I just learned something disturbing

[intenseblue98]

Pardon me while I vent.

I called DH, who is at his parents' this afternoon, and he told me that his aunt/cousin weren't happy with the Christmas gift I gave to the cousin last year. She *aunt) feels jipped because she spent so much more on our DD's present.

I don't even remember what I bought for the cousin, who is 3 years younger than DD. I didn't ask for the aunt to spend $XX (whatever amount she decided to spend) on DD's gift.

Last Christmas we were still recovering from DH's job change so I didn't have a lot of money to throw around on Christmas gifts for anyone. DH says we're not buying the cousin anything, fine by me. I just as soon not see them at Christmas if we pick out such disappointing gifts for a child who is so spoiled that the parents buy everything and leave nothing for anyone else to pick out.
:brick:

 

[MSTINKHERBELL01]

Who crawled up their chiminey and died?! How rude and ungrateful?!

People tend to forget that the Holiday Season isnt about how much the gift costs or how huge the gift is...heck, it isnt even about gifts. For me, it's about family, friends, and loved ones being together...letting each other know how much you love them (stuff we should really try to do every chance we get).

I'm sorry the aunt is the witch who's trying to steal Christmas....She sounds like she needs to be visited by the ghosts of Christmas Past, Present, and Future.

Have a Magical Holiday Season...The real gift is Love ( guess what, it's free):xmas:

 

[Yellow Shoes]

duplicate.

See below

 

[Yellow Shoes]

First off, Miss Manners, Emily Post, and any other well-mannered person will tell you that it is NEVER allowed to complain about a gift.

A "gift," by its very definition is something given out of the kindness of one's heart as a token of affection.

Anyone who complains, especially within earshot of the giver, is totally classless, rude, and undeserving of respect (or another gift).

Skip the gift for the brat this year. If that really bothers you to ignore her, try to enlist the family to put a $ limit on gifts--and make it a low one--no more than $10.

Or, another idea I stole from an sister-in-law: give US Savings bonds. They can't be redeemed for several years after purchase. She has a $25 gift, but not really.

 

[Uponastar]

I went through similar experiences when our kids were growing up. Those were lean years for us and the pressures of keeping up with other family members who expected more than we could afford was very upsetting. We finally learned not to let it get to us. We set a limit each year and stuck to it. If someone was unhappy with our gift (and we know that some were) that was their problem. We raised our girls to be grateful for every gift, big or small. They always understood that the holiday was about a lot more than the presents they received. If other people didn't raise their children that way, then the shame is on them.
Don't feel badly. Do what your heart tells you to do, but use your head while doing it. You know you're right.

 

[intenseblue98]

Or, another idea I stole from an sister-in-law: give US Savings bonds. They can't be redeemed for several years after purchase. She has a $25 gift, but not really.

The idea has crossed my mind. :goodnevil

:xmas:

 

[Nemo14]

Well said Dot!
Since I was home with my kids when they were little, we simply couldn't afford big gifts for all the nieces and nephews (at last count there were 22 of them!). We tried doing a name exchange where everyone just bought one gift per child, but even that just turned into a competition. We finally resolved it by buying a "family' gift that would be for the entire family (movie tickets, zoo memberships, board games, etc) and kept a reasonable limit on it. So far it has worked out well. Good luck, and enjoy the holidays!

 

[intenseblue98]

Well said Dot!
Since I was home with my kids when they were little, we simply couldn't afford big gifts for all the nieces and nephews (at last count there were 22 of them!). We tried doing a name exchange where everyone just bought one gift per child, but even that just turned into a competition. We finally resolved it by buying a "family' gift that would be for the entire family (movie tickets, zoo memberships, board games, etc) and kept a reasonable limit on it. So far it has worked out well. Good luck, and enjoy the holidays!

I like the idea of a family gift. There's three of them and three of us and the girls, although only a fews years apart, are very different.

 

[barnum42]

For all those who wonder why I'm not a big fan of Christmas - the sort of ungrateful baggage mentioned in this post is a prime piece of evidence for why I am like this.

intenseblue98 - don't sweat it. The ingrate is not worth it. Try to remind them the following:

"May no gift be too small to give, nor too simple to receive, which is wrapped in thoughtfulness and tied with love."

 

[LouDisney]

That was very rude and ungrateful. It's not about how much money you spend on a gift, it's the thought. I don't get why people do not get that. Don't worry about it, you gave their child a gift and that was very thoughtful and kind.

 

[unkadug]

Hasn't she heard:

"It's more blessed to give than to recieve."

How about letting the children buy each others christmas presents from their own money.(and set a limit)

It would mean more to both the giver and reciever, and it takes the witch completely out of the loop.

 

[Tramp]

Pardon me while I vent.

I called DH, who is at his parents' this afternoon, and he told me that his aunt/cousin weren't happy with the Christmas gift I gave to the cousin last year. She *aunt) feels jipped because she spent so much more on our DD's present.
:brick:

I could never understand why family members want to exchange gifts if it's so important that the value of the gifts be nearly equal. Do you know how many times I've heard family members complain that they have an only child and it's unfair that they have to buy for the multiple offspring of other family members, but don't get a gift for their child worth the combined total of what they spent on the other kids.

My wife and I went thru a ton of Christmases with no child but spent hundreds of dollars on presents for the children of family members each year. It never bothered either of us until we overheard complaints that we didn't spend enough on their kids, especially since I was doing so well in life. I confronted the adults but they denied it, of course. We always tried to buy gifts that were at the top of the kid's Christmas lists irregardless of the value, but was not totally oblivious to disparities in the price of the toys and tried to make adjustments accordingly. From that time on, we gave thoughtless cash to each kid, the same amount, to do what they wanted. The kids are adults now but they remember the great toys that we gave them but never mention the cash.

Christmas is stressful enough without having to be made to feel guilty about petty garbage like this. There's no need to explain to anyone why you spent what you spent. It's an awkward situation to be in but you didn't make it that way. Since it's your husband's family, he should be the one to discuss the matter with his aunt and suggest that Christmas would be better without the exchange of gifts to avoid being disappointed or unsatisfied with what is given. Chances are, THEY will be insulted, as if they have the right to be.

 

[BRER STITCH]

Am I the only one wondering why your husband felt the need to burden you with that information??? :veryconfu

He should have handled it right then and there and put an end to the matter.

Your Husband's first call should have been made not to YOU, but to the AUNT (provided she was not there with Him), and she should have been confronted about the issue and told that HER behavior was unacceptable. She also should have been told to cease buying gifts for you and your family because they are not being given in the true Christmas spirit.

Spend the money you save on their gifts on something for your own daughter, who will appreciate it much more.

:xmas:

 

[intenseblue98]

Am I the only one wondering why your husband felt the need to burden you with that information??? :veryconfu

He should have handled it right then and there and put an end to the matter.

Your Husband's first call should have been made not to YOU, but to the AUNT (provided she was not there with Him), and she should have been confronted about the issue and told that HER behavior was unacceptable. She also should have been told to cease buying gifts for you and your family because they are not being given in the true Christmas spirit.

Spend the money you save on their gifts on something for your own daughter, who will appreciate it much more.

:xmas:

Actually, the blame would be on his mother who slipped the info to DH. He then passed it on to me. This is not something out of the ordinary for this family. They always complain they don't have money, but find plenty of vacations and toys of their own to spend on at will.

Perhaps I will have him call his aunt and say that we have decided not to exchange gifts with the cousin because (insert reason) and that we'd like to set a $ limit on a gift for the family.

Oh and thanks for the quotes. I'd love to use them, but I'm not vindictive like that to use them with my name attached.

 

[Erika]

Pardon me while I vent.

I called DH, who is at his parents' this afternoon, and he told me that his aunt/cousin weren't happy with the Christmas gift I gave to the cousin last year. She *aunt) feels jipped because she spent so much more on our DD's present.

I don't even remember what I bought for the cousin, who is 3 years younger than DD. I didn't ask for the aunt to spend $XX (whatever amount she decided to spend) on DD's gift.

Last Christmas we were still recovering from DH's job change so I didn't have a lot of money to throw around on Christmas gifts for anyone. DH says we're not buying the cousin anything, fine by me. I just as soon not see them at Christmas if we pick out such disappointing gifts for a child who is so spoiled that the parents buy everything and leave nothing for anyone else to pick out.
:brick:

Sounds good- at least you are both on the same page. Or, donate money to some cause in their family's name, and show them what Christmas REALLY is about.

I am guessing that wouldn't fly very well either.

 

[BRER STITCH]

... donate money to some cause in their family's name, and show them what Christmas REALLY is about.

GOD BLESS ERIKA! :wave:

I wish I would have said that!

Just make sure the motive is not "revenge", but rather goodwill! You don't want to soil your good works!

HAPPY HOLIDAYS!

:xmas:

 

[barnum42]

Sounds good- at least you are both on the same page. Or, donate money to some cause in their family's name, and show them what Christmas REALLY is about.

I am guessing that wouldn't fly very well either.

*High Fives Erika*

:sohappy:

 

[intenseblue98]

Sounds good- at least you are both on the same page. Or, donate money to some cause in their family's name, and show them what Christmas REALLY is about.

I am guessing that wouldn't fly very well either.

NICE! Actually, that's not a bad idea. This child has everything and gets everything she asks for, I don't think she has ever heard the word "no".

 

[Nemo14]

I love that idea! We used to do that years ago for teacher gifts when our kids were in elementary school (how many coffee cups do you really need?!!!!)

Nice going Erika! :sohappy::sohappy::sohappy:

 

[Erika]

I can't take the credit. My parents can.

Other than the occasional doo-dad we were NEVER allowed to bring new toys into the house without first passing on our gently-used stuff to someone who needed it. And we always bought gifts for needy families, which, looking back, was no small feat because we were pretty broke ourselves. :xmas:

I know people want their kids to have everything, but kids don't need everything to be happy. I'd say in a lot of cases it's just the opposite.