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- Thread starter MANEATINGWREATH
- Start date
Pi on my Cake
Well-Known Member
- In the Parks
- Yes
There's worse tv characters he could turn into as the new Mr. ManagerYou're turning into your avatar!
Finally, the first in a series of long-overdue updates!
===========================================================================================================
Jungle River Cruise
The post-World War II pulp adventure and exotica of Africa and the South Pacific live on in Adventureland’s very heart and soul: the Jungle River Cruise.
Our adventure begins - as such adventures often do - on the edge of Paradise Springs, a rundown colony among the towering palms and weeping moss of Freedom Island… The crackle of big band and symphonic chatter of distant wildlife entice our senses as we approach the ramshackle launch of the Jungle Navigation Co. Ltd. The two-story boathouse - since decimated by a fallen tree - appears to have once offered safe passage to the fabled Temple of the Shadow King. Nowadays, the old launch has fallen into a state of disrepair… Moss and vines crawl up the foundation of the rickety structure, poised to reclaim the estate for the tropical wilderness…
Albert AWOL, the “Voice of the Jungle” hosts an ongoing radio broadcast throughout the dusty halls and walls of the dingy queue. Such news bulletins recap the up and coming dangers in the immediate jungle; one such report detailing a lost film crew who we’ll meet later… Preserved specimens, framed artifacts, detailed maps, and black-and-white photographs adorn the walls, while dark “peek-ins” allow glimpse at a cozy office and the crew’s quarters of the Jungle Navigation Co. Hammocks, half-written letters, human skulls, dusty binoculars, and lone pith helmets act in lieu of interior decor. A small library features one of the world’s only known fossils of the “Monster of Paradise Falls,” a South American import on loan from the Adventurer’s Club.
“I got spurs that jingle, jangle, jingle
As I go ridin’ merrily along
And they sing, ‘Oh, ain’t you glad you’re single’
And that song ain’t so very far from wrong”
The eerie crackle of big band leads our path to an old boat landing, where tramp steamers - a la The African Queen - arrive for a perilous voyage down the “Rivers of Adventure.”
Across the river from the dock is a dense jungle, seemingly endless as it stretches toward the distant skyline of an ancient city: the crumbling spires and turrets of the Temple of the Shadow King. Birds sing and insects chirp as a “musical” backdrop to a thatched-roof shack on a miniature pier. Fishing nets, undisclosed crates, and a rusted shovel hint at a macabre resident… Wooden grave-markers in the adjacent underbrush imply the same. This peculiar shack is the first of countless mysteries ahead… Once on board a ramshackle riverboat, we are introduced to our fearless guide with - what else - a one-liner: “Welcome aboard, folks. As you enter the boat, please watch your step and lower your head, and if you miss your step and hit your head, please watch your language - there are children everywhere.” As our fellow passengers load into the boat, we hear a hearty “HIT IT, SKIP” and venture out into the exotic heart of darkness with the low rumble of our steamer’s uneasy, perhaps defunct engine…
“And we’re off! Now, we always turn and wave goodbye to the beautiful people back at the dock… Bye, beautiful people! Bye!” Pause. “You’ll never see them again… Welcome aboard the Jungle River Cruise! I’ll be your skipper, guide, snake charmer, lion tamer, crocodile hunter, witch doctor, water buffalo wrestler, and dancing instructor for the next five exciting days and six romantic nights… For your safety, please keep your hands, arms, feet, and legs inside the boat, and please, watch your kids - or the piranhas will… ” Our boat has since left the dock and entered a mystical, almost unreal stretch of the rainforest… A dense canopy shelters the river from the elements, adorned in vibrant blossoms and the occasional exotic insect. A gentle mist pours down from the arched canopy in a refreshing breeze, beautiful and mesmerizing amidst the warble of a Debussy flute. Giant butterflies and watchful toucans appear in the trees, a subtle compliment to the lone okapi peering through the thicket. “As we leave the last outpost of Paradise Springs, we enter a deep rainforest, where it rains some 365 days a year. We often see exotic birds and huge, colorful butterflies - genus name, plasticus mechanicus. Do you feel that refreshing mist in the air? It’s malaria, don’t worry.”
The canopy parts to reveal Inspiration Falls, a spectacular clifftop of thundering cascades to rival even that of Schweitzer Falls in Africa. A croaking family of bullfrogs sit opposite the falls, two adults and three juveniles. Our skipper slows for a moment, fishing for a rare moment of awe. “This is Inspiration Falls. We call it Inspiration Falls for it inspires us to go…” Our skipper gives pause; suddenly, he lowers to his knees, as if needing to use the restroom desperately. He regroups. “Deeper and deeper into the jungle.” Our boat rounds the bend, only to discover a crashed biplane, its skeletal pilot slumped over the controls… “You know, we’ve been waiting on a shipment of supplies from the mainland, I wonder if… Well, there it is - in plain sight - have any of you ever seen so many trees before in your life? There has to be a hundred different species on that beach…”
Suddenly, the foliage begins to shift - a long vine slithers past, disappearing into shadow. A number of bizarre, venus flytrap-like plants emerge from around the crash-site. “Uh-oh; man-eating plants!” Without warning, the hissing plants begin to fire “poison darts” at our boat. “Poison darts! Duck! Duck! Women and children, you are safe, these are man-eating plants. You have nothing to fear!” We hear an odd roar. On the opposite end of the river, a gargantuan plant has awoken. The googly-eyed pod hisses, drawing attention toward the scattered skulls and bones at its roots… Fortunately, we sail past the danger just in time… “Those man-eating plants… They’re always looking for a hand-out.”
The hiss of the man-eating plants still close behind, we come upon the sight of an abandoned War Camp, presumably that of the native islanders - cannibals, of course. Beached war canoes and a series of skulls spiked onto torches set an ominous tone to the sudden pulse of tribal drums from the undergrowth. “Up ahead we have a pygmy war camp. Each canoe can hold up to 300 pygmies! Seeing as there are three canoes… There may well be 900 pygmies nearby, waiting to attack! Those drums are certainly an invitation to dinner… It’s either eat or get eaten out here in the jungle, folks.” Suddenly, the drums stop. The snarl of a big cat shatters the silence. A black panther, poised and readied on the branch of a dead tree in the shallows, frightens both the skipper and ourselves to look to the opposite end. “Whoa!” The skipper slams down his fist on the boat for an added scare. “A black panther! And not the superhero kind… This panther reminds me: Why shouldn’t you play poker in the jungle?” We ask: “Why?” “Because there are lots of cheetahs… And if they say they aren’t a cheetah, they’re probably just a lion.” Our skipper bursts into a self-provoked laughing fit, unaware of our current path beneath a suspension bridge and into Crocodile Country.
Dozens of basking - growling - crocodiles line the beach from either side… Every so often, a croc opens its jaws with a hideous yawn. “We’re entering Crocodile Country, the oldest part of the river… Look, there’s Old Smiley! Old Smiley here is a hundred years old! And there’s Ginger, his girlfriend. Careful: Ginger snaps!” More crocs begin to surface from the immediate waters, growling hungrily. We hear the ear-splitting caw of a rare hornbill, perched on a gnarled tree in the shallows. Three crocs have cornered the bird from either side, offering little comfort for the strangely flightless (?) bird. “Wow, a rare flightless hornbill - about to become a little more rare.” Suddenly, a trio of hungry crocs charge the boat, just narrowly missing their mark. “Uh-oh! Look out! Phew, that was a close one. I would hate to lose any of you - so soon.” The crackle of big band returns as we drift past Beacon Joe’s Shack, the last sight in Crocodile Country. Ole’ Beacon Joe is a sight straight from the bayou, a bearded old coot quietly rocking back and forth on his porch, enjoying a pipe. His faithful dog intensely watches a series of bubbles in the water - the source likely a submerged crocodile. “There’s old Beacon Joe, the last outpost of civilization… Joe here always enjoys a good chat. Hey, Joe!” No answer. “Good talk, Joe! I’ll be back again to see you in ten minutes… And again after that… And again… And again… And again… Stay in school, kids.”
The river turns to the left as we catch glimpse of a Safari Camp laden with supplies. However, something is a little… Off? A family of exuberant gorillas have invaded the outpost, gleefully toying with the varied belongings found in the large tent. Cans and boxes are scattered along the shoreline, a preface to the overturned jeep with its tires still spinning, fresh tracks in the sand. A huge silverback in a polka-dot skirt and necktie tries on a pith helmet in a wall-hung mirror; a grunting mother dips her baby in a bag of flour, giving him “pants”; a lazy ape swings back and forth in a hammock; a juvenile peers into the loaded muzzle of a rifle; a second armed juvenile sits on an ammunition crate near the shore, firing curious potshots at our boat - not to mention the floating crates of ammunition in the water. The “monkey business” has greatly disturbed the camp’s pack mule and crate of chickens across the river. “Well, well, well - my inlaws are back in town. There goes my mother-in-law again, always trying to blow my head off. If any of you are wearing yellow clothing, don’t make any sounds like a banana - it drives them ape.” As we continue downriver, we come upon a stray silverback swinging out over the water, pummeling a crocodile just begging for a knuckle sandwich. With every snap of the croc’s jaws, the ape’s fist comes down, sending the croc’s head under and its tail skyward. “Now there’s something you don’t see everyday. But I do.”
The battered croc’s tail still skyward, we continue with the current toward a series of ancient statues; elephants, to be precise. A magnificent canopy appears once more, even more spectacular than the last. “These elephant statues guard the entrance to the Enchanted Bathing Pool of Elephants. Let’s take a closer look…” Now beneath the canopy, we find a spectacular grotto of frolicking Indian elephants among glistening fireflies, giant lily pads, purple waterfalls, bubbling streams, and the return of a Debussy flute. An entire herd has gathered to bathe; one huge elephant reclines in a waterfall; a baby squirts water into the mouth of a waiting crocodile; countless other adults and their young frolic gleefully among the waters. “Feel free to take all the pictures you want, folks. They do have their trunks on. These sacred bathing rights are seldom seen by civilized man… As I look around this boat today, I see that this still holds true.” As we leave the waters of the pristine elephants, we venture deep into the interior, where - uh-oh - a large bull elephant has strayed from the herd, half-submerged in the waters ahead. The rogue bull shoots a stream of water in our path before ducking back under. “No, Squirt! No! Bad elephant! He’s trying to give us a bath!” Our skipper slows down for a moment, only to be jolted by a second bull elephant from the opposite side of the canal. “Yikes! Everybody get down, get down! Duck! Duck! Goose!” Fortunately, neither elephant sprays us. “Heh-heh. Just a little bit of dry humor for ya. The jokes don’t get much better than this…”
As the canopy parts overhead, we come upon a narrow stretch of river inhabited only by a tall pair of African bull elephants. The great beasts bellow forth, as if ready to charge the boat. “Over on the left we have the second most feared animal in the jungle: the African bull elephant. Over on the right we have the first most feared animal in the jungle: his wife. These star-crossed lovers guard the entrance to the eerie Elephant Graveyard.” Sure enough, our boat has sailed into the midst of an elephant graveyard - not to be confused with the same locale of The Lion King. Giant skulls, tusks and ribs litter the rocky shoreline… Ahead we see the entrance to a water-logged temple adorned with fallen pillars, cracked hieroglyphics, and the fallen statue of an African elephant. “Elephants come to their final resting place in this hallowed ground. The ancient islanders built this temple in honor of these fantastic beasts… Nowadays, the temple is home to a pride of lions… We must be quiet… Shh…” With utmost hesitation, our boat drifts into the flooded temple, just as a pair of lions poke their heads up from behind a large femur on the starboard side - each gnawing on a bone… Vultures watch as we drift inside...
===========================================================================================================
Part Two to follow! Stay tuned. Also, if you take a look at @spacemt354's map of the park, you'll notice that so far, this Jungle Cruise has followed the illustrated route very closely. You can kind of pinpoint where everything would be located. The walking trails toward Indiana Jones will be held on "clifftops" high above the jungle. The occasional suspension bridge covers for the portion of walkway that spans the rivers. Inspiration Falls itself cascades down from the edge of the walkway, making it a much taller and more majestic alternative to its Florida and Tokyo counterpart.
Beacon Joe has a relative in almost every Magic Kingdom. He can be seen in the Blue Bayou in Anaheim and Tokyo, Big Thunder Mountain in Tokyo, and the Rivers of America in Florida. I believe he might have a counterpart in Paris as well.
I know it's not much, but feedback is appreciated between posts! #ocdproblems
===========================================================================================================
Jungle River Cruise
The post-World War II pulp adventure and exotica of Africa and the South Pacific live on in Adventureland’s very heart and soul: the Jungle River Cruise.
Our adventure begins - as such adventures often do - on the edge of Paradise Springs, a rundown colony among the towering palms and weeping moss of Freedom Island… The crackle of big band and symphonic chatter of distant wildlife entice our senses as we approach the ramshackle launch of the Jungle Navigation Co. Ltd. The two-story boathouse - since decimated by a fallen tree - appears to have once offered safe passage to the fabled Temple of the Shadow King. Nowadays, the old launch has fallen into a state of disrepair… Moss and vines crawl up the foundation of the rickety structure, poised to reclaim the estate for the tropical wilderness…
Albert AWOL, the “Voice of the Jungle” hosts an ongoing radio broadcast throughout the dusty halls and walls of the dingy queue. Such news bulletins recap the up and coming dangers in the immediate jungle; one such report detailing a lost film crew who we’ll meet later… Preserved specimens, framed artifacts, detailed maps, and black-and-white photographs adorn the walls, while dark “peek-ins” allow glimpse at a cozy office and the crew’s quarters of the Jungle Navigation Co. Hammocks, half-written letters, human skulls, dusty binoculars, and lone pith helmets act in lieu of interior decor. A small library features one of the world’s only known fossils of the “Monster of Paradise Falls,” a South American import on loan from the Adventurer’s Club.
“I got spurs that jingle, jangle, jingle
As I go ridin’ merrily along
And they sing, ‘Oh, ain’t you glad you’re single’
And that song ain’t so very far from wrong”
The eerie crackle of big band leads our path to an old boat landing, where tramp steamers - a la The African Queen - arrive for a perilous voyage down the “Rivers of Adventure.”
Across the river from the dock is a dense jungle, seemingly endless as it stretches toward the distant skyline of an ancient city: the crumbling spires and turrets of the Temple of the Shadow King. Birds sing and insects chirp as a “musical” backdrop to a thatched-roof shack on a miniature pier. Fishing nets, undisclosed crates, and a rusted shovel hint at a macabre resident… Wooden grave-markers in the adjacent underbrush imply the same. This peculiar shack is the first of countless mysteries ahead… Once on board a ramshackle riverboat, we are introduced to our fearless guide with - what else - a one-liner: “Welcome aboard, folks. As you enter the boat, please watch your step and lower your head, and if you miss your step and hit your head, please watch your language - there are children everywhere.” As our fellow passengers load into the boat, we hear a hearty “HIT IT, SKIP” and venture out into the exotic heart of darkness with the low rumble of our steamer’s uneasy, perhaps defunct engine…
“And we’re off! Now, we always turn and wave goodbye to the beautiful people back at the dock… Bye, beautiful people! Bye!” Pause. “You’ll never see them again… Welcome aboard the Jungle River Cruise! I’ll be your skipper, guide, snake charmer, lion tamer, crocodile hunter, witch doctor, water buffalo wrestler, and dancing instructor for the next five exciting days and six romantic nights… For your safety, please keep your hands, arms, feet, and legs inside the boat, and please, watch your kids - or the piranhas will… ” Our boat has since left the dock and entered a mystical, almost unreal stretch of the rainforest… A dense canopy shelters the river from the elements, adorned in vibrant blossoms and the occasional exotic insect. A gentle mist pours down from the arched canopy in a refreshing breeze, beautiful and mesmerizing amidst the warble of a Debussy flute. Giant butterflies and watchful toucans appear in the trees, a subtle compliment to the lone okapi peering through the thicket. “As we leave the last outpost of Paradise Springs, we enter a deep rainforest, where it rains some 365 days a year. We often see exotic birds and huge, colorful butterflies - genus name, plasticus mechanicus. Do you feel that refreshing mist in the air? It’s malaria, don’t worry.”
The canopy parts to reveal Inspiration Falls, a spectacular clifftop of thundering cascades to rival even that of Schweitzer Falls in Africa. A croaking family of bullfrogs sit opposite the falls, two adults and three juveniles. Our skipper slows for a moment, fishing for a rare moment of awe. “This is Inspiration Falls. We call it Inspiration Falls for it inspires us to go…” Our skipper gives pause; suddenly, he lowers to his knees, as if needing to use the restroom desperately. He regroups. “Deeper and deeper into the jungle.” Our boat rounds the bend, only to discover a crashed biplane, its skeletal pilot slumped over the controls… “You know, we’ve been waiting on a shipment of supplies from the mainland, I wonder if… Well, there it is - in plain sight - have any of you ever seen so many trees before in your life? There has to be a hundred different species on that beach…”
Suddenly, the foliage begins to shift - a long vine slithers past, disappearing into shadow. A number of bizarre, venus flytrap-like plants emerge from around the crash-site. “Uh-oh; man-eating plants!” Without warning, the hissing plants begin to fire “poison darts” at our boat. “Poison darts! Duck! Duck! Women and children, you are safe, these are man-eating plants. You have nothing to fear!” We hear an odd roar. On the opposite end of the river, a gargantuan plant has awoken. The googly-eyed pod hisses, drawing attention toward the scattered skulls and bones at its roots… Fortunately, we sail past the danger just in time… “Those man-eating plants… They’re always looking for a hand-out.”
The hiss of the man-eating plants still close behind, we come upon the sight of an abandoned War Camp, presumably that of the native islanders - cannibals, of course. Beached war canoes and a series of skulls spiked onto torches set an ominous tone to the sudden pulse of tribal drums from the undergrowth. “Up ahead we have a pygmy war camp. Each canoe can hold up to 300 pygmies! Seeing as there are three canoes… There may well be 900 pygmies nearby, waiting to attack! Those drums are certainly an invitation to dinner… It’s either eat or get eaten out here in the jungle, folks.” Suddenly, the drums stop. The snarl of a big cat shatters the silence. A black panther, poised and readied on the branch of a dead tree in the shallows, frightens both the skipper and ourselves to look to the opposite end. “Whoa!” The skipper slams down his fist on the boat for an added scare. “A black panther! And not the superhero kind… This panther reminds me: Why shouldn’t you play poker in the jungle?” We ask: “Why?” “Because there are lots of cheetahs… And if they say they aren’t a cheetah, they’re probably just a lion.” Our skipper bursts into a self-provoked laughing fit, unaware of our current path beneath a suspension bridge and into Crocodile Country.
Dozens of basking - growling - crocodiles line the beach from either side… Every so often, a croc opens its jaws with a hideous yawn. “We’re entering Crocodile Country, the oldest part of the river… Look, there’s Old Smiley! Old Smiley here is a hundred years old! And there’s Ginger, his girlfriend. Careful: Ginger snaps!” More crocs begin to surface from the immediate waters, growling hungrily. We hear the ear-splitting caw of a rare hornbill, perched on a gnarled tree in the shallows. Three crocs have cornered the bird from either side, offering little comfort for the strangely flightless (?) bird. “Wow, a rare flightless hornbill - about to become a little more rare.” Suddenly, a trio of hungry crocs charge the boat, just narrowly missing their mark. “Uh-oh! Look out! Phew, that was a close one. I would hate to lose any of you - so soon.” The crackle of big band returns as we drift past Beacon Joe’s Shack, the last sight in Crocodile Country. Ole’ Beacon Joe is a sight straight from the bayou, a bearded old coot quietly rocking back and forth on his porch, enjoying a pipe. His faithful dog intensely watches a series of bubbles in the water - the source likely a submerged crocodile. “There’s old Beacon Joe, the last outpost of civilization… Joe here always enjoys a good chat. Hey, Joe!” No answer. “Good talk, Joe! I’ll be back again to see you in ten minutes… And again after that… And again… And again… And again… Stay in school, kids.”
The river turns to the left as we catch glimpse of a Safari Camp laden with supplies. However, something is a little… Off? A family of exuberant gorillas have invaded the outpost, gleefully toying with the varied belongings found in the large tent. Cans and boxes are scattered along the shoreline, a preface to the overturned jeep with its tires still spinning, fresh tracks in the sand. A huge silverback in a polka-dot skirt and necktie tries on a pith helmet in a wall-hung mirror; a grunting mother dips her baby in a bag of flour, giving him “pants”; a lazy ape swings back and forth in a hammock; a juvenile peers into the loaded muzzle of a rifle; a second armed juvenile sits on an ammunition crate near the shore, firing curious potshots at our boat - not to mention the floating crates of ammunition in the water. The “monkey business” has greatly disturbed the camp’s pack mule and crate of chickens across the river. “Well, well, well - my inlaws are back in town. There goes my mother-in-law again, always trying to blow my head off. If any of you are wearing yellow clothing, don’t make any sounds like a banana - it drives them ape.” As we continue downriver, we come upon a stray silverback swinging out over the water, pummeling a crocodile just begging for a knuckle sandwich. With every snap of the croc’s jaws, the ape’s fist comes down, sending the croc’s head under and its tail skyward. “Now there’s something you don’t see everyday. But I do.”
The battered croc’s tail still skyward, we continue with the current toward a series of ancient statues; elephants, to be precise. A magnificent canopy appears once more, even more spectacular than the last. “These elephant statues guard the entrance to the Enchanted Bathing Pool of Elephants. Let’s take a closer look…” Now beneath the canopy, we find a spectacular grotto of frolicking Indian elephants among glistening fireflies, giant lily pads, purple waterfalls, bubbling streams, and the return of a Debussy flute. An entire herd has gathered to bathe; one huge elephant reclines in a waterfall; a baby squirts water into the mouth of a waiting crocodile; countless other adults and their young frolic gleefully among the waters. “Feel free to take all the pictures you want, folks. They do have their trunks on. These sacred bathing rights are seldom seen by civilized man… As I look around this boat today, I see that this still holds true.” As we leave the waters of the pristine elephants, we venture deep into the interior, where - uh-oh - a large bull elephant has strayed from the herd, half-submerged in the waters ahead. The rogue bull shoots a stream of water in our path before ducking back under. “No, Squirt! No! Bad elephant! He’s trying to give us a bath!” Our skipper slows down for a moment, only to be jolted by a second bull elephant from the opposite side of the canal. “Yikes! Everybody get down, get down! Duck! Duck! Goose!” Fortunately, neither elephant sprays us. “Heh-heh. Just a little bit of dry humor for ya. The jokes don’t get much better than this…”
As the canopy parts overhead, we come upon a narrow stretch of river inhabited only by a tall pair of African bull elephants. The great beasts bellow forth, as if ready to charge the boat. “Over on the left we have the second most feared animal in the jungle: the African bull elephant. Over on the right we have the first most feared animal in the jungle: his wife. These star-crossed lovers guard the entrance to the eerie Elephant Graveyard.” Sure enough, our boat has sailed into the midst of an elephant graveyard - not to be confused with the same locale of The Lion King. Giant skulls, tusks and ribs litter the rocky shoreline… Ahead we see the entrance to a water-logged temple adorned with fallen pillars, cracked hieroglyphics, and the fallen statue of an African elephant. “Elephants come to their final resting place in this hallowed ground. The ancient islanders built this temple in honor of these fantastic beasts… Nowadays, the temple is home to a pride of lions… We must be quiet… Shh…” With utmost hesitation, our boat drifts into the flooded temple, just as a pair of lions poke their heads up from behind a large femur on the starboard side - each gnawing on a bone… Vultures watch as we drift inside...
===========================================================================================================
Part Two to follow! Stay tuned. Also, if you take a look at @spacemt354's map of the park, you'll notice that so far, this Jungle Cruise has followed the illustrated route very closely. You can kind of pinpoint where everything would be located. The walking trails toward Indiana Jones will be held on "clifftops" high above the jungle. The occasional suspension bridge covers for the portion of walkway that spans the rivers. Inspiration Falls itself cascades down from the edge of the walkway, making it a much taller and more majestic alternative to its Florida and Tokyo counterpart.
Beacon Joe has a relative in almost every Magic Kingdom. He can be seen in the Blue Bayou in Anaheim and Tokyo, Big Thunder Mountain in Tokyo, and the Rivers of America in Florida. I believe he might have a counterpart in Paris as well.
I know it's not much, but feedback is appreciated between posts! #ocdproblems
Pi on my Cake
Well-Known Member
- In the Parks
- Yes
Finally, the first in a series of long-overdue updates!
===========================================================================================================
Jungle River Cruise
The post-World War II pulp adventure and exotica of Africa and the South Pacific live on in Adventureland’s very heart and soul: the Jungle River Cruise.
Our adventure begins - as such adventures often do - on the edge of Paradise Springs, a rundown colony among the towering palms and weeping moss of Freedom Island… The crackle of big band and symphonic chatter of distant wildlife entice our senses as we approach the ramshackle launch of the Jungle Navigation Co. Ltd. The two-story boathouse - since decimated by a fallen tree - appears to have once offered safe passage to the fabled Temple of the Shadow King. Nowadays, the old launch has fallen into a state of disrepair… Moss and vines crawl up the foundation of the rickety structure, poised to reclaim the estate for the tropical wilderness…
Albert AWOL, the “Voice of the Jungle” hosts an ongoing radio broadcast throughout the dusty halls and walls of the dingy queue. Such news bulletins recap the up and coming dangers in the immediate jungle; one such report detailing a lost film crew who we’ll meet later… Preserved specimens, framed artifacts, detailed maps, and black-and-white photographs adorn the walls, while dark “peek-ins” allow glimpse at a cozy office and the crew’s quarters of the Jungle Navigation Co. Hammocks, half-written letters, human skulls, dusty binoculars, and lone pith helmets act in lieu of interior decor. A small library features one of the world’s only known fossils of the “Monster of Paradise Falls,” a South American import on loan from the Adventurer’s Club.
“I got spurs that jingle, jangle, jingle
As I go ridin’ merrily along
And they sing, ‘Oh, ain’t you glad you’re single’
And that song ain’t so very far from wrong”
The eerie crackle of big band leads our path to an old boat landing, where tramp steamers - a la The African Queen - arrive for a perilous voyage down the “Rivers of Adventure.”
Across the river from the dock is a dense jungle, seemingly endless as it stretches toward the distant skyline of an ancient city: the crumbling spires and turrets of the Temple of the Shadow King. Birds sing and insects chirp as a “musical” backdrop to a thatched-roof shack on a miniature pier. Fishing nets, undisclosed crates, and a rusted shovel hint at a macabre resident… Wooden grave-markers in the adjacent underbrush imply the same. This peculiar shack is the first of countless mysteries ahead… Once on board a ramshackle riverboat, we are introduced to our fearless guide with - what else - a one-liner: “Welcome aboard, folks. As you enter the boat, please watch your step and lower your head, and if you miss your step and hit your head, please watch your language - there are children everywhere.” As our fellow passengers load into the boat, we hear a hearty “HIT IT, SKIP” and venture out into the exotic heart of darkness with the low rumble of our steamer’s uneasy, perhaps defunct engine…
“And we’re off! Now, we always turn and wave goodbye to the beautiful people back at the dock… Bye, beautiful people! Bye!” Pause. “You’ll never see them again… Welcome aboard the Jungle River Cruise! I’ll be your skipper, guide, snake charmer, lion tamer, crocodile hunter, witch doctor, water buffalo wrestler, and dancing instructor for the next five exciting days and six romantic nights… For your safety, please keep your hands, arms, feet, and legs inside the boat, and please, watch your kids - or the piranhas will… ” Our boat has since left the dock and entered a mystical, almost unreal stretch of the rainforest… A dense canopy shelters the river from the elements, adorned in vibrant blossoms and the occasional exotic insect. A gentle mist pours down from the arched canopy in a refreshing breeze, beautiful and mesmerizing amidst the warble of a Debussy flute. Giant butterflies and watchful toucans appear in the trees, a subtle compliment to the lone okapi peering through the thicket. “As we leave the last outpost of Paradise Springs, we enter a deep rainforest, where it rains some 365 days a year. We often see exotic birds and huge, colorful butterflies - genus name, plasticus mechanicus. Do you feel that refreshing mist in the air? It’s malaria, don’t worry.”
The canopy parts to reveal Inspiration Falls, a spectacular clifftop of thundering cascades to rival even that of Schweitzer Falls in Africa. A croaking family of bullfrogs sit opposite the falls, two adults and three juveniles. Our skipper slows for a moment, fishing for a rare moment of awe. “This is Inspiration Falls. We call it Inspiration Falls for it inspires us to go…” Our skipper gives pause; suddenly, he lowers to his knees, as if needing to use the restroom desperately. He regroups. “Deeper and deeper into the jungle.” Our boat rounds the bend, only to discover a crashed biplane, its skeletal pilot slumped over the controls… “You know, we’ve been waiting on a shipment of supplies from the mainland, I wonder if… Well, there it is - in plain sight - have any of you ever seen so many trees before in your life? There has to be a hundred different species on that beach…”
Suddenly, the foliage begins to shift - a long vine slithers past, disappearing into shadow. A number of bizarre, venus flytrap-like plants emerge from around the crash-site. “Uh-oh; man-eating plants!” Without warning, the hissing plants begin to fire “poison darts” at our boat. “Poison darts! Duck! Duck! Women and children, you are safe, these are man-eating plants. You have nothing to fear!” We hear an odd roar. On the opposite end of the river, a gargantuan plant has awoken. The googly-eyed pod hisses, drawing attention toward the scattered skulls and bones at its roots… Fortunately, we sail past the danger just in time… “Those man-eating plants… They’re always looking for a hand-out.”
The hiss of the man-eating plants still close behind, we come upon the sight of an abandoned War Camp, presumably that of the native islanders - cannibals, of course. Beached war canoes and a series of skulls spiked onto torches set an ominous tone to the sudden pulse of tribal drums from the undergrowth. “Up ahead we have a pygmy war camp. Each canoe can hold up to 300 pygmies! Seeing as there are three canoes… There may well be 900 pygmies nearby, waiting to attack! Those drums are certainly an invitation to dinner… It’s either eat or get eaten out here in the jungle, folks.” Suddenly, the drums stop. The snarl of a big cat shatters the silence. A black panther, poised and readied on the branch of a dead tree in the shallows, frightens both the skipper and ourselves to look to the opposite end. “Whoa!” The skipper slams down his fist on the boat for an added scare. “A black panther! And not the superhero kind… This panther reminds me: Why shouldn’t you play poker in the jungle?” We ask: “Why?” “Because there are lots of cheetahs… And if they say they aren’t a cheetah, they’re probably just a lion.” Our skipper bursts into a self-provoked laughing fit, unaware of our current path beneath a suspension bridge and into Crocodile Country.
Dozens of basking - growling - crocodiles line the beach from either side… Every so often, a croc opens its jaws with a hideous yawn. “We’re entering Crocodile Country, the oldest part of the river… Look, there’s Old Smiley! Old Smiley here is a hundred years old! And there’s Ginger, his girlfriend. Careful: Ginger snaps!” More crocs begin to surface from the immediate waters, growling hungrily. We hear the ear-splitting caw of a rare hornbill, perched on a gnarled tree in the shallows. Three crocs have cornered the bird from either side, offering little comfort for the strangely flightless (?) bird. “Wow, a rare flightless hornbill - about to become a little more rare.” Suddenly, a trio of hungry crocs charge the boat, just narrowly missing their mark. “Uh-oh! Look out! Phew, that was a close one. I would hate to lose any of you - so soon.” The crackle of big band returns as we drift past Beacon Joe’s Shack, the last sight in Crocodile Country. Ole’ Beacon Joe is a sight straight from the bayou, a bearded old coot quietly rocking back and forth on his porch, enjoying a pipe. His faithful dog intensely watches a series of bubbles in the water - the source likely a submerged crocodile. “There’s old Beacon Joe, the last outpost of civilization… Joe here always enjoys a good chat. Hey, Joe!” No answer. “Good talk, Joe! I’ll be back again to see you in ten minutes… And again after that… And again… And again… And again… Stay in school, kids.”
The river turns to the left as we catch glimpse of a Safari Camp laden with supplies. However, something is a little… Off? A family of exuberant gorillas have invaded the outpost, gleefully toying with the varied belongings found in the large tent. Cans and boxes are scattered along the shoreline, a preface to the overturned jeep with its tires still spinning, fresh tracks in the sand. A huge silverback in a polka-dot skirt and necktie tries on a pith helmet in a wall-hung mirror; a grunting mother dips her baby in a bag of flour, giving him “pants”; a lazy ape swings back and forth in a hammock; a juvenile peers into the loaded muzzle of a rifle; a second armed juvenile sits on an ammunition crate near the shore, firing curious potshots at our boat - not to mention the floating crates of ammunition in the water. The “monkey business” has greatly disturbed the camp’s pack mule and crate of chickens across the river. “Well, well, well - my inlaws are back in town. There goes my mother-in-law again, always trying to blow my head off. If any of you are wearing yellow clothing, don’t make any sounds like a banana - it drives them ape.” As we continue downriver, we come upon a stray silverback swinging out over the water, pummeling a crocodile just begging for a knuckle sandwich. With every snap of the croc’s jaws, the ape’s fist comes down, sending the croc’s head under and its tail skyward. “Now there’s something you don’t see everyday. But I do.”
The battered croc’s tail still skyward, we continue with the current toward a series of ancient statues; elephants, to be precise. A magnificent canopy appears once more, even more spectacular than the last. “These elephant statues guard the entrance to the Enchanted Bathing Pool of Elephants. Let’s take a closer look…” Now beneath the canopy, we find a spectacular grotto of frolicking Indian elephants among glistening fireflies, giant lily pads, purple waterfalls, bubbling streams, and the return of a Debussy flute. An entire herd has gathered to bathe; one huge elephant reclines in a waterfall; a baby squirts water into the mouth of a waiting crocodile; countless other adults and their young frolic gleefully among the waters. “Feel free to take all the pictures you want, folks. They do have their trunks on. These sacred bathing rights are seldom seen by civilized man… As I look around this boat today, I see that this still holds true.” As we leave the waters of the pristine elephants, we venture deep into the interior, where - uh-oh - a large bull elephant has strayed from the herd, half-submerged in the waters ahead. The rogue bull shoots a stream of water in our path before ducking back under. “No, Squirt! No! Bad elephant! He’s trying to give us a bath!” Our skipper slows down for a moment, only to be jolted by a second bull elephant from the opposite side of the canal. “Yikes! Everybody get down, get down! Duck! Duck! Goose!” Fortunately, neither elephant sprays us. “Heh-heh. Just a little bit of dry humor for ya. The jokes don’t get much better than this…”
View attachment 260761
As the canopy parts overhead, we come upon a narrow stretch of river inhabited only by a tall pair of African bull elephants. The great beasts bellow forth, as if ready to charge the boat. “Over on the left we have the second most feared animal in the jungle: the African bull elephant. Over on the right we have the first most feared animal in the jungle: his wife. These star-crossed lovers guard the entrance to the eerie Elephant Graveyard.” Sure enough, our boat has sailed into the midst of an elephant graveyard - not to be confused with the same locale of The Lion King. Giant skulls, tusks and ribs litter the rocky shoreline… Ahead we see the entrance to a water-logged temple adorned with fallen pillars, cracked hieroglyphics, and the fallen statue of an African elephant. “Elephants come to their final resting place in this hallowed ground. The ancient islanders built this temple in honor of these fantastic beasts… Nowadays, the temple is home to a pride of lions… We must be quiet… Shh…” With utmost hesitation, our boat drifts into the flooded temple, just as a pair of lions poke their heads up from behind a large femur on the starboard side - each gnawing on a bone… Vultures watch as we drift inside...
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Part Two to follow! Stay tuned. Also, if you take a look at @spacemt354's map of the park, you'll notice that so far, this Jungle Cruise has followed the illustrated route very closely. You can kind of pinpoint where everything would be located. The walking trails toward Indiana Jones will be held on "clifftops" high above the jungle. The occasional suspension bridge covers for the portion of walkway that spans the rivers. Inspiration Falls itself cascades down from the edge of the walkway, making it a much taller and more majestic alternative to its Florida and Tokyo counterpart.
Beacon Joe has a relative in almost every Magic Kingdom. He can be seen in the Blue Bayou in Anaheim and Tokyo, Big Thunder Mountain in Tokyo, and the Rivers of America in Florida. I believe he might have a counterpart in Paris as well.
I know it's not much, but feedback is appreciated between posts! #ocdproblems
Haha I love cheesey jungle cruise jokes. Great job so far!
Part Two of the world famous Jungle River Cruise!
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The dark and uninviting temple leads to the lair of a snarling lion pride. The eerie diorama portrays the dramatic “survival of the fittest” motif found in Walt Disney’s True-Life Adventure films. Amid countless bones and decrepit ruins, the lions have made a kill and are hungrily chowing down on an unfortunate zebra. The gargantuan male often lifts his head from the feast, roaring proudly. A pair of cubs fidget with the tail of a lioness, while two such lionesses engage in a tug-o-war with a meaty (zebra) leg. “Would you look at that? Those lions are protecting that sleeping zebra. Can you feel the love tonight? Reminds me of my favorite Disney movie: ‘Tron.’” As our boat sails past the feast, we depart for a corridor lined with elephant statues. Giant roots hang from the ceiling. Our skipper takes note. “Some call this a root canal. Seriously! That’s the honest tooth. I mean, truth.” An angered lioness slowly creeps out from the shadow with a low growl. “Even nature thinks my jokes are bad.”
Back in the daylight, we are first greeted by a pair of zebras near the water’s edge for a drink. On the starboard side, a pair of submerged water buffalo inspect our passing boat. A third buffalo emerges from the river with a wet snort, spraying those close enough. “This tall grass means Big Game Territory. We must be on the lookout! The wild animals come down to the river to drink.” Curious gazelle and zebras can be seen hidden among the tall grass and bamboo thicket. A trio of baboons even appear in one tree. A pair of giraffes munch on the leaves of the tallest trees, only visible from the neck up. “Now you can say you’ve had a nodding acquaintance with a giraffe! The giraffe, however, won’t talk back - this is one animal with no vocal cords. And if you look across the river in the bamboo, you will see: absolutely nothing.” Hyenas can be heard cackling ahead. The foliage parts for a beach laden with rocks and sand. The hyenas joyfully “laugh” at a rare glimpse of the Lost Film Crew. The unfortunate travelers have climbed a dead tree to evade the horn of a massive rhinoceros. A blonde starlet in a red dress is at the top of the tree, followed by a petrified director with his camera, the leading man and his pencil-thin mustache, a native porter in a khaki uniform and red fez, and lastly, the unlucky script boy. The starlet’s heels have fallen to the shore below, as has a now-broken film reel and tripod. As the rhino lunges forward with its raised horn, the film crew rises up briskly. “There’s that lost film crew we’ve heard so much about. Looks like that rhino really has them up a tree. The guy at the bottom is a good friend of mine: Hontas. Everyone say ‘Hi, Hontas!’” We do. “Looks like that rhino’s going to Pocahontas.”
Our boat trails beneath another suspension bridge as we come upon the majestic foundation of the Temple of the Shadow King. Ominous and foreboding, our stage is set among the toppled columns, cracked stairs, crumbling stone, and the carved face of an ancient goddess. The river ahead trails deep into the dark abyss of the temple, guarded only by hissing king cobras slithered ashore… “This is the legendary Temple of the Shadow King. As we speak, world famous archaeologist Dr. Indiana Jones is in there searching for the world’s greatest treasure… But he’ll never find it, because I’m out here and he’s in there… Let’s take a closer look, shall we?” With the utmost pride and courage, our skipper pulls full-steam ahead into the darkness of the temple, blissfully unaware of the dangers that lie ahead...
The dark route of our boat brings us past a collection of mosaics in portrayal of the island’s mythology; the origin of the Shadow King, his temple, and the vast fortune that may or may not lie within. Fallen pillars and stone appear among the dark waters, the din roar of a presumed adventure in the massive chamber ahead. But before we investigate further, we hear a hungry growl. A massive tiger has paused in its tracks; crumbled brick and jungle foliage around him. The green eyes of the tiger illuminate the darkness, the beast close enough to climb aboard… “That right there is a Bengal tiger! Bengal tigers can weigh up to 500 lbs and jump up to 25 feet! But he’s a good few inches away, he’ll sail right over us…” The tiger now behind us, we sail into the spectacular show building of the Indiana Jones Expedition.
In the spirit of Disneyland’s lost Indiana Jones and the Lost Expedition, the Jungle River Cruise briefly shares a breathtaking moment with the Kingdom Railway, Indiana Jones Expedition, and the Runaway Ore Cars. Looking out into a volcanic chasm, our boat narrowly turns into further danger amid this subterranean palace: booby traps thought to have been defeated by Dr. Jones… “This is the fabled Temple of the Shadow King, where legend tells of a deadly curse and gifts from the gods… But be forewarned, those with a dark heart will find their fate sealed in the claws of the evil Shadow King… Ladies and gentlemen, please remain seated and refrain from flash photography; only those with a dark heart use the dreaded flash photography…” The lava of the volcanic chasm has begun to seep into the river… With a hiss, a blanket of steam envelops our path, practically blinding us. “This can’t be good! I can’t see a blasted thing in this steam… With my luck, we’ll veer off course and fall into that lava pit. But things could be worse, right?” A pair of red eyes illuminate thru the fog. “I spoke too soon.” The eyes are revealed to belong to a giant, 10-foot tall cobra, lunging forward with a blood curdling screech. “Snakes?! Why did it have to be snakes?!” Fortunately, our boat veers just in time, only to drift into further danger.
Bones litter the shore of a sacrificial altar shrouded in fog. The statue of an ancient royal overlooks the chamber from a crumbled throne, scepter at hand. Once again, our skipper takes note. “Well, this seems harmless… If we’re lucky, nothing could possibly go wrong here.” A deep voice thunders throughout the chamber. “WHO DISTURBS MY SLUMBER?” “It is I - Skipper ________ of the Jungle River Cruise.” “SILENCE, MORTAL! YOU SHALL TASTE THE FIRE AND FURY OF THE ANCIENT ROYALS!” “That can’t be good.” The scepter begins to glow. Instantly, the waters are set ablaze in actual flame. Even the statue’s crown bursts into flame. Projection mapping details the animation on the walls; an ancient civilization caught in the midst of a horrendous wildfire. The beasts of the jungle flee among the frightened men, women and children of the island. A red light has engulfed the chamber. Suddenly, another voice calms the fire, bringing with it a blue light. “ENOUGH!” A statue on the opposite shore is now in the spotlight. “WATER WILL CLEANSE THE FLAMES OF EVIL.” A sudden downpour of rain (possible thru projection mapping) brings the wildfire to an end, and with it, the flames of the river. A gargantuan ball of water erupts from the base of the statue and into the river. Once again, our path is engulfed in a thick cloud of steam. “Now normally I’d make a joke, but… I’m not sure what just happened. It’s probably best we keep this incident to ourselves. No one back home would believe us anyways.”
Back outside, we sail beneath a railroad trestle and footbridge in the relative safety of the jungle. An Indian elephant and her calf appear on the starboard side, enjoying a bath. On the port side, a giraffe has come to the river for a drink. Bamboo towers high above the landscape. “Before we go any further… Raise your hand if you’re still alive.” We do. “One, two… Okay, good. I get paid for the amount of people I bring back, not the amount I take out.” Tribal drums and an ominous chanting can be heard ahead. “Sounds dangerous. Let’s check it out.”
Bizarre bamboo formations laden with skulls and animal skins mark the early warning signs of Headhunter Country. A canoe full of skulls and a human rib cage instills a sense of danger in our skipper. “Uh-oh. Looks like we’re headed into Headhunter Country - not a good place to be-headed.” In the primitive village ahead, a native dance circle of painted warriors is underway to the drumming and chanting of some mean-eyed musicians. A dead lion appears upside down above a roaring fire. Various huts and tribal decor set an impressive yet foreboding backdrop to the unsettling display. “It seems as if the natives are celebrating the kill of that lion… I’ve studied their language extensively. Allow me to translate.” A long pause. “Nope, I got nothing.” Our boat continues on without a hitch, until we come upon a series of large shields embedded into the shore. The drums silence. A masked warrior pokes his head out from behind a shield and barks a foreign order. From nowhere, unseen natives scream battle cries, firing “poison darts” and “spears” at our passing boat. “Duck! Duck!” Our skipper drops to the floor. “Duck! Don’t worry about looking stupid, folks, I’m doing it for you.”
Once again, we escape the blatant danger - again - but sail right into the midst of more danger. A low fog has rolled in above the surface of the Hippo Swamp. “We’re not out of danger yet - we’re sailing right into the midst of a swamp filled with dangerous hippopotami.” Sure enough, unfriendly hippos begin to surface from below, wiggling their ears and “blowing” bubbles. “Don’t worry, the natives tell me they’re only dangerous if their wiggling their ears and blowing bubbles… Which they’re all doing.” The large “river boss” begins to charge the boat with his twisted teeth. “I’ll scare them off the way I scared off my ex girlfriend: I LOVE YOU!” As expected, the hippos dive back beneath the surface. “Works every time.”
As our boat departs for the last stretch of the jungle, we come upon who else but Trader Sam at his kitschy outpost. With his ramshackle umbrella and bundle of shrunken heads at hand, Sam wears a (stolen) top hat and striped skirt, surrounded by the grim spoils of his profession; skulls, masks, shrunken heads, and painted bones - human in origin. “Over here is Trader Sam, Head Salesman of the Jungle. Sam has a special two-for-one deal going on right now - two of his heads for just one of yours! Yessir. Any way you slice it, you’ll always come out ahead!”
We head straight toward the ramshackle boathouse of the Jungle Navigation Co., readied to return to the Adventureland mainland. “Congratulations! You just survived the world famous Jungle River Cruise! Folks, out of all the crews I’ve had today… You by far have been the most recent. We’ve been through so much together in such a short amount of time. It’s almost too hard to say goodbye, but… Get out.” We do.
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Full Scene Breakdown for the Jungle River Cruise:
1. Boathouse (Queue, Load & Unload)
2. The Rainforest
3. Crashed Biplane (w/Man-Eating Plant Attack)
4. Crocodile Country (w/Beacon Joe's Shack)
5. Safari Camp
6. Enchanted Elephant Bathing Pool
7. African Bull Elephants (w/Elephant Graveyard)
8. Elephant Temple (w/Feasting Lions)
9. Big Game Territory (w/Lost Film Crew)
10. Temple of the Shadow King Entrance
11. Temple of the Shadow King Interior (w/Booby Traps)
12. Headhunter Country
13. Hippo Swamp
14. Trader Sam's Outpost
Up next: Indiana Jones Expedition!
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The dark and uninviting temple leads to the lair of a snarling lion pride. The eerie diorama portrays the dramatic “survival of the fittest” motif found in Walt Disney’s True-Life Adventure films. Amid countless bones and decrepit ruins, the lions have made a kill and are hungrily chowing down on an unfortunate zebra. The gargantuan male often lifts his head from the feast, roaring proudly. A pair of cubs fidget with the tail of a lioness, while two such lionesses engage in a tug-o-war with a meaty (zebra) leg. “Would you look at that? Those lions are protecting that sleeping zebra. Can you feel the love tonight? Reminds me of my favorite Disney movie: ‘Tron.’” As our boat sails past the feast, we depart for a corridor lined with elephant statues. Giant roots hang from the ceiling. Our skipper takes note. “Some call this a root canal. Seriously! That’s the honest tooth. I mean, truth.” An angered lioness slowly creeps out from the shadow with a low growl. “Even nature thinks my jokes are bad.”
Back in the daylight, we are first greeted by a pair of zebras near the water’s edge for a drink. On the starboard side, a pair of submerged water buffalo inspect our passing boat. A third buffalo emerges from the river with a wet snort, spraying those close enough. “This tall grass means Big Game Territory. We must be on the lookout! The wild animals come down to the river to drink.” Curious gazelle and zebras can be seen hidden among the tall grass and bamboo thicket. A trio of baboons even appear in one tree. A pair of giraffes munch on the leaves of the tallest trees, only visible from the neck up. “Now you can say you’ve had a nodding acquaintance with a giraffe! The giraffe, however, won’t talk back - this is one animal with no vocal cords. And if you look across the river in the bamboo, you will see: absolutely nothing.” Hyenas can be heard cackling ahead. The foliage parts for a beach laden with rocks and sand. The hyenas joyfully “laugh” at a rare glimpse of the Lost Film Crew. The unfortunate travelers have climbed a dead tree to evade the horn of a massive rhinoceros. A blonde starlet in a red dress is at the top of the tree, followed by a petrified director with his camera, the leading man and his pencil-thin mustache, a native porter in a khaki uniform and red fez, and lastly, the unlucky script boy. The starlet’s heels have fallen to the shore below, as has a now-broken film reel and tripod. As the rhino lunges forward with its raised horn, the film crew rises up briskly. “There’s that lost film crew we’ve heard so much about. Looks like that rhino really has them up a tree. The guy at the bottom is a good friend of mine: Hontas. Everyone say ‘Hi, Hontas!’” We do. “Looks like that rhino’s going to Pocahontas.”
Our boat trails beneath another suspension bridge as we come upon the majestic foundation of the Temple of the Shadow King. Ominous and foreboding, our stage is set among the toppled columns, cracked stairs, crumbling stone, and the carved face of an ancient goddess. The river ahead trails deep into the dark abyss of the temple, guarded only by hissing king cobras slithered ashore… “This is the legendary Temple of the Shadow King. As we speak, world famous archaeologist Dr. Indiana Jones is in there searching for the world’s greatest treasure… But he’ll never find it, because I’m out here and he’s in there… Let’s take a closer look, shall we?” With the utmost pride and courage, our skipper pulls full-steam ahead into the darkness of the temple, blissfully unaware of the dangers that lie ahead...
The dark route of our boat brings us past a collection of mosaics in portrayal of the island’s mythology; the origin of the Shadow King, his temple, and the vast fortune that may or may not lie within. Fallen pillars and stone appear among the dark waters, the din roar of a presumed adventure in the massive chamber ahead. But before we investigate further, we hear a hungry growl. A massive tiger has paused in its tracks; crumbled brick and jungle foliage around him. The green eyes of the tiger illuminate the darkness, the beast close enough to climb aboard… “That right there is a Bengal tiger! Bengal tigers can weigh up to 500 lbs and jump up to 25 feet! But he’s a good few inches away, he’ll sail right over us…” The tiger now behind us, we sail into the spectacular show building of the Indiana Jones Expedition.
In the spirit of Disneyland’s lost Indiana Jones and the Lost Expedition, the Jungle River Cruise briefly shares a breathtaking moment with the Kingdom Railway, Indiana Jones Expedition, and the Runaway Ore Cars. Looking out into a volcanic chasm, our boat narrowly turns into further danger amid this subterranean palace: booby traps thought to have been defeated by Dr. Jones… “This is the fabled Temple of the Shadow King, where legend tells of a deadly curse and gifts from the gods… But be forewarned, those with a dark heart will find their fate sealed in the claws of the evil Shadow King… Ladies and gentlemen, please remain seated and refrain from flash photography; only those with a dark heart use the dreaded flash photography…” The lava of the volcanic chasm has begun to seep into the river… With a hiss, a blanket of steam envelops our path, practically blinding us. “This can’t be good! I can’t see a blasted thing in this steam… With my luck, we’ll veer off course and fall into that lava pit. But things could be worse, right?” A pair of red eyes illuminate thru the fog. “I spoke too soon.” The eyes are revealed to belong to a giant, 10-foot tall cobra, lunging forward with a blood curdling screech. “Snakes?! Why did it have to be snakes?!” Fortunately, our boat veers just in time, only to drift into further danger.
Bones litter the shore of a sacrificial altar shrouded in fog. The statue of an ancient royal overlooks the chamber from a crumbled throne, scepter at hand. Once again, our skipper takes note. “Well, this seems harmless… If we’re lucky, nothing could possibly go wrong here.” A deep voice thunders throughout the chamber. “WHO DISTURBS MY SLUMBER?” “It is I - Skipper ________ of the Jungle River Cruise.” “SILENCE, MORTAL! YOU SHALL TASTE THE FIRE AND FURY OF THE ANCIENT ROYALS!” “That can’t be good.” The scepter begins to glow. Instantly, the waters are set ablaze in actual flame. Even the statue’s crown bursts into flame. Projection mapping details the animation on the walls; an ancient civilization caught in the midst of a horrendous wildfire. The beasts of the jungle flee among the frightened men, women and children of the island. A red light has engulfed the chamber. Suddenly, another voice calms the fire, bringing with it a blue light. “ENOUGH!” A statue on the opposite shore is now in the spotlight. “WATER WILL CLEANSE THE FLAMES OF EVIL.” A sudden downpour of rain (possible thru projection mapping) brings the wildfire to an end, and with it, the flames of the river. A gargantuan ball of water erupts from the base of the statue and into the river. Once again, our path is engulfed in a thick cloud of steam. “Now normally I’d make a joke, but… I’m not sure what just happened. It’s probably best we keep this incident to ourselves. No one back home would believe us anyways.”
Back outside, we sail beneath a railroad trestle and footbridge in the relative safety of the jungle. An Indian elephant and her calf appear on the starboard side, enjoying a bath. On the port side, a giraffe has come to the river for a drink. Bamboo towers high above the landscape. “Before we go any further… Raise your hand if you’re still alive.” We do. “One, two… Okay, good. I get paid for the amount of people I bring back, not the amount I take out.” Tribal drums and an ominous chanting can be heard ahead. “Sounds dangerous. Let’s check it out.”
Bizarre bamboo formations laden with skulls and animal skins mark the early warning signs of Headhunter Country. A canoe full of skulls and a human rib cage instills a sense of danger in our skipper. “Uh-oh. Looks like we’re headed into Headhunter Country - not a good place to be-headed.” In the primitive village ahead, a native dance circle of painted warriors is underway to the drumming and chanting of some mean-eyed musicians. A dead lion appears upside down above a roaring fire. Various huts and tribal decor set an impressive yet foreboding backdrop to the unsettling display. “It seems as if the natives are celebrating the kill of that lion… I’ve studied their language extensively. Allow me to translate.” A long pause. “Nope, I got nothing.” Our boat continues on without a hitch, until we come upon a series of large shields embedded into the shore. The drums silence. A masked warrior pokes his head out from behind a shield and barks a foreign order. From nowhere, unseen natives scream battle cries, firing “poison darts” and “spears” at our passing boat. “Duck! Duck!” Our skipper drops to the floor. “Duck! Don’t worry about looking stupid, folks, I’m doing it for you.”
Once again, we escape the blatant danger - again - but sail right into the midst of more danger. A low fog has rolled in above the surface of the Hippo Swamp. “We’re not out of danger yet - we’re sailing right into the midst of a swamp filled with dangerous hippopotami.” Sure enough, unfriendly hippos begin to surface from below, wiggling their ears and “blowing” bubbles. “Don’t worry, the natives tell me they’re only dangerous if their wiggling their ears and blowing bubbles… Which they’re all doing.” The large “river boss” begins to charge the boat with his twisted teeth. “I’ll scare them off the way I scared off my ex girlfriend: I LOVE YOU!” As expected, the hippos dive back beneath the surface. “Works every time.”
As our boat departs for the last stretch of the jungle, we come upon who else but Trader Sam at his kitschy outpost. With his ramshackle umbrella and bundle of shrunken heads at hand, Sam wears a (stolen) top hat and striped skirt, surrounded by the grim spoils of his profession; skulls, masks, shrunken heads, and painted bones - human in origin. “Over here is Trader Sam, Head Salesman of the Jungle. Sam has a special two-for-one deal going on right now - two of his heads for just one of yours! Yessir. Any way you slice it, you’ll always come out ahead!”
We head straight toward the ramshackle boathouse of the Jungle Navigation Co., readied to return to the Adventureland mainland. “Congratulations! You just survived the world famous Jungle River Cruise! Folks, out of all the crews I’ve had today… You by far have been the most recent. We’ve been through so much together in such a short amount of time. It’s almost too hard to say goodbye, but… Get out.” We do.
======================================================================================================
Full Scene Breakdown for the Jungle River Cruise:
1. Boathouse (Queue, Load & Unload)
2. The Rainforest
3. Crashed Biplane (w/Man-Eating Plant Attack)
4. Crocodile Country (w/Beacon Joe's Shack)
5. Safari Camp
6. Enchanted Elephant Bathing Pool
7. African Bull Elephants (w/Elephant Graveyard)
8. Elephant Temple (w/Feasting Lions)
9. Big Game Territory (w/Lost Film Crew)
10. Temple of the Shadow King Entrance
11. Temple of the Shadow King Interior (w/Booby Traps)
12. Headhunter Country
13. Hippo Swamp
14. Trader Sam's Outpost
Up next: Indiana Jones Expedition!
spacemt354
Chili's
Your jokes are spot on 
well done! If you want to borrow this joke -- this was my favorite from a recent Skipper we had a few weeks ago.
As you're approaching the unloading dock:
"Thank you all so very much! You've all be outstanding, but right now I need you out standing on the dock"
well done! If you want to borrow this joke -- this was my favorite from a recent Skipper we had a few weeks ago.As you're approaching the unloading dock:
"Thank you all so very much! You've all be outstanding, but right now I need you out standing on the dock"
Pi on my Cake
Well-Known Member
- In the Parks
- Yes
As we passed that planes crashYour jokes are spot on
As you're approaching the unloading dock:
"Thank you all so very much! You've all be outstanding, but right now I need you out standing on the dock"
"If any of you are wondering how I Landed this job. It is Plain to see. I just took a Crash course. Now I'm just Winging it. Anyways, let's not hang around here, gotta Jet."
All rapid fire as passing the plane without even slowing the boat down
I might make a list of all the possible jokes for this incarnation. There will also be a Jingle River Cruise at Christmas. The only thing I’ll give away about that is the skeleton in the biplane will wear a Santa suit and be the source of the missing holiday shipment.
Jungle River Cruise Queue: Albert "AWOL" Voice of the Jungle
Albert: (Jingle) This is the Freedom Island Broadcasting Service, serving remote outposts since 1933. (Pause) The weather here this morning is hot and humid. A typhoon warning has been issued for coastal areas near Crocodile Country, and a storm watch has been posted along the excavation site near the Temple of the Shadow King. (Pause) Tropical Imports announces that the special Jungle River Cruise dispatch has arrived, bringing with it the world's first in "carnivorous plant repellent." Remember, when it comes to self-safety with man-eating plants, you could cost yourself an arm or a leg. Now, let's get back to our musical program.
1. "Moonlight Serenade": Glenn Miller and His Orchestra
2. "Happy Days Are Here Again": Ben Selvin and the Crooners
Albert: If you're within the sound of my voice, you're listening to AWOL Airways of the Freedom Island Broadcasting Service. This is Skipper Albert AWOL, the "Voice of the Jungle." (Pause) This just in: a Jungle River Cruise skipper reports spotting the lost film crew of Call Me Banana, the latest Robert Faith comedy-adventure. As you may recall, this lost film crew has remained missing longer yet has had more sightings than any other in history. (Pause) Locally, airplane pilots are cautioned about landing in Settler's Field. Recent rains have created rather large bogs which have attracted the attention of local water buffalo. Pilots are advised to land safely and neatly near the rainforest region of Inspiration Falls. (Pause) And now, here's today's river tip from Skipper Bill of the Congo Connie. Bill says: "If it rains in the jungle, who cares? That's why they call it a rainforest.'" Thanks, Bill...
3. "Jingle Jangle Jingle": Kay Kyser
4. "I'm Getting Sentimental Over You": Tommy Dorsey
Albert: (Jingle) Breaking News Update: an entire Jungle River Cruise tour group has disappeared in Headhunter Country. Authorities are trying to determine their exact whereabouts. It is the fourth reported incident involving the Jungle River Cruise and Headhunter Country this month. (Pause) The Jungle River Cruise is now offering a free sightseeing tour down the Rivers of Adventure. Any travelers who may need to exchange foreign currency along their voyage needn't worry; there are banks all along the rivers. (Pause) This broadcast is brought to you in part by Trader Sam's Cannibal Cafe, home of the hand-burger, children sandwich, barbecued ribs, and Caesar salad. Arrive late to your reservation and receive the cold shoulder. Trader Sam's Cannibal Cafe - any way you slice it, you'll always come out a head. And now, "In the Mood."
5. "In the Mood": Glenn Miller
Albert: Here are the answers to our Jungle Trivia Questions... (Reading answers in order) The correct response to a crazed, charging elephant is: "AAH! AAH!" Tigers are striped, not spotted. Toucan sound better than one toucan can. It takes one to know one. And its takes an average of eight minutes for a family of gorillas to destroy a typical base camp.
6. "Minnie the Moocher": Cab Calloway
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8mq4UT4VnbE
Albert: (Jingle) Today only, all veterans will be allowed front-of-the-line access at the Jungle River Cruise. That is, veterans of the American or French Revolution, in full uniform, as accompanied by their parents and horse. (Pause) The native pygmy population has declined as of a recent jungle consensus. A surplus in the local leopard population may be the source. Details at 11. (Pause) The Paradise Springs Board of Safety prohibits water passage thru the Elephant Graveyard and Temple of the Shadow King. Passengers requesting an extended tour with the Jungle River Cruise will be directed to the Paradise Springs Hospital for immediate medical and neurological examination. This is Skipper Albert AWOL of the Freedom Island Broadcasting Service.
7. "Sing, Sing, Sing": Benny Goodman
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fhyhP_5VfKM
8. "I'll Be Seeing You": Billie Holiday
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zDlKb2cBAqU
Albert: Congratulations to Skipper Marc, winner of our Jungle Trivia Contest. Please report to Trader Sam's Cannibal Cafe to claim your prize.
9. "Dinah": Louis Armstrong
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BhVdLd43bDI
Albert: This is Skipper Albert AWOL, your "Voice of the Jungle." (Pause) Next week, the True-Life Adventurers Club will be holding its third-annual meeting. Dr. Seers and Hibbler will be discussing their research on the African lion. The rival Adventurers Club will be holding their usual nonsense on the same evening. (Pause) A memorial service will be held for Skipper Marc, winner of our Jungle Trivia Contest, this Sunday morning. Trader Sam has written a eulogy for the beloved skipper. It reads: "I will miss him. But he made a great salad." (Pause) Bingo Night has been cancelled at the Recreation Center until further notice. A native uprising is the purported cause of the cancellation. (Pause) Back to our regular program.
10. "Moon Over Burma": Dorothy Lamour
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=b65aZ2CmUfw
11. "Slow Boat to China": Kay Kyser
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AaPoFMPlSQM
12. "Dream a Little Dream of Me": The Dorsey Brothers
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=r7Uln-tjpcM
Albert: (Jingle) An earthquake to the northeast of the island has really shaken - not stirred - the native wildebeest. A mass wildebeest migration has brought with it a mass following of lions and tigers and bears. Oh my. (Pause) Let this fact sink in. At least seven homes were lost in a sudden sinkhole on the outskirts of Paradise Springs. In a related report, quicksand has taken the local giraffe population by storm. Adventurers are advised to watch their step in sandy areas; lone giraffe heads will determine the location of said quicksand. (Pause) Beacon Joe reports a record number of piranha in and around Crocodile Country. As always, would-be swimmers must wait an hour after eating before they swim. The same does not apply to crocodiles or piranha. (Pause) This is Albert AWOL.
13. "We'll Meet Again": Vera Lynn
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cHcunREYzNY
14. "Bongo Bongo Bongo": Andrews Sisters & Danny Kaye
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VEyDNTLlRgU
Albert: On this day in history, Prof. Porter of England retires to the African rainforest with his daughter, Jane and her husband. (Pause) In today's headlines, the Temple of the Shadow King reports a record number of visitors this year. Local officials attribute the increase to rumors about recent discoveries; or, greedy ne'er-do-wells seeking gifts from the ancient gods because they're too lazy to get an actual job. (Pause) The weather in Paradise Springs is hot and humid. Monsoons are expected to arrive here later this week. (Pause) In an unrelated note, ancient spirits of the water-logged elephant temple ruined one unlucky explorer's turkey sandwich. The meat was possessed by said spirits, creating a "poultrygeist." (Pause) Now: music.
15. "Serengeti Serenade": Buddy Baker
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Q26A5mDsvCI
16. "Anything Goes": Lew Stone
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aXU4rIIE9O8
17. "Ain't Misbehavin": Fats Waller
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6vaQoPSBMQA
Albert: Last week, the River Pilots License Test was given to all 30 Jungle River Cruise skippers. A sincere congratulations to all those who passed. The remaining 29 pilots may take the test again next month. (Pause) During his lecture yesterday to the Anthropological Society, Prof. Marcus Brody reported that Dr. Henry "Indiana" Jones has located priceless artifacts at the Temple of the Shadow King. Prof. Brody believes that Dr. Jones may have uncovered the most significant archaeological find of the century, second only to the Temple of the Forbidden Eye in India's Lost Delta Region. (Pause) According to Trader Sam, Skipper Marc will be the catering of his own memorial service. How thoughtful. And now: music.
18. "I Wan'na Be Like You": Louis Prima
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9JDzlhW3XTM
19. "Colonel Hathi's March": The London Pops Orchestra
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6Nr2IBR92LU
Albert: Once again, this is Skipper Albert AWOL, your self-proclaimed "Voice of the Jungle." (Pause) An infestation of vampire bats has forced the Freedom Island Tea Society to reschedule their annual picnic for this coming Saturday at noon. Residents are advised to eat plenty of garlic and always carry a silver crucifix on their person. (Pause) Leech therapy is all the rage in modern medicine. The Paradise Springs Hospital has officially opened their state-of-the-art Leech Ward, free of charge to any willing patient. To access your free leech therapy, simply jump in the river and wait. (Pause) Explorers, please be advised that there have been several reports of aggressive butterflies near Inspiration Falls. Three unfortunate travelers have reported minor confrontations. To minimize the chance of future injuries, butterfly repellent is strongly recommended. (Pause) And now: a musical interlude.
20. "How Could Red Riding Hood?": Al Lentz Orchestra
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8FUoYK1mubU
21. "Aloha 'Oe": Queen Lili'uokalani
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Y1bIxMYPlas
(Of course, the modern songs - like those from The Jungle Book - will be edited to sound like crackling music of the '30s and '40s. Albert AWOL is voiced by an Eric Idle soundalike. Thoughts? Enjoy it? I might go ahead and post Jingle Cruise next.)
Albert: (Jingle) This is the Freedom Island Broadcasting Service, serving remote outposts since 1933. (Pause) The weather here this morning is hot and humid. A typhoon warning has been issued for coastal areas near Crocodile Country, and a storm watch has been posted along the excavation site near the Temple of the Shadow King. (Pause) Tropical Imports announces that the special Jungle River Cruise dispatch has arrived, bringing with it the world's first in "carnivorous plant repellent." Remember, when it comes to self-safety with man-eating plants, you could cost yourself an arm or a leg. Now, let's get back to our musical program.
1. "Moonlight Serenade": Glenn Miller and His Orchestra
2. "Happy Days Are Here Again": Ben Selvin and the Crooners
Albert: If you're within the sound of my voice, you're listening to AWOL Airways of the Freedom Island Broadcasting Service. This is Skipper Albert AWOL, the "Voice of the Jungle." (Pause) This just in: a Jungle River Cruise skipper reports spotting the lost film crew of Call Me Banana, the latest Robert Faith comedy-adventure. As you may recall, this lost film crew has remained missing longer yet has had more sightings than any other in history. (Pause) Locally, airplane pilots are cautioned about landing in Settler's Field. Recent rains have created rather large bogs which have attracted the attention of local water buffalo. Pilots are advised to land safely and neatly near the rainforest region of Inspiration Falls. (Pause) And now, here's today's river tip from Skipper Bill of the Congo Connie. Bill says: "If it rains in the jungle, who cares? That's why they call it a rainforest.'" Thanks, Bill...
3. "Jingle Jangle Jingle": Kay Kyser
4. "I'm Getting Sentimental Over You": Tommy Dorsey
Albert: (Jingle) Breaking News Update: an entire Jungle River Cruise tour group has disappeared in Headhunter Country. Authorities are trying to determine their exact whereabouts. It is the fourth reported incident involving the Jungle River Cruise and Headhunter Country this month. (Pause) The Jungle River Cruise is now offering a free sightseeing tour down the Rivers of Adventure. Any travelers who may need to exchange foreign currency along their voyage needn't worry; there are banks all along the rivers. (Pause) This broadcast is brought to you in part by Trader Sam's Cannibal Cafe, home of the hand-burger, children sandwich, barbecued ribs, and Caesar salad. Arrive late to your reservation and receive the cold shoulder. Trader Sam's Cannibal Cafe - any way you slice it, you'll always come out a head. And now, "In the Mood."
5. "In the Mood": Glenn Miller
Albert: Here are the answers to our Jungle Trivia Questions... (Reading answers in order) The correct response to a crazed, charging elephant is: "AAH! AAH!" Tigers are striped, not spotted. Toucan sound better than one toucan can. It takes one to know one. And its takes an average of eight minutes for a family of gorillas to destroy a typical base camp.
6. "Minnie the Moocher": Cab Calloway
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8mq4UT4VnbE
Albert: (Jingle) Today only, all veterans will be allowed front-of-the-line access at the Jungle River Cruise. That is, veterans of the American or French Revolution, in full uniform, as accompanied by their parents and horse. (Pause) The native pygmy population has declined as of a recent jungle consensus. A surplus in the local leopard population may be the source. Details at 11. (Pause) The Paradise Springs Board of Safety prohibits water passage thru the Elephant Graveyard and Temple of the Shadow King. Passengers requesting an extended tour with the Jungle River Cruise will be directed to the Paradise Springs Hospital for immediate medical and neurological examination. This is Skipper Albert AWOL of the Freedom Island Broadcasting Service.
7. "Sing, Sing, Sing": Benny Goodman
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fhyhP_5VfKM
8. "I'll Be Seeing You": Billie Holiday
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zDlKb2cBAqU
Albert: Congratulations to Skipper Marc, winner of our Jungle Trivia Contest. Please report to Trader Sam's Cannibal Cafe to claim your prize.
9. "Dinah": Louis Armstrong
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BhVdLd43bDI
Albert: This is Skipper Albert AWOL, your "Voice of the Jungle." (Pause) Next week, the True-Life Adventurers Club will be holding its third-annual meeting. Dr. Seers and Hibbler will be discussing their research on the African lion. The rival Adventurers Club will be holding their usual nonsense on the same evening. (Pause) A memorial service will be held for Skipper Marc, winner of our Jungle Trivia Contest, this Sunday morning. Trader Sam has written a eulogy for the beloved skipper. It reads: "I will miss him. But he made a great salad." (Pause) Bingo Night has been cancelled at the Recreation Center until further notice. A native uprising is the purported cause of the cancellation. (Pause) Back to our regular program.
10. "Moon Over Burma": Dorothy Lamour
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=b65aZ2CmUfw
11. "Slow Boat to China": Kay Kyser
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AaPoFMPlSQM
12. "Dream a Little Dream of Me": The Dorsey Brothers
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=r7Uln-tjpcM
Albert: (Jingle) An earthquake to the northeast of the island has really shaken - not stirred - the native wildebeest. A mass wildebeest migration has brought with it a mass following of lions and tigers and bears. Oh my. (Pause) Let this fact sink in. At least seven homes were lost in a sudden sinkhole on the outskirts of Paradise Springs. In a related report, quicksand has taken the local giraffe population by storm. Adventurers are advised to watch their step in sandy areas; lone giraffe heads will determine the location of said quicksand. (Pause) Beacon Joe reports a record number of piranha in and around Crocodile Country. As always, would-be swimmers must wait an hour after eating before they swim. The same does not apply to crocodiles or piranha. (Pause) This is Albert AWOL.
13. "We'll Meet Again": Vera Lynn
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cHcunREYzNY
14. "Bongo Bongo Bongo": Andrews Sisters & Danny Kaye
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VEyDNTLlRgU
Albert: On this day in history, Prof. Porter of England retires to the African rainforest with his daughter, Jane and her husband. (Pause) In today's headlines, the Temple of the Shadow King reports a record number of visitors this year. Local officials attribute the increase to rumors about recent discoveries; or, greedy ne'er-do-wells seeking gifts from the ancient gods because they're too lazy to get an actual job. (Pause) The weather in Paradise Springs is hot and humid. Monsoons are expected to arrive here later this week. (Pause) In an unrelated note, ancient spirits of the water-logged elephant temple ruined one unlucky explorer's turkey sandwich. The meat was possessed by said spirits, creating a "poultrygeist." (Pause) Now: music.
15. "Serengeti Serenade": Buddy Baker
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Q26A5mDsvCI
16. "Anything Goes": Lew Stone
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aXU4rIIE9O8
17. "Ain't Misbehavin": Fats Waller
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6vaQoPSBMQA
Albert: Last week, the River Pilots License Test was given to all 30 Jungle River Cruise skippers. A sincere congratulations to all those who passed. The remaining 29 pilots may take the test again next month. (Pause) During his lecture yesterday to the Anthropological Society, Prof. Marcus Brody reported that Dr. Henry "Indiana" Jones has located priceless artifacts at the Temple of the Shadow King. Prof. Brody believes that Dr. Jones may have uncovered the most significant archaeological find of the century, second only to the Temple of the Forbidden Eye in India's Lost Delta Region. (Pause) According to Trader Sam, Skipper Marc will be the catering of his own memorial service. How thoughtful. And now: music.
18. "I Wan'na Be Like You": Louis Prima
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9JDzlhW3XTM
19. "Colonel Hathi's March": The London Pops Orchestra
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6Nr2IBR92LU
Albert: Once again, this is Skipper Albert AWOL, your self-proclaimed "Voice of the Jungle." (Pause) An infestation of vampire bats has forced the Freedom Island Tea Society to reschedule their annual picnic for this coming Saturday at noon. Residents are advised to eat plenty of garlic and always carry a silver crucifix on their person. (Pause) Leech therapy is all the rage in modern medicine. The Paradise Springs Hospital has officially opened their state-of-the-art Leech Ward, free of charge to any willing patient. To access your free leech therapy, simply jump in the river and wait. (Pause) Explorers, please be advised that there have been several reports of aggressive butterflies near Inspiration Falls. Three unfortunate travelers have reported minor confrontations. To minimize the chance of future injuries, butterfly repellent is strongly recommended. (Pause) And now: a musical interlude.
20. "How Could Red Riding Hood?": Al Lentz Orchestra
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8FUoYK1mubU
21. "Aloha 'Oe": Queen Lili'uokalani
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Y1bIxMYPlas
(Of course, the modern songs - like those from The Jungle Book - will be edited to sound like crackling music of the '30s and '40s. Albert AWOL is voiced by an Eric Idle soundalike. Thoughts? Enjoy it? I might go ahead and post Jingle Cruise next.)
Pi on my Cake
Well-Known Member
- In the Parks
- Yes
The amount of thought and detail you put into this park is just astounding! It never fails to amaze!
Twilight_Roxas
Well-Known Member
I know its a bit late, but where Coco would fit in the resort?
Coco will feature major representation around Halloween Time in Westernland's Casa Mexicana. Miguel and Hector will also appear as characters in It's a Small World.
Thank you for the kind words! Granted, some of Albert's dialogue was borrowed from WDW and DL, but the majority was taken from my own imagination, haha. It was definitely a lot of fun to write.
Indy should be next! Unless I change my mind lol.
Part One of the Indiana Jones Expedition has been found!
====================================================================================================
Indiana Jones Expedition
Our adventure begins in the dense undergrowth of Freedom Island, a desert locale lost to time and space… Primitive, ancient, and laden with exotic wildlife, we unearth a forgotten realm caught in the midst of a dark jungle. Amidst the skulls on spears and vibrant masks of Polynesian culture, we find a pulp recreation of Africa and the South Pacific as seen thru the eyes of Hollywood in the 1950s. Ancient ruins and decrepit statues mark an uphill trail toward the fabled Temple of the Shadow King. Spectacular views of the Jungle River Cruise below mark our winding, labyrinthine path into the ruined Garden of Reflection.
A prelude to our journey, the Garden was designed by the ancients as a clever compass. Hieroglyphics in the earth indicate the direction of North, South, East, and West. In its heart, a statue of the Shadow King stands proudly, half-crumbled and entangled in moss. The mythical deity resembles that of a man with a tiger’s head. In his hands: doubloons, jewels, and treasure. As the legend goes, those with a pure heart will receive an endless fortune from the Shadow King. Those who seek fortune with a heart enveloped in shadow will find a grisly end: grim carvings show the demise of ill-hearted travelers in the statue’s foundation. The forest path leads from the Garden and before the threshold of the temple itself. Before us: Indiana Jones Expedition.
Although Mayan in inspiration, the towering Temple of the Shadow King is of Freedom Island, the last trace of a vanished tribe in the remote South Pacific. A beaten path leads through a muddy swamp, across the Rivers of Adventure, and to the site of an ongoing excavation. An antique gramophone blares crackling jazz of the ‘30s and ‘40s, a fitting backdrop to the assorted artifacts and relics unearthed from the mud. A dark mine shaft peers into an endless abyss, the sound of archaeologists’ digging coming from within. A ramshackle generator powers the entire site, a connected strand of lights flickering and fading in dim unison. The Kingdom Railway makes its third and final stop before returning to Hollywood Boulevard here at the Adventureland Depot. The Depot itself sits between the old temple and the crumbling spires of an ancient city… But we’ll explore that ruin later…
An unfortunate archaeologist has fled from his tent; a group of playful tiger cubs have made themselves at home. The poor chap was so frightened that his pith helmet and tea kettle were dropped to the floor. Where their mother is is anyone’s guess… At the base of the temple, we view a mosaic that illustrates the origin of the Shadow King. In it, ancient natives engage in combat with the violent deity. The display ends with the Shadow King sealed within the temple for eternity. Hieroglyphics - when translated to English - read: “One who enters the Temple of the Shadow King will unleash an evil power that mustn’t be freed. All will perish in eternal torment.” With this grim warning, we boldly enter a narrow passage in the temple’s side, the handiwork of a mechanical drill submerged in the adjacent mud…
A subterranean network of dark corridors and hollowed altars bring us through the true mystique of the ancient temple. Almost immediately we glimpse the skeletal remnants of a former explorer, still garbed in his khaki gear. The poor soul hangs from the ceiling, tied to his trusted grappling hook. It appears as if his partner had abandoned him upon viewing whatever made the massive spider web in the chamber. A note left by Sallah warns us to avoid “at all costs” touching the prominent ruby on display… Of course, we touch it, momentarily causing the ceiling to rumble and “cave-in.” Fortunately, strategic bamboo poles keep us from meeting a grisly fate…
A narrow hall lined with metal spikes shows the fate of further would-be adventurers; skulls and skeletons are seen thrust thru many of the spikes on the floor and ceiling. More bamboo poles attempt to hold the ceiling from collapsing, although one harsh tug from a certain pole will cause the ceiling to momentarily lower with an ear-splitting rumble. We evade danger once more, shuffling into a three-story chamber in the heart of the temple.
Scaffolding serves as our upward spiral toward the ceiling, looking down to an excavation pit below. Faded mosaics and hieroglyphics adorn the cracked and decrepit walls, a suitable backdrop to a massive statue of the Shadow King looking over the entire chamber. An old radio left in an alcove simultaneously plays jazz and a series of radio broadcasts that set our story. “Dateline: Freedom Island. Fiction becomes fact as this mysterious, uncharted island of the South Pacific reveals a legendary treasure - the Temple of the Shadow King. After 2,000 years, the lost temple has been unearthed by famed archaeologist Dr. Henry “Indiana” Jones. A secret map and a healthy helping of bravery led Dr. Jones to the site of this fabled, lost oedipus. Teaming with noted Egyptian archaeologist Sallah, Dr. Jones summoned the courage to go where no man had set foot for two millennium. His tenacity paid off! The Temple of the Shadow King was opened for all those who dared enter. Native legend claims that those with a pure heart will receive priceless wealth and beauty from the Shadow King himself. Thus, the jungles of Paradise Springs became the must-see destination for would-be adventurers worldwide. But, a darker tale has surfaced… Many visitors are claiming that loved ones are disappearing inside! Even Dr. Jones has been unable to confirm or deny it. Until he does, the Temple will remain off-limits. It doesn’t take a college degree to know that some riches - no matter how grand - aren’t worth their deadly price. Until next week… This is Freedom Island News!”
Now at the top of the chamber, we look stories down to see the treacherous fall below; many unfortunate visitors have already taken this plunge; their skeletons litter the distant earth. A small passage leads into what resembles that of a former church, perhaps built to worship the Shadow King. In this dark chamber, dim light pours in from a flickering string of lanterns, as well as the black-and-white projector screen plastered to the northernmost wall. An antique film projector loudly churns thru a series of old newsreel clips, once more setting the story of our adventure…
News Man: (Over the following, black-and-white clips portray the words of the brassy “News Man.”) The remote jungles of Freedom Island’s ramshackle colony of Paradise Springs… From all over the world they are flocking here, following the strange story of a mysterious temple and gifts from the gods. The story begins one year ago… World famous archaeologist Indiana Jones follows a tattered map to an ancient oedipus. Could this be the fabled Temple of the Shadow King? According to Jones, the temple contains timeless wealth and beauty, an eternal reward for those with a pure heart. But many who entered the temple with a black heart took a detour to doom! A chilling tale indeed… But not chilling enough to cool off the hot pursuit of thousands of greedy globetrotters! They’re reading for a supernatural shopping spree! (End)
Sallah: (Sallah stands outside the temple, waving joyfully) Welcome, my friends to the Temple of the Shadow King! (The slide changes to Sallah holding a sign that reads “Safety First!”) I, Sallah shall now offer a few helpful - er - safety reminders! (Sallah sits on the hood of the ride vehicle) You must remain seated at all times, keeping inside your hands, arms, feet, and legs! (Footage of a man in a gorilla suit buckling in from right to left, then giving the “thumbs up” to the camera) It is crucial to pull the safety strap from the right, inserting it into the left like so. (A slide of Sallah stealing a banana from the gorilla’s pouch is followed by a slide of the gorilla strangling Sallah) These ingenious pouches are for safekeeping of earthly treasures for when the journey becomes bumpy! (Footage of Sallah and the gorilla careening through the ride itself) Your off-road journey is high-speed and turbulent! You will turn sharply, drop suddenly, and perhaps fall to your imminent doom! You may not live to experience such an adventure ever again! Now, my friends… (A slide of Sallah and the gorilla looking up at something big) One final word of advice… Beware the dreaded Shadow King… (The gorilla has turned into a human skeleton, much to Sallah’s visible sadness) Well, my friends your journey is drawing near! (Sallah stands sadly outside the temple) Already I am envious of the wonders that await you!
News Woman: (Over the following, black-and-white newsreel clips portray the words of the News Woman.) The creme de la creme of the international smart set are wearing khaki this year, and the new vacation hot spot is the Temple of the Shadow King. Everyone’s agog over this intriguing discovery by famed archaeologist Indiana Jones. They’ve all heard the rumors; unlimited treasure and beauty from the ancient gods. There’s just one little hitch - the ancient temple idol. If you so much as have a twinge of shadow in your heart, the next stop on your itinerary will be the Gates of Doom. (End)
Beneath the screen and into the subsequent passage, we walk past a collection of artifacts and equipment readied for delivery to Marshall College, Indy’s workplace. In a dark corner of the room, Indy’s makeshift office resides, filled to overflowing with “inside jokes” and hidden details of the Indiana Jones saga. Such details include a model of a circus train (The Last Crusade), Sallah’s fez, an ore car (Temple of Doom), and numerous statues, one being of Mara (Temple of the Forbidden Eye), another of Quetzaloatl (Temple of the Crystal Skull).
A sharp corner leads into the overhead catwalk of the Motor Pool. Built from the remnants of a sacrificial altar (yes, you read that right), we look down into a rumbling caravan of well-worn troop transport jeeps, circa World War II. Strategic ramps and wooden stairs lead down into the double-sided station where passengers board and disembark a jeep of their own. Giant roots and vines hint that our downward trek has led us deep into the temple’s core, where “last-minute” mosaics warn of the Shadow King’s raw power. Once at ground-level, an archaeologist “groups” us into one of three rows for our perilous adventure. New to the Indiana Jones Expedition: a lack of track. Like Hong Kong Disneyland’s Mystic Manor, Indiana Jones Expedition combines trackless technology with Enhanced Motion Vehicle technology. In a sense, this attraction is just as groundbreaking as the original Indiana Jones Adventure was in 1995.
=================================================================================================
Part Two to follow! Thoughts?
====================================================================================================
Indiana Jones Expedition
Our adventure begins in the dense undergrowth of Freedom Island, a desert locale lost to time and space… Primitive, ancient, and laden with exotic wildlife, we unearth a forgotten realm caught in the midst of a dark jungle. Amidst the skulls on spears and vibrant masks of Polynesian culture, we find a pulp recreation of Africa and the South Pacific as seen thru the eyes of Hollywood in the 1950s. Ancient ruins and decrepit statues mark an uphill trail toward the fabled Temple of the Shadow King. Spectacular views of the Jungle River Cruise below mark our winding, labyrinthine path into the ruined Garden of Reflection.
A prelude to our journey, the Garden was designed by the ancients as a clever compass. Hieroglyphics in the earth indicate the direction of North, South, East, and West. In its heart, a statue of the Shadow King stands proudly, half-crumbled and entangled in moss. The mythical deity resembles that of a man with a tiger’s head. In his hands: doubloons, jewels, and treasure. As the legend goes, those with a pure heart will receive an endless fortune from the Shadow King. Those who seek fortune with a heart enveloped in shadow will find a grisly end: grim carvings show the demise of ill-hearted travelers in the statue’s foundation. The forest path leads from the Garden and before the threshold of the temple itself. Before us: Indiana Jones Expedition.
Although Mayan in inspiration, the towering Temple of the Shadow King is of Freedom Island, the last trace of a vanished tribe in the remote South Pacific. A beaten path leads through a muddy swamp, across the Rivers of Adventure, and to the site of an ongoing excavation. An antique gramophone blares crackling jazz of the ‘30s and ‘40s, a fitting backdrop to the assorted artifacts and relics unearthed from the mud. A dark mine shaft peers into an endless abyss, the sound of archaeologists’ digging coming from within. A ramshackle generator powers the entire site, a connected strand of lights flickering and fading in dim unison. The Kingdom Railway makes its third and final stop before returning to Hollywood Boulevard here at the Adventureland Depot. The Depot itself sits between the old temple and the crumbling spires of an ancient city… But we’ll explore that ruin later…
An unfortunate archaeologist has fled from his tent; a group of playful tiger cubs have made themselves at home. The poor chap was so frightened that his pith helmet and tea kettle were dropped to the floor. Where their mother is is anyone’s guess… At the base of the temple, we view a mosaic that illustrates the origin of the Shadow King. In it, ancient natives engage in combat with the violent deity. The display ends with the Shadow King sealed within the temple for eternity. Hieroglyphics - when translated to English - read: “One who enters the Temple of the Shadow King will unleash an evil power that mustn’t be freed. All will perish in eternal torment.” With this grim warning, we boldly enter a narrow passage in the temple’s side, the handiwork of a mechanical drill submerged in the adjacent mud…
A subterranean network of dark corridors and hollowed altars bring us through the true mystique of the ancient temple. Almost immediately we glimpse the skeletal remnants of a former explorer, still garbed in his khaki gear. The poor soul hangs from the ceiling, tied to his trusted grappling hook. It appears as if his partner had abandoned him upon viewing whatever made the massive spider web in the chamber. A note left by Sallah warns us to avoid “at all costs” touching the prominent ruby on display… Of course, we touch it, momentarily causing the ceiling to rumble and “cave-in.” Fortunately, strategic bamboo poles keep us from meeting a grisly fate…
A narrow hall lined with metal spikes shows the fate of further would-be adventurers; skulls and skeletons are seen thrust thru many of the spikes on the floor and ceiling. More bamboo poles attempt to hold the ceiling from collapsing, although one harsh tug from a certain pole will cause the ceiling to momentarily lower with an ear-splitting rumble. We evade danger once more, shuffling into a three-story chamber in the heart of the temple.
Scaffolding serves as our upward spiral toward the ceiling, looking down to an excavation pit below. Faded mosaics and hieroglyphics adorn the cracked and decrepit walls, a suitable backdrop to a massive statue of the Shadow King looking over the entire chamber. An old radio left in an alcove simultaneously plays jazz and a series of radio broadcasts that set our story. “Dateline: Freedom Island. Fiction becomes fact as this mysterious, uncharted island of the South Pacific reveals a legendary treasure - the Temple of the Shadow King. After 2,000 years, the lost temple has been unearthed by famed archaeologist Dr. Henry “Indiana” Jones. A secret map and a healthy helping of bravery led Dr. Jones to the site of this fabled, lost oedipus. Teaming with noted Egyptian archaeologist Sallah, Dr. Jones summoned the courage to go where no man had set foot for two millennium. His tenacity paid off! The Temple of the Shadow King was opened for all those who dared enter. Native legend claims that those with a pure heart will receive priceless wealth and beauty from the Shadow King himself. Thus, the jungles of Paradise Springs became the must-see destination for would-be adventurers worldwide. But, a darker tale has surfaced… Many visitors are claiming that loved ones are disappearing inside! Even Dr. Jones has been unable to confirm or deny it. Until he does, the Temple will remain off-limits. It doesn’t take a college degree to know that some riches - no matter how grand - aren’t worth their deadly price. Until next week… This is Freedom Island News!”
Now at the top of the chamber, we look stories down to see the treacherous fall below; many unfortunate visitors have already taken this plunge; their skeletons litter the distant earth. A small passage leads into what resembles that of a former church, perhaps built to worship the Shadow King. In this dark chamber, dim light pours in from a flickering string of lanterns, as well as the black-and-white projector screen plastered to the northernmost wall. An antique film projector loudly churns thru a series of old newsreel clips, once more setting the story of our adventure…
News Man: (Over the following, black-and-white clips portray the words of the brassy “News Man.”) The remote jungles of Freedom Island’s ramshackle colony of Paradise Springs… From all over the world they are flocking here, following the strange story of a mysterious temple and gifts from the gods. The story begins one year ago… World famous archaeologist Indiana Jones follows a tattered map to an ancient oedipus. Could this be the fabled Temple of the Shadow King? According to Jones, the temple contains timeless wealth and beauty, an eternal reward for those with a pure heart. But many who entered the temple with a black heart took a detour to doom! A chilling tale indeed… But not chilling enough to cool off the hot pursuit of thousands of greedy globetrotters! They’re reading for a supernatural shopping spree! (End)
Sallah: (Sallah stands outside the temple, waving joyfully) Welcome, my friends to the Temple of the Shadow King! (The slide changes to Sallah holding a sign that reads “Safety First!”) I, Sallah shall now offer a few helpful - er - safety reminders! (Sallah sits on the hood of the ride vehicle) You must remain seated at all times, keeping inside your hands, arms, feet, and legs! (Footage of a man in a gorilla suit buckling in from right to left, then giving the “thumbs up” to the camera) It is crucial to pull the safety strap from the right, inserting it into the left like so. (A slide of Sallah stealing a banana from the gorilla’s pouch is followed by a slide of the gorilla strangling Sallah) These ingenious pouches are for safekeeping of earthly treasures for when the journey becomes bumpy! (Footage of Sallah and the gorilla careening through the ride itself) Your off-road journey is high-speed and turbulent! You will turn sharply, drop suddenly, and perhaps fall to your imminent doom! You may not live to experience such an adventure ever again! Now, my friends… (A slide of Sallah and the gorilla looking up at something big) One final word of advice… Beware the dreaded Shadow King… (The gorilla has turned into a human skeleton, much to Sallah’s visible sadness) Well, my friends your journey is drawing near! (Sallah stands sadly outside the temple) Already I am envious of the wonders that await you!
News Woman: (Over the following, black-and-white newsreel clips portray the words of the News Woman.) The creme de la creme of the international smart set are wearing khaki this year, and the new vacation hot spot is the Temple of the Shadow King. Everyone’s agog over this intriguing discovery by famed archaeologist Indiana Jones. They’ve all heard the rumors; unlimited treasure and beauty from the ancient gods. There’s just one little hitch - the ancient temple idol. If you so much as have a twinge of shadow in your heart, the next stop on your itinerary will be the Gates of Doom. (End)
Beneath the screen and into the subsequent passage, we walk past a collection of artifacts and equipment readied for delivery to Marshall College, Indy’s workplace. In a dark corner of the room, Indy’s makeshift office resides, filled to overflowing with “inside jokes” and hidden details of the Indiana Jones saga. Such details include a model of a circus train (The Last Crusade), Sallah’s fez, an ore car (Temple of Doom), and numerous statues, one being of Mara (Temple of the Forbidden Eye), another of Quetzaloatl (Temple of the Crystal Skull).
A sharp corner leads into the overhead catwalk of the Motor Pool. Built from the remnants of a sacrificial altar (yes, you read that right), we look down into a rumbling caravan of well-worn troop transport jeeps, circa World War II. Strategic ramps and wooden stairs lead down into the double-sided station where passengers board and disembark a jeep of their own. Giant roots and vines hint that our downward trek has led us deep into the temple’s core, where “last-minute” mosaics warn of the Shadow King’s raw power. Once at ground-level, an archaeologist “groups” us into one of three rows for our perilous adventure. New to the Indiana Jones Expedition: a lack of track. Like Hong Kong Disneyland’s Mystic Manor, Indiana Jones Expedition combines trackless technology with Enhanced Motion Vehicle technology. In a sense, this attraction is just as groundbreaking as the original Indiana Jones Adventure was in 1995.
=================================================================================================
Part Two to follow! Thoughts?
spacemt354
Chili's
Part One of the Indiana Jones Expedition has been found!
====================================================================================================
Indiana Jones Expedition
Our adventure begins in the dense undergrowth of Freedom Island, a desert locale lost to time and space… Primitive, ancient, and laden with exotic wildlife, we unearth a forgotten realm caught in the midst of a dark jungle. Amidst the skulls on spears and vibrant masks of Polynesian culture, we find a pulp recreation of Africa and the South Pacific as seen thru the eyes of Hollywood in the 1950s. Ancient ruins and decrepit statues mark an uphill trail toward the fabled Temple of the Shadow King. Spectacular views of the Jungle River Cruise below mark our winding, labyrinthine path into the ruined Garden of Reflection.
A prelude to our journey, the Garden was designed by the ancients as a clever compass. Hieroglyphics in the earth indicate the direction of North, South, East, and West. In its heart, a statue of the Shadow King stands proudly, half-crumbled and entangled in moss. The mythical deity resembles that of a man with a tiger’s head. In his hands: doubloons, jewels, and treasure. As the legend goes, those with a pure heart will receive an endless fortune from the Shadow King. Those who seek fortune with a heart enveloped in shadow will find a grisly end: grim carvings show the demise of ill-hearted travelers in the statue’s foundation. The forest path leads from the Garden and before the threshold of the temple itself. Before us: Indiana Jones Expedition.
Although Mayan in inspiration, the towering Temple of the Shadow King is of Freedom Island, the last trace of a vanished tribe in the remote South Pacific. A beaten path leads through a muddy swamp, across the Rivers of Adventure, and to the site of an ongoing excavation. An antique gramophone blares crackling jazz of the ‘30s and ‘40s, a fitting backdrop to the assorted artifacts and relics unearthed from the mud. A dark mine shaft peers into an endless abyss, the sound of archaeologists’ digging coming from within. A ramshackle generator powers the entire site, a connected strand of lights flickering and fading in dim unison. The Kingdom Railway makes its third and final stop before returning to Hollywood Boulevard here at the Adventureland Depot. The Depot itself sits between the old temple and the crumbling spires of an ancient city… But we’ll explore that ruin later…
An unfortunate archaeologist has fled from his tent; a group of playful tiger cubs have made themselves at home. The poor chap was so frightened that his pith helmet and tea kettle were dropped to the floor. Where their mother is is anyone’s guess… At the base of the temple, we view a mosaic that illustrates the origin of the Shadow King. In it, ancient natives engage in combat with the violent deity. The display ends with the Shadow King sealed within the temple for eternity. Hieroglyphics - when translated to English - read: “One who enters the Temple of the Shadow King will unleash an evil power that mustn’t be freed. All will perish in eternal torment.” With this grim warning, we boldly enter a narrow passage in the temple’s side, the handiwork of a mechanical drill submerged in the adjacent mud…
A subterranean network of dark corridors and hollowed altars bring us through the true mystique of the ancient temple. Almost immediately we glimpse the skeletal remnants of a former explorer, still garbed in his khaki gear. The poor soul hangs from the ceiling, tied to his trusted grappling hook. It appears as if his partner had abandoned him upon viewing whatever made the massive spider web in the chamber. A note left by Sallah warns us to avoid “at all costs” touching the prominent ruby on display… Of course, we touch it, momentarily causing the ceiling to rumble and “cave-in.” Fortunately, strategic bamboo poles keep us from meeting a grisly fate…
A narrow hall lined with metal spikes shows the fate of further would-be adventurers; skulls and skeletons are seen thrust thru many of the spikes on the floor and ceiling. More bamboo poles attempt to hold the ceiling from collapsing, although one harsh tug from a certain pole will cause the ceiling to momentarily lower with an ear-splitting rumble. We evade danger once more, shuffling into a three-story chamber in the heart of the temple.
Scaffolding serves as our upward spiral toward the ceiling, looking down to an excavation pit below. Faded mosaics and hieroglyphics adorn the cracked and decrepit walls, a suitable backdrop to a massive statue of the Shadow King looking over the entire chamber. An old radio left in an alcove simultaneously plays jazz and a series of radio broadcasts that set our story. “Dateline: Freedom Island. Fiction becomes fact as this mysterious, uncharted island of the South Pacific reveals a legendary treasure - the Temple of the Shadow King. After 2,000 years, the lost temple has been unearthed by famed archaeologist Dr. Henry “Indiana” Jones. A secret map and a healthy helping of bravery led Dr. Jones to the site of this fabled, lost oedipus. Teaming with noted Egyptian archaeologist Sallah, Dr. Jones summoned the courage to go where no man had set foot for two millennium. His tenacity paid off! The Temple of the Shadow King was opened for all those who dared enter. Native legend claims that those with a pure heart will receive priceless wealth and beauty from the Shadow King himself. Thus, the jungles of Paradise Springs became the must-see destination for would-be adventurers worldwide. But, a darker tale has surfaced… Many visitors are claiming that loved ones are disappearing inside! Even Dr. Jones has been unable to confirm or deny it. Until he does, the Temple will remain off-limits. It doesn’t take a college degree to know that some riches - no matter how grand - aren’t worth their deadly price. Until next week… This is Freedom Island News!”
Now at the top of the chamber, we look stories down to see the treacherous fall below; many unfortunate visitors have already taken this plunge; their skeletons litter the distant earth. A small passage leads into what resembles that of a former church, perhaps built to worship the Shadow King. In this dark chamber, dim light pours in from a flickering string of lanterns, as well as the black-and-white projector screen plastered to the northernmost wall. An antique film projector loudly churns thru a series of old newsreel clips, once more setting the story of our adventure…
News Man: (Over the following, black-and-white clips portray the words of the brassy “News Man.”) The remote jungles of Freedom Island’s ramshackle colony of Paradise Springs… From all over the world they are flocking here, following the strange story of a mysterious temple and gifts from the gods. The story begins one year ago… World famous archaeologist Indiana Jones follows a tattered map to an ancient oedipus. Could this be the fabled Temple of the Shadow King? According to Jones, the temple contains timeless wealth and beauty, an eternal reward for those with a pure heart. But many who entered the temple with a black heart took a detour to doom! A chilling tale indeed… But not chilling enough to cool off the hot pursuit of thousands of greedy globetrotters! They’re reading for a supernatural shopping spree! (End)
Sallah: (Sallah stands outside the temple, waving joyfully) Welcome, my friends to the Temple of the Shadow King! (The slide changes to Sallah holding a sign that reads “Safety First!”) I, Sallah shall now offer a few helpful - er - safety reminders! (Sallah sits on the hood of the ride vehicle) You must remain seated at all times, keeping inside your hands, arms, feet, and legs! (Footage of a man in a gorilla suit buckling in from right to left, then giving the “thumbs up” to the camera) It is crucial to pull the safety strap from the right, inserting it into the left like so. (A slide of Sallah stealing a banana from the gorilla’s pouch is followed by a slide of the gorilla strangling Sallah) These ingenious pouches are for safekeeping of earthly treasures for when the journey becomes bumpy! (Footage of Sallah and the gorilla careening through the ride itself) Your off-road journey is high-speed and turbulent! You will turn sharply, drop suddenly, and perhaps fall to your imminent doom! You may not live to experience such an adventure ever again! Now, my friends… (A slide of Sallah and the gorilla looking up at something big) One final word of advice… Beware the dreaded Shadow King… (The gorilla has turned into a human skeleton, much to Sallah’s visible sadness) Well, my friends your journey is drawing near! (Sallah stands sadly outside the temple) Already I am envious of the wonders that await you!
News Woman: (Over the following, black-and-white newsreel clips portray the words of the News Woman.) The creme de la creme of the international smart set are wearing khaki this year, and the new vacation hot spot is the Temple of the Shadow King. Everyone’s agog over this intriguing discovery by famed archaeologist Indiana Jones. They’ve all heard the rumors; unlimited treasure and beauty from the ancient gods. There’s just one little hitch - the ancient temple idol. If you so much as have a twinge of shadow in your heart, the next stop on your itinerary will be the Gates of Doom. (End)
Beneath the screen and into the subsequent passage, we walk past a collection of artifacts and equipment readied for delivery to Marshall College, Indy’s workplace. In a dark corner of the room, Indy’s makeshift office resides, filled to overflowing with “inside jokes” and hidden details of the Indiana Jones saga. Such details include a model of a circus train (The Last Crusade), Sallah’s fez, an ore car (Temple of Doom), and numerous statues, one being of Mara (Temple of the Forbidden Eye), another of Quetzaloatl (Temple of the Crystal Skull).
A sharp corner leads into the overhead catwalk of the Motor Pool. Built from the remnants of a sacrificial altar (yes, you read that right), we look down into a rumbling caravan of well-worn troop transport jeeps, circa World War II. Strategic ramps and wooden stairs lead down into the double-sided station where passengers board and disembark a jeep of their own. Giant roots and vines hint that our downward trek has led us deep into the temple’s core, where “last-minute” mosaics warn of the Shadow King’s raw power. Once at ground-level, an archaeologist “groups” us into one of three rows for our perilous adventure. New to the Indiana Jones Expedition: a lack of track. Like Hong Kong Disneyland’s Mystic Manor, Indiana Jones Expedition combines trackless technology with Enhanced Motion Vehicle technology. In a sense, this attraction is just as groundbreaking as the original Indiana Jones Adventure was in 1995.
=================================================================================================
Part Two to follow! Thoughts?
Fantastic job, MEW! You and @D Hindley both have such an eloquent writing style it's fun to read.
D Hulk
Well-Known Member
Dang, what'd I do to warrant getting mentioned here! I agree with @spacemt354...um, about the quality of @MANEATINGWREATH's writing. I'm not so egotistical as to toot my own horn over here!
Suchomimus
Well-Known Member
I think @MANEATINGWREATH’s writing is one of the best here; barring occasional hiccups with Monty Python being in Disney and Contemporary Ratatouille in early 1900s New Orleans.Dang, what'd I do to warrant getting mentioned here! I agree with @spacemt354...um, about the quality of @MANEATINGWREATH's writing. I'm not so egotistical as to toot my own horn over here!
disneyforever101396
Active Member
Hey, how many gates are there in this project? I'm curious.
Thank you.
I know Monty Python has no place in a Disneyland, but since this will never happen, a guy can dream, can’t he? I might provide an edited script for Spamalot once all is said and done. All the adult only humor will be rewritten to be a bit friendlier for families.As for Ratatouillie, I love the Parisian ride and wanted to offer a unique home for it. I know the 1920s era is completely off, but I’m taking some artistic liberties with it. Not only is the ride reset to a new adventure set in New Orleans, it bends the time barrier a bit. Kind of like Toy Story Mania at Tokyo DisneySea (1900 Coney Island) and Turtle Talk with Crush (1900 Manhattan).
Just one! The point of the dream project is to create the world’s largest theme park. There are three entrance/exits found in the park and 133 attractions. If it sounds unrealistic, it’s meant to be that way.
It’s all in good fun.
Suchomimus
Well-Known Member
Actually, Crush was 150 years old when Finding Nemo came, so it would make sense that he would be alive in 1900 Manhattan so the only questionable thing about Crush in DS would be being so far up north on the Atlantic (though, ocean currents).
disneyforever101396
Active Member
Thank you.
As for Ratatouillie, I love the Parisian ride and wanted to offer a unique home for it. I know the 1920s era is completely off, but I’m taking some artistic liberties with it. Not only is the ride reset to a new adventure set in New Orleans, it bends the time barrier a bit. Kind of like Toy Story Mania at Tokyo DisneySea (1900 Coney Island) and Turtle Talk with Crush (1900 Manhattan).
Just one! The point of the dream project is to create the world’s largest theme park. There are three entrance/exits found in the park and 133 attractions. If it sounds unrealistic, it’s meant to be that way.
I get it now. Thanks.