Going to Disney while mourning a loved one

[sheriffwoody]

My heart just aches for you! I'm so sorry for your loss, and I can't imagine what you've been going through. My suggestion was going to be to have a friend/sibling/cousin that you're close with meet you there for part of the trip, but it looks like you've planned that. Best wishes to you as you work through your grief. I hope that WDW does bring you some comfort.

 

[Chezman1399]

@KIsAPrincess
I'm going October 1-11, so I think that's too early for the marathon. Last year we went for the marathon, I have a friend who runs in it, and I ended up getting sick for the party and had to miss it. Brandie, my wife, took care of me through a very miserable drive home. Sorry about your brother, I know it was a long time ago now, but thank you so much for sharing your story with me about your experiences over the years. The Jungle Cruise story may have convinced me to keep my reservation at Via Napoli and have some Arancini for her.

I think Epcot is going to be the hardest place because she loved it there, we have so many memories there including our reception, and she started collecting Duffies (Duffys, sp?) over the last few years.

 

[awheartsdw]

So sorry for your loss, deepest sympathies to you and your family.

My parents were the ones who introduced me to Disney when I was a kid, and it's the one place that I can think of where knowing that they are now both gone, they are both with my family and me when we go visit Disney.

I lost my mother 10 years ago when my daughter was just a little over 2. It had been her dream to take her granddaughter to Disney and introduce her to the magic that she loved about being there, but she was too sick to make the trip. So in her honor and to celebrate her life and her love of all things Disney and Minnie Mouse, my father took my husband, our daughter and me to Disney 8 months after her passing, my daughter at the time was just over 3. I felt incredibly connected to my mom while on that trip, knowing that she "saw" my daughter's face and her reaction the first time she walked down Main Street and saw the castle. I know my mother was "with" us on every ride, at every character experience and was smiling from ear to ear. We have visited Disney many times since that trip and I feel her connection with every visit. I will feel her with our family when we return in 2 weeks.

I lost my father in December and we had visited Disney two months later for my daughter's birthday. I knew during that trip they were both with us. We have come to made jokes and recall stories that happened during our visit with my father or how much my mother would have loved a certain ride or a restaurant, or even the Minnie Mouse merchandise she would have wanted to bring home with her.

If you decide to go, your wife will be holding your hand as you walk down Main Street, she will be laughing on all of the rides, she will be beside you while you eat at your favorite restaurants, she will wink at you while you encounter new experiences, she will be in your heart and your soul, always.

 

[iluvMainStMagic]

I too, am so sorry for the loss and pain that you are feeling. I can't even imagine. What to do would be a very hard decision for me to make also, but I'm sure you will make the right one.
Something that hasn't been mentioned, but that I experienced when we went 5-6 weeks after the unexpected loss of my mom, is that I was still so tired - mentally and emotionally exhausted, which made me tired physically. Her last several months were very difficult due to health and dementia issues, and my husband & I had been working very hard to help her adjust to the care facility that she needed, while working (and sometimes "fighting") with the facility over numerous issues and problems that arose and needed to be corrected for her to receive good care. I didn't realize how tired-in-every-way that I was, until we got there and I just ran out of steam late in the day, each day. It wasn't a bad trip, and was a totally different situation from yours, but I mention it because I was really not expecting the level of tiredness that I experienced, and I realize you may be feeling it on some level, too. I think some of it for me was grief, and some was exhaustion from the stressful months of dealing with problems, as her advocates. That was 3 yrs ago this Sept, but I still remember the exhaustion.

I'm glad that by driving, you can leave if you feel the need to. I think it helps to know you have the option. If you decide to go, I hope that you will find joy in happy memories, even (or maybe especially) in unexpected places - and will be able to find some needed rest, too.

 

[slappy magoo]

Based on how you write about your wife, it seems like she would have wanted you to go. Best advice I could even think to give you is just let yourself feel whatever you're feeling while you're there. Doing things without her might feel sad or awkward but it could also wind up feeling warm, a pleasant memory relived. Doing things you never did together, that's pretty smart. I also think spending some time with friends but also spending time alone is smart. It would be really east to ask a friend or family member to go with you and spend a lot of time worrying about their happiness versus concentrate on your feelings and healing. Just let yourself be sad when it comes to you, and I think you'll find a significant amount of joy in the trip. I wish you safe and happy travels, and not just on this vacation.

 

[sxeensweet]

Thank you guys Again for all the kind words and advice.

@sxeensweet we actually joined DVC on our honeymoon in 2011. We had been together 7 years and married 3.5

That makes it even more special!! Me and my DH have been together for 11 years now and married going on 8.
I know I already said it but again I just can't imagine and hope you continue to find strength each day to get by and one day move on and enjoy all your beautiful memories you have, and hopefully make more beautiful memories in your future. Don't be afraid to lean on your family and friends as you go through this.

 

[RScottyL]

Wow, so sorry to hear about your wife's passing!

Like everyone has said, WDW will not be the same without her!

The good thing is that it is a place of happy times, so anytime you go, I am sure she will be right there with you in spirit!

I am sure it will be tough at first, but it will help!

My wife and I had a 10 night trip planned for food and wine festival this year; however, she passed away recently, very unexpectedly. We got married in WDW and vacationed down there for her birthday almost every year since we have been together. I had another post planning our trip in the trip planning forum talking about all the things we love to do for Food and Wine and looking for suggestions. So we were both really looking forward to the trip. Now I'm really not sure I can go on the trip without her or what I'm going to be able to do on it.

I have been encouraged to go by others who have lost loved ones and by counselors I've talked to since Disney is such a special place not only for us, but for me as well. Has anyone been in this situation(I'm sure someone has)? What did you do? How did you handle the pain?

There are certain things I'm not going to be able to do, at least for a while, Via Napoli (It had become our go to restaurant), 7 Dwarves (It was the first coaster I ever got her to go on), Spend the entire week at food and wine going to different exhibitions and events like we had planned, along with a host of other restaurants and places I'm not sure I can spend much time in. I guess I'm just trying to find out other peoples experiences with this because I'm scared of how I'm going to feel.

 

[SyracuseDisneyFan]

I'm so sorry for your loss.

 

[Goofyernmost]

I know I've told this story before, but, it seems appropriate to say again...

My story doesn't involve the death of a loved one, but, the demise of a marriage after 29 years and a complete disruption of normal routine.

Back in 2001 many things were happening. I had recently witnessed the exit of my second daughter from our fold due, happily, to marriage. Created a major gap in my life. My business had to be sold off due to a situation completely out of my control leading to bankruptcy along with many other loose ends. I was forced to take a job that I hated to a degree that isn't even explainable in order to just survive. At that point in time my wife decided that she really just didn't want to be married anymore, no other reason that I can tell. She left while I was at work with nothing more then a note left on the kitchen counter that read... "I have gone".

She filed for divorce almost immediately and I made the decision that I wasn't going to fight it. So within a few months it was final, I sold the house and split the equity and basically sat there in a stupor for what seemed like an eternity, but, was just a few months.

In the following February, I decided that I might feel better if I took a road trip to Florida and parts in between, and headed out on a cold snowy morning from Vermont into a cold rainy first and second day on the road. Arriving in Florida eventually, I went to MK. MK was a source of so many great memories of fun and family, little kids to pre-teens to teens. As I entered MK, I was overwhelmed with sadness and melancholy. I sat on a bench and just looked around for a while picturing those happy times together as a family. I took a couple of rides and felt a little better and then I realized that those memories, hopefully, will never be taken away from me. They happened and I was lucky enough to experience them

I was still depressed and discouraged. Everything I had worked my butt off for was gone. Some came under the heading of being how it was supposed to be others were just rotten things that happened and now I had to start over, by myself, and make a new life. I didn't know how I was going to do it and I wasn't exactly convinced that I could. Then I went to the Carrousel of Progress. All my previous visits to that was when it was theme to "Now is the best time" and for me it was. Here I was back again, not exactly feeling that way, however, Disney, perhaps sensing my despair decided to change the theme back to "Great Big Beautiful Tomorrow".

That motivated me to get off my butt, and rebuild. Get over what had happened and do what I was meant to do... move forward. I couldn't go back, but, I still could look back. Those good things happened and no one could take that away from me. Within a few months of struggle and frustration, things started to turn around and I got a job that I really liked that paid me more money then I had ever made in the past. That enabled me to look toward retirement and not meaning I would have to eat out of dumpsters outside of restaurants. My children were very supportive of me, and helped and gave encouragement wherever they could. I started to see that I really was a lucky guy and that I survived that very rough spot and was able to feel good again and enjoy my life.

Now, I know this isn't the same as losing a spouse to death, but, I hope that it will help you know that facing life is hard sometimes, but, we can come out the other side stronger then we went in. Good luck and hang in there. We get our life out of living and making the best we can out of bad situations.

 

[Betsyboo]

I'm so sorry for your loss. I think from reading your responses, it seems your wife would want you to go on the trip. Celebrate all the good times you had together. Cry if that's what you feel like doing. Laugh too! Have her favorite desserts. Make a toast to the happy times!

I think a tour would be a great idea. You get to experience something new and you're in a group. I really enjoyed the Keys to the Kingdom tour in MK and the Wild Africa Trek tour in AK. Both were excellent.

I wish you the best of luck.

 

[Chezman1399]

@Goofyernmost
Thanks for telling me about your experience. Loss is loss, in my opinion, regardless of how it happens ultimately, so I appreciate you sharing your story. Brandie's favorite attraction in MK has always been the Carousel of Progress, it was always something I avoided prior to dating her and has become something I go on 5-10 times per trip with her.

While Brandie was in the hospital, she was on a ventilator for just over 30 days, everyday was an up or down day. I have a great friend who had to yell at me during one of the bad days and remind me of my reputation/personality and so I got a lecture about how I am the eternal optimist and if I don't have hope how could anyone have hope and it kicked me into gear. I've never been someone to dwell on the past, I've lost a childhood friend to cancer and a high school class mate due to suicide, and I remembered the good times and moved forward without much issue, as far as family goes I've lost great-grandparents and great Aunts and Uncles, my solution has always been to just keep living life, as you said, because we have no control over the past only how we move forward in the future.

Now, though, like you, I lost the person I built my entire life around and planned for the future with so it is just not the same as with previous losses for me. It's a completely different beast compared to my other losses because I can see the future I have lost, even though it was never guaranteed, my wife almost lost me in a car wreck which I came out of just bumped and bruised a bit about a month after we got married, being a half second too slow prevented me from getting T-boned in the drivers side door.

I think what I'm getting at is I appreciate you sharing your story because I can see my October being very similar. I'll probably get to the Poly and be a mess, it was the last place we stayed together before we were married. Going past the Wedding Pavilion will be awful the first time. Entering MK will probably be fine, but as I walk down main street I'll think of the morning we got engaged and how we ate at Crystal Palace afterwards and break down crying again, maybe it will overwhelm me at times and something will trigger me to just love the memories I made with her, like CoP did for you.

 

[jengrey]

I am very sorry for your loss. I agree with a lot of the other posts...it seems like your wife would have wanted you to go. If you feel sad when you're there, don't feel guilty about being sad because you're in such a happy place. Feel what you want to feel. I'm sure that advice has been given to you many times, much more eloquently than I have stated!

Betsyboo has some great advice about celebrating the memories of your wife and the times you shared together...and definitely have some new experiences, too!

I lost my dad in 2009. I was actually on Main Street in Disneyland when I got the news from my mom. He had ALS and we knew it was coming, but when it happened it felt surreal. I stayed in the park though, probably because I was just in disbelief and didn't know what else to do (my family lives in Illinois, so I couldn't get there right away). Being in Disneyland at that time did bring me a sense of comfort, as weird as that sounds. My dad was the rock in our family and we took many trips all together to Disney World. It's definitely not the same without him and his zany sense of humor, but I walk through the park and find myself smiling with the memories I have of our vacations. I even make it a point to ride Mad Tea Party right after the park opens on my first Magic Kingdom day because that's the first ride my dad and I ever went on at Disney World!

Some days will be bad and some days will be good, but just know that it's perfectly fine to feel all the emotions, no matter where you are.

 

[The Battletoad]

I am sorry you have to put up with this kind of pain and suffering.

 

[dixiegirl]

First let me say how very sorry I am for your loss. To go to a place that has such meaning to you and your late wife, I think of myself and my husband, and I cant even imagine your pain. Last year on August 19th while waiting for a bus back to our Resort In Disney I got the worst phone call of my life from my sister, that my dad passed away. We had a late flight back home the next day, so we still had a whole day to be in Disney...All I remember is walking around the MK and being totally numb. Seeing all this happiness and feeling just nothing, just numb. Well fast forward to this yr. We'll be going back for our annual trip with our girls, I wanted to make sure I was down in Disney for the anniversary of my dad passing. Why? Cause for one , he always use to say " your going there again? You really do love that place "! But also to try and create happy memories and occupy my mind on the 19th...No, the pain will always be there, as you know, you never really get over it, just learn to live with it...But also to have a small tribute to my dad. I plan on getting a Red Mickey balloon (his favorite color) and letting it go , up to him. So I guess what I'm getting at is, maybe you could pay a small tribute to your late wife when you go, whatever it is , if it makes you feel just a little bit closer and a bit better, even if its just a small saying to yourself. But I definatly think you should still go. It'll be hard, but I bet, she would want you to go too. Your in all our our thoughts here at WDWmagic.

 

[THEMEPARKPIONEER]

Im berry sorry for your loss, I can't even imagine the horrible feeling of such a significant loss. Anyone I have ever lost were very elderly and was just happy to have them on the borrowed time they were living off of. But I can say that I think your wife would want you to go and do the things you love no matter what.

 

[Chezman1399]

@dixiegirl So sorry for you're loss as well. That's a good idea. I'll need to figure out what I can do for her.

@jengrey Maybe I will need to amke sure I go on CoP then since that was her absolute favorite ride. I may cry, but I'll go for her/