Well I know it was in the news here a couple of weeks ago about a study, and they said the Netherlands is behind most other western European countries in equal pay and such, and that in most families, the woman does the lion's share of household duties and child rearing, even if she has a fulltime job. So I don't know how MUCH behind, but the Netherlands doesn't do a whole lot better than the US as far as that's concerned. I think with my husband, it's just a case of being oblivious. I don't think he MEANS for me to do most of it, he just doesn't realize how much I do. I don't know if it's a men in general thing, but I know my husband needs to experience things to "get it". Like, when he went back to work after E was born, he came home one day from work just as I was putting her in the playpen so I could go to the bathroom. He came in and was like "Oh....I guess I'll wait then." and I asked why....he could just use the upstairs bathroom, and he said he didn't want to leave E alone. And so I asked him what he thought I did when I needed to go and he was at work. Did he think I just held it all day until he got home? And he said he had never given it any thought. It had never occurred to him that I might need to go at some point while he wasn't home. If he hasn't experienced it, he doesn't understand. So because he's not the one doing EVERYTHING, and also his job is a desk job and mine is a physical job where I'm on my feet all day, he just doesn't put 2 and 2 together that it's too much for me and I need him to pick up some slack. I had to work today, and he didn't, and our grocery store is closed for 2 weeks for remodeling because they just built an extention. So we have to go somewhere else for groceries. I asked if he would take me to work and pick me up so he had the car to do grocery shopping, and he says "Or you could just drive yourself and get groceries on the way home." Now I'm thinking, I've just worked today, HE should take care of groceries and cooking, right? WHY would he expect me to work AND get groceries? Is he expecting me to make dinner as well because he figures I don't work as late on Sundays as on other days, so I have time? Because usually I work until 6 and then have to ride my bike home and don't get there until 7. I can't get groceries and start cooking at 7:30. So he cooks on those nights. But on Sundays, I only work until 5 and because DH doesn't have to work, I don't have to ride my bike and it's only a 10 minute drive. So I was like....is he still thinking I should cook after work even though he's been relaxing all day? So I drove myself to work and I was kind of miffed, and I texted him to ask him what he wanted to cook so I could get groceries and he decided to order in.
I hear you on the epidural. When I went in for my very first appointment, I told the midwife I wanted an epidural. She said "we'd see" when the time came. I was like, no....I want drugs. In the end, they wouldn't let me get them until I had been in labor for 17 hours and was still only at 3cm dilation. They decided they needed to give me something to help progress the labor, and because that increases the intensity of the contractions, they let me have an epidural. With A, I didn't get drugs because it went too fast and they said I couldn't have anything until they monitored everything for at least half an hour, and because I was already so far, they didn't think they had time to do that. Labor for his birth was only 6.5 hours long and I wasn't even allowed to go to the hospital for a bit because my contractions weren't close enough together. Then when I got there, my contractions were overlapping....so one contraction wouldn't be done before the next started, so I wasn't getting any rest between them and I was already at 9cm, but wasn't progressing beyond that, so the contractions weren't doing what they were supposed to anymore. So they decided to give me something to hopefully make the contractions more even and productive. 4 minutes later, I was fully dilated and he was born 15 minutes later, where E took me almost 20 hours of labor and more than an hour of pushing. But I got no pain killers at ALL with A. But here, most people don't even go to the hospital. They stay at home. I told them I wanted to go to the hospital and I wanted drugs. They refused to let my friend Mojgan have any pain meds...the doctor told her she "didn't need them".
Funny, but she brought us a big homemade frosted sugar cookie. Her bday is this weekend. Sam thinks it's an odd gift, but I got her a cake decorating set.
I hadn't seen her in a few days, so that was a nice little surprise. She looks so much smaller now that she's lost her winter coat.
