What to do?...

[Monty]

But how do you explain to someone that you don't want them to come with you without hurting there feelings?

Don't say you don't want them to come, say you only want your planned group. Or say you've found that, for you, a group of more than however many you're taking becomes unmanageable. :shrug:

 

[ThinkTink721]

Man, can I relate to this! My wife thought it would be great to invite her sister and her family to WDW with us this past summer. We get along with them pretty well and their kids are close enough in age to ours, that they get along great. I am one of those compulsive planners with spread sheets, ADR's for everything, daily park plans, etc. I explained that carefully before any arrangements were made so that it was understood that if they wanted to to something different than what we were doing, that would not offend us and we knew not everyone wanted to keep a schedule on vacation and so on. I also discussed every restaurant and sent them an e-mail of the menus. Sister-in-law and kids are not adventurous eaters, bro-in-law is. I even went as far as giving them guide books and asking them to look through them and give me an idea of their attractions they would be disappointed if they missed since it was their first trip. I tried to be proactive and anticipate problems that might arise. All throughout the planning, the answer I got was "we'll do whatever you guys do, we'll try anything, we're flexible.....".

Well, once at the World, all that changed. I don't think my sister-in-law said ONE thing positive. Issue 1: the food. NO rest. had food she liked, her kids weren't used to eating like that (kids menu items-meanwhile at home, they eat pizza, nuggets, fries, and mac and cheese constantly) She was even taking issue with the service at Yachtsman! Of course then the outstanding wait staff noticed her daughter was tired and made her a "bed" out of chairs complete with "blankets" and she slept through most of dinner. Issue 2: transportation. If we had to wait more than 3 minutes, it was too long and a personal insult to her. In addition, it didn't please her when she tried to enter the back door of the bus (against posted warnings) and the driver closed it on her. Issue 3: everything else. Too much walking, too hot, too expensive, seats were bad at shows, blah, blah, blah.......Not a single thank you to me for any of the planning I had done or the fact that I was the one that walked about 15 EXTRA miles to get FP's for everyone so that no wait was longer than 15 minutes for any attraction, not one.

I know the complaints weren't directed at me, but it sure felt that way. However, it did give me a tiny bit of satisfaction a few weeks later as SHE had planned a trip to New York for ten or so ladies in my wife's family and my wife told me that EVERYONE gave her what she had given me and then some in complaints on that trip! She even said something to my wife about it and my wife said that was how I felt at WDW......her response was to brush it off and basically ignore what my wife said. I guess it's tough to look in the mirror sometimes.

Anyway, I've learned my lesson. WDW will be where my wife, my kids, and I go and have fun by ourselves.

That sounds almost identical to my experience!
I think I got my feeling hurt too because I took so much time to plan & explain everything prior to the trip.

 

[ThinkTink721]

Hey - now I'll have to look for a Mickey bracelet when I'm down there. Last April, I did regret not getting a pair of Mickey earrings I saw. I wear studs in all but my first earring hole, so maybe I can find a nice pair or two of studs....

And I will bet she felt a little guilty....or at least, I hope she did.

We found the Mickey bracelet at The Under $10.00 Store at DTD.
I found the Mickey earrings at Pop's souvenir shop (they are loops w/ a dangling Mickey head w/ ears).

 

[ThinkTink721]

In addition...

In addition, we planned to do things this year that we probably wouldn't have done again just so she could experience them.
We could have used that time for new experiences ourselves.
We picked things that we thought she would like.
Also, she is a big shopper.
I like to stop & look every once in awhile, but I think she stopped at every place that sold anything!
She wanted to spend hours in the larger shops.
Then, she wanted to sit & smoke every 30 min.
She would even pout when we all wanted to go on a ride & she would have to wait for us (especially when her husband wanted to ride & she didn't).In
It was an experience that I plan not to relive next year.

 

[C.M.O]

i had the same problem last year, my best friend came down with my daughter and I and she complained a lot! It rained the whole time we were down there (except the day we arrived and the day we left) so she was upset that she didn't get any sun. I felt bad the whole time (though I didn't let it ruin my fun) this trip my daughter and I are going alone, so I have no one to worry about but her! YEAH!! 72 more days to go!

 

[mary219]

" I felt bad the whole time (though I didn't let it ruin my fun) this trip my daughter and I are going alone, so I have no one to worry about but her! YEAH!! 72 more days to go!"

thats the problem,you feel bad because they are not having fun,yet,the complainers think nothing of what they are doing to your fun.They stink!Thats why never again do we go with anyone but our immediate family(me,hubby and kids).

 

[mamielynn]

I had a similar experience a couple years ago. My mother, sisters and I take a girls only trip every year and never have a problem however, two years ago we invited one of my mother's sisters to go with us and it was miserable. She is older and has a hard time getting around which isn't that big of a deal because we don't ride a lot we just wander and do things we like to do without the kids but she complained about everything. We paid her way so all she needed was to eat and shop and she said everything was too expensive, the food wasn't good, she didn't tip any wait staff anywhere so we were constantly going behind and tipping because not only did she complain to us but to every server that served us she complained about some part of her meal and was just generally a nuisance. She complained about how tired she was when we spent the whole time pushing her wheelchair and all she did was sit. (I get it that it is no fun being in the wheelchair but she wasn't pushing herself we were!) She complained about the weather and the crowds (we went in one of the slower times so there were hardly any crowds or wait times) it was just miserable the longest 4 days ever.

 

[nibblesandbits]

I had the same experience with my in-laws...(mainly my FIL), however it wasn't at Disney (I will never invite them to Disney...I don't think I could stand it!) it was for my wedding in Jamaica.

Here he is in paradise and he seems miserable. Sure, it was my idea to have everyone fly down to Jamaica for the wedding, but I didn't want the typical wedding.

Now, I don't know all the details on what made him so unhappy with the trip, b/c I was busy ENJOYING mine...but I do know that he ended up writing a letter to the resort complaining b/c my travel agent got a email from the resort back talking about it and we are decent friends. I do know that one of his complaints was probably that the showers didn't offer hot water for very long, but none of the rest of us complained. Did I like it? No, but I knew there was nothing I could do about it.

(also, he did some things at my wedding that I really don't appreciate...like changing out of his kakhis and carribbean shirt 10 minutes after the wedding! I can't wait to see him suffer in a tux for his other son's wedding this January. That will be so deliciously evil...:lookaroun )

All in all, the experience taught me what I believe your experience taught you. Some people, no matter what, are just not happy about anything. They like their own routines and going to the beat of their own drums and aren't open to anyone else. No matter how hard you try. If you can't just simply leave her, I would definitely take lots of breaks from her. Let her do her own thing and your family do your own thing. If she doesn't want to do that, you might simply have to bring it up that you will all hang out together, but she has to keep her mouth shut the whole trip. She is bringing it down for her grandchildren. Maybe that will make her realize she is acting inappropriately.

 

[momofnine]

WOW, this thread makes me feel like I'am really lucky!!! My sister went with us last December, her 1st trip in over 14 years, and it went GREAT (sorry to all of you who had bad experiences). In fact, she is going with us this October, and we are all soooo very excited. This will be her 1st mnnshp. She was great about just following along, we planned all the meals, parks, etc... not one time did she complain... I guess I should be very greatful!!!!:wave:

 

[minnie2000]

I have a similiar problem in that my sister in law wants to gate crash our next walt disney world trip. She is a single parent to an 8 year old boy and says she needs someone to go with as she wont go on the scary rides with him. I know it sounds heartless but i know what shes like and she will just take over the whole trip. We're not even her first choice as she asked a friend to go with her but shes not interested. Also my husband and i both work full time so our family holiday with our two girls is special for us as its quality time together. Still feel kind of selfish for not wanting her there though.....

I understand how you feel. My parents-in-law want to come with us wherever we go. I do like them, but I don't like them enough to spend every holiday with them! When we say we are going somewhere, we get a comment like, ' Oh, we would like to go there', but to be honest, I feel it is our holiday, the four of us, me, DH and 2 DDs, and I can't relax and be myself if they are there. I just think that it is my holiday too! DH can say to them if he doesn't want to do what they want, or if there is a little problem, but I feel awkward, they are his family not mine, and I always feel I have to be polite and do everything they want. They get on my nerves sometimes and I have to bite my tongue - I DO like them but in small doses! (I feel a bit guilty for saying that!)

I don't know what you can say to her though. I definitely think she should NOT come with you, as it is your family holiday. But how to not invite her when she obviously wants to come is difficult without causing problems in the family. Can you book it for a time when she can't make it? (that sounds really mean - sorry) You will be paying too much for it to be a holiday that you don't really enjoy. Perhaps the only way is to get your husband (if it is his sister) to explain that you are happy to go for a weekend to Disney Paris with her, but not your main (expensive) family holiday to Florida.

 

[lisak09]

I understand how you feel. My parents-in-law want to come with us wherever we go. I do like them, but I don't like them enough to spend every holiday with them! When we say we are going somewhere, we get a comment like, ' Oh, we would like to go there', but to be honest, I feel it is our holiday, the four of us, me, DH and 2 DDs, and I can't relax and be myself if they are there. I just think that it is my holiday too! DH can say to them if he doesn't want to do what they want, or if there is a little problem, but I feel awkward, they are his family not mine, and I always feel I have to be polite and do everything they want. They get on my nerves sometimes and I have to bite my tongue - I DO like them but in small doses! (I feel a bit guilty for saying that!)

I don't know what you can say to her though. I definitely think she should NOT come with you, as it is your family holiday. But how to not invite her when she obviously wants to come is difficult without causing problems in the family. Can you book it for a time when she can't make it? (that sounds really mean - sorry) You will be paying too much for it to be a holiday that you don't really enjoy. Perhaps the only way is to get your husband (if it is his sister) to explain that you are happy to go for a weekend to Disney Paris with her, but not your main (expensive) family holiday to Florida.

It is my husbands sister and he doesnt want her to come along either. We've been away with them before and it never goes well. There always ends up being rows and she brings out a side of me that i dont like. Luckily i think it might work out as i overheard her saying that she thinks her son might still be a little young for disney world! I actually don't think he is (he's eight, my youngest is five & had a ball this year) but im not going to contradict her as it saves me the headache of trying to nicely tell her we don't want her along.
Looks like i can go ahead & start planning next years holidays!

 

[minnie2000]

Good luck with that, and I hope the four of you have a good time.