Best Jungle Cruise Jokes

DisneyFreak529

DisneyFreak529

New Member
Ok Ok... even if they are old. Here is a few of my favorites.



There's old Trader Sam, head salesman of the area. Business has been shrinking lately, so this week only, Sam's offering a two-for-one special: two of his, for one of yours!

Python's are one of the less intelligent animals in the jungle. If they were smart do you think that he would be hugging that dead tree stump when food is all around him.

It's very important that you wait to get off the boat until one of our dock crew is there to assist you. Just yesterday we had a lady fall in and none of them were around to laugh at her.

And look at all the elephants out here today! This comes as a complete surprise to me cause I had no idea these guys were going to be here. If you want to take pictures go ahead--all the elephants have their trunks on.
 
sgmco

sgmco

New Member
Okay, two of my favorites-both from California:

1) Upon encountering every single animal, the skipper would make his usual joke and then exclaim "By the way did you know that [insert animal here] can jump an AMAZING 25 FEET!" By the end of the cruise, we were all joining in.

2) One of the classic California jokes, as you approach the unload--"We are now coming up on the most dangerous part of the journey-Civilization and the California Freeways!"
 
S

sabian

New Member
This is not a regular joke, but when my wife and i went to Disney on our honeymoon, we had a very funny improvisational skipper. Upon boarding the boat, our skipper turned around and looked at my wife and I and asked, where are you guys from? As we were now on the way to our adventure, my wife and I answer, "Louisiana." So he replies, "Oh, brother and sister?" My god was that funny.... I still laugh about it when i think of it.....:lol:
 
DisneyFreak529

DisneyFreak529

New Member
Yellow Shoes said:
I can't believe no one mentioned my favorite groaner:

As you come up on the elephants bathing

...but don't worry folks, they're wearing their trunks.
Click to expand...


I mentioned it, you didn't read my post?

disneyfreak529 said:
And look at all the elephants out here today! This comes as a complete surprise to me cause I had no idea these guys were going to be here. If you want to take pictures go ahead--all the elephants have their trunks on.
Click to expand...

see! :wave:
 
Nut4Disney

Nut4Disney

New Member
There are a couple of sites out there that I found that have most, or all of the jokes including the script for JC. Just do a search under "WDW jungle cruise script"
 
Y

Yost Nut Zero

New Member
disneydata said:
Those costumes were meant to be worn while driving in a truck, not in a boat while jumping around ... but that's another rant.
Click to expand...

Even for driving a truck, the shirts aren't long enough. The costume itself is comfortable enough, but the shirts are chronically un-tucked.
 
disneydata

disneydata

Well-Known Member
PhotoDave219 said:
Does that mean in the event of a water landing, our skipper can be used as a floatation device?
Click to expand...
No since the skipper skips out on any sign of danger, we are our own flotation device.
 
RSoxNo1

RSoxNo1

Well-Known Member
Some of my favorites... beginning with the intro:
"Your cadaverous pallor betrays an aura of foreboding, almost as though you sense a disquieting metamorphosis. Is this boat actually leaving the dock? Or is it your imagination? And consider this dismaying observation: this boat is completely surrounded with water, and I'm you skipper. Which offers you this chilling challenge: to find a way out! Of course you could always swim away!!!"

The African Belt:
Look we have Giraffe's, a 71 impala, fuzzy things... You know that rock they're on is pure solid sandstone so don't take it for granite.

And one that I came up with for the Rhino: How do you stop a Rhino from charging? Give him your American Express card.

The temple has a lot of different options:
Hum or sing any number of theme songs... It's a small world, Indiana Jones, or what have you

The Tiger: "Is that you tigger?" "Here Kitty Kitty Kitty" "I am Tiger Woods"

"Snakes why did it have to be snakes..."
"Monkeys why did it have to be monkeys"

These are Indian Elephants, do you know how I know they're Indian elephants? We're in India.
 

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