working out for Disney

[Songbird76]

I would be open to moving, except, between Dec. 2014- Aug. 2016, I moved from Illinois to London, where my husband lost his job. So eight months after we arrived in London, they sent us back. Ironically, the day they told him he was going back was the day I started applying for social worker positions. So, we moved back to Illinois, where my husband was unemployed until he got his current job, which brought us to NJ. He lived in a long term hotel for months until my son finished 8th grade and then we all moved here in August 2016. I have always been supportive of him trying to advance his career, but I feel like I am allowed to have a "limit" of how many times I will move, you know?

I really like my house, too. It's really quirky and it doesn't look like the other houses around here. I have nice back yard that feels like a mini-resort in the summer. I have a lot of privacy in my backyard and one side of my house has a creek that runs along it. I love to sit outside early in the morning and listen to it flow.

Well that all sounds amazing and I wouldn't want to move either. I live in a low income neighborhood in a "row house" where every house and every street look exactly the same. I actually biked right past my house once last year because I was lost in thought and not paying attention and everything looks the same. The houses are ugly....it's a flat-roofed row house, and the windows face North on one side, South on the other, but it has wall-to-wall windows, so in the Summer, the Sun shines through the windows on the South side the whole day and if we're in a heatwave, we just bake inside. Plus with no attic or basement/cellar, we are short on storage. And with the windows, we can't put any furniture against those walls, so you can't rearrange things once in a while to freshen it up, and we're very limited to how much furniture we can have. I need more bookcases, but have no more wall space to put them. If I had a nice private backyard with a creek, it might make up for the lack of storage or placement options.

And you should absolutely be allowed to have a limit.

 

[Figgy1]

I would be open to moving, except, between Dec. 2014- Aug. 2016, I moved from Illinois to London, where my husband lost his job. So eight months after we arrived in London, they sent us back. Ironically, the day they told him he was going back was the day I started applying for social worker positions. So, we moved back to Illinois, where my husband was unemployed until he got his current job, which brought us to NJ. He lived in a long term hotel for months until my son finished 8th grade and then we all moved here in August 2016. I have always been supportive of him trying to advance his career, but I feel like I am allowed to have a "limit" of how many times I will move, you know?

I really like my house, too. It's really quirky and it doesn't look like the other houses around here. I have nice back yard that feels like a mini-resort in the summer. I have a lot of privacy in my backyard and one side of my house has a creek that runs along it. I love to sit outside early in the morning and listen to it flow.

If you do decide to move I know a few neighborhoods where you can get that

 

[Sans Souci]

Well that all sounds amazing and I wouldn't want to move either. I live in a low income neighborhood in a "row house" where every house and every street look exactly the same. I actually biked right past my house once last year because I was lost in thought and not paying attention and everything looks the same. The houses are ugly....it's a flat-roofed row house, and the windows face North on one side, South on the other, but it has wall-to-wall windows, so in the Summer, the Sun shines through the windows on the South side the whole day and if we're in a heatwave, we just bake inside. Plus with no attic or basement/cellar, we are short on storage. And with the windows, we can't put any furniture against those walls, so you can't rearrange things once in a while to freshen it up, and we're very limited to how much furniture we can have. I need more bookcases, but have no more wall space to put them. If I had a nice private backyard with a creek, it might make up for the lack of storage or placement options.

And you should absolutely be allowed to have a limit.

It seems like from what you've described, your house gets natural light in the winter?

After I married my husband, I moved into his row house. It was small, but cute. It was 2 bedrooms and a bathroom upstairs and living room (lounge) and kitchen downstairs. It was perfect for a couple. I remember it was summer, so we had the windows open and the couple next door had a newborn. We could hear it cry all night through the walls and through our open windows.

I also ended up using the 2nd bedroom as my closet, because the wardrobe in the main bedroom was just about enough for husband.

When we lived in London, the three of us were living in a 1200 sq ft flat. When we viewed it, it was empty. When the rental furniture came in, it shrunk immediately. I remember looking up the price of that flat, naively thinking if my husband did really well, we could stay in London permanently. I really liked the neighborhood and I was close to Regent's Park, the Zoo and different tube lines. It was $2 million for 1200 sq ft.

 

[Sans Souci]

Hello-

I've been sleeping in lately. It started last week, before we changed clocks. I'm just listening to my body. Maybe I need more sleep?

Anyway, I did a lower body workout. I've been doing YouTube videos with this one instructor. She asks you to let the ads play and I do, but then a 37 minute workout turns into a 50 minute workout because she's crammed in so many ads. I understand this is her bread and butter, but 12 minutes of ads is a bit much. What's worse is they come on while during a workout interval and not a rest interval. I don't know--12 minutes seems excessive. Maybe 6-8 seems better. I think I am going to start skipping ads here and there. I don't mean to be horrible, but I have things to do. Plus, I hate standing around while ad after ad plays. I just want to get my workout done for the day. I do understand this is how she makes money, but she has 16.8 million subscribers. Maybe it wouldn't hurt to scale back the ads by a few minutes. I also get ads that are for 13 year old girls. This morning I got one for Tampax tampons with Amy Schumer asking girls if they knew it was a myth that you don't lose your virginity if you use tampons. Good. I can sleep easily now that we've laid that myth to rest. Thank you, Tampax.

 

[Figgy1]

Another cold and windy day with the additional bonus of freezing carp coming in. Today I got my bounce and cleaning on

 

[Figgy1]

Hello-

I've been sleeping in lately. It started last week, before we changed clocks. I'm just listening to my body. Maybe I need more sleep?

Anyway, I did a lower body workout. I've been doing YouTube videos with this one instructor. She asks you to let the ads play and I do, but then a 37 minute workout turns into a 50 minute workout because she's crammed in so many ads. I understand this is her bread and butter, but 12 minutes of ads is a bit much. What's worse is they come on while during a workout interval and not a rest interval. I don't know--12 minutes seems excessive. Maybe 6-8 seems better. I think I am going to start skipping ads here and there. I don't mean to be horrible, but I have things to do. Plus, I hate standing around while ad after ad plays. I just want to get my workout done for the day. I do understand this is how she makes money, but she has 16.8 million subscribers. Maybe it wouldn't hurt to scale back the ads by a few minutes. I also get ads that are for 13 year old girls. This morning I got one for Tampax tampons with Amy Schumer asking girls if they knew it was a myth that you don't lose your virginity if you use tampons. Good. I can sleep easily now that we've laid that myth to rest. Thank you, Tampax.

I walk in place during short ads but if they're longer than 30 seconds click off they go

 

[HouCuseChickie]

My husband's previous boss transferred to NYC and she mentioned to my husband she could use his help. She called him to discuss the opening and when the job was posted on the system, she sent him the link. Anything is possible, but I think he will get this job. He is talking about renting a studio apartment and coming home at the weekends. I am not sure how I feel about this. I would never ask him not to apply, but I don't want to be alone all week. I know I could go up to NYC, but I don't have the appetite for city living anymore since this pandemic started.

What about moving just outside the city on a bus or rail line? I know moving stinks but at least this time you don't have to worry about school. Once you get west of the Hackensack River housing prices drop but commuting is easy

I grew up in NYC metro NJ. While my dad's job (until my senior year of HS) was in NJ, most of the working parents we knew commuted from there into the city. We were on the Raritan Valley line, but would sometimes also use the Northeast Corridor line from Metropark in Iselin/Edison. Moving is awful, but there are some really pretty towns up there if you consider moving. We were right along the mountains and had some really stunning fall colors and there are some great spots for hiking as well as history.

While it wasn't the long term solution, just before my senior year in high school, my dad took a job in FL. He spent the entire year working in FL during the week (lived in an apartment) and would fly home on weekends. We did something similar just before I left FL. He had taken on a contract position in Houston where he lived in an apartment here and flew home on weekends. While people do this all the time, I know it was really rough on all of us. There's no great answer, but just sharing since we've been through something kind of like this.

 

[HouCuseChickie]

I have had no desire to workout. I'm just tired. I'm not sure if it's my allergies and meds, if it's from the shot, or the time change. I have noticed that my appetite is significantly less without the workouts. Yesterday, my meals consisted of some peppers and hummus, homemade guac and some light chips, banana almond milk and jellybeans. We had a softball filled weekend and with limited food options, as well as some home observations, I've discovered that it's really the dairy that messes with me more than the gluten. I'm still not going crazy with the gluten, but I had no issues with the Cajun food we had on Saturday, yet the milkshake I consumed on Sunday...not so much.

I'm still dealing with car issues. No word from the dealer, but VW now has the ball rolling to see if they'll repurchase or replace my vehicle. The girl handling my claim also had trouble getting through to the dealer, like the madness I always face with their awful phone systems. She said it could be up to a 6 week process, but I think we may have some time at the end of this week to do some test drives...in case they agree to repurchase. Honestly, I wouldn't hate it if they replaced it...assuming they could get me one without these issues. I'm learning that there are a very small handful of vehicles out there with the features I loved on this VW.

Beyond that, the older one is having some serious school drama. I have to admit that it blindsided me. I could tell that the girl that she'd befriended wasn't quite as good or nice as she was acting and I caught her saying some stuff before she knew who I was, that made me question her intentions and loyalties. I don't know how many of you have seen the movie, but the drama this kid has been created reminds me of Heathers. We were already having a hard time with the passing of a close family member. I didn't need to also be dealing with sociopathic girl drama. I don't want to get into all of it, but this girl isn't getting enough help and more adults need to see how deeply disturbed she is and the problems it presents.

 

[Songbird76]

It seems like from what you've described, your house gets natural light in the winter?

After I married my husband, I moved into his row house. It was small, but cute. It was 2 bedrooms and a bathroom upstairs and living room (lounge) and kitchen downstairs. It was perfect for a couple. I remember it was summer, so we had the windows open and the couple next door had a newborn. We could hear it cry all night through the walls and through our open windows.

I also ended up using the 2nd bedroom as my closet, because the wardrobe in the main bedroom was just about enough for husband.

When we lived in London, the three of us were living in a 1200 sq ft flat. When we viewed it, it was empty. When the rental furniture came in, it shrunk immediately. I remember looking up the price of that flat, naively thinking if my husband did really well, we could stay in London permanently. I really liked the neighborhood and I was close to Regent's Park, the Zoo and different tube lines. It was $2 million for 1200 sq ft.

I have no idea how many square feet our house is, but it's about the same size as the trailer house I grew up in. We do get natural light in the winter, which I do love, but some of that is going to change this year. They are making these houses more energy efficient, so they are replacing the facades and putting in double glass in the windows, which will no longer be wall-to-wall. It won't be enough of a change to rearrange furniture, though.

But as far as size goes, our master bedroom is just barely big enough to put a queen bed and 2 dressers in, and an armoir. (There's a tiny built-in closet that's really only big enough for one person's clothes that need to hang) We bought a new bed a year or so ago now with storage underneath it just because we don't have enough space in the house. Our son's bedroom is big enough for a single bed on one wall with a dresser and bookcase on the other wall, with about a foot and a half path to get between. That's about the size of my bedroom back home. And my mom's bedroom was about the size of our bedroom here, but she had an ensuite and we don't. She also had a big sliding door closet for clothes and a smaller storage closet for towels and such. Our kitchen is basically the same size as our son's room. It has counter and cupboard space on both sides, has a fridge on one side, oven and dishwasher on the other, and it's big enough that 2 people can pass each other if they squeeze. And the Dining room fits a 6 person table, but we don't have much room to walk around it. We only have the one shower/bath, and we have a 2nd toilet downstairs. This was a source of frustration to me when we moved in, because my MIL was determined that I didn't deserve to have a 2nd toilet AND a bathtub AND laundry facilities. She kept telling me I couldn't have it all and I kept saying yes I could. She called me every couple of days to tell me something else I could "give up" in order to have my bathtub. She wanted me to put my washer and dryer in the bathroom instead of having a bathtub. I said no, the closet in the hallway was big enough for the washer and dryer and we had already talked to a contracter about making a water hookup for the washer in that closet. Then she told me I'd have to give up the downstairs toilet for the washer and dryer, because it already had a water source. I reminded her we were having one put in that closet. Then she told me I'd have to put the laundry in the kitchen downstairs, and I said no way was I carting my dirty underwear in through my food prep area, the laundry was going into the closet. Period. Then when the contractor got to the house, I overheard her telling him the laundry was going in the bathroom upstairs and had to put him straight that she was wrong, it was going into the closet as we had discussed, because I wanted a bathtub, and then she started the argument all over again. She drove me absolutely nuts telling me what I could and couldn't have in my own house that WE were paying for, and when I asked her why I couldn't have something, she'd say "I didn't have that in MY first house!" In the end, my house and my money...she didn't get a vote. I have a bathtub (not common in the Netherlands), a washer and dryer, AND a 2nd toilet, and a dishwasher in the kitchen where she said I had to put my laundry. It's cramped, but I fit in everything I needed.

 

[Songbird76]

Hello-

I've been sleeping in lately. It started last week, before we changed clocks. I'm just listening to my body. Maybe I need more sleep?

Anyway, I did a lower body workout. I've been doing YouTube videos with this one instructor. She asks you to let the ads play and I do, but then a 37 minute workout turns into a 50 minute workout because she's crammed in so many ads. I understand this is her bread and butter, but 12 minutes of ads is a bit much. What's worse is they come on while during a workout interval and not a rest interval. I don't know--12 minutes seems excessive. Maybe 6-8 seems better. I think I am going to start skipping ads here and there. I don't mean to be horrible, but I have things to do. Plus, I hate standing around while ad after ad plays. I just want to get my workout done for the day. I do understand this is how she makes money, but she has 16.8 million subscribers. Maybe it wouldn't hurt to scale back the ads by a few minutes. I also get ads that are for 13 year old girls. This morning I got one for Tampax tampons with Amy Schumer asking girls if they knew it was a myth that you don't lose your virginity if you use tampons. Good. I can sleep easily now that we've laid that myth to rest. Thank you, Tampax.

12 minutes does seem excessive for a 35 minute workout. I'd say skip half of them. And with millions of subscribers, even if she only gets a penny for every ad watched, she's comfortable. I don't think you need to feel guilty about skipping some.

 

[Songbird76]

I have had no desire to workout. I'm just tired. I'm not sure if it's my allergies and meds, if it's from the shot, or the time change. I have noticed that my appetite is significantly less without the workouts. Yesterday, my meals consisted of some peppers and hummus, homemade guac and some light chips, banana almond milk and jellybeans. We had a softball filled weekend and with limited food options, as well as some home observations, I've discovered that it's really the dairy that messes with me more than the gluten. I'm still not going crazy with the gluten, but I had no issues with the Cajun food we had on Saturday, yet the milkshake I consumed on Sunday...not so much.

I'm still dealing with car issues. No word from the dealer, but VW now has the ball rolling to see if they'll repurchase or replace my vehicle. The girl handling my claim also had trouble getting through to the dealer, like the madness I always face with their awful phone systems. She said it could be up to a 6 week process, but I think we may have some time at the end of this week to do some test drives...in case they agree to repurchase. Honestly, I wouldn't hate it if they replaced it...assuming they could get me one without these issues. I'm learning that there are a very small handful of vehicles out there with the features I loved on this VW.

Beyond that, the older one is having some serious school drama. I have to admit that it blindsided me. I could tell that the girl that she'd befriended wasn't quite as good or nice as she was acting and I caught her saying some stuff before she knew who I was, that made me question her intentions and loyalties. I don't know how many of you have seen the movie, but the drama this kid has been created reminds me of Heathers. We were already having a hard time with the passing of a close family member. I didn't need to also be dealing with sociopathic girl drama. I don't want to get into all of it, but this girl isn't getting enough help and more adults need to see how deeply disturbed she is and the problems it presents.

I never saw Heathers, but I've seen references to it and it sounds like it's pretty awful. I'm sorry about the drama you're dealing with. Can you maybe clue in the school counselor? E had a friend in elementary school that towards the end, we kind of had to distance from. Her parents were divorced and her mom is mentally ill and has medication, and I think the girl maybe inherited it. She just out of the blue one day kicked E as they were walking into the school, and said "That's what you get!" E had no idea what it was about. And there were some other things the girl said that don't add up. She was either lying or she was imagining these things. The incident where she kicked E, they had both just gotten to the school that morning, said hi, and were just talking as they walked in the school and suddenly the girl turned around and kicked her. I went to the teacher and told her I thought there might be something going on, and I didn't need to know what it was, but the girl needed help. I'm sure a school counselor would have the resources to get this girl whatever help she needs if she's dealing with something at home.

 

[Songbird76]

I'm kind of ticked off. Thursday, I rode my bike to my driving lesson and test when it was super windy. The bike fell over, and there's a plastic shield over the chain and it broke and was getting in the way when I pedaled. I took it to the repair shop, but due to covid, they are by appointment only, so I called and brought it in Friday morning. I told the guy I had to bring it in the morning, because I worked in the afternoon. No problem. He said 10:00, 10:30...so I got there at 10 and no one was there. I called, he said he was on the way. He gets there, tells me I can pick it up today at around 3:30. So I go there at 3:30....shop it closed, no one there, no one answering the phone...it goes to voicemail. So I leave a message for them to call me back. He just called me back and I said I was supposed to pick up my bike but no one was there. "Yeah," he says, "I'm sick" So he HOPES he'll be better Monday. Gee....thank you for the call to let me know so I didn't waste my time going there! Or at least picking up the phone while I was standing out there in the wind waiting for you and wondering where you were. No note on the door, no message on the answering service, no nothing....just doesn't show up.

Maybe it's a blessing...the weather is AWFUL today. Windy, rainy, hail once in a while. It was sunny when I went to the grocery store and then pouring rain when I came out again 20 minutes later. So it wouldn't have been fun biking in that. But I'm also supposed to have a doctor's appointment first thing Monday morning and now my husband will have to drive me because I won't have my bike back yet. OR I have to walk several miles, which is no big deal IF the weather's better, but I don't want to be walking 3-4 miles in a hail storm with lightning.

Still haven't heard from the repair shop. He said he'd call when he was back and I could pick up my bike. I'm going to get out for a nice long walk today, but it would be nice to have the option to bike. And I have to work tomorrow and Friday, so I won't be able to pick it up then. I'm betting he just completely forgot he said he'd call, but if he's still sick, I also don't want to be a pain.

 

[Figgy1]

I grew up in NYC metro NJ. While my dad's job (until my senior year of HS) was in NJ, most of the working parents we knew commuted from there into the city. We were on the Raritan Valley line, but would sometimes also use the Northeast Corridor line from Metropark in Iselin/Edison. Moving is awful, but there are some really pretty towns up there if you consider moving. We were right along the mountains and had some really stunning fall colors and there are some great spots for hiking as well as history.

While it wasn't the long term solution, just before my senior year in high school, my dad took a job in FL. He spent the entire year working in FL during the week (lived in an apartment) and would fly home on weekends. We did something similar just before I left FL. He had taken on a contract position in Houston where he lived in an apartment here and flew home on weekends. While people do this all the time, I know it was really rough on all of us. There's no great answer, but just sharing since we've been through something kind of like this.

There are some houses along the Raritan Valley line that are beautiful and not crazy expensive. Nutley has a stream that runs the length of the town and there are some houses on it and The Enclosure is beautiful. The Brookdale section of Bloomfield is quite nice, Upper Montclair has a village feel. As you said @Sans Souci try the commuter thing and see if it works but if it doesn't finding something different may not be so bad

 

[Figgy1]

I'm inside today just getting my bounce on and cleaning. I'm not going out in freezing drizzle

 

[Figgy1]

 

[Figgy1]

 

[HouCuseChickie]

I never saw Heathers, but I've seen references to it and it sounds like it's pretty awful. I'm sorry about the drama you're dealing with. Can you maybe clue in the school counselor? E had a friend in elementary school that towards the end, we kind of had to distance from. Her parents were divorced and her mom is mentally ill and has medication, and I think the girl maybe inherited it. She just out of the blue one day kicked E as they were walking into the school, and said "That's what you get!" E had no idea what it was about. And there were some other things the girl said that don't add up. She was either lying or she was imagining these things. The incident where she kicked E, they had both just gotten to the school that morning, said hi, and were just talking as they walked in the school and suddenly the girl turned around and kicked her. I went to the teacher and told her I thought there might be something going on, and I didn't need to know what it was, but the girl needed help. I'm sure a school counselor would have the resources to get this girl whatever help she needs if she's dealing with something at home.

I don't even know where to start with everything going on with this, but we decided to start with the coaches. At the end, I'll make a bulleted list just to give you an idea. The coaches are upset that my daughter didn't go straight to them, but considering how serious this is, it bothers me that they would think this is just a kid to coach issue. Because of my email and certain words/issues noted, they are now required to bring it to the school admins...which is what I was hoping. Still, I didn't want to blindside them since this is their team and for this child as well as our younger one, we need to see how well they handle this. If they drop the ball on it (no pun intended) and foster this dangerous situation, I will not have my girls miss out on playing school ball just because of the matter. Which would mean requesting transfers to the other high school in town. I'm sure the counselor will be someone brought into this, and I understand the girl is already in counseling, but I think it's not enough. This list may seem a bit long, but writing it out helps remind me of how twisted this all is. Prior to things turning bad, this girl was playing like my daughter was one of her very best friends. The weekend before, she had come by our house because they wanted to take her out to dinner...even had the mom come to my door. The only thing I found odd up until this point was how much I'd heard about this girl, yet months have gone by with no attempts to get together. I figured it was probably Covid related, but if the mom is letting her play softball, I thought there might be some request for an outside get together. I don't know. This is the recent stuff. Let me also note that I know some of this is normal rebellious teen pushing the boundaries territory. Still, the way it played out...it was beyond disrespectful.

• Girl was sitting out of games due to academic ineligibility. My daughter was playing in her spot. She came to the games last weekend to cheer them on anyway, but I was masked and after meeting me just once, she didn't know it was me sitting behind her. I caught her saying bad things about my daughter. It was all position related, so I tried to chalk it up to standard athletic competition.
• Girl was genuinely shocked when my daughter approached me in the stands. Like she'd realized I probably heard her being ugly. Suddenly, she wanted to sleep over our house. No major red flags at this point and I figured I'd see how she really is under my own roof, so I OK'd it.
• She orchestrated this whole thing about another teammate being suicidal. She and my daughter were hysterically crying, begging for me to help. While we were driving to try and get to the suicidal girl's house...I had the girls trying to reach the team coaches. Both were sobbing in the backseat and so-called friend was going on about suicidal girl not responding. My daughter was trying to get the JV coach and this so-called friend was trying to reach the varsity coach. Turns out, so-called friend was never trying to reach anyone and then turned this on my daughter to the rest of the team...saying it was all my daughter putting her nose in other people's business and blowing things out of proportion that she didn't understand. This came out over the course of the last week.
• The next morning of her staying at our house, so-called friend was showing me how she made a selfie of her the lock screen on my daughter's phone and that she did the same on her phone with a selfie of my daughter. I know she took a pic of it on my daughter's phone, but I don't think any of us realized she was being set up, so my daughter didn't take a pic of herself on so-called friend's phone. After leaving our house, so-called friend deleted my daughter's picture from her phone and started showing everyone the lock screen my daughter saved to her own phone and told everyone that my daughter was obsessed with her.
• This past Saturday night, we were out at a softball tournament about an hour from home. We'd only taken one car and had hours of play left. My daughter told me that some of the girls on her team were getting together and wanted to know if she could be driven home. She also noted that there were no parents there. Had we been home at the time, my husband said he would have OK'd it, but I wasn't so sure. When we said no, my daughter started going into panic mode. We got this whole story about a teacher assigned something that day and it had to be turned in by midnight and how she couldn't get the assignment to go through on her phone. She was adamant about me not contacting the teacher and how she goes to bed early and wouldn't be checking until the next day. I emailed anyway and the teacher said there was nothing assigned. My daughter has cleared everything up with the teacher, but it looks like these girls on the team were getting her to make up a story that we'd fall for to get her home and get her in a place where she could convince us to bring her to them.
• After this whole made up school assignment thing failed, the verbal and cyber bullying started. They told my daughter that she was stupid to think any of them were ever her friend and that any friendship doesn't exist outside of the dugout. They were mocking her for getting upset, and the girl who had previously stayed at our house who orchestrated this started talking about my daughter killing herself. They also made other girls pretend they weren't together to get my daughter to answer her phone, just to have her find out, they were all together and they'd gang up on her again that way.
  • This girl tells everyone she's suicidal and has supposedly tried to kill herself at least 16 times. She's normalized it for the other kids and the talk about it has increased drastically since she came into our lives. I know hers is more a cry for help because you don't fail that many times and make a big show of it like she tells them all you need to do. It's a very private thing, so it's like she's playing with fire to see who is vulnerable enough to actually do it. When speaking to my daughter during this blow up over the weekend, she went into doubting anyone would care if my daughter did, but that she didn't have the guts...eventually closing the call in a snotty sarcastic tone about making sure she didn't go hurting herself.
  • The girl cuts herself and has gotten others into it as well. I saw the cuts up and down her arm earlier this week during a game. She normally hides them.
  • The girl's brother supposedly killed himself and she supposedly found him. If this is the case, the story she gives people seems a bit off. He was supposedly 7 and she was supposedly 3. He supposedly made a noose from a rope and texted her a picture of it before it happened. I have read about kids as young as 5 killing themselves and having it classified as suicide, but it's very uncommon. I also don't know about a 7 year old making a common noose with a rope and both kids having phones to be texting like this.
  • She claims her father sexually abused her and physically abused the son in other ways. The parents are divorced, but if the dad did all of these things, I don't know why he's still in her life like this...coming to school games and driving around kids.
  • This is more normal teen stuff, but she's tried to get my daughter to cut class, she was vaping in our house and hiding it from us, she was trying to get my daughter to sneak stuff from the liquor cabinet, and she was trying to get my daughter to sneak out.
  • There was also some mocking that my daughter isn't "fast" like her. I'm learning that she's either extremely promiscuous, or lying about her physical activities. My daughter told me some of the pics she was sharing before things really blew up were "battle scars" from some of her escapades in the woods this weekend with some boys that met up with the group.
  • This is the one that sort of sent me over the edge...this girl tried to get my 6th grader to vape. It's one thing to tempt another high school student...not that that's good either, but she had the gall to try this with my younger one under my own roof while they were all hanging out upstairs.
• Even though it's a very serious matter, so-called friend and about five other girls on the team would make these tasteless jokes about her brother. My daughter said it was an all the time thing, both verbally and cyber. It's obviously a very poor subject matter for jokes, but so-called friend was pushing them to make fun of it. The day after she stayed at our house, she made a SnapChat post to make it look like my daughter was making bad posts about her brother's suicide. It's from her account, but it's like she's trying to say my daughter did/said it. I at least have a record of it, but she's trying to frame my daughter to make it look like she is starting this.
  • To make it worse, said so-called friend is trying to turn some other bullying on her...a blend of fat shaming and calling out other girls on the team for not being good.
• I had asked my daughter if they'd gone to middle school together, but the girl was previously enrolled in Catholic school and then the other high school in town before coming to our school. That alone is a sign of issues, but in the process, she also met the older daughter of my younger one's softball coach. Coach's daughter plays softball at the other high school, is a great student, and an absolute sweetheart. Naturally, so-called friend mocked my daughter for spending time with coach's daughter...saying all kinds of awful things about her. I suspect this was done to make my daughter think this other friend was nothing so she could keep her feeling like she had nobody good or worthy in life.
• We can only speculate, but considering ALL of this...especially the phone calls this past weekend...we think they were trying to lure her to so-called friend's house to hurt her. You see stories like this on the news, but we think it could have been anything from trying to convince her to kill herself, beating her, killing her, finding a way to get her out in the woods and abandoning her, etc.

I just wanted my kid to get the experience of playing a school sport and thought it might be a bonus if she got some friends out of it. Both of my kids play and I want my younger one to also get the experience of playing it in high school. If these coaches and this school can't rectify this situation, we may have to look into transfers...because my girls should be able to play a teen sport without this.

Sorry for the novel.

 

[Songbird76]

I don't even know where to start with everything going on with this, but we decided to start with the coaches. At the end, I'll make a bulleted list just to give you an idea. The coaches are upset that my daughter didn't go straight to them, but considering how serious this is, it bothers me that they would think this is just a kid to coach issue. Because of my email and certain words/issues noted, they are now required to bring it to the school admins...which is what I was hoping. Still, I didn't want to blindside them since this is their team and for this child as well as our younger one, we need to see how well they handle this. If they drop the ball on it (no pun intended) and foster this dangerous situation, I will not have my girls miss out on playing school ball just because of the matter. Which would mean requesting transfers to the other high school in town. I'm sure the counselor will be someone brought into this, and I understand the girl is already in counseling, but I think it's not enough. This list may seem a bit long, but writing it out helps remind me of how twisted this all is. Prior to things turning bad, this girl was playing like my daughter was one of her very best friends. The weekend before, she had come by our house because they wanted to take her out to dinner...even had the mom come to my door. The only thing I found odd up until this point was how much I'd heard about this girl, yet months have gone by with no attempts to get together. I figured it was probably Covid related, but if the mom is letting her play softball, I thought there might be some request for an outside get together. I don't know. This is the recent stuff. Let me also note that I know some of this is normal rebellious teen pushing the boundaries territory. Still, the way it played out...it was beyond disrespectful.

• Girl was sitting out of games due to academic ineligibility. My daughter was playing in her spot. She came to the games last weekend to cheer them on anyway, but I was masked and after meeting me just once, she didn't know it was me sitting behind her. I caught her saying bad things about my daughter. It was all position related, so I tried to chalk it up to standard athletic competition.
• Girl was genuinely shocked when my daughter approached me in the stands. Like she'd realized I probably heard her being ugly. Suddenly, she wanted to sleep over our house. No major red flags at this point and I figured I'd see how she really is under my own roof, so I OK'd it.
• She orchestrated this whole thing about another teammate being suicidal. She and my daughter were hysterically crying, begging for me to help. While we were driving to try and get to the suicidal girl's house...I had the girls trying to reach the team coaches. Both were sobbing in the backseat and so-called friend was going on about suicidal girl not responding. My daughter was trying to get the JV coach and this so-called friend was trying to reach the varsity coach. Turns out, so-called friend was never trying to reach anyone and then turned this on my daughter to the rest of the team...saying it was all my daughter putting her nose in other people's business and blowing things out of proportion that she didn't understand. This came out over the course of the last week.
• The next morning of her staying at our house, so-called friend was showing me how she made a selfie of her the lock screen on my daughter's phone and that she did the same on her phone with a selfie of my daughter. I know she took a pic of it on my daughter's phone, but I don't think any of us realized she was being set up, so my daughter didn't take a pic of herself on so-called friend's phone. After leaving our house, so-called friend deleted my daughter's picture from her phone and started showing everyone the lock screen my daughter saved to her own phone and told everyone that my daughter was obsessed with her.
• This past Saturday night, we were out at a softball tournament about an hour from home. We'd only taken one car and had hours of play left. My daughter told me that some of the girls on her team were getting together and wanted to know if she could be driven home. She also noted that there were no parents there. Had we been home at the time, my husband said he would have OK'd it, but I wasn't so sure. When we said no, my daughter started going into panic mode. We got this whole story about a teacher assigned something that day and it had to be turned in by midnight and how she couldn't get the assignment to go through on her phone. She was adamant about me not contacting the teacher and how she goes to bed early and wouldn't be checking until the next day. I emailed anyway and the teacher said there was nothing assigned. My daughter has cleared everything up with the teacher, but it looks like these girls on the team were getting her to make up a story that we'd fall for to get her home and get her in a place where she could convince us to bring her to them.
• After this whole made up school assignment thing failed, the verbal and cyber bullying started. They told my daughter that she was stupid to think any of them were ever her friend and that any friendship doesn't exist outside of the dugout. They were mocking her for getting upset, and the girl who had previously stayed at our house who orchestrated this started talking about my daughter killing herself. They also made other girls pretend they weren't together to get my daughter to answer her phone, just to have her find out, they were all together and they'd gang up on her again that way.
  • This girl tells everyone she's suicidal and has supposedly tried to kill herself at least 16 times. She's normalized it for the other kids and the talk about it has increased drastically since she came into our lives. I know hers is more a cry for help because you don't fail that many times and make a big show of it like she tells them all you need to do. It's a very private thing, so it's like she's playing with fire to see who is vulnerable enough to actually do it. When speaking to my daughter during this blow up over the weekend, she went into doubting anyone would care if my daughter did, but that she didn't have the guts...eventually closing the call in a snotty sarcastic tone about making sure she didn't go hurting herself.
  • The girl cuts herself and has gotten others into it as well. I saw the cuts up and down her arm earlier this week during a game. She normally hides them.
  • The girl's brother supposedly killed himself and she supposedly found him. If this is the case, the story she gives people seems a bit off. He was supposedly 7 and she was supposedly 3. He supposedly made a noose from a rope and texted her a picture of it before it happened. I have read about kids as young as 5 killing themselves and having it classified as suicide, but it's very uncommon. I also don't know about a 7 year old making a common noose with a rope and both kids having phones to be texting like this.
  • She claims her father sexually abused her and physically abused the son in other ways. The parents are divorced, but if the dad did all of these things, I don't know why he's still in her life like this...coming to school games and driving around kids.
  • This is more normal teen stuff, but she's tried to get my daughter to cut class, she was vaping in our house and hiding it from us, she was trying to get my daughter to sneak stuff from the liquor cabinet, and she was trying to get my daughter to sneak out.
  • There was also some mocking that my daughter isn't "fast" like her. I'm learning that she's either extremely promiscuous, or lying about her physical activities. My daughter told me some of the pics she was sharing before things really blew up were "battle scars" from some of her escapades in the woods this weekend with some boys that met up with the group.
  • This is the one that sort of sent me over the edge...this girl tried to get my 6th grader to vape. It's one thing to tempt another high school student...not that that's good either, but she had the gall to try this with my younger one under my own roof while they were all hanging out upstairs.
• Even though it's a very serious matter, so-called friend and about five other girls on the team would make these tasteless jokes about her brother. My daughter said it was an all the time thing, both verbally and cyber. It's obviously a very poor subject matter for jokes, but so-called friend was pushing them to make fun of it. The day after she stayed at our house, she made a SnapChat post to make it look like my daughter was making bad posts about her brother's suicide. It's from her account, but it's like she's trying to say my daughter did/said it. I at least have a record of it, but she's trying to frame my daughter to make it look like she is starting this.
  • To make it worse, said so-called friend is trying to turn some other bullying on her...a blend of fat shaming and calling out other girls on the team for not being good.
• I had asked my daughter if they'd gone to middle school together, but the girl was previously enrolled in Catholic school and then the other high school in town before coming to our school. That alone is a sign of issues, but in the process, she also met the older daughter of my younger one's softball coach. Coach's daughter plays softball at the other high school, is a great student, and an absolute sweetheart. Naturally, so-called friend mocked my daughter for spending time with coach's daughter...saying all kinds of awful things about her. I suspect this was done to make my daughter think this other friend was nothing so she could keep her feeling like she had nobody good or worthy in life.
• We can only speculate, but considering ALL of this...especially the phone calls this past weekend...we think they were trying to lure her to so-called friend's house to hurt her. You see stories like this on the news, but we think it could have been anything from trying to convince her to kill herself, beating her, killing her, finding a way to get her out in the woods and abandoning her, etc.

I just wanted my kid to get the experience of playing a school sport and thought it might be a bonus if she got some friends out of it. Both of my kids play and I want my younger one to also get the experience of playing it in high school. If these coaches and this school can't rectify this situation, we may have to look into transfers...because my girls should be able to play a teen sport without this.

Sorry for the novel.

That all sounds awful! I'm so sorry. I'm going to send you a PM so I don't take up the whole thread here. Sooooo many red flags.

 

[Sans Souci]

I don't even know where to start with everything going on with this, but we decided to start with the coaches. At the end, I'll make a bulleted list just to give you an idea. The coaches are upset that my daughter didn't go straight to them, but considering how serious this is, it bothers me that they would think this is just a kid to coach issue. Because of my email and certain words/issues noted, they are now required to bring it to the school admins...which is what I was hoping. Still, I didn't want to blindside them since this is their team and for this child as well as our younger one, we need to see how well they handle this. If they drop the ball on it (no pun intended) and foster this dangerous situation, I will not have my girls miss out on playing school ball just because of the matter. Which would mean requesting transfers to the other high school in town. I'm sure the counselor will be someone brought into this, and I understand the girl is already in counseling, but I think it's not enough. This list may seem a bit long, but writing it out helps remind me of how twisted this all is. Prior to things turning bad, this girl was playing like my daughter was one of her very best friends. The weekend before, she had come by our house because they wanted to take her out to dinner...even had the mom come to my door. The only thing I found odd up until this point was how much I'd heard about this girl, yet months have gone by with no attempts to get together. I figured it was probably Covid related, but if the mom is letting her play softball, I thought there might be some request for an outside get together. I don't know. This is the recent stuff. Let me also note that I know some of this is normal rebellious teen pushing the boundaries territory. Still, the way it played out...it was beyond disrespectful.

• Girl was sitting out of games due to academic ineligibility. My daughter was playing in her spot. She came to the games last weekend to cheer them on anyway, but I was masked and after meeting me just once, she didn't know it was me sitting behind her. I caught her saying bad things about my daughter. It was all position related, so I tried to chalk it up to standard athletic competition.
• Girl was genuinely shocked when my daughter approached me in the stands. Like she'd realized I probably heard her being ugly. Suddenly, she wanted to sleep over our house. No major red flags at this point and I figured I'd see how she really is under my own roof, so I OK'd it.
• She orchestrated this whole thing about another teammate being suicidal. She and my daughter were hysterically crying, begging for me to help. While we were driving to try and get to the suicidal girl's house...I had the girls trying to reach the team coaches. Both were sobbing in the backseat and so-called friend was going on about suicidal girl not responding. My daughter was trying to get the JV coach and this so-called friend was trying to reach the varsity coach. Turns out, so-called friend was never trying to reach anyone and then turned this on my daughter to the rest of the team...saying it was all my daughter putting her nose in other people's business and blowing things out of proportion that she didn't understand. This came out over the course of the last week.
• The next morning of her staying at our house, so-called friend was showing me how she made a selfie of her the lock screen on my daughter's phone and that she did the same on her phone with a selfie of my daughter. I know she took a pic of it on my daughter's phone, but I don't think any of us realized she was being set up, so my daughter didn't take a pic of herself on so-called friend's phone. After leaving our house, so-called friend deleted my daughter's picture from her phone and started showing everyone the lock screen my daughter saved to her own phone and told everyone that my daughter was obsessed with her.
• This past Saturday night, we were out at a softball tournament about an hour from home. We'd only taken one car and had hours of play left. My daughter told me that some of the girls on her team were getting together and wanted to know if she could be driven home. She also noted that there were no parents there. Had we been home at the time, my husband said he would have OK'd it, but I wasn't so sure. When we said no, my daughter started going into panic mode. We got this whole story about a teacher assigned something that day and it had to be turned in by midnight and how she couldn't get the assignment to go through on her phone. She was adamant about me not contacting the teacher and how she goes to bed early and wouldn't be checking until the next day. I emailed anyway and the teacher said there was nothing assigned. My daughter has cleared everything up with the teacher, but it looks like these girls on the team were getting her to make up a story that we'd fall for to get her home and get her in a place where she could convince us to bring her to them.
• After this whole made up school assignment thing failed, the verbal and cyber bullying started. They told my daughter that she was stupid to think any of them were ever her friend and that any friendship doesn't exist outside of the dugout. They were mocking her for getting upset, and the girl who had previously stayed at our house who orchestrated this started talking about my daughter killing herself. They also made other girls pretend they weren't together to get my daughter to answer her phone, just to have her find out, they were all together and they'd gang up on her again that way.
  • This girl tells everyone she's suicidal and has supposedly tried to kill herself at least 16 times. She's normalized it for the other kids and the talk about it has increased drastically since she came into our lives. I know hers is more a cry for help because you don't fail that many times and make a big show of it like she tells them all you need to do. It's a very private thing, so it's like she's playing with fire to see who is vulnerable enough to actually do it. When speaking to my daughter during this blow up over the weekend, she went into doubting anyone would care if my daughter did, but that she didn't have the guts...eventually closing the call in a snotty sarcastic tone about making sure she didn't go hurting herself.
  • The girl cuts herself and has gotten others into it as well. I saw the cuts up and down her arm earlier this week during a game. She normally hides them.
  • The girl's brother supposedly killed himself and she supposedly found him. If this is the case, the story she gives people seems a bit off. He was supposedly 7 and she was supposedly 3. He supposedly made a noose from a rope and texted her a picture of it before it happened. I have read about kids as young as 5 killing themselves and having it classified as suicide, but it's very uncommon. I also don't know about a 7 year old making a common noose with a rope and both kids having phones to be texting like this.
  • She claims her father sexually abused her and physically abused the son in other ways. The parents are divorced, but if the dad did all of these things, I don't know why he's still in her life like this...coming to school games and driving around kids.
  • This is more normal teen stuff, but she's tried to get my daughter to cut class, she was vaping in our house and hiding it from us, she was trying to get my daughter to sneak stuff from the liquor cabinet, and she was trying to get my daughter to sneak out.
  • There was also some mocking that my daughter isn't "fast" like her. I'm learning that she's either extremely promiscuous, or lying about her physical activities. My daughter told me some of the pics she was sharing before things really blew up were "battle scars" from some of her escapades in the woods this weekend with some boys that met up with the group.
  • This is the one that sort of sent me over the edge...this girl tried to get my 6th grader to vape. It's one thing to tempt another high school student...not that that's good either, but she had the gall to try this with my younger one under my own roof while they were all hanging out upstairs.
• Even though it's a very serious matter, so-called friend and about five other girls on the team would make these tasteless jokes about her brother. My daughter said it was an all the time thing, both verbally and cyber. It's obviously a very poor subject matter for jokes, but so-called friend was pushing them to make fun of it. The day after she stayed at our house, she made a SnapChat post to make it look like my daughter was making bad posts about her brother's suicide. It's from her account, but it's like she's trying to say my daughter did/said it. I at least have a record of it, but she's trying to frame my daughter to make it look like she is starting this.
  • To make it worse, said so-called friend is trying to turn some other bullying on her...a blend of fat shaming and calling out other girls on the team for not being good.
• I had asked my daughter if they'd gone to middle school together, but the girl was previously enrolled in Catholic school and then the other high school in town before coming to our school. That alone is a sign of issues, but in the process, she also met the older daughter of my younger one's softball coach. Coach's daughter plays softball at the other high school, is a great student, and an absolute sweetheart. Naturally, so-called friend mocked my daughter for spending time with coach's daughter...saying all kinds of awful things about her. I suspect this was done to make my daughter think this other friend was nothing so she could keep her feeling like she had nobody good or worthy in life.
• We can only speculate, but considering ALL of this...especially the phone calls this past weekend...we think they were trying to lure her to so-called friend's house to hurt her. You see stories like this on the news, but we think it could have been anything from trying to convince her to kill herself, beating her, killing her, finding a way to get her out in the woods and abandoning her, etc.

I just wanted my kid to get the experience of playing a school sport and thought it might be a bonus if she got some friends out of it. Both of my kids play and I want my younger one to also get the experience of playing it in high school. If these coaches and this school can't rectify this situation, we may have to look into transfers...because my girls should be able to play a teen sport without this.

Sorry for the novel.

This sounds so stressful and I feel so badly for your daughter, especially when I read about how upset she got when she thought her friend had killed herself. Awful. She honestly sounds like she has a personality disorder. From what you've described here, she sounds like she is either borderline or a narcissist. The cutting and emotional manipulation/oversharing for attention makes me think borderline, but the lack of remorse and empathy makes me think she is a narc. At any rate, I would keep a log of these incidences with dates to pull from when you contact the school and the coaches. This is totally unacceptable and goes beyond teen girl pettiness. This is pro-level manipulation. She is likely going to try and reverse the offender and victim here (since she already did), so don't be shocked when a load of codswallop comes out of her mouth. Do not let her direct the narrative. Anything can happen, but you might have to transfer. It like her mom just changes schools when it gets too hot for her daughter. Also, consider if she is disciplined, she will get back at you and your daughter in a very underground manner. She might blame your husband for something when she slept over, she might say you helped. I know this might sound ridiculous, but look at what's she done already. Forewarned is forearmed. I'm not trying to be over the top here, but I would consider getting legal advice. All it takes is an accusation and even if it's proven false, people remember the accusations.

Edited to add: She might threaten suicide and make a gesture, so keep that in mind. I know I sound over the top, but my mom grew up into one of these people and these stories make my spidey senses tingle. Pitting people against each other for fun, gossiping/creating drama, accusing friends' (plural) husbands of making passes at her, thereby destroying that friendship. When I was 15, she tried to kill herself and blamed my brother and me. I carried that guilt around for so long. I could go on and on. But these people rarely get help, because they lack self-awareness. My mother found a therapist who unknowingly validated her behavior because my mother made herself the victim in her story. When I would tell her I didn't like how she was treating me, she would say the therapist told her she was right. I am not trying to tell you what to do, but I would consider maybe seeing a therapist with your daughter. What she's been through sounds so traumatic and a good therapist will help you get the tools you need to deal with this girl. This isn't your garden variety bully here. This isn't even bullying, this is emotional terrorism.

 

[Figgy1]

Indoors again today. Today we have a new weather feature freezing fog down to the ground Spring cleaning may get done sooner than later