Pre-Trip 2 Broke Guys (and a dog!) and $200 French Fries?! multiple short trips

Who:

Tony:

Wait, a little more recent, please (but remember the blue tufted sofa for later.)

"Hidden Mickey" ears behind me? It's actually a wall mural with ocean waves.

Brian:

That picture of him is 8 years old, but still adorbs.

...and sometimes Kylie:

60 pounds of German Shepherd/Chow Chow love & anxiety. She is as old as that picture of Brian, and also adorbs!

 

[Tony the Tigger]

Without thinking, I started going into a dissertation of all the buffets at WDW, and saying basically most of them are expensive and not to go for the food (except Tusker House) and you're paying for the characters, blah blah blah.

I kind of think the only reason he would be talking about eating at WDW is if Brian was talking about it with him. I could and should be absolutely wrong. Unless Brian is thinking of a marathon driving day Wednesday, drive up, eat dinner at a resort, drive home.

Then this morning, before he went to work, I noticed a box on the floor. He orders things on Amazon for work and has them shipped to the house so they don't get lost at work when they are received by others. I assumed this was that. I asked if he was forgetting his box? And he said, no, that was for us, for when we take a road trip.

When are we taking a road trip?

Also, he just got his car fixed, which he often does before a road trip.

I could totally be reading too much into this.

 

[Tony the Tigger]

Evidence!

This is the mysterious box. It’s a teeny tiny refrigerator/warmer. And it’s gay! Look at that rainbow, @BuddyThomas ! And my floor is dirty. I knew I should have cropped that pic.

Gary!

That is old man Gary sitting next to me at the Kava bar by my new store. Brian is cut off on the other side. Jared is the giant head and owns the Kava bar with his wife, Heather, who hand painted that stunning mural on the wall. Anyway, the point is that’s Gary.

Is he tagging along? I don’t even know where we’re going, but I’m grabbing my Chase rewards redemption card and AP vouchers before I leave the house.

It’s probably a nice local dinner. Stop getting carried away.

I’m tempted to call Gary while B is still at work...but I’m no Beyoncé.

 

[Tony the Tigger]

Since there have been no Disney pics, and speaking of gay, and so I can continue to delete pics from my phone so I stop getting “your cloud is full” messages, here are my ex Chris and me gaying it up on Red Shirt Day circa 18 years ago-ish.

Omg, am I a chubby chaser? (You’ve all seen Brian.)

Chris deserved that shout out because he found and sent me pics of my sweet kitty. I had lost most of my pics and always wanted to post her here.

This is Baby:

Yes, she liked drinking from the faucet.

Like daddy, she looks better in person than in pictures.

She loved Blue’s chair.

Yes, i still have a crush on Richard Gere. The pic to the right of him that you can’t see is Harrison Ford as Indy. My boys.

I adopted Baby a few days after I turned 18 and got my own place. She traveled all over the country with me, and stayed with me until I married Brian, which was a few days after I turned 36. Two weeks after our honeymoon, she passed. I never could have handled that without Brian.

OK. Volcano Bay:

 

[Tony the Tigger]

I called to see what this premium seating was all about since it was a special occasion. It’s basically a cabana. They allegedly start cheap - like $20 - on slow days, but they were not cheap for freaking Easter weekend. Duh!

And...seriously?!

That’s a lot for one day to invite someone to a bachelor party, no?

No, I’m glad we went. We’ll die broke, we have no kids. But we will have enjoyed the ride!

Parking garage was another $22.

The entrance tunnel:

Now, we had just driven 3 hours to get there. Everyone else had slept there the night before, got to the park right at opening (10am?) and had been doing their thing by the time we arrived around 11:30am.

Basically they give you a wristband like a magic band that works like Disney’s old paper FP system. So you “FP” most rides and then go do something else while waiting.

Naturally, Brian and I went to eat.

Everything reminds me of the Flying Fish.

Naturally, I had the pulled pork sandwich (and a specialty beer of some kind.)

It was actually pretty high on my list of good pulled pork sandwiches. But the old CBR still reigns supreme in my book. I don’t even want to know yet if they still have them after construction.

Brian had the Reka burger and the same beer. We were good!

You know who else was good? The woman behind the counter. She would not serve the lettuce that had been sitting out. She tried to get someone to replace it but they didn’t want to and said it was fine. She insisted until she got that lettuce switched out. That lettuce on my plate is f-r-e-s-h. I probably never would have noticed, but I thanked and complimented her for that.

 

[Tony the Tigger]

There are pretty much no more pictures of volcano bay, because my phone was in Jeff‘s locker the whole time!

Suffice to say we got wet. We walked up, we went down. Literally rinse and repeat.

It’s a waterpark. OK, it’s a themed Water Park, and some of the rides are cool.

But between our arrival time and taking time out for lunch, Brian and I did I think maybe only three rides and the not very lazy river and the wave pool.

While in the wave pool, you would think there was a shark. “Get out of the water! Get out of the water!“

Somebody pooped. At least that’s what I heard.

I think that’s the first time I’ve ever used that emoji. It’s actually appropriate!

One waterslide that sort of differentiated itself from waterslides at other water parks was designed with a clear plexiglass tube at the top. You stand inside the tube, fold your arms, and the bottom drops out without warning and you… go down the waterslide like every other waterslide.

Jeff chickened out on that one and walked back down.

They went on the one where you “catch G’s” or something before we got there. (Whew!)

We went on a couple other slides and the river which moves quite briskly. We had a “FP” for another big slide, but decided to leave and go back to the house, figure out dinner, etc. To my delight DS was tossed around as a dinner option. Yes! My element.

Little did I know...

 

[Tiggerish]

Well, there's a cliffhanger...

 

[BuddyThomas]

I don't know how I missed this but thanks for posting more hysterical trip shenanigans! We need as many laughs as possible these days and this report is doing the job!

 

[Tony the Tigger]

OK, Brian is working until 2 tomorrow, and getting a crown put on his tooth at 3PM. Clearly we are not going on a road trip - he ordered the gay mini-fridge two months ago.

We are going to dinner “somewhere we’ve never been before.” Well, I’ll let you guys know tomorrow night.

Meanwhile, here’s one more pic from Volcano Bay:

This giant head thing was funny. It made remarks as you walked by.

 

[Tony the Tigger]

To the house we go:

Clearly we had missed some bachelor party fun:

Oh, well. We brought a bottle of Jaeger.

Mmm...Jaeger... (can’t sleep, anyway!)

And...shot accomplished.

 

[Tony the Tigger]

Actually, that shot was from the same bottle of Jaeger. Nobody wanted to take the rest of it home, so we did.

Now, here's the thing: this house was in some little village type thing in the Orlando area. Very gay area, I don't remember what it was called. Maybe someone here will. But...it was not close to anything!!

It was a fairly long drive from VB to the house, like a half hour or so.

There was a local guy who was friends with everyone at the house (except me.) He was pushing for DS for dinner. I thought, "Cool!"

But, it was Easter weekend, we needed a last minute reservation for 7. Everybody turns to me, Mr. Disney, to use my magic app and what not.

Not much came up available.

I even called Art Smith's directly when it came up with nothing available on the app. They said we could go, but it would be at least an hour wait or something like that. We were all starving (especially the rest of them who ate lunch before we got there.)

So I'm giving everyone the options: we can go to Art Smith's and get drinks while we wait for food, we can get a reservation at x, y, or z.

Local guy picked this, and the rest didn't know better but to agree:

 

[Tony the Tigger]

I figured the local was going for a less expensive option.

Here we are, pretending to enjoy it:

Note: the guy front left with the glasses is “the local.”

 

[Tony the Tigger]

That guy - Craig - was a-nnoy-ing. Had to be the center of attention, yap yap yap, trying to be funny, trying too hard, dominating the conversation of 7 people - they all loved him.

He was also playing tour guide as if we had never been to Orlando.

We took two cars from the house to there. Apparently he thought we had to follow him and there's no such thing as Siri or GPS. (I was in the second car with Jeff and the two girls.) At some point our cars got separated, and he called us on Jeff's phone wanting to know where we were. He kept naming things we were passing and we kept saying, "We're two cars behind you. We're seeing the same things literally as you are saying them." He would not stop. We kept muting the phone and saying, "I can't believe this is really happening right now." He was acting like we were lost. It was hysterical. That became a joke for the rest of the trip. It's still a joke. "I'm going to Publix. I'd better get Craig to give me step by step directions."

This drive was looong. The house was even farther away from Disney than it was from Universal. Our group was not impressed, and I was suddenly glad I was not the one who initiated going to DS.

As soon as we parked, it started to rain downpour. We were just in time for our reservation, and ran all through DS in the rain, trying to stay near buildings to avoid getting soaked. By the time we got to the restaurant, we were pretty wet.

Nothing a good cocktail can't save, right? I had a good one, but it's not on the menu on the Disney site, so I don't remember what it was. I know I'm forgetting details because this was so long ago. Interesting what sticks in your mind, and what disappears because you're about to turn 47 and forget every other thing in the world every single day.

We enjoyed our drinks and ordered some apps because we were starving. My pick was:

Canadian Poutine
House Fries, Cheese Sauce, Roasted Garlic Gravy, Braised Beef, Cherry Peppers

This was delicious. Most of them had never heard of it before, they all loved it, it was the hit of the appetizers (really, the meal, I think.) So much so that I ordered a second one. (Now we're getting to the fries part of the story.)

Others ordered chips & salsa (why?) and other things that were forgettable.

Second round of drinks!!

Btw, during all this, Jeff had a list of things to accomplish as part of his bachelor party thing. Here is the list (and he was very serious about completing it.)

Wear a tiara to a restaurant or a Sombrero in a Mexican restaurant
Get a stranger to give you their underwear
Get 3 strangers to facebook friend request you
Get a kiss on the cheek from a drag queen
Get someone to buy you a drink/shot
Change shirts with a stranger
Take shirt off in a club
Tip a drag queen
Get the DJ to play your favorite song
Convince someone you are from an Australia
Have a conversation with someone using your Lois Reitzes voice
Convince the bar tender to buy you a drink/shot
Sag your pants 10 minutes at the club/bar
Kiss a girl- not in our group- on the lips. Just a peck fine- no need to make out.
Steal something from a restaurant without using someone's purse. Paper products don't count
Help a single person make out
Blow a bottle you are drinking out of while talking to a stranger for at least 10 seconds
Pinch a stranger on the and not get caught
Stand "too" close to a stranger for 30 seconds
Get a guy (not in our group) to moon you
Say the words to a stranger "Hey, so this crazy, but here's my number, so call me maybe." Then give him your number. 5 extra points if they call you!

Max score 105

Grading scale:
90-105 Billy love you long time!!!
80-89 If you scored this high, you probably embarrassed most of the group at some point over the weekend. Good job!!
70-79 Billy must not be a size queen, cause you are just average.
60-69 We expected more from you, but we all still love you anyways!
0-59 I know the score won't be this low because you never fail!!

 

[Tony the Tigger]

As far as dinner goes, I ordered:

Blackened Fish Sliders
Blackened Fish, Aji Amarillo, Lettuce, Tomato, Toasted Mini Brioche Buns and P37 Fries

$20, dry, small portion, whatev. And you'll notice it came with - more fries. In fact, every dish came with more fries. You should have seen the table when dinner came, and there were fries everywhere, including the two rather large plates of poutine. We looked like french fry freaks.

Pretty much all 7 of us were very "meh" about the food. Jeff let me try his beans because he thought they tasted like they were out of a can, and I didn't believe it because we were at Disney World. I had to admit, it brought me back to my poorhouse days of Hormel chili with beans. Very surprised. We could have gotten better anywhere for less money. Nobody was impressed with dinner, and once again I was glad I was not the one who pushed to come here.

I had put $200 on my Chase rewards card, thinking Brian and I would find time at some point during this short trip to have a nice splurge meal at a good Disney Resort restaurant before we went home.

We had separate checks, and I asked the waiter to put Jeff's meal on ours. (We arrived late to the party, literally, after all, and the others had been paying for his stuff for the last few days.) The waiter instead put Luis' stuff on our bill, and Luis had ordered a bunch of extra stuff for the table (to be nice.) Plus the two poutines, and our bill was over $200 including tip, just Brian and my share. There was our splurge meal, and it was f****** french fries .

Did you ever go along with something you knew was a bad idea...

Now, Mr. Tour Guide wants to show off all he knows about DS. He made a big hoopla about taking us to the Ghirardelli store, and telling everyone to "act surprised" when they give you "FREE CHOCOLATE!!!!!!!!" !!!!! !!



B, please!

 

[Tony the Tigger]

Some silliness...

And back to the house.

Yikes! It’s 3:30AM! I guess that Jaeger wore off fast. I’d better reload and try to get some sleep.

 

[Tony the Tigger]

God, I look fat after eating 10 pounds of fries!!

I thought that was it for the night and everyone went right to bed - except Jeff. He really wanted to go out. He really wanted to check more things off his list.

Brian and I obliged, albeit hesitantly. There was a local bar on the corner from where the house was, so we went there. It was pretty dead, and we got into some deep convo. Jeff also got the bartender to buy him a shot, stood too close to a stranger, and tried (only tried) to help a single person make out. That discussion was hi-larious.

We said we were going for one. I didn't understand why Jeff wanted to stay out so long. In fact, he wanted to Uber to the gay bar about a mile away. We knew it would be dead, so why bother? I'm at that age now, getting wrecked is an accident, not a goal, and I really pay for it when the accident happens.

Naturally he bought a second round and shots.

I felt like a wet blanket - he kept pushing to go to the second bar. I don't know where the boy gets the energy. But we called it a night, walked back, and went to bed.

Our room had no TV (panic emoji) so I put TV on my phone, took some meds, and eventually fell asleep with TV still streaming on my phone. When I woke up, I had all the texts:

You have 20% data remaining
You have 10% data remaining
You have zero data remaining

Oops.

 

[Gurt]

Shame about your bad meal at Paradiso we have only ever had cocktails there the food has never looked good enough to order. Did Mr tour guide extraordinaire know that you and Brian are regular visitors? What a know it all pain in *** I hate those people. Im excited to find out what Brian has in store for your birthday.

 

[Tony the Tigger]

Shame about your bad meal at Paradiso we have only ever had cocktails there the food has never looked good enough to order. Did Mr tour guide extraordinaire know that you and Brian are regular visitors? What a know it all pain in *** I hate those people. Im excited to find out what Brian has in store for your birthday.

I'm excited, too!

I would go back to Paradiso for drinks and poutine, not for dinner. Actually, I think that would be a good stop if we weren't that hungry and happened to be at DS.

Yes, he knew we had AP's. He also knew Brian is diabetic, but still made him get free chocolate.

I was a little disappointed for the group, because I wanted them to enjoy DS and think, "We should come back here at some point." I mean, of course we had a good time anyway during dinner. But following the Pied Piper around DS at night, they weren't really impressed with the chocolate store and the Disney store, and didn't want to keep walking around. Everything seemed to be a far walk from one stop to the next, and they were all exhausted from being in the sun and water park all day.

You could also tell he was "thinking like a local" as in trying to do everything on the cheap. That wasn't really our goal, we wanted to do it well. That's just not the way you do DS. There were comments in the car on the way back like, "Disney Springs is not worth a 45 minute drive." I beg to differ!

The thing is - to relate this to some of the discussions that go on around here - I didn't for a minute blame Disney or think "the magic is gone" or whatever. Had I been in charge, we would have gone for drinks at Art Smith's or Raglan Road, and waited for a better table somewhere. That was my suggestion. But they were starving and just wanted to eat ASAP, and the local guy they all knew and worship was pushing for "the Mexican restaurant" (which it really isn't.) It was not my place in this crowd to push for anything. Jeff is my good friend, but he was Brian's friend for many years longer. All the other people I only know casually through Jeff. They all live in Atlanta.

And we can make a good time out of anything, which we did. Especially making fun of Craig all the way home!

 

[Tony the Tigger]

I guess I was so excited about tonight, I had a hard time sleeping. Falling asleep can be difficult while you are typing.

Just woke up a little while ago, which is very unusual for me, but I'm glad I slept or I'd have the eyebags tonight.

Today, I'd like to get some sun, relax, I have to spend a couple of hours on an inventory order due by 3PM, work on a little financial stuff, and therefore...

Today's weird wine is a personal fave of mine. I found it by accident at a business mixer down here. Once again, it's not made from grapes. Wait for it...

 

[Tony the Tigger]

Doesn’t this remind you of Coco?

I finally saw that movie on Netflix, cried, made Brian watch it with me the same day, cried again, made Jeff & Billy watch it with us when they visited - 4 guys crying.

This is a wine made in Mexico from agave. Apparently, agave is fruit, so that makes it technically wine (?)

It tastes like tequila after a little ice melted in it.

It’s also 24% alcohol, which is about double the strength of the average wine.

This would be a great cheat for “beer & wine only” venues. It’s wine - but it’s almost tequila. A nice sipping tequila. Cheers!

 

[Wendy Pleakley]

I've been to Disney Springs several times and hadn't even heard of Paradiso 37, which I think is telling.

I looked up their poutine and it is definitely NOT poutine. Poutine is fries, cheese curds, and gravy. Theirs is just fries with cheese sauce.