JBSLJames
New Member
TGIF Huggles to all. The following is an e-mail I received and does not necessarily represent the views of the undersignee or of this station. Please read with an open mind and a chuckle or two. I know I post too many of these, but they do lighten up some things. . .
The division of the human family into its two
> distinct political branches
> occurred some 10,000 years ago, when humans
> coexisted as members of small
> bands of nomadic hunter/gatherers.
>
> The pivotal event of societal evolution was the
> invention of beer. This
> epochal event was both the foundation of modern
> civilization and the
> occasion of the bifurcation of humanity into its two
> distinct subgroups:
> Liberals and Conservatives.
>
> Once beer was discovered, it required grain, and
> that was the beginning of
> agriculture. Neither the glass bottle nor aluminum
> can were invented yet, so
> it was necessary to stick close to the brewery.
> That's how villages were
> formed.
>
> Some men spent their days killing animals to
> barbecue at night while they
> were drinking beer. This was the beginning of the
> conservative movement.
> Other men who were weaker and less skilled at
> hunting, learned to live off
> the conservatives by showing up for the nightly
> barbecues and doing the
> sewing, fetching and hair dressing. This was the
> beginning of the liberal
> movement. An interesting evolutionary side note:
> some of these early liberal
> men eventually evolved into women.
>
> Liberal achievements include the domestication of
> cats, the trade union, the
> invention of group therapy and group hugs, and the
> concept of democratic
> voting to decide how to divide the meat and beer
> that the conservatives
> provided.
>
> Over the years, conservatives became to be
> symbolized by the largest, most
> powerful land animal on earth. Liberals are
> symbolized by the jackass.
> Modern liberals like imported beer (with lime
> added), but most prefer white
> wine or imported bottled water. They eat raw fish
> but like their beef well
> done. Sushi, tofu, and French food are standard
> liberal fare. Another
> interesting evolutionary side note: most of their
> women have higher
> testosterone levels than their men.
>
> Most social workers, personal injury attorneys,
> journalists, dreamers in
> Hollywood and group therapists are liberals.
> Liberals invented the
> designated hitter rule because it wasn't "fair" to
> make the pitcher also
> bat.
>
> Conservatives drink domestic beer, They eat red
> meat, and still provide for
> their women. Conservatives are big-game hunters,
> rodeo cowboys, lumber
> jacks, construction workers, medical doctors, police
> officers, corporate
> executives, soldiers, athletes, and generally anyone
> who works productively
> outside government. Conservatives who own companies
> hire other conservatives
> who want to work for a living.
>
> Liberals produce little or nothing. They like to
> "govern" the producers and
> decide what to do with the production. Liberals
> believe Europeans are more
> enlightened than Americans. That is why most of the
> liberals remained in
> Europe when conservatives were coming to America.
> They crept in after the
> wild west was tame and created a business of trying
> to get MORE for nothing.
> Thus ends this obviously objective and scholarly
> lesson in world history.
>
> The foregoing is brought to as a public service and
> does not necessarily represent the views of this
> writer.
The division of the human family into its two
> distinct political branches
> occurred some 10,000 years ago, when humans
> coexisted as members of small
> bands of nomadic hunter/gatherers.
>
> The pivotal event of societal evolution was the
> invention of beer. This
> epochal event was both the foundation of modern
> civilization and the
> occasion of the bifurcation of humanity into its two
> distinct subgroups:
> Liberals and Conservatives.
>
> Once beer was discovered, it required grain, and
> that was the beginning of
> agriculture. Neither the glass bottle nor aluminum
> can were invented yet, so
> it was necessary to stick close to the brewery.
> That's how villages were
> formed.
>
> Some men spent their days killing animals to
> barbecue at night while they
> were drinking beer. This was the beginning of the
> conservative movement.
> Other men who were weaker and less skilled at
> hunting, learned to live off
> the conservatives by showing up for the nightly
> barbecues and doing the
> sewing, fetching and hair dressing. This was the
> beginning of the liberal
> movement. An interesting evolutionary side note:
> some of these early liberal
> men eventually evolved into women.
>
> Liberal achievements include the domestication of
> cats, the trade union, the
> invention of group therapy and group hugs, and the
> concept of democratic
> voting to decide how to divide the meat and beer
> that the conservatives
> provided.
>
> Over the years, conservatives became to be
> symbolized by the largest, most
> powerful land animal on earth. Liberals are
> symbolized by the jackass.
> Modern liberals like imported beer (with lime
> added), but most prefer white
> wine or imported bottled water. They eat raw fish
> but like their beef well
> done. Sushi, tofu, and French food are standard
> liberal fare. Another
> interesting evolutionary side note: most of their
> women have higher
> testosterone levels than their men.
>
> Most social workers, personal injury attorneys,
> journalists, dreamers in
> Hollywood and group therapists are liberals.
> Liberals invented the
> designated hitter rule because it wasn't "fair" to
> make the pitcher also
> bat.
>
> Conservatives drink domestic beer, They eat red
> meat, and still provide for
> their women. Conservatives are big-game hunters,
> rodeo cowboys, lumber
> jacks, construction workers, medical doctors, police
> officers, corporate
> executives, soldiers, athletes, and generally anyone
> who works productively
> outside government. Conservatives who own companies
> hire other conservatives
> who want to work for a living.
>
> Liberals produce little or nothing. They like to
> "govern" the producers and
> decide what to do with the production. Liberals
> believe Europeans are more
> enlightened than Americans. That is why most of the
> liberals remained in
> Europe when conservatives were coming to America.
> They crept in after the
> wild west was tame and created a business of trying
> to get MORE for nothing.
> Thus ends this obviously objective and scholarly
> lesson in world history.
>
> The foregoing is brought to as a public service and
> does not necessarily represent the views of this
> writer.
