Church Weddings or Not

[speck76]

I was raised Catholic, although in the last 10 years, I think I have been to church twice (for a wedding and last Christmas) but the third time is quickly approaching (a wedding this September). Dont get me wrong, I am not proud of my skipping of church, it just does not fit into my life right now.

I do not really want to be married in a church, nor do I want a large, complex wedding...just something small with close family and friends....I would not mind being married in Las Vegas, on a cruise, or at WDW....or just on a beach. Part of the reason I prefer a small wedding is I really do not like being in front of crowds...even if I know everyone......

Of course, I am single, without any prospects in near sight, so none of this really matters....I guess if I do ever find "the one" she will have some input on this too.

 

[JBSLJames]

she will have some input on this too.

Some?? SOME?????

Try replacing the letters o, m, and e with L and L and replacing the s with an A. Put it together and what do you got? ? ? ALL as in ALL of the input.


I did get to pick out my tux though :animwink:

 

[Maria]

We paid for our own flowers...small bouquet for the statue of the Virgin Mary,
and 2 baskets for the altar...$250 total. We left our flowers for the Church to use for that week's decorations, but we could have taken them with us.

Here, you can´t take the flowers with you after the ceremony. It´s considered bad taste and the parish doesn´t allow it. You would be leaving the altar 'naked', like taking a present away from God and company.
The usual flower arrangements are the one in the altar, and then two big ones on the sides of the entrance of the church (on the sides of the aisle you gotta walk down), and then sometimes, little bouquets on the benches on the side of the aisle.

The brides usually leave one bouquet (extra one) to the Virgin Mary either at the Church or, at their school if they studied in a nun´s school and want to do it at the school´s chappel. When that happens with my old school, the nuns sing for the couple. Personally... I won´t do it if I ever get married...

From my brother´s wedding...

 

[Maria]

I forgot, the father of the bride pays for the reception here, but the father of the groom pays for the church! hehe...

In reality, it´s not that way anymore... both families help with the expenses, but it´s always the bride who has more power and her family 'usually' carries with most of the expenses.

 

[Gucci65]

I had a big church wedding - we were members of the church (Baptist) so our fee was around $150.00.

I don't think that churches should turn people away because they are not members. To me marriage is a promise you make before God, therefore the ceremony should be conducted by a man of God. I do feel churches are within their right to charge a fee to non-members, but $1000 is pretty high.

My marriage lasted 12 years.

If and when I do get married again, I would like it to be on the beach at sundown or at WDW - real simple, not to elaborate, BUT I would like the ceremoney to be conducted by a Pastor.

 

[tigsmom]

Traditionally the bride's family pays, but sometimes the groom's family chips in. The groom's family pays for the rehearsal dinner. More & more the bride & groom are paying for the wedding themselves because ,being older ,they are more established & have some money.
My husband & I paid for the band ourselves. I had a small wedding (100 people & just a maid of honor) but really just wanted the immediate family there...i got over ruled.

As far as the bride getting all the say, my DH told me to pick whatever I wanted...just tell him when & where to show up. :lol:

 

[barnum42]

Just an observation - there seems to be a large number of Catholics in this tread - practicing / non-practicing and faithless - yes I too was raised Catholic and I still have the constant guilt complex to prove it :animwink:

Maria - I know your post was about the flowers (and very nice they are too), but I have to compliment the sculptor of the cross, it is certainly different from any I have seen before.

 

[tigsmom]

I had a big church wedding - we were members of the church (Baptist) so our fee was around $150.00.

I don't think that churches should turn people away because they are not members. To me marriage is a promise you make before God, therefore the ceremony should be conducted by a man of God. I do feel churches are within their right to charge a fee to non-members, but $1000 is pretty high.

My marriage lasted 12 years.

If and when I do get married again, I would like it to be on the beach at sundown or at WDW - real simple, not to elaborate, BUT I would like the ceremoney to be conducted by a Pastor.

I agree that marriage is sacred, a promise before God,but if you do not belong to a church nor practice your religion why bother with a church wedding? If you feel that its something that you really want then re establish your commitment prior to the wedding. Just my 2 cents. *shrugs*

(disclaimer: I sit in judgement of myself only.)

 

[wdwhoneymooner]

DW and I paid for everything ourselves because we didn't want anyone telling us what to do for our big day. Oh sure, we had family who wanted to pay for some things, but you know how some family members can be: "You shouldn't seat Auntie X over there" or "Let me be in every picture"......

 

[Gucci65]

I agree that marriage is sacred, a promise before God,but if you do not belong to a church nor practice your religion why bother with a church wedding? If you feel that its something that you really want then re establish your commitment prior to the wedding. Just my 2 cents. *shrugs*

(disclaimer: I sit in judgement of myself only.)

You are right. I should have made that clearer. For ME the ceremony would have to be conducted by a pastor. For people who don't believe/don't practice/don't care/whatever then sure a JOP would be fine.

Otherwise I guess it would be like taking a bath and putting your dirty clothes back on.

 

[MKCP 1985]

Yellow Shoes, I can speak from personal experience and say that I did get married in a church to which neither my wife nor I belonged. We were both people of faith from different areas, and we were getting married in her home town. Her family had moved around a bit and didn't have a church home at the time of our wedding, so we called around and found a beautiful church willing to host our wedding ceremony. It was a great wedding. We weren't going to live in her home town, so there was no reason to join that church, see? We did join a Christian church of the same denomination in the town where we lived shortly afterwards.

In the time we spent with the preacher who presided over the ceremony, he told us that, statistically speaking, marriages which occur inside a church tend to last longer than marriages occurring outside a church setting. I think the rationale was that people of faith tend to prefer to get married in a church (the blessing by God in God's house) and people of faith may tend to have something to stick to, a sense of being bound by a higher authority, when the rough times come (and they do come). It makes sense to me, though I'll be the first to admit that statistics don't tell the whole story and I'm not knocking anybody who got married in a garden or at a house or at WDW, or saying their marriage won't last. I'm not saying that at all. Neither am I saying everybody who gets married in a church is going to stay married. I think the preacher who conducted our ceremony said his success rate was around 50%.

Good luck with it all.

 

[The Mom]

Assume you are not a member of a church. You call a church and ask about being married there and they tell you that they only do weddings for members. How do you feel about that?

Do you think it is OK for a church to restrict weddings to members?

QUOTE]

I think it's up to the individual church to decide. If a non-member couple TRULY feels that they are entering into a sacred covenant and feel that the only proper way to do so is in the presence of God and witnesses, I think many churches would allow it; it would be an opportunity to strengthen the couple's faith, and perhaps ultimately lead them back into a church family.

However, too many couples consider the church as a background for their wedding "production" and have no real interest in the deeper religious significance. In this case, a church might be justified in refusing them, especially if they have no interest in attending counseling classes. On the other hand, many ministers (I don't have much knowledge about priests and rabbis) would consider this another opportunity for sharing their faith.

I know that I was not particulary religious when I married, although I had been active in my teens, and for the past 15 years have been an active church member. Had I not been married in a church, I would have renewed my vows by now.

 

[Maria]

Maria - I know your post was about the flowers (and very nice they are too), but I have to compliment the sculptor of the cross, it is certainly different from any I have seen before.

Thanks! I think it´s cool too. When that modern church was built, I wasn´t too fond of it to get married at. I like the old colonial churches that are centuries old. Then I realized the old ones have no a/c.... :animwink:

 

[FanofDinsey1981]

I just got married on June 13th, and we opted for the non-church wedding. We got married on the campus of Uni of Illinois, and it worked out amazingly well. the auditorium is used for graduation too, and there is a middle isle, then stairs leading to the stage. Getting married on stage vs in a church is cool, since EVERYONE can see you, and hear you a bit easier. you also have more of an option of making the ceremony about the couple, instead of about the religion, then about the couple. The ceremony went really well, and it was cut down to about 20 minutes.

We hada friend marry us, (yup, via internet ordained) and we gave him the option of using 'god' of any sort in the wedding. we are both non-religious, but since we married on a sunday, and a lot of our family is religious, we hada few bits in there. we also did a moment of silence or prayer, encompasing our buddist, christian, hindu, and atheist friends and family alike. we wanted everyone to be comfortable at our wedding.

 

[barnum42]

Thanks! I think it´s cool too. When that modern church was built, I wasn´t too fond of it to get married at. I like the old colonial churches that are centuries old. Then I realized the old ones have no a/c.... :animwink:

:lol: I love your way of thinking :animwink:

 

[Wckd Queen]

When I was younger, I wanted the whole nine yards...great big church wedding, gigantic meringue of a wedding gown, huge formal reception for 300 guests. I also wanted to marry a Greek man, so that I could have one of those amazingly long but absolutely beautiful Greek Orthodox wedding ceremonies :lol:

Now that I'm older and a bit more, ahem, seasoned, and I'm STILL looking for Mr. Right (heh...Mr. Right Now has been kicked to the curb, thank you very much...and...he was GREEK! ) I don't feel the need to have that sort of wedding. For me, barefoot on the beach at dawn or even a small, intimate WDW wedding with my soul mate would be more than enough. It wouldn't bother me if the officiant were a priest, minister or JP. Of course, if Mr Right does happen to be Greek Orthodox...

I am Catholic, and the last time that I checked into it, the archdioces of NY has had some sort of aversion to marrying couples outside. I don't know exactly why. It was my understanding, however, that providing the marriage occurs within the confines of a "sacred" building (Temple, Protestant church, etc) before the eyes of God, then that marriage will be recognized. Don't know if this is still the case. I have also attended weddings presided over by clergy of 2 (and in one case, 3) different religions. I guess it all comes down to personal choice and what feels right for the bride and groom. If a big church wedding with all of the trimmings is your cup of tea, then by all means, its the right thing to do! If the red~eye to Vegas for a 3am wedding presided over by Elvis is more your style, then be happy and go for it! (side note here: being the only child of rather traditional parents, I often enjoy telling my mother that one night she will be awakened at 3am by a phone call...me, in Vegas, wearing a black leather mini skirt and fishnet stockings yelling into the phone 'WE GOT MARRIED!'. She is not amused :lol:

 

[barnum42]

I am Catholic, and the last time that I checked into it, the archdioces of NY has had some sort of aversion to marrying couples outside. I don't know exactly why. It was my understanding, however, that providing the marriage occurs within the confines of a "sacred" building (Temple, Protestant church, etc) before the eyes of God, then that marriage will be recognized.

Just honing in on the “before the eyes of God bit there”.

I understand the belief is that God is omnipresent! Well Hello McFly! If he is omnipresent then he can get just a good a view wherever you choose to be married. :brick:

 

[JBSLJames]

you also have more of an option of making the ceremony about the couple, instead of about the religion,

That is where a church would differ. It's about the commitment before God, so help you God as long as you both shall live. . .

We had everything based on our Faith. The service, the music, the readings, everything was done to Glorify Him. I can see where a church would refuse to marry individuals in the church who have not made a commitment to their faith.

It is all a very polarizing debate.

Since, He, is 'the way, the truth, and the light', and 'no one shall come to the Father except through the Son', then we thought it best that our lives together start by honoring Him.

 

[FanofDinsey1981]

That is where a church would differ. It's about the commitment before God, so help you God as long as you both shall live. . .

We had everything based on our Faith. The service, the music, the readings, everything was done to Glorify Him. I can see where a church would refuse to marry individuals in the church who have not made a commitment to their faith.

It is all a very polarizing debate.

Since, He, is 'the way, the truth, and the light', and 'no one shall come to the Father except through the Son', then we thought it best that our lives together start by honoring Him.

I completely understand those who are very religious who want to do the whole church service/wedding thing, and I am not saying anything bad about it. since my husband and I are not religious, we found that when others before us were getting married, we found that even though it is a wedding, how few times their names were said, and how little they got to stand next to each other. As a personal preference, we wanted to make sure that it was about us, and how we were there to not only get married, but to share in our joy with our families and friends. And we wanted to make sure that everyone at our weddingwas comfortable with the ceremony, and that we were encompasing of everyone there. only about 70% were christian, the other was a mix of buddist, hindu, atheist, and even a few of other beliefs.

Though, I should say that the millions of weddings we have gone to in the last year and a half, most all of them were catholic. the ones that were methodist and ...lutheran...I think....were fairly quick, and put a bit more emphasis on the couple.

Ps James, got any pictures we can see? I like looking at churches, the styles, the stained glass, etc.

 

[tigsmom]

Though, I should say that the millions of weddings we have gone to in the last year and a half, most all of them were catholic. the ones that were methodist and ...lutheran...I think....were fairly quick, and put a bit more emphasis on the couple.

You really have a choice...just the wedding ceremony (which is what I did) or a full mass, which is what my niece (and god daughter) is doing in July. Of course if you choose a mass its going to be much longer (and less emphasis, so to speak, on just the couple). Some parishes leave the choice to the couple where others insist on a full mass.

It really comes down to personal preferance...what do you feel the most comfortable with (and just how much your family will let you get away with. :animwink: )