I have a few drinks in me (I recommend the Feliz Muerte) and haven't done this in a while, so here's my entirely premature house reviews/rankings, because why not? So far this feels like a definite off-year to me, at least compared to the 3 consecutive (not counting 2020) very strong years we just had where houses are concerned, so if this post comes across as being distinctly negative in tone, that would be why. Also the alcohol. Either way I take no responsibility, either for my own actions or your reactions, nor do I promise you'll like my bad jokes. While the houses themselves can't really improve much over time, hopefully the scareactors do, because... uhh... Yeah, let's just leave it at that for now.
No, seriously, I know it's opening weekend but who is training them these days?
Note: I will not be ranking The Darkest Deal, as it stayed true to its name and I couldn't see a damn thing with it being the first house of the
night day. I'm surprised I'm not still trying to find my way out of there as I write this.
1. Blood Moon -- Nice theming, and one of the few houses so far this year where the scares didn't completely underwhelm. Setting is detailed and gets surprisingly interesting in intervals, but could've used some more pizzazz at times, just a bit too samey to be on par with some previous house of the year candidates, and I'm slightly disappointed that it didn't continue to get even more over-the-top, but other than that it's a satisfying enough effort that covers ground we haven't seen in a while.
2. Yeti Goes to Camp -- Could've used more characters who weren't yetis, and better character placement in general tbh, but still perfectly serviceable for what it is. Campy, in more ways than one. I like it. Not much else to say.
3. Oddfellow's Twisted Origins -- Dark. Macabre. Appropriately creepy. The more intimate & claustrophobic house of the year, with some of the more effective scares. Main reason I don't have it ranked any higher is due to the lack of big, memorable setpieces. What can I say, I'm a theming geek. Definitely visit this one after the sun sets; it makes all the difference for the facade.
[spoilers ahead]
Say what you will about keeping the spotlight on Oddfellow, but given how closely the two characters are intertwined, it feels more than a little awkward to
finally be visiting the actual circus that Jack worked at, which has been entrenched in HHN lore for decades, with nary a single in-the-flesh appearance of said clown, like an important piece of the puzzle is missing. There are certain things they could have done that would've made for interesting fan service without making the house too Jack-centric, such as letting him cameo in a more human but still recognizable form that we aren't used to seeing, or at the very least, showing his body stuffed into a jack-in-the-box, which would be one of the more striking scenes to portray from his backstory. Instead all we get is his costume on a wardrobe rack and a poorly executed shadow effect. Ehh...
4. Dueling
Dragons Dudes -- My most anticipated house by far, it didn't meet my expectations, but wasn't the
biggest of letdowns I've ever had. It still has some of the more memorable setpieces and is largely riding off the strength of them. Main problem here is the repetitive costuming; feels like 80% of the house's characters are the (decidedly goofy-looking) deuling wizards, which would have been a more apt name for this house, as there were barely any dragons (but there
are technically dragons, even if they might as well be statues. Speaking of which... where's the entrance statues!?) And while I appreciate the effort to recreate certain characteristics of the ride's queue -- and even the long lost Enchanted Oak Tavern -- I feel the result is lacking in creepy atmospherics compared to the actual queue and feels more like a fancy production bereft of genuine creep factor, as HHN houses too often do. Seems like a weird thing to say about a haunted house, but it's true. This is more of an exercise in profiting off nostalgia than a proper attempt to accurately recreate what made the DD queue such an effective horror setting, the latter of which could have been one of the best houses in HHN history. Definitely could've used some narrow, winding caves with bones arranged in morbid fashion, something that was conspicuously missing. Also missing were guests who realized YOU CAN CHOOSE THY FATE. Seriously, there's two paths. Take both of them. You're not riding anything, it's just a short hallway. This isn't the time to get picky or play follow-the-leader.
5. Monsters Unmasked -- Being dead middle-of-the-pack, I struggled a bit with where to rank this one. It definitely has some good things going for it but overall is a noticeable downgrade from previous houses in this series. The set design, while very impressive in certain places, is a bit repetitive and lacking oomph to a large degree. The scares are adequate as of now but definitely not on par with the end product of Legends Collide. Maybe it will grow on me like that one did.
6. The Last of Us -- I suppose this house does what it's supposed to do, but I didn't find myself overjoyed with it like I wanted to be. It portrays the game accurately enough, but it kinda feels like it never goes anywhere, if you know what I mean. It abruptly ends in the same gear that it started in. It seems more concerned with being theatrical than actually scaring you, at least for the time being. I thought we were done with those sorts of houses. Guess not. I also would've preferred a wider range of memorable settings from the story. But yeah, it's fine I suppose.
7. The Exorcist:
Believer -- Oh hey, finally an IP house where literally everyone has to share my pain of not being familiar with the source material. Awesome. As far as houses like this go, it's decent, and it does its intended job of making me want to see the movie at least a
wee bit more than that dreadful trailer did, but the house unfortunately felt very short to me, which is the main reason I'm ranking it this low. Makes me wonder if they couldn't find more suitable content within the film to adapt, or if they wanted to avoid the "It's too repetitive" remarks made about the previous Exorcist outing, or... they just ran out of space?
It's too bad the TLOU house isn't based on the show; they could've used these Exorcist forehead prosthetics for Ellie. They're all dead ringers. Yes, I'm a terrible person and I'm going to Hell.
8. Stranger Things -- So yeah, this is a thing that exists. I honestly don't know what else to say about it, as I'm not a Stranger Things person and never will be. Couldn't possibly have less idea what I'm looking at, but I guess I didn't hate it, even if this fever dream did make me wonder if I had inhaled too much second-hand weed while waiting in line. Some pretty questionable use of the space in here though. Someone really likes projecting backdrops onto giant curtains. No, it's fine. You do you. Is it better than the two previous Stranger Things efforts? Yeah, pobably, but that's really not saying much. I suppose as long as it brings warm bodies with loaded wallets to the park without being so bad that it literally p***es me off, it's serving some sort of purpose. And on that note...
9. NAPA Auto Parts -- What in the actual flaming pile of... WHAT IS THIS? WHAT DID I JUST EXPERIENCE? NAH, THAT'S IT! NO MORE CHUCKY, UNIVERSAL! WE ARE DONE HERE. CHUCKY IS OFFICIALLY OVER. YOU HAVE ENDED CHUCKY WITH THIS RUINOUS FIASCO. THIS HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES. THIS ISN'T JUST A DUD, IT'S GOING ON MY LIST OF THE WORST HOUSES EVER IN THE HISTORY OF ANYTHING!!!
I'll eventually be back to comment on the scarezones & show. Maybe. To be honest, I barely even noticed I was in a scarezone half the time.
