ajrwdwgirl
Premium Member
Have a great cruise @Tiggerish , you deserve it . It sounds like you are a wonderful daughter.
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Where in the World Isn't Bob Saget?
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MinnieM123
Premium Member
@Tiggerish -- I couldn't have stated the above any better. We all want you to enjoy your cruise.
Figgy1
Well-Known Member
rshell68
Well-Known Member
@Tiggerish you definitely deserve the trip! I was my dad's main caretaker before he passed as well. You need to take care of yourself too!!
Goofyernmost
Well-Known Member
Your post got me thinking and wondering if I had ever used that phrase in my life. I got married and I never asked my Father in Law if we had his blessing. (I know he wouldn't have given it **) My daughters eventual husbands never asked me for theirs and would never expected it. By the time they married they were in their 20's and long past any authority I had over their lives.
Many times over the past 30 years or so, they have done things that kinda made me cringe, but never said anything because it was 100% their business at that point and my job was to enjoy their friendship, play with my grandchildren when they arrived on the scene and be there if and when they felt the need to support them or ask for my advice. I learned by watching others and quickly realize that giving advice is a double edged sword. It feels good to think they still think that I am someone they can talk to and ask for advice, but it also gives them someone to blame if that advice doesn't work. You have to take the risk, if asked, but it is still risky. BTW, I have had it work both ways. It turned out to be far more appreciation than blame though.
I hope you have a fun and total unwind on your "time out". Remember it takes a whole lot less energy to ignore people than care about them. In the long haul caring is far more rewarding. And one must take some of our time to care for ourselves.
We only lasted 29 years. I guess we should have asked.
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JenniferS
When you're the leader, you don't have to follow.
Because purple ink smells more intoxicating (pun intended) than black ink. It is a universal truth.And it was always PURPLE ink, too, from those mimeograph papers!(Never could figure out why the ink wasn't black -- whose idea was it to use purple only?)
Goofyernmost
Well-Known Member
If you're serious about this I can give sort of an answer, having had many experiences with mimeograph machines and actual printing.And it was always PURPLE ink, too, from those mimeograph papers!
First what you see on mimeographed sheets isn't ink, it is a chemical stain left by, for a lack of a better way of putting it, a dye (mostly water) that seeps though the membrane of the special paper it is the original to have it show up on the new piece of paper that is the finished product. The process of having to filter through something decreases the volume leaving an imprint much lighter, but more easily seen in the output then Black Dye which would have come out light gray and practically invisible. The odor was just to give all of us, let's say less than young whippersnappers memories of days gone by. Kinda makes you fell sorry for those youngin's.
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JenniferS
When you're the leader, you don't have to follow.
I just spent the last 40 minutes Googling it and then fell down the Reddit hole.
It’s complicated.
Goofyernmost
Well-Known Member
Oh my! I hope you landed on something soft. You know your penchant for injury.
Yes, indeed it is which is why I just said the basics. Offset printing looks simple on the surface too, but can get quite complex especially if you want to use full color pictures using only Red, Yellow, Blue and sometimes black, but one can do without the black as it just adds a bit of detail. I was in the printing business for about 10 years and I have to look really close to see the difference in using just the three basics and using them plus black.
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Thanks for that, especially the part just before the spoiler. For the record, my husband did ask, I'm sure it was begrudgingly given, and our next anniversary is #38.Your post got me thinking and wondering if I had ever used that phrase in my life. I got married and I never asked my Father in Law if we had his blessing. (I know he wouldn't have given it **) My daughters eventual husbands never asked me for theirs and would never expected it. By the time they married they were in their 20's and long past any authority I had over their lives.
Many times over the past 30 years or so, they have done things that kinda made me cringe, but never said anything because it was 100% their business at that point and my job was to enjoy their friendship, play with my grandchildren when they arrived on the scene and be there if and when they felt the need to support them or ask for my advice. I learned by watching others and quickly realize that giving advice is a double edged sword. It feels good to think they still think that I am someone they can talk to and ask for advice, but it also gives them someone to blame if that advice doesn't work. You have to take the risk, if asked, but it is still risky. BTW, I have had it work both ways. It turned out to be far more appreciation than blame though.
I hope you have a fun and total unwind on your "time out". Remember it takes a whole lot less energy to ignore people than care about them. In the long haul caring is far more rewarding. And one must take some of our time to care for ourselves.
We only lasted 29 years. I guess we should have asked.
You may be amused to find out that my dad is 92. (I just turned 61)
donaldtoo
Well-Known Member
Congrats on y’all’s upcoming 38th wedding anniversary…!!!
Our 36th wedding anniversary will be on December 10th…yes, my lovely DWifey wanted a December/Christmas wedding, and I wasn’t gonna’ argue with that…!!!!!
My prospective FIL had divorced my soon-to-be MIL by the time I asked my DWifey to marry me, but I did, very respectfully, ask her mother for approval, and she was very happy that I gave her that respect, and asked her.
Fortunately, she approved…!!!!!!!
Unfortunately, my MIL passed on August 2nd from terminal lung cancer in her room in our home.
She was an amazing woman, loved by so many, and I always had great respect for her.
And yes, we talked about our Pops in the “theme park or other food pictures” thread…your Pop is about a year older than mine, and I am so grateful to have him still in our lives, along with Mom at 85.
I’ll be 62 on the 20th of next month…yes, I was born right smack in the middle of the Cuban Missile Crisis…what a way to start a life…!!!!!
Yeah, we’ve gotten temps in the 80s this week here in NY.
Last week, we were waking up to 49. Great sleeping weather! Not so much this week.
JenniferS
When you're the leader, you don't have to follow.
My dad slipped Mike a $5 bill at the altar. Make of that what you will.
Mike didn’t ask my dad’s blessing because a) he already knew he had it, b) I hadn’t lived at home for more than six years by the time we got engaged, and c) we’d dated so long, it was a foregone conclusion we were getting married. But for the fact that we didn’t live together, we were the most married unmarried couple you ever met.
I thought it was sweet that your dad gave his blessing for your trip. Blessings bestowed by a father upon his children are very important in Scripture - usually upon sons, of course, but the point stands.
Mike didn’t ask my dad’s blessing because a) he already knew he had it, b) I hadn’t lived at home for more than six years by the time we got engaged, and c) we’d dated so long, it was a foregone conclusion we were getting married. But for the fact that we didn’t live together, we were the most married unmarried couple you ever met.
I thought it was sweet that your dad gave his blessing for your trip. Blessings bestowed by a father upon his children are very important in Scripture - usually upon sons, of course, but the point stands.
MinnieM123
Premium Member
Songbird76
Well-Known Member
I'm so sorry so much is on your shoulders. That's interesting that daughters visit more than sons. My MIL is in the hospital at the moment, and my husband is spending nights there with her (long story) and his brother has only been by once to visit as far as I know. Tomorrow is our anniversary so I made a request that he ask his brother to take over the duty to stay with her so that we can at least go out to dinner together. I haven't seen my husband since Tuesday. I don't think a dinner is too much to ask for our anniversary, but DH hasn't gotten a response yet. His brother has been super unhelpful through the whole process of moving their parents into a nursing home, cleaning out their old home, etc. DH has done 95% of it himself even after asking his brother to do specific things, like get rid of the recyclable paper. It sat there for months until DH just did it himself because it was obvious his brother wasn't going to help. I know how frustrating it is to have so much to do and no one to help. I've been doing all the household chores, including yard work, next to my job for the past 18 years. I do work fewer hours than my husband does, but I just don't have the energy to work 60 hours a week to get all the housework done AND a 20 hour work week. I think my husband just severely underestimates how much time it takes to do all the housework, because he's never done it. He's completely oblivious to experiences other than his own.
OK, you can keep the monkeys.
As to the unsupported, you're not far off. The rehab facility that my dad's in is dead center between my house and my office. 15/20 minutes from either. So I visit him every day, unless I have some personal or business engagement that doesn't allow. I bring him a mug of Irish (Barry's, if you're familiar) tea and a green salad (Iettuce, tomato, scallions, Ken's french dressing) because he enjoys the heck out of both. It makes my dad's day to get his tea and his salad, and he is so proud that he's the only person in the rehab that gets a visitor every damn day. Although I do notice that the most frequent visitors are daughters. And we daughters take our parents' laundry, even though the facility is supposed to do it. I'm still up at this ungodly hour because when I visited my dad after work today, his hamper was full, and I'm going on holiday starting Saturday, so I'm doing his wash now. ;
I'm still working, I go to the office at least 3x a week. My hubs is retired. Often I work from home in the morning, and then stop by dad's rehab on the way into the office, telling dad that "I'm on my lunch" so I can get away after an hour. Dad loves the outdoors, and the facility is not sufficiently staffed that an aide can take him outside and sit with him for a while. So when I've been working all morning, and I'm getting ready to go, I think it would be very helpful if I didn't have to ask for help with the tea-making or the salad-making. I know that if our roles were reversed, I would have the flask of tea and the salad makings ready for when he needed to go, so I'm just torn and sad that I have to ask for help with those things, that he wouldn't just up and help, considering that yard or house work is all that he has to do.
Ergo, the ceiling falling and him wanting to go to Home Depot instead of calling a professional.
And, super annoying, I'm going on my once annual Girls Cruise next week, starting on Saturday. It's my get away from everything that I've enjoyed for over ten years now. I've been telling my dad all week (and I hung a calendar in his room with notes) that I'll be gone from Saturday to the following Friday--and even though my husband will take on the daily visits while I'm gone, today dad told me that (1) he'd miss me very much while I'm away and (2) I'd been going on this trip every year for more than ten years so (3) I deserved it, but the part that really teed me off was that (4) he said I could go with his blessing. REALLY, dad, really? You're the only person in the facility who gets a daily visit, and yeah, you're grateful for it, which I appreciate, but at my age I do NOT need your blessing to take a vacation, and by gum, I certainly do deserve it.
Sorry all, thanks for "listening".
That crack was in a wall, not a ceiling.
I speak both sides of the Atlantic...I'm so confused!!!
When our daughter was a baby, he came home from work when I was putting her in the play pen so I could go to the bathroom. He came in and was like "Oh....nevermind. I'll wait." and I asked him what he was talking about. He said he needed to go to the bathroom too. I told him to go upstairs....we have 2 bathrooms. No, he said he'd wait, because he didn't want to leave E alone. I said "What do you think I do all day while you're at work if I need to go to the bathroom? Do you think I hold it all day until you get home? She's been alone in the playpen before....she'll be fine for 2 minutes." His response was "I never thought about how you would do that." Really? You never considered that I would have to pee at some point in the 9-10 hours that you were commuting and working? You never gave a thought to what my experience as a mother was with no one to help me, and how I could get laundry done, cook dinner, vacuum the floor, etc? You thought....what...that I just held her in my arms while I worked with a kitchen knife, boiling water, and hot grease? It wasn't something he had to deal with himself, so he never thought about what went into my day. I'm sorry your husband seems likewise afflicted with a lack of empathy. Will he at least do it if you ask him to? I know, you shouldn't have to ask...no one gives US a list of what needs to be done. We have to actually look around and think and MAKE the list, and others shoud be perfectly capable of doing the same, but sadly, that just doesn't seem to be the case.
Enjoy your vacation. Hopefully when you come back, the men in your life will have a new appreciation for everything you've been doing that they have taken for granted. Now that your husband will have to do these things himself, maybe he'll realize how much work it actually is and that a little help would go a long way. And hopefully your dad didn't mean it in that way...more just that he's happy you are taking some time for yourself?
MinnieM123
Premium Member
FTFY -- I think you meant bags, not large bushels.