Originally posted by garyhoov
When in the Course of human events, it becomes necessary for one people to dissolve the political bands which have connected Darrel to his pants, and to assume among the powers of the earth, the separate and equal station to which the Laws of Nature and of Nature's God entitle them, a decent respect to the opinions of mankind requires that they should declare the causes which impel them to the separation.
We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty and the right to occupy Darrel's pants.--That to secure these rights, Governments are instituted among Men, deriving their just powers from the consent of the governed, --That whenever Darrel becomes destructive of these ends, it is the Right of the People to take Darrel's pants from him, laying its foundation on such principles and organizing its powers in such form, as to them shall seem most likely to effect their Safety and Happiness. Prudence, indeed, will dictate that Darrel's pants should not be taken for light and transient causes; and accordingly all experience hath shewn, that mankind are more disposed to suffer, while evils are sufferable, than to right themselves by abolishing the forms to which they are accustomed. But when a long train of abuses and usurpations, pursuing invariably the same Object evinces a design to reduce them under absolute Despotism, it is their right, it is their duty, to throw off Darrel's pants, and to provide new Guards for their future security.--Such has been the patient sufferance of these occupants of Darrel's pants; and such is now the necessity which constrains them to alter ("let out") Darrel's pants. The history of the present owner of the pants is a history of repeated injuries and usurpations, all having in direct object the establishment of an absolute Tyranny over these occupants of Darrel's pants. To prove this, let Facts be submitted to a candid world.
He farts too much.
In every stage of these Oppressions We have Petitioned for Redress in the most humble terms: Our repeated Petitions have been answered only by repeated farting. A Prince whose character is thus marked by every act which may define a Tyrant, is unfit to be the ruler of a free people.
We, therefore, the Representatives of Darrel's Pants, in General Congress, Assembled, appealing to the Supreme Judge of the world for the rectitude of our intentions, do, in the Name, and by Authority of the good People of these pants, solemnly publish and declare, That these pants are, and of Right ought to be Free and Independent pants; that they are Absolved from all Allegiance to Darrel, and that all political connection between them and Darrel, is and ought to be totally dissolved; and that as Free and Independent States, they have full Power to levy War, conclude Peace, contract Alliances, establish Commerce, and to do all other Acts and Things which Independent pants may of right do. And for the support of this Declaration, with a firm reliance on the protection of divine Providence, we mutually pledge to each other our Lives, our Fortunes and our sacred Honor.
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