Hell 2, The Sequel - No more room in Hell

figmentmom

figmentmom

Well-Known Member
garyhoov said:
. . . Oh, wait a minute. There was something that will send us to Hell.

We went to Linda's brother's wedding last weekend, and at the reception, the priest gave a little blessing . . .


. . . and then . . .



. . . started singing:lookaroun



He was singing something to the tune of "Eidelweiss" . . .


It was something like:

God is good
God is great
Oh, how much we adore thee . . . :lookaroun




. . . so that's got me feeling a little . . . giggly.


I'm resisting, but I'm looking at Ryan (who is to my right) and he's got his arm pressed against his sleeve. I'm giving him a stern, fatherly "you better not laugh" look at him . . . which is VERY difficult when you're on the verge of losing it.

Then, from behind me, I hear Linda's sister break into a loud guffaw (we were at a circular table and she was to my left, but I was looking at Ryan and she was behind me), . . . which just broke the dam and our whole table broke out laughing.:lookaroun

Ryan blames Linda's sister. He says he was looking at her and she made him laugh. She blames him. . .

. . . but bottom line is we're just a bunch of inconsiderate louts.:o
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We got the giggles at a wedding once where one of the readings had the phrase "my love is leaping like a gazelle" (or something similar)...mind you, the bride and groom, while wonderful people, did NOT share silhouettes with gazelles... :ROFLOL:
 
figmentmom

figmentmom

Well-Known Member
dopey said:
I especially like the picture where you're in your bikini washing my truck and I'm spraying you with my hose. :D :kiss:

(We never did finish washing the truck, did we?)
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Now that you mention it, I DID see that one!!! Good of you to post it on the AOL homepage, too. ;)
 
maggiegrace1

maggiegrace1

Well-Known Member
dopey said:
I especially like the picture where you're in your bikini washing my truck and I'm spraying you with my hose. :D :kiss:

(We never did finish washing the truck, did we?)
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That was so much fun!:sohappy:
That picture did come out great..

Is the truck dirty again?;)
figmentmom said:
Now that you mention it, I DID see that one!!! Good of you to post it on the AOL homepage, too. ;)
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I looked pretty didn't I Mary?:cool:

Well..I wanted as many people as possible to see it you know..;)

:lol:
 
M

MouseMadness

Well-Known Member
garyhoov said:
Sometime in Spring, some birds moved into a nest on a post on our front porch. At the time we thought: “Isn’t that nice. A little wildlife refuge come to our suburban home.



That was before we realized they were the BIRDS FROM HELL.



My wife believes they are Barn Swallows, and they are very territorial. Whenever anyone approaches their nest with hostile intention (such as trying to put a flyer for the new Chinese restaurant in our door or trying to enter the house) they swoop and chirp and chirp and swoop coming so close to the intruder’s head that he/she can feel them in his/her hair.


Ryan is terrified and wont go in or out the front door. At first we laughed it off, finding it funny that a nearly 12 year old boy would be afraid of some little birds, but I began to realize that Ryan’s fear was real. Not just put on for laughs.


I decided to take back our home.



Friday evening we were expecting Linda’s brother to visit from Pittsburgh. I imagined them standing at our front door, ringing the doorbell with one hand and fending off attacks from dive-bombing Barn Swallows with the other.



I would knock down the nest.



The birds had some babies earlier in the year, but the babies had since grown up and become thugs in their little gang. I decided it was time. I grabbed a pick-axe from the garage and strode purposefully to the meeting place for their little “cell”, convincing myself at this point that they could very well be in league with Osama Bin Laden.



There was one in the nest and another one hovering as I pushed it of the post. It was like an explosion going off they were both flapping in my face and squawking at the tops of their beaks. I ran for cover, closed the garage door and announced triumphantly to Linda: “The deed is done.”



A few hours later, Linda’s brother and his girlfriend arrived. As we were helping them get their bags out of the car, the birds were sitting on the gutters squawking at us. I don’t speak bird, but I’m pretty sure they were saying: “________ you! We’re going to ________ you up!” This was the first time I started recognizing the ugliness in myself as I heard myself saying to them, as I re-entered our house: “Yeah! Well it looks like we still have our house, don’t we? Where’s yours?”



The next morning, I went out ahead of our guests to run blocker for them. Sure enough, the birds came swooping and chirping, chirping and swooping. My brother in law stood laughing and his girlfriend screamed as the birds brushed my hair in pass after pass. They eventually got the courage to make a run for the car, and we made some hasty goodbyes before running back into the house.



As I was mowing the lawn yesterday afternoon, they just wouldn’t leave me alone. Now I’m a very non-violent person, but I had had enough of this bullying. If these birds are going to attack something that weighs 1000 times more than them, they deserve what they get.



I grabbed a rake from the garage, and resumed mowing with the rake tucked under my arm. I didn’t want to hit them too hard. Just teach them a little lesson, but they were too fast. They swooped, I raised the rake, and they just went right over it. Eventually I found myself swinging and swatting and jumping at them, but I still wasn’t coming close.



“Well,” I said to Linda. “Maybe they can dodge the rake, but let’s see how they do against the power-washer.”



We had bought a power-washer on Saturday (mainly to clean the bird p00P and nest remnants off the front porch). I began blasting the p00p, and they came right at me. I turned off the water, hoping to lure them close . . . and then . . . BLAST! Just missed, but I must have gotten his feathers wet. I figured they’d stay away after that, but they just kept coming: Swoop, BLAST, Swoop BLAST, Swoop, BLAST!!!!!



I was coming within millimeters, but still not getting them. I packed it in and gave up and went to have some dinner and relax for the evening.



The End?
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There's a hawk stalking my chickens :mad:

This bird on bird violence must END! :mad:

:lookaroun
 
maggiegrace1

maggiegrace1

Well-Known Member
MouseMadness said:
There's a hawk stalking my chickens :mad:

This bird on bird violence must END! :mad:

:lookaroun
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:eek:
I agree!

Why can't they all just get along like Humans do...:lookaroun

:lol:

Im sorry that he is stalking the chickens...Is there anything you can do to try and get rid of it?

I hate ..well I am scared to death of birds so I would just shoot it..but that is me..:shrug:
 
maggiegrace1

maggiegrace1

Well-Known Member
MouseMadness said:
I'm not sure shooting a hawk is entirely legal :lookaroun

:lol:
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Probably not..
I was just saying what I would...make Drew do..:lol:

You can always get that guy from the Warner Bros cartoon to help you..the one who hated the chicken hawks...Am I thinking of the right thing here?
 
garyhoov

garyhoov

Trophy Husband
Original Poster
MouseMadness said:
There's a hawk stalking my chickens :mad:

This bird on bird violence must END! :mad:

:lookaroun
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:ROFLOL:


As a non-bird, maybe you should just stay out of it.:lookaroun


*Hides chicken-salad sandwich behind back*
54.gif
 
WDWFREAK53

WDWFREAK53

Well-Known Member
All of this bird talk...is pretty...cheep :lookaroun

(ouch...I know)

My neighbor and her son came by selling raffle tickets for his basketball team and introduced themselves. They have chickens.

Well, we were talking about all of the wildlife in the area...and were commenting how awesome it is to look out your window in the morning and seeing a family of deer...or the wild turkeys strutting their stuff.

She went on to tell me about a few chickenhawks that she has seen...and I laughed in her face because I could only think about the looney tunes chickenhawk. I said to her..."But the chickenhawk is so small!" She looked at me and said, "My dear, you need to stop watching Saturday morning cartoons."

I didn't know whether to take that as an insult or not :lookaroun (She was laughing as she said it)
 
maggiegrace1

maggiegrace1

Well-Known Member
WDWFREAK53 said:
All of this bird talk...is pretty...cheep :lookaroun

(ouch...I know)

My neighbor and her son came by selling raffle tickets for his basketball team and introduced themselves. They have chickens.

Well, we were talking about all of the wildlife in the area...and were commenting how awesome it is to look out your window in the morning and seeing a family of deer...or the wild turkeys strutting their stuff.

She went on to tell me about a few chickenhawks that she has seen...and I laughed in her face because I could only think about the looney tunes chickenhawk. I said to her..."But the chickenhawk is so small!" She looked at me and said, "My dear, you need to stop watching Saturday morning cartoons."

I didn't know whether to take that as an insult or not :lookaroun (She was laughing as she said it)
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Henry Hawk...and Foghorn Leghorn hated him...:D:lol:
 
M

MouseMadness

Well-Known Member
Chickens are the most awesome pet of all time.

They are easy to take care of, and they are hilarious :ROFLOL:

I love to see them all just out their pecking up worms and whatnot, then it's time to RUN RUN EVERYBODY RUN! I DON'T KNOW WHY JUST RUUUUUN!!

:shrug: :lookaroun :ROFLOL:

Plus the eggs are the best eggs you will ever have *thumbs*
 
garyhoov

garyhoov

Trophy Husband
Original Poster
WDWFREAK53 said:
All of this bird talk...is pretty...cheep :lookaroun

(ouch...I know)

My neighbor and her son came by selling raffle tickets for his basketball team and introduced themselves. They have chickens.

Well, we were talking about all of the wildlife in the area...and were commenting how awesome it is to look out your window in the morning and seeing a family of deer...or the wild turkeys strutting their stuff.

She went on to tell me about a few chickenhawks that she has seen...and I laughed in her face because I could only think about the looney tunes chickenhawk. I said to her..."But the chickenhawk is so small!" She looked at me and said, "My dear, you need to stop watching Saturday morning cartoons."

I didn't know whether to take that as an insult or not :lookaroun (She was laughing as she said it)
Click to expand...


:ROFLOL:She must have watched the same cartoons. Otherwise how would she know where you got it? She probably made a similar comment the first time she saw a real one.

MouseMadness said:
Plus the eggs are the best eggs you will ever have *thumbs*
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Mmmmm, fresh out of the cloaca.:slurp:

:lookaroun

"Hey mom! This one's so fresh, it's still steaming!"

:lookaroun
 
WDWFREAK53

WDWFREAK53

Well-Known Member
MouseMadness said:
Chickens are the most awesome pet of all time.

They are easy to take care of, and they are hilarious :ROFLOL:

I love to see them all just out their pecking up worms and whatnot, then it's time to RUN RUN EVERYBODY RUN! I DON'T KNOW WHY JUST RUUUUUN!!

:shrug: :lookaroun :ROFLOL:

Plus the eggs are the best eggs you will ever have *thumbs*
Click to expand...

My neighbors' chickens lay blue and green eggs...but they are smaller than white and brown.
 

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