Very torn. What would you do?

[sweetpee_1993]

A few years back we paid hotel and tickets for my in-laws to join us on one of our trips to WDW. It was a ton of fun. I'm very close to my in-laws, much more so than my own parents. I could tell at the time, tho, my folks' feelings were a little hurt (it was kinda hard to hide w/Mimi & Poppa in the vacation pics).

Anywhoo, I was thinking about our upcoming December trip this year. I'd love to take my mom back with me. In spite of her serious issues with clausterphobia and need to use an ECV because of her physical limitations, I'd like to take her back again. My dad has fairly serious mental issues now. Nothing like really really bad or debilitating. To describe it best and I'm not being mean here, he's a spaz. Like he gets so wound up and talks incessantly and as horrible of a daughter as I am to admit it, he drives me nutty. I can only take small doses of him when he's in that manic state. Being with him in public settings is difficult because he rarely leaves his house. Being around other people gets him all excited and he talks like crazy to poor innocent bystanders telling story after story usually about when I was a kid. Aside from both my parents' mental and physical limitations, I have memories of being in the world with them when I was a child. Neither of them have been in many, many, many years. It would be a completely new world for them to experience and I would be showing it to them. Plus, they'd get to be there with my boys and my boys would have that memory of being there with Nana & Grampaw.

If I commit to taking them it has to be 100%. Financially I would have to provide everything for this trip. Transportation, lodging, food, tickets, ECV for Mom for the duration, everything. They are on a very,very limited income. Aside from the money, I'm absolutely terrified to commit to this gi-normous of an undertaking. It really scares the bejeezus outta me. Part of me really wants to give them this gift but part of my is scared to death I'll get there and be too overwhelmed by the weight of it all. My DH, God bless his angel soul, assures me that he'll help and it won't be so bad. I'm just so scared.

Any thoughts? Words of wisdom???

 

[mary219]

wow,thats a rough decision.ask yourself first if they would even enjoy it.perhaps a weekend trip somewhere closer and more familiar to them ,that may be a better choice.

 

[mouselvrmom]

For the last five trips, we have brought along parents in some form with us. I think that it is really beneficial for the kids to get to spend this awesome time with their grandparents, but it is very stressful for us adults.

We haven't had the issues that you do with an ecv or mental issues, and the parents have always had to pay their own way, except for the hotel. So I'm not sure we would have done it if we had to pay their way as well.

My mom has been sick so the time we brought them was a little bit stressful because she wasn't feeling well most of the time-she has chronic pain and has been on A LOT of medication. But she was able to get out to the parks probably half of the time that we went. So that was nice to have that time, even though I share your feelings of annoyance sometimes.

I think you should think long and hard and really decide what you truly want to do. It would be a real gift for your parents, and a very selfless act on your part. I know we are looking forward to a vacation with just our family.

 

[Master Yoda]

One question....Do they really want to go to WDW or do you want them to go to WDW? If they are not 100% pumped about going to WDW then you might want to look into a vacation that will be a little bit more friendly to their current situation.

 

[Nemo14]

A few years back we paid hotel and tickets for my in-laws to join us on one of our trips to WDW. It was a ton of fun. I'm very close to my in-laws, much more so than my own parents. I could tell at the time, tho, my folks' feelings were a little hurt (it was kinda hard to hide w/Mimi & Poppa in the vacation pics).

Anywhoo, I was thinking about our upcoming December trip this year. I'd love to take my mom back with me. In spite of her serious issues with clausterphobia and need to use an ECV because of her physical limitations, I'd like to take her back again. My dad has fairly serious mental issues now. Nothing like really really bad or debilitating. To describe it best and I'm not being mean here, he's a spaz. Like he gets so wound up and talks incessantly and as horrible of a daughter as I am to admit it, he drives me nutty. I can only take small doses of him when he's in that manic state. Being with him in public settings is difficult because he rarely leaves his house. Being around other people gets him all excited and he talks like crazy to poor innocent bystanders telling story after story usually about when I was a kid. Aside from both my parents' mental and physical limitations, I have memories of being in the world with them when I was a child. Neither of them have been in many, many, many years. It would be a completely new world for them to experience and I would be showing it to them. Plus, they'd get to be there with my boys and my boys would have that memory of being there with Nana & Grampaw.

If I commit to taking them it has to be 100%. Financially I would have to provide everything for this trip. Transportation, lodging, food, tickets, ECV for Mom for the duration, everything. They are on a very,very limited income. Aside from the money, I'm absolutely terrified to commit to this gi-normous of an undertaking. It really scares the bejeezus outta me. Part of me really wants to give them this gift but part of my is scared to death I'll get there and be too overwhelmed by the weight of it all. My DH, God bless his angel soul, assures me that he'll help and it won't be so bad. I'm just so scared.

Any thoughts? Words of wisdom???

First of all, I admire you for even considering such an undertaking. I think you need to ask yourself though just who are you doing this for? If it's to somehow make up for the time you went with your in-laws, I really don't think it's the wisest decision. Your parents limitations and your feelings about them could really make for a disasterous trip. I think I'd recommend that maybe you go somewhere besides WDW with them - somewhere less crowded and less intense. To me, it sounds like you're setting up yourself and your family for a disaster. JMHO.

 

[sweetpee_1993]

One question....Do they really want to go to WDW or do you want them to go to WDW? If they are not 100% pumped about going to WDW then you might want to look into a vacation that will be a little bit more friendly to their current situation.

That's a good question. Mom, absolutely yes. Dad, I'm not so sure. Like I said, he rarely leaves his house (his sofa to be more specific). It would be a huuuuge step outside his comfort zone. I offered to take them a year or so ago. At first they were both totally pumped. It took 2 weeks before they backed out. At the time the financial situation was totally different. They would have had to provide some of their necessities. At the time I wasn't entirely sure the hesitation wasn't purely financial. I could tell my mom was really down about it. That's why I wish I could take her more-so than Dad. I think she'd get more out of it all and I'd enjoy it more. But I can't very well invite one without the other. You know? This go around I do have the ability to pay 100% of their trip so that couldn't be an excuse again.

 

[sweetpee_1993]

First of all, I admire you for even considering such an undertaking. I think you need to ask yourself though just who are you doing this for? If it's to somehow make up for the time you went with your in-laws, I really don't think it's the wisest decision. Your parents limitations and your feelings about them could really make for a disasterous trip. I think I'd recommend that maybe you go somewhere besides WDW with them - somewhere less crowded and less intense. To me, it sounds like you're setting up yourself and your family for a disaster. JMHO.

I appreciate your honesty. Thank you.

Trying to figure out my feelings in all this is really the hardest part. I have a pretty good relationship with my mom. Maybe I could just talk with her about it. Yeah, I want to stand on Main Street and hold their hands again. Who wouldn't want that? Perhaps a lot of this comes from the fact that I don't feel like I do enough for them. Could be that I have a lot of guilt because I stay away so much. I also know that as I watch them age and become more fragile in so many ways I become more and more afraid that I'm blowing off valuable time that I won't get back (like with my grandfather when he progressed thru Alzheimers prior to his passing). Its a tough situation. But you're right. I do need to examine just who I would be doing this for.

Thank you again.

 

[Master Yoda]

That's a good question. Mom, absolutely yes. Dad, I'm not so sure. Like I said, he rarely leaves his house (his sofa to be more specific). It would be a huuuuge step outside his comfort zone. I offered to take them a year or so ago. At first they were both totally pumped. It took 2 weeks before they backed out. At the time the financial situation was totally different. They would have had to provide some of their necessities. At the time I wasn't entirely sure the hesitation wasn't purely financial. I could tell my mom was really down about it. That's why I wish I could take her more-so than Dad. I think she'd get more out of it all and I'd enjoy it more. But I can't very well invite one without the other. You know? This go around I do have the ability to pay 100% of their trip so that couldn't be an excuse again.

I would really try to do something that they would both want to do. My father in law as well as my father are/were very introverted and getting them to do anything is/was a challenge. I would work with your dad first and then try to get your mom on board with something in line with his comfort zone.

 

[Nemo14]

I appreciate your honesty. Thank you.

Trying to figure out my feelings in all this is really the hardest part. I have a pretty good relationship with my mom. Maybe I could just talk with her about it. Yeah, I want to stand on Main Street and hold their hands again. Who wouldn't want that? Perhaps a lot of this comes from the fact that I don't feel like I do enough for them. Could be that I have a lot of guilt because I stay away so much. I also know that as I watch them age and become more fragile in so many ways I become more and more afraid that I'm blowing off valuable time that I won't get back (like with my grandfather when he progressed thru Alzheimers prior to his passing). Its a tough situation. But you're right. I do need to examine just who I would be doing this for.

Thank you again.

((Hug))
I think we all wish we could go back to those feelings we had as kids there, and in our minds, our parents (and we) don't age. I know I'd give anything to go to WDW with my dad again, but he's been gone a long time, and my mom has slowed somewhat too (she'll be 88 next week). But it's nice to have the memories of the good times we did have.
Do your parents have home movies of your trips there? Maybe you could have them rerecorded to DVD or something like that, so they could experience the fun without stressing about it - your kids would probably enjoy watching something like that with them too.

 

[happymom52003]

Would it be possible for them to join you for only half of your trip? We did that with my 80 year old grandmother last year. We were there for a week, and she joined us for three days. It was just the right amount of time for her to be there. She also had to use an ECV while there.
We also went back and forth on our decision before we invited her. We knew it would be hard with the ECV, and we knew we would have to pay nearly 100% of her way (we paid for eveything but her airfare because she used frequent flier miles), and we knew we would have to make some sacrifices during the three days she was there due to her physical limitations.
But it was such a special trip for her, and we are so glad we did it when we did....she has recently developed health problems that will keep her from ever doing anything like that again.
I've learned the hard way that you can't get time back with loved ones. My mom used to drive me NUTS and I would intentionally avoid her alot of the time. Then three years ago she passed away unexpectedly in her sleep at the age of 54 while I was 5 months pregnant.
Now I would give ANYTHING to have her back with me annoying me. I promise I am not trying to make you feel gulitly! I hope I am not coming across that way. It is just that I can honestly say that while she was alive, I would have NEVER wanted to invite her on vacation with us. But now I tear up on every Disney trip wishing that she could have seen her grandchildren there.....I would give ANYTHING to have her go to WDW with us.
So sometimes the trouble is worth it. So IF you can afford it, and IF they want to go, and IF you can somehow only have them there for part of your trip and not the entire time, I think it would be nice if you could work it out I think you should talk to them about it to see what their feelings are and if they think your father can handle it. And as others have suggested, perhaps you could do another type of trip with them if you all decide that Disney would not be the right place for them.

 

[mousermerf]

My knee-jerk reaction: Don't.

On hearing your other comments: Can you sit down with your mom and maybe plan a weekend away for you and her? A girl's getaway maybe as a gift for her birthday or mothers day or something?

I do think you should spend time with your father, but WDW is not the place to be doing it. Other people are not going to understand, and he's not going to understand that other people don't understand him (two-way fustration leads to unhappiness).

 

[PanfanAL]

If it just about feeling guilty, or just wanting to spend time with your parents, it doesn't have to be Disney. You go on your trip, and do something else with them. Otherwise as others have states above, it will be extremely stressful for everyone involved. Then what was supposed to be a great memory for all of you will be remembered as a miserable trip together. There is bound to be something you can all do together that suits everyone, and will be great memories. If you are really close to your mom talk to her about it ,she will understand, and probably agree.

 

[JustPlainBill]

I understand your feelings.
We took my wife's parents to WDW before and had a relatively good time.
After awhile it got a little rough, but nothing to get really bent out of shape about. I have thought about my Mom and whether or not I should take her sometime, my Dad passed many years ago. I usually dismiss these thoughts because she is fiercely independent and can be a bit more than we can handle, having gone on trips with her in the past to other places. My Mom never seemed to display a passion for WDW or anything else Disney so I leave it alone. I agree with the others who posted earlier about not taking them unless they're really interested. The last thing you'd want is someone mumbling, grumbling and complaining thus ruining the trip. It would be nice to have an extra set of hands to hand the kids off to so my wife and I could sneak of for some alone time together, but in our case we've learned not to rely on such hopes to come true. It may not sound too nice but it does you no good to feel guilty about this. It's great that you're thinking about your parents, they're lucky they have someone like yourself. As much as I'd like to believe everyone feels the same about WDW as I do, I realize it isn't the case and if someone wants to they can be miserable in the happiest place on earth.

 

[amykissangel]

You are a total sweetheart for doing this, and I think I know your feelings. You really want them to come and enjoy themselves and see the magic you see every day. You also want it for you - to have memories of your parents and you in such a special place.

I think your main question is this: Would they truly enjoy it? Would they be comfortable? Would they get nervous in the crowds? Exhausted by the heat? And (this may be selfish, but it's worth asking) would they ruin this trip for you? Not that they would ever mean to, but a friend of mine was once an utter and complete you-know-what when she came to Disney with us. She ruined the trip because of her attitude, even though she didn't mean to.

Think of it this way: After the trip, do you think you will be glad you took them? Or do you think you'll be like, "Dammit, I wanted everyone to have such an amazing time, and all they did was complain even though they didn't mean it, this sucked."

Good luck with your decisions!:wave:

 

[Crazy4WDW1]

My first answer is to just tell you not to do it, I'm sorry to say. You say in your original post that you want your kids to have a great memory of going to WDW with their grandparents. After all you said in your post about your Mom's health and your Dad's mental health, how much fun is it going to be for your kids? I hate to be the "bad cop" here, but think about it. By the time the vacation is over, you're going to be broke and exhausted. The kids will have memories of Mom being miserable in WDW.

I agree with some of the previous posters to do something a little less challenging for your parents. It will be better for the entire group.

By the way, for you even to think of attempting such an adventure is proof what a wonderful daughter you are. They should be proud.

 

[figmentmom]

WDW can be absolutely overwhelming for people in top physical and mental shape! It might just be waaaaay too much for your parents, much as you'd like to have them with you. Why don't you do a "test" vacation with your parents first, BEFORE you even consider asking them to go to WDW with you? You could take a weekend trip someplace several hours from home, and see how it goes - then decide about WDW based on that.

Good luck - and you're a very generous daughter to even consider this for your parents. I'm sure they know how much you love them.

 

[SallyShine]

Take them to the beach. It would be much more relaxing for everyone. If you want some Disney magic, go to Hilton Head or Vero Beach. Face it, WDW can be stressfull under the best circumstances.

 

[wvdisneyfamily]

Wow! This is a tough decision. Personally, I would pray about everything - the trip, how to give your parents and kids the memories they deserve, your father's illness, your mother's health. There is no easy answer because it doesn't just boil down to should we take a family trip to Disney or the beach? You want to recapture your childhood magic for you, your parents, and your kids. I admire you because you so selflessly give to and take care of your parents. God bless you and I'll keep you and your family in my prayers.:wave:

 

[fizzle75]

I was in a very similiar situation in December of '06. As a child my family had very little money and we never took family vacations. I hated hearing my friends talk about their family vacations because it really hurt that I wasn't able to go on one. I have been a huge Disney fan since I was a wee lad and what really hurt was hearing my friends talk about going to WDW, a place I dearly longed to go to. My mom worked several jobs and never really spent much time with me, my dad was always out with his buddies and really didn't have time for me either(he is now a Pastor and has become one of the most amazing men I've ever known), so it was basically up to my sister to raise me...so for all intents and purposes my sister was my mom.

Once I finally made it to WDW on our honeymoon in '05 and fell in love with the place(as I always knew I would), I started trying to figure out a way to take my sister with us, in a way I was trying to create one of the family vacations that I had longed for as a child. After much begging and number crunching she agreed to go as well as my nephew(who is like my little brother)and my cousin(who is also like a brother). We planned on helping her with the trip but at the last minute she had some financial troubles and we decided to pay most of it so she would still be able to go. I can't tell you how excited I was, I was finally going to go on a family vacation for the first time in my life. My hopes were sky high, I was convinced that my sister, nephew and cousin would fall madly in love with WDW like my wife and I and would be clamoring to come back with us some day. The exact opposite happened, they were all bored out of their minds and just didn't "get" the "magic". On the last day my wife and sister had a knock down drag out with my cousin in the lobby of the WL over his constant whining and complaining which ultimately ended our friendship(he was my best friend of many years). I was devastated. When I got home I sunk into a deep depression and bawled my eyes out. I foolishly focused more on creating memories for me instead of crafting a trip that everyone would enjoy and in the process lost my best friend and caused my family alot of pain.

My advice to you would be to make absolutely sure that your parents want to go, if they don't...don't do it. I found out the hard way that you can't make someone feel the magic of WDW, it's something you either get or you don't and trying to force it on someone will usually cause it to blow up in your face.

I'm happy to say that both my sister and nephew have both come to us and expressed interest in going back...but my best friend still hasn't spoken to me in over a year.

I wish you the best and I hope your experience is a wonderful one that allows you to make the memories you are dreaming of, just make sure that you focus on helping them make wonderful memories as well, but you may have to accept the fact that the wonderful memories you seek may not happen at our beloved WDW.

-Matt

 

[fizzle75]

Wow! This is a tough decision. Personally, I would pray about everything - the trip, how to give your parents and kids the memories they deserve, your father's illness, your mother's health. There is no easy answer because it doesn't just boil down to should we take a family trip to Disney or the beach? You want to recapture your childhood magic for you, your parents, and your kids. I admire you because you so selflessly give to and take care of your parents. God bless you and I'll keep you and your family in my prayers.:wave:

Best advice yet.