving me hours, but other people were being scheduled for 25-30 hours a week.
When I got the bad eval, I was REALLY upset, went to HR and talked to them and we started trying to figure out why my times were bad. I kept saying it was because I worked upstairs, and the managers kept saying that shouldn't matter. So...we did an experiment. I worked one day ONLY upstairs, and the next ONLY downstairs, compared the times. My average upstairs was 54 seconds, and my average downstairs was around 30. The overall average within the company was 40 seconds. That means I was actually FASTER than average...just that I was only working upstairs while everyone else was only working downstairs. So once they discovered that, suddenly I was being scheduled every day I was available...I started being more vocal. Instead of just doing stuff, I went to the managers and said, "I noticed such and such...would you like me to take care of that?" So, I still work exactly the same way, but I make sure I work mostly downstairs to keep my times down, and I let them know what I'm doing.
So now I have to reduce my availability so they don't schedule me for 30 hours in a week. And the thing is, that when I was only working 5 hours a week, I had PLENTY of time to do all the stuff at home. There was no rushing to get a kid to physical therapy before I made dinner and went to work. And I was home to do the laundry, and grocery shopping, and cooking, etc. But, now that I'm working around 20 hours a week, the amount of time I have to get those things done is reduced. I can't switch the laundry to the dryer and start a new load if I'm not at home. And if I'm at home, I can't be upstairs folding clean clothes and be downstairs scrubbing down the kitchen at the same time. There's been a shift in my schedule, but DH didn't make the shift mentally, so he still expects me to do all the things I was doing before, only now I have half the time to do it. And now that DS is in Special Education and the school is across town, my school runs take over an hour where they used to take 15 minutes. DH is looking at it like the housework is for me because I'm the one who is home....only I'm not the one who is home anymore. So things keep just getting dumped on me with the assumption that I have the time to do them, but I don't. And slowly, the things that were supposed to be HIS job (dishes) have become mine because he would start the dishwasher before bed, and then in the morning, I needed to make the kids' lunches, but all the containers were in the dishwasher...so I had to unload the dishwasher to get to the lunch containers. So suddenly, unloading the dishwasher became my job. And then throughout the day, whatever dishes were used, I just put them straight into the dishwasher instead of letting them pile up on the counter. So we'd get to the end of the day, and all DH had to do was put the plates and silverware from dinner in and start it. So now suddenly, I'm doing 90% of the dishes, even though we agreed before we got married that dishes were his territory. So I have fewer hours at home, yet slowly everything has become my job, and now he's decided that loading the dinner dishes should be the kids' chore for their allowance. So he's just shifted all the responsibilities from himself, and it's really easy for him, so he doesn't see how much I'm struggling. And when he leaves stuff on the magic coffee table, and I need space on the coffee table, I have to move the stuff he left there so I have space...and I put it in the dishwasher instead of piling it on the counter. Poof....magic coffee table! It's just that he's still treating it like I'm only working 5 hours a week and have all the time in the world to clean up after everyone.
I don't think he realizes that he's not doing the dishes....he's the one who puts the block in and hits start, so he's doing the dishes. If he SEES me putting stuff in, he'll say "You don't have to do that...I'll do it tonight before bed." And that sounds really sweet, but it's not practical, because if I don't do it, I don't have counter space to use for meal prep. And things like cleaning the bathroom...I did that while he was out playing Ingress....but the next day, it would have been really nice if he had said "You know what? I had my fun yesterday, why don't I help you with the kitchen." or "Why don't I deal with the mopping and stuff and you take a break...you worked all day yesterday while I was playing." But instead he just says "You rock!" and then expects me to keep doing what I'm doing. He doesn't think to take some of the responsibility on himself so I can have a break, too. He just looks at that as my job, and seems to forget I also work outside the home. I don't think he notices I'm doing more than a 40 hour week between home and outside job, because I used to only work at home, pretty much.
