Please bear with me on this long post...there is a point.
My boys' autism is different between the two of them - my youngest was diagnosed at 3, my oldest at 10. They're now 8 and 13. My oldest is very high functioning (which is part of why his diagnosis was so late in comparison to his brother), and his autism rears its head primarily in the form of food sensitivities, some social awkwardness, sensitivity to how clothing feels, noise/sound quality sensitivities, and an ability to argue with logic that would put F. Lee Bailey to shame. My youngest has the same noise/sound quality sensitivities, more severe food sensitivities than his brother, issues falling asleep, a moderate speech/language delay (he's relatively easy to understand if he isn't excited, but he didn't really "talk" outside of using signs and a few words until he was about 5, so he sounds MUCH younger than his age), the same social awkwardness (neither has real issues making friends, and they're both loving and have no aversion to hugging/cuddling - it's more of a lack of understanding when someone isn't interested in something, etc), some issues surrounding safety, a general developmental delay, and a need to do repetitive things the same way (like skipping the deli at the supermarket throws him off a bit unless he knows ahead of time that we're not going to the deli). One of the things that makes autism so tricky is that as the boys grow up, new challenges sometimes arise in surprising places. For example, my oldest didn't have any clothing sensitivities until about a year ago - he used to just put on whatever was in his dresser and never complained. Suddenly I found myself having to find t-shirts that don't have any kind of imagery on them because they make him feel like he's going to get a rash, and jeans make him feel like he can't breathe.
Our first trip to WDW with them was when they were 2 1/2 and 7 1/2, so prior to diagnosis for both of them. Our youngest was in early intervention for his speech/language delay, but other than that, I was operating under the impression that we just had a very difficult toddler. We made the choice to go to WDW because it was important to us that our oldest experience it before he outgrew the "magic" (hubby and I didn't go on our first trips until we were teenagers, but then honeymooned at WDW). However, the thought of bringing our "difficult" toddler was almost enough to cause me to have panic attacks. He was a "runner" and behaving himself while we went out and about was far from the norm. He'd grab things off of shelves; if he wasn't in his stroller, he'd take off like a shot and run as far as he could or hide and not answer when we called him; he didn't understand "stranger danger"; he couldn't follow simple instructions; he couldn't yet even say his name or tell you how old he was. Waiting? FORGET IT. Just waiting in line at the supermarket was enough to cause a melt-down. I almost told my husband that it was too much - we'd never be able to handle him at WDW - but before I did, I had an "AHA!" moment. It occurred to me that not only was I letting our toddler's difficulties change how we lived, but I was letting them dictate what things he'd be able to enjoy as he got older.
I dug in. For the three months leading up to our trip, I brought him to as many places as I could think of that were difficult for him - the mall, the library, drive-in movies, movies at the theater, Edaville Railroad, the beach (remember the running? Yeah...not enjoyable), quick runs to the store (he was really bad at those), walk/run events, the 4th of July parade and fireworks...if it was loud, unpredictable, required waiting, and had tons of people around, we did it, and we did at least 5 different things a week. I'll never forget how close I came to giving up or how many times I wanted to - we left almost EVERY SINGLE outing early, very often with both of us in tears and almost always with people giving us looks and whispering - sometimes not so quietly. By the time of our trip there'd been improvement on both of our parts - but I was still scared - there isn't anything that can even come close to comparing to WDW near us, but I did what I could.
Our trip was beyond magical...it was downright MIRACULOUS. He was a little fidgety while we were en route to WDW, but what toddler isn't? Considering that we drive an hour, park and take a bus for 45 minutes, then the 3-hour flight, then the ME to the resort, he did better than most neuro-typical kids of that age! NOT A SINGLE TEAR OR EVEN MOMENT OF CRANKINESS OUR ENTIRE TRIP. Please don't think I'm exaggerating - I'm really not, and my husband would say the same. One thing I pride myself on is being realistic when it comes to my boys. He ate a wider variety of foods, he was pleasant during meals (sitting at the table had been a HUGE thing with him not lasting more than 10 minutes), he slept when he was supposed to, he held hands when he was supposed to...
he was like a totally different kid. Even more miraculous?!? HE STARTED TRYING TO SAY NEW WORDS. His teachers and I compared notes multiple times after our trip and we all believe that the practice beforehand was what made it so successful - but also that he experienced a jump in his development while we were at WDW. Another aspect we all agreed on is that the practice and preparation for the trip helped me develop my ability to "see around corners" and head off problems before they occur. It became habit to visualize what we were going to do throughout the day and try to spot areas that will be difficult so that I'm ready for them when they happen and we're able to deal with them more quickly and effectively. That first trip didn't just change my son...it changed ME.
In the six years since that trip, I've approached everything with a different attitude. My boys have shown me that regardless of their autism, I can set the expectations bar higher for them and they will reach it - even if it takes them a little longer or they need a little more help than neuro-typical kids. In all our trips to WDW, we've only had two instances of crying - once when heading into Hollywood Studios when our youngest was 4, he decided he didn't want to hold hands and wanted to walk by himself like his older brother instead of riding in his stroller. When we said "Sorry, but no", a huge melt-down ensued. He was allowed to have his melt-down, which lasted about 10 minutes (we're lucky in that he doesn't try to injure himself). Yes, we got tons of looks and whispers from passers-by, but we never had a problem with holding hands again - even at home. The other time was 100% my fault and was really just a temper tantrum...he loves Dumbo, and on our last day, our last ride was on the Tomorrowland Speedway, and silly me didn't realize ahead of time that you can actually SEE Dumbo from the Speedway. Cue massive temper tantrum and refusing to walk even though we were leaving directly from MK to go to the airport. On each trip, our youngest has had at least a small jump forward - we even potty trained him at WDW when he was almost 5 after struggling with it for nearly 2 years at home. (He was refusing to at home, and the drastic change in routine did the trick.) Both of our boys are now well-seasoned travelers - I was approached after our flight home from WDW when they were 5 and 10 by a woman who tapped me on the shoulder and said "I had NO IDEA you had two children with you! They were both so well behaved and quiet!" We've taken them for long weekends to amusement parks, Great Wolf Lodge...there isn't a single thing we are afraid of trying. We've never needed the DAS pass, and I consider us to be truly blessed - even with the challenges we sometimes face.
So, my point to you
@RobWDW1971, is that the world is not going to bend or change for children with disabilities, never mind adults who have disabilities. While WDW is far from being the real world, there are aspects of WDW that are identical to the real world - like waiting your turn; loud, unexpected noises; crowds, etc. etc. My job as a mother is to prepare them to face the real world and to help them develop means of coping for those instances that are difficult for them. I would be doing them a huge dis-service and severely limiting their future lives if I were to let them fall into a pattern of allowing their challenges to determine what they can and cannot accomplish.
@Lilofan...I may disagree with you vehemently on some things, but you are 100% correct in thinking those are the actions you should take.
