It’s Shark Week, but in Scotland, we’re diving deeper… and hairier.
Forget your Great Whites and Hammerheads, this week we’re celebrating the Great Brown gis, Scotland’s very own North Sea nightmare with fins. The only known hairy shark in existence, this beast looks like a bar mat grew teeth and decided violence was its destiny.
Native to the choppy drams of the Pentland Firth, the Great Brown gis doesn’t hunt by scent alone, oh no. It can sniff out whisky in your bloodstream from 30 miles away, so if you’re daft enough to go swimming after being on the pish, you’re basically ringing the dinner bell.
Marine biologists warn that even a half digested Jägerbomb or a whiff of Buckfast sweat is enough to send one into a frenzy. They don’t attack with precision, they just lunge, teeth first, looking for anything scent of rum sick hiccups and regret soaked tequila pores.
Local fishermen say they’ve lost entire boats to a legendary beast they've called The Dram Reaper, part shark, part forgotten stag do, with a mouth full of teeth, whisky in his veins, and the screams of hangovers past echoing in his wake.
Witnesses say that when the beast surfaces, it's often followed by panicked cries of “gis! gis!” echoing across the water, which has left more than a few bystanders unsure whether someone’s in mortal danger or just desperately trying to reconnect with a one time lover from a particularly messy night in Wick.
So remember, if you’ve been drinking within the last 24 hours, stay oot the watter. The Great Brown gis is watching. And he’s pure gaggin for a sip.
Forget your Great Whites and Hammerheads, this week we’re celebrating the Great Brown gis, Scotland’s very own North Sea nightmare with fins. The only known hairy shark in existence, this beast looks like a bar mat grew teeth and decided violence was its destiny.
Native to the choppy drams of the Pentland Firth, the Great Brown gis doesn’t hunt by scent alone, oh no. It can sniff out whisky in your bloodstream from 30 miles away, so if you’re daft enough to go swimming after being on the pish, you’re basically ringing the dinner bell.
Marine biologists warn that even a half digested Jägerbomb or a whiff of Buckfast sweat is enough to send one into a frenzy. They don’t attack with precision, they just lunge, teeth first, looking for anything scent of rum sick hiccups and regret soaked tequila pores.
Local fishermen say they’ve lost entire boats to a legendary beast they've called The Dram Reaper, part shark, part forgotten stag do, with a mouth full of teeth, whisky in his veins, and the screams of hangovers past echoing in his wake.
Witnesses say that when the beast surfaces, it's often followed by panicked cries of “gis! gis!” echoing across the water, which has left more than a few bystanders unsure whether someone’s in mortal danger or just desperately trying to reconnect with a one time lover from a particularly messy night in Wick.
So remember, if you’ve been drinking within the last 24 hours, stay oot the watter. The Great Brown gis is watching. And he’s pure gaggin for a sip.
