I used to feel this way. Then I realised the importance of allyship, particularly given that those who dislike us tend to group us all together as deviants anyway. We are stronger together.
I'm not sure your age but these are people from an "older generation" - not the ones everyone focuses on with this kind of stuff, these days, it seems.
They became adults in a time when it wasn't talked about, when it was something they were taught to be ashamed of, etc. and that was broadly accepted as okay by the wider culture at large - not just something you had to be careful of in certain towns or parts of the country (obviously, this is very specific to the US) - when certain subjects in media, if addressed at all, were punchlines - like
Three's Company.
They're point, I believe, wasn't so much that they didn't feel for these other people as it was "see me as an individual". They never signed up for
any culture war and seemed tired of people assuming what they are and aren't for, just because they've been in an almost 30 year same-sex relationship.
... and I get that.
As I get older, I find myself a lot less passionate about "causes" in general than I was when I was younger and more about making my way through life and trying to raise a self-aware confident son who doesn't fall into any of the traps I see around him - things like nine year olds committing suicide.
(His cousin had one in her school last year and I had to talk about it with him because she'd told him about it)
I understand that in the broader sense, the world around him that he will live in still matters but I see a strong point of diminishing returns when it comes to spitting into the wind for change in that world when I could put that same energy and focus into helping him become stronger and better learn to navigate it.
He'll have his own time for the causes he chooses, just like I did mine.
For them, they have no children and maybe you could consider them selfish for not wanting to pay it forward more but I think that comes down to perspective from a generational standpoint.
Things have already changed more in the last 10-15 years than all of human history combined. They've gone from not sharing their relationship openly with people they aren't close to, to being able to legally get married with equal respect in the eyes of the law within a single decade.
I remember when the person in question came out to me, he was anticipating some form of shock and actually seemed a little disappointed when he didn't get it but when you really know a person, it's hard for them to hide who they are... and I had an unusual childhood. Most kids don't get taken to see
Trockadero by their grandmother when they're seven years old - so I didn't particularly care about the non-shocking reveal.
There will always be progress to be made with
everything but there are only so many years in a human life and at some point, when the reality of that sets in, you have to start thinking about how you want to spend what you have left of them.
For a younger more passionate person, that may seem selfish but again, I get it - everyone has
their time.