June 04, 2011
Investigators are still trying to put all the puzzle pieces together behind a random accident which occured at Epcot last week just outside of the Spaceship Earth attraction. Park visitor, Marcus B. Schnozzle, was allegedly bonked in the conk by fellow park patron whose name shall not be revealed, according to WDW Security.
"It was truely horrific", claimed a bystanding guest who witnessed the entire incident. "You hear about spontaneous elbow backswings on the news, but you never think you'll actually see one in person."
At the time of press release, no charges had been filed so far against the assaulting Hercules of a mega-man.
"We do not see the assailant as a future threat to our guests, and thus far in our investigation, we see no reason to revoke his park pass, passport, or right to remain the driving force behind popular discussion forums", explained WDW head of security division. Our reporter had learned that a free meal was offered to Mr. Schnozzle, but we have yet to confirm whether or not said meal offer was accepted.
Conk assault victim Marcus B. Schnozzle shortly before meeting with lawyers to discuss free meal options.
Mr. Schnozzle did admit he had been standing closer than the legal 5-ft limit behind the assailant. After meeting with lawyers Thursday, it appears a decision has been made as to which free dining offer Mr. Schnozzle will accept.
"While my client cannot specify at this time as to which free meal he will accept from the offending Hulk of a gargantuan, we can confirm that it will, in fact, be delicious", reported Schnozzle's attorney.
Park officials plan to apply safety measures to avoid future beak bashings, such as prohibiting pink tutus, the dancing of the Y.M.C.A., and educating park visitors through pamplets and signs the dangers of standing too close to Herculean Demigods.
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