Best Jungle Cruise Jokes

[CThaddeus]

"Well, folks, if you thought this was bad you should check out the Tiki Bird show. You'll laugh, you'll cry, you'll kiss twenty minutes goodbye." (the new show, not the classic original)

Skipper waits for the natives to attack, then after a few seconds shouts, "No, no no. That was terrible. Forget it, just forget it. You've blown it now. I can't look at you anymore. (the natives turn away) Just bow your heads in shame...that's right, bow your heads in shame (the natives crouch back down behind the bushes." If timed properly, this one is very funny, even after seeing it numerous times.

But perhaps the one I laughed the hardest at can only be done at night. When the boat gets behind Schweitzer Falls, the skipper stops. Just as you think he's getting ready to do the usual "backside of water" bit, he grabs the spotlight and says, "This is Fantasmic!" and then proceeds to flash the light in random patterns on the backside of the falls, while humming the beginning music for the show. It certainly doesn't sound that humorous when written, but like Eric Idle's "Nudge, nudge, say no more" guy, it's something you have to see to understand.

 

[Sulley]

My favorite was with the Hong Kong Disneyland interns...

Right after entering the temple she started with "It's a small world after all, it's a small world after all....."

I couldn't stop laughing after that.

-Sulley

 

[DisneyFreak529]

They need new jokes on that ride!

 

[Number_6]

One's I've either heard or been told about that I liked:

(when almost out of the temple, there are seven gold statues, one of which doesn't have a head):
"Six out of seven golden idols prefer Head and Shoulders."

(After firing at the Hippos)
"Don't worry, I only wanted to scare them. It's a tactic I call a 'hipposhotimiss.'"

(At the falls as you first pass them, with a bald skipper)
"I love feeling the wind through my hair..."

(At the end of the ride)
"If you enjoyed the ride my name is John and if not, my name is Twinkie and I've been your Hostess."

 

[MagliteL13]

They need new jokes on that ride!

Might I suggest Kilamanjaro Safaris instead?

 

[PhotoDave219]

Might I suggest Kilamanjaro Safaris instead?

You know, one of these days theyre gonna want their laundry back.....

 

[Irrawaddy Erik]

One of my favorite exit speil from a friend....

As we near the dock, all the skippers waiting to help you out gives you an idea of how many people actually work at the Magic Kingdom......... about one out of three and please exit the boat the same way you entered......pushing and shoving.

 

[Irrawaddy Erik]

You know, one of these days theyre gonna want their laundry back.....

OMG I LOVE YOU DAVE!!!!!!!!!!


I put my laundry on the line when I got back from a two week and I went to get it and it was gone! :veryconfu

 

[PhotoDave219]

OMG I LOVE YOU DAVE!!!!!!!!!!


I put my laundry on the line when I got back from a two week and I went to get it and it was gone! :veryconfu

LMAO ... Its not my joke. I stole it from Becky :lol:

 

[BeckyLSawyer]

LMAO ... Its not my joke. I stole it from Becky :lol:

In all fairness, I stole it from someone else. He shall remain nameless. But he worked Kilimanjaro, so he has the right... Course, now he's with us... Coincidence? I think not!!!

Beck

 

[Kacki]

Haha....

 

[BeckyLSawyer]

"Well, that takes care of the ones in the trees."

I believe the line is, "Don't worry... I got rid of the dangerous ones. The ones in the trees. Dangerous tree hippo, rare species! Speaking of dangerous, look, a duck!"

Not that I would know or anything... :kiss:

Beck

 

[Irrawaddy Erik]

In all fairness, I stole it from someone else. He shall remain nameless. But he worked Kilimanjaro, so he has the right... Course, now he's with us... Coincidence? I think not!!!

Beck

Who I used to/seasonally work there? send me a PM if you would like to. :wave:

 

[BeckyLSawyer]

"Everything on this ride is real. Its just the ducks that are fake."

Dave... Do you ride anyone else's boat?

Hehe!

Beck

 

[PhotoDave219]

Dave... Do you ride anyone else's boat?

Hehe!

Beck

Im a jungle cruise snob... Ill only ride Yours of course DisneyData's, Maglight's, D's and Ali's. :kiss:

 

[GoofyMom2]

One that had us all chuckling:

As we approach the elephants in the pool. "It's OK to take their picture, they all have their trunks on". :lol:

Groaner, I know, but still a funny one.

With the headhunter: "Look, he has a two-for-one special. Two of his for one of yours.....No takers? Maybe next time". (or something like that)

 

[OmegaKnight]

When they have to tie a rope to the end of the boat so it doesn't drift away, there is a little jerk that happens. One of the funniest jokes I have heard has to deal with that:

"Don't mind the jerk at the end of the boat, he is just doing his job"

 

[BeckyLSawyer]

They need new jokes on that ride!

I disagree... If we had new jokes they wouldn't be funny anymore. The real fun of Jungle is that you go into knowing that you're facing 10 minutes of torture in the form of bad puns, stale punchlines and groan-worthy one-liners.

And if you don't like that, go to Kilimanjaro! And tell them, yes, they can have thier laundry back!

Beck

 

[SilentWindODoom]

What exactly is this laundry joke? I'm apparently missing something here.

 

[disneydata]

The costumes at the Jungle Cruise are the same as the ones at Kilamanjaro except the JC costumes don't have the patch on the shoulder and the belt buckle.

Those costumes were meant to be worn while driving in a truck, not in a boat while jumping around ... but that's another rant.