Family Argument Prior to Disney

[DisAl]

Does anyone think I should let the other parties know that I am removing them from the reservations before hand? I feel kind of stuck here. If I do tell them ahead of time, then they'll probably be furious with me before we go. If I don't tell them, they might be furious with me if they see me at Disney. Just trying to avoid the worst.

I think an earlier posters suggestion may be the best leave mom at home and the rest of the family go and enjoy the trip.
I WOULD NOT cancel reservations without letting them know. That would most likely make the whole situation a lot worse.
In fact, I think it would be good if you contacted them and let them know you were going to do your best to get the ADRs split so each family can enjoy their time with less conflict. Who knows, they may have cooled off enough to say no, let's go on with our plans.
As I said in an earlier post, call WDW dining and see if you can split the dining reservations and modify your families FPs. That would be the ideal situation because you would not have changed their plans. It would really infuriate me if someone cancelled my ADRs and FPs and I didn't find out until I got there!

(I'm beginning to feel a little like Dear Abby.....)

 

[wannabeBelle]

That may be the best solution. Given the circumstances, I don't see us resolving anything before our trip and like CaptainAmerica suggested above, Disney can be stressful even for "happy" families. I'd hate to sweep it under the rug for the sake of the trip and then have a total meltdown while there.

Exactly so. I do feel you though, family can be stressful at the best of times. I am thinking good thoughts for you! Marie

 

[maria_wdw2012]

Thanks everyone for the input. It has really helped me out, talking this through with all of you. I really appreciate it and I hope to come back soon and report a happily ever after ending for our trip.

 

[wannabeBelle]

That may be the best solution. Given the circumstances, I don't see us resolving anything before our trip and like CaptainAmerica suggested above, Disney can be stressful even for "happy" families. I'd hate to sweep it under the rug for the sake of the trip and then have a total meltdown while there.

And added bonus, if you can keep everyone and just not have Mom along, don't bother to change anything!!! One person missing on an ADR isn't a big issue and everyone else can go and have a great time as planned. I'd see if the rest of the family wants to play ball and work it that way if you can. If that does work, I can see this lowering the stress level immensely!!! The rule though is no discussions about Mom while in the Happy Place!! Marie

 

[LeighM]

Unfortunately, I feel your pain. This whole argument stemmed from Mother's Day. Long story short, my mother disappeared without warning on Mother's Day because she was angry and had our whole family panicking as to what happened to her. After filing a missing persons report, working with a detective and contacting her pastor, we were finally able to track her down. My family has been at odds since then on how to respond to her and the whole situation.

I can sympathize. My mom did some equally crazy things although I never did report it. I knew she would eventually come home somehow. I was a very direct daughter and I confronted her as soon as she got back home. There were a handful of times she got the full force of my temper and that was one of them. I lost my mom almost 2 years ago unexpectedly due to leukemia. The future is never guaranteed so try to work it out with your family before the trip, if at all possible. If it doesn't work, then its on them and not you. But at least you can say you tried. Just my own unasked for opinion LOL.

 

[NelleBelle]

I think I'd keep everything the same as long as the other family members, as pp mentioned above, are willing to go sans mom. There's always the hope that you can mend fences with your mom before going (you have month, right?)--I'd decide how much you want your mom there and then pass that olive branch (even if you're not at fault) just to make peace. I've often had to ask myself how big is the issue in the grand scheme of things: will it matter 1 month, 6 months, 1 year, 5 years, etc, and then make my decision based on that. I can definitely sympathize with you. DH and I once got in an argument with his mom and didn't speak to her for over a year until I was big and pregnant and needed her help because I was on bedrest. I've learned that forgiving doesn't always mean forgetting (right away, ). I hope everything works out for you and your vacation is filled with nothing but happiness for everyone!

 

[eliza61nyc]

I just want to say that life is short and your family will always be your family warts and all. Hope you put some effort into resolving your issues before it's too late.

Ok I'm going with Nemo on this. So is there any way you guys can sort of "agree to disagree" type of thing? some times one cool head reaching out makes the world of difference. look how much energy you're investing in "avoiding" each other.

Let me just say that if there is any family in this country that got an extra helping of New York "insanity with a bit of cra-cra thrown in" it's my family, to top it off my parents generations seem to have believe it was sort of fertility contest that had to be won, I've got along the lines of 27 FIRST cousins! and my son's can literally go from coast to coast and find a direct family member. Any I've been to weddings where folks got into fist fights.

Anyway, maybe instead of total avoidance you can go for "civility". I agree with Capt that a vacation may not be the best place to try and work out family tension but again some times reaching out with a small peace offering can at least keep things from getting worse.

 

[Kamikaze]

• Lunch at Raglan Rd. Dad had allergies. He wanted "to get the H out of here". That set the tone.
• Me: Let's try F&G food booths for lunch. Dad: I want lunch NOW. We settle on cafe in Norway
• Me: Let's take the bus to MK then boat over to the Poly for dinner at 'Ohana. Folks: On the bus, they're reminding me every minute we'll be late. I was so frazzled that by the time we arrived at the MK bus depot, I saw a boat leaving. We got on it. It was the ferry to TTC. Sigh. . .

'Okay, well, I'm eating here. You can eat wherever you'd like. Call me when you're ready to meet back up.'

Cell phones are wondrous things.

On the last one - you get 15 minutes to be late. If its more than that, they will try their best to accommodate you.

 

[note2001]

OP - take note, if when you change your ADRs down to the lower number of folk, the system doesn't have the 4 top needed, just keep the reservation as is. So long as at least one person from your party shows up to eat you will not be charged the $10 per person fee. (Do keep an eye on your account though, and fight if you see any charges you should not have gotten, I had one spot charge me $50 even though we were there, just seated early.

 

[jloucks]

Unfortunately, I feel your pain. This whole argument stemmed from Mother's Day. Long story short, my mother disappeared without warning on Mother's Day because she was angry and had our whole family panicking as to what happened to her. After filing a missing persons report, working with a detective and contacting her pastor, we were finally able to track her down. My family has been at odds since then on how to respond to her and the whole situation.

That's good news sorta, when you get it into perspective. It is just a single major event and not something super serious. probably. I don't know why your mom went awol.

Infidelity, drugs, crime (theft or molestation), and money disagreements are much harder to work out. ...and are a common cause of family estrangement.

 

[jaklgreen]

Unfortunately, I feel your pain. This whole argument stemmed from Mother's Day. Long story short, my mother disappeared without warning on Mother's Day because she was angry and had our whole family panicking as to what happened to her. After filing a missing persons report, working with a detective and contacting her pastor, we were finally able to track her down. My family has been at odds since then on how to respond to her and the whole situation.

If this is not normal behavior for her, please have her see her doctor.

 

[ELG13]

OP - take note, if when you change your ADRs down to the lower number of folk, the system doesn't have the 4 top needed, just keep the reservation as is. So long as at least one person from your party shows up to eat you will not be charged the $10 per person fee. (Do keep an eye on your account though, and fight if you see any charges you should not have gotten, I had one spot charge me $50 even though we were there, just seated early.

Yes this reminds me! I called to adjust other ADRs after our first night bc I didn't want any issues. They told us people not coming is fine...but trying to add people when you show up is an issue.

 

[dieboy]

Shun them for life. We are talking WDW here.



















*ha. well maybe..

 

[maria_wdw2012]

OP - take note, if when you change your ADRs down to the lower number of folk, the system doesn't have the 4 top needed, just keep the reservation as is. So long as at least one person from your party shows up to eat you will not be charged the $10 per person fee. (Do keep an eye on your account though, and fight if you see any charges you should not have gotten, I had one spot charge me $50 even though we were there, just seated early.

Good to know! I’ve always wondered how the $10 is charged if the whole party doesn’t show up.

 

[maria_wdw2012]

Shun them for life. We are talking WDW here.



















*ha. well maybe..

Ha! You’d think I’d be more worried about sharing the rest of my life with them, but nope priorities first, how do I handle that sacred territory of WDW!!

 

[DuckTalesWooHoo1987]

You very well might be placed in the resort next to them since CM's have told me a lot of times they place rooms of people who have the same last names next to each other with the assumption they are together. My stepmom used to come with us to babysit a lot and I would always have a request for the highest room possible and BLT and she would have a request for the lowest room and they would place me next to her and I'd have to go and get a different room upon check in and that's when they told me about that system. So you may have to specifically request to be separated from them but it's sad to hear that it has came to that though and I honestly hope fences get mended. Ohana...

 

[ppete1975]

take this with a grain of salt, as it is only my opinion. Life is short. Be the bigger person and mend the fences. I don't know you or the situation, but how many times do people have fights that last years sometimes lifetimes, and it ends up being for the dumbest things, and when its over they are like I cant believe we wasted this much time. How about if something horrible happens, do you want a fight to be the last memory. We only live this life once, don't waste any of it with pain or arguments. Its taken me 43 years to realize nothing is really bad enough to just let it go....... let it go.....
Good luck regardless,

 

[wdisney9000]

Shun them for life.

Simple, but effective. And you can always unshun them after the trip.

 

[21stamps]

I’m going with @Nemo14 and @LeighM here...I’m another person who can attest to the whole ‘life is short’, never take anything for granted, and most importantly- regret can run deep. I know this is a Disney site, but WDW is not more important than family.. nothing is.
Try to mend fences, be the bigger person. If you can’t do it, then at least you tried. At least use the dining reservations as a communication point.

 

[Walt Disney1955]

All I can say is, you are family. You've got to figure it out. You not only have a lot of money riding on this trip you also have your future together. Something can't be that bad because you were all going to go together right? Build on that. Forgiveness is divine, you will always win doing this. I know, easy for me to say, but do you want a trip to the happiest place on earth to be the most awkward trip ever?