Best Jungle Cruise Jokes

[e4ymod]

"And now I will point out my favorite plants in the jungle."

 

[ICP06]

One of my favorite exit speil from a friend....

As we near the dock, all the skippers waiting to help you out gives you an idea of how many people actually work at the Magic Kingdom......... about one out of three and please exit the boat the same way you entered......pushing and shoving.

Ladies and gents, presenting my new favourite JC joke!

Classic!

That and the one little two little three little hippos. four little five little *shoots* four little hippos

Lovin' it!:sohappy:

ICP06

 

[MagliteL13]

One of my favorite exit speil from a friend....

As we near the dock, all the skippers waiting to help you out gives you an idea of how many people actually work at the Magic Kingdom......... about one out of three and please exit the boat the same way you entered......pushing and shoving.

I have to say that a person I know very well who may just share the same name as me has tried that joke out for the past week or so and it's never failed to get laughs.

 

[Wbnemo1]

one little, too little, three little, hippos is mine, but havnet used it in a few weeks i like to vary here and there..... me in the temple, you get a few things...ride my boat and see! .........uhh hear!

 

[Jon Good]

This is one at the end of the ride.

Be sure to stop in at the main street emporium to pick up your home version of the jungle cruse game. Its a BOARD game.

 

[Jon Good]

Here is another one that we used at the end of the ride.

You have all been a very outstanding crew and now you are going to be outstanding on the dock and back into those magical Disney streets where all of your dreams come true, uh except for the one about short lines.

 

[Kman]

Only heard this once years ago..."If you look to your left you will see the largest plastic butterflies Disney could find"

 

[Phonedave]

Had one skipper a while back that clearly went off script. It was no so much the jokes, but his delivery.

"So, I have been a Skipper here at the Jungle Cruse for about 3 years now, my parents are very proud ............. of my brother, he's a doctor"

-dave

 

[danyoung56]

I only heard this one once -

"...the back side of Schweitzer Falls, named after the back side of Albert Schweitzer."

Guess it's a little too risqué for Disney . . . . .

 

[cinderellafan6]

Back side of water is a classic and will always be my favorite

 

[WondersOfLife]

"Ladies and gentlemen you might want to cover your ears!"

*grabs gun*

"Bang. Okay we're good."

 

[Csmith041177]

This is great stuff! Keep them coming!

 

[TB4244]

Albert Awol's radio loop contains some comedy genius.
"Any travelers who may need to exchange foreign currency during their voyage needn’t worry. There are banks all along our rivers."
"All Skippers in training are required to wear a leopard hatband, so travelers at dockside will know not to board your boats."
"Attention Skippers: Please urge your passengers to disembark on the starboard side of the boat. That’s the side closest to the dock. IF you pull in bow first."
"Attention passengers: Please urge your Skippers to pull into the dock bow first."

I could listen to that all day, no matter how many times I hear it, its still funny.

 

[wdwgreek]

Skipper points tot he golden statutes, "and here we have the original golden girls"

 

[Weather_Lady]

We had a female skipper who commented on the hippos, "swimming away from me every time I get close, just like my last boyfriend," and then dramatically leaned over the side of the boat, reaching out to them yelling things like, "Come back! Please, I made you a scrapbook! And a mix tape! Our children will be so beautiful!..." Then she stood up, cleared her throat, and snapped back into character. It was unexpected and completely hilarious.

 

[a2grafix]

Let me point out some of my favorite plants. See that up there? That's hibiscus. See those over there (points to the riverbank)? Those are lowbiscus. And see those plants on the water? Those are my favorite. Those are seabiscus.

 

[DisneyManOne]

"Thanks for riding the Jungle Cruise, folks. Now get out. Oh, I'm sorry, where are my manners? Please...get out."

 

[badrew]

We had a female skipper who commented on the hippos, "swimming away from me every time I get close, just like my last boyfriend," and then dramatically leaned over the side of the boat, reaching out to them yelling things like, "Come back! Please, I made you a scrapbook! And a mix tape! Our children will be so beautiful!..." Then she stood up, cleared her throat, and snapped back into character. It was unexpected and completely hilarious.

I've been looking for this one! I probably had the same female skipper, and this is quite possibly the funniest version of any jokes I have heard in the hippo pool! She played it out so well.

 

[DABIGCHEEZ]

THIS IS MY OPINION AND MY OPINION ONLY!!!!

I know it is a WD original.... but the corny jokes are one of the reasons I would have no problem if JC was converted into a Jungle book or Lion King attraction. We have not wasted time on JC for many years now.

 

[CelebrateEveryDay]

Here is a sandstone formation. Some people take it for granite, but personally, I think it rocks! It's one of our boulder attractions.