Uninvited Guests

[mousermerf]

I need advice...

The merf and merf's-other-half are going to WDW for NYE, staying over for a few nights.

It's supposed to be a semi "romantic" getaway (we both enjoy the crowds and excitement) because of family engagements we didn't rally get to spend the actualy "Holidays" together much.

Now - the other-half's family is going to be at WDW the first day of our trip. They just announced it today. They're bringing everyone, even grandma.

Needless to say, merf is a little miffed.

Today, is of course, just a day outside of merf's cancelation/modification window too.

What should merf do? Avoid them for a day? Ugh... Convince them that going during that period is horrible? Slash the tires on their cars? Break the plumbing in their toilets?

 

[tink rules]

Ok... unless this is the absolute love of your life and you've already proposed, bought the ring and planned your Disney wedding...

You better stick the family in there somewhere... make it brief, early and explain that you have other previous plans that you cannot cancel...

How about breakfast somewhere and then go and have your day...

and if you do blow off the family... your Disney wedding won't be that happy anyway because the guilt will be crazy for not asking Aunt Mathilda from Witchita..... :lookaroun

 

[tink rules]

Ok... I change that a bit... I misread... sorry...

Since it is HER family...you had BETTER fit in some time for the family... otherwise ONLY Aunt Mathilda will be coming to the wedding...:lol: :lol:

 

[Figment1986]

hmm.. did you try you booked for 2, and did a non refundable full payment already and cannot change your plans??

that works for me when i have to get out of class at school...and work

of course... this must be ultra serious... since you came to the members help.

 

[natalia1681]

Hey! Finally a criteria by which I'm a catch!

I think the fact that you are quite the Disney fan would make you a catch to many members of this board

 

[davidpw97]

Really - at what point do you stop being nice about stuff like this..? *sighs*[/quote]

I think you've already passed the point in which you should have stopped being nice. It appears as though this has been an ongoing problem for a while and should have been stopped long ago. If you've already had one holiday semi-ruined this year, why go through that again? Tell them you've already made all your plans and that you'll try to fit them in if possible but that it is YOUR trip and you're going to do it YOUR way and if people get hurt, they'll get over it. You seemed to have had your plans way before they did so just do whatever it was you had planned already and let them know you can't change things.
Can't complain about your plans always getting messed up if you never try to do anything about it.

 

[minnie2000]

I understand how you feel. My parents say 'come when you like, if you want to go somewhere else, we don't mind' but with my in-laws, its like walking on eggshells. Whatever we say will be wrong and they will be offended for the slightest reason. They also think they are automatically welcome to join us on each holiday we book! We have managed to stop that by asking them on holiday with us now and then, but we are quite firm about all other holidays. It doesn't help that we don't really enjoy their company! They mean well, and are not all that bad, but we just don't want them with us all the time! (Its a bit like having 2 extra children with us)

If I were you, I would give in and meet them for breakfast, and then say you have lots of surprises booked for you and your wife/partner, wish everyone a lovely day at WDW, and see them all when you get home. You will probably get a lot of pointed comments, but if they are that awkward, you're probably used to it by now! Have fun - it is your holiday!

 

[Nemo14]

I think every couple probably goes through in-law issues at some point, but I don't think being rude to them solves anything. Believe me, I totally understand your desire to "escape" for a while, but you should be flattered that they think enough of you to want to spend time with you. I would just agree to meet them for breakfast or lunch, then make a few suggestions to them about attractions that they should definitely do, but apologize that you can't join them for those.

 

[Nansafan]

Meet them for breakfast, after you discuss what their options for the day are, then explain that you 2 are going back to the room for some adult alone time. Then get up and leave quickly.

 

[PintoColvig]

Your significant other needs to be the point person here in dealing with the family. For you to do it will only make them not like you. In my family, it's my side that's always putting the pressure on. In dealing with it, I've made it a point to be the one to do the talking and not my wife. Before we came to that arrangement, my wife was always taking the heat. Now, I'm the one who takes the heat but I don't care if my family gets upset. They always seem to get over it.

You might want to appease the fam a bit with a meal get-together. Other than that, don't feel guilty for wanting to do your thing away from them.

 

[tink rules]

OH.... that's a good one for the inlaws or the hopefully intended inlaws.... Adult time, huh????

Try telling them that you have booked something romantic and it's all ready paid for non refundable.... and that you hope they'll have a good time... and depending on how many people are there... do something Disney... like give them pins or something...

Then run... to the nearest exit and have some time to your self....

And on the personal side...Merf... Love you, but it sounds like your having a tough week...

Take a deep breath and do your best... and remember... Have a Magical Day!!! (or at least try to...) :animwink:

 

[3fordisney]

I agree with the others. I would set the expectation early that you already have plans that day, but would be able to meet for breakfast. That way you both spent some time with them without dismissing them altogether. I have had the "guilt trip" inlaws. I wouldn't use "adult time" with them, but I would say that you have nonrefundable reservations that day.

Hope all works out for you and good luck!

 

[maelstrom]

I think you need your other half to tell her family that this trip is just for the two of you and you won't be hanging out with them. Time to put your foot down. There's no reason you have to spend time with these people if you don't want to. And if she doesn't want to either, well, enough said.

 

[wdwjmp239]

if your other alf is on board with the little white lie, tell 'em you have the entire day planned with romantic things, meals, backstage tours, carriage rides, etc. and it's to late to change 'em. worst case scenario, throw 'em a pity appearance at breakfast.

I had an instance occur about three years ago when I ran into one of my co-workers at The Magic Kingdom. My girlfriend at the time (now my fiancee) and I went to Disney for a few days and as we were coming off of Space Mountain, I hear my last name being screamed across from The Carousel Of Progress. When I looked over to where the voice was coming from, I saw one of my co-workers with his girlfriend. Since he knows I'm a "Disney freak" - he decided to tag along with us. Well, as we were headed towards the Castle for lunch, he thought he'd invite himself to lunch with us. I eventually looked at him and said, "I'll see you in the office next week." And, having said that - we had lunch and never saw him again for the remainder of the trip.

At work, on the other hand, he said something to me about not inviting him to lunch. I looked at him and told him that I didn't have plans on feeding my co-workers and their girlfriends. Whatever..... needless to say, he no longer works with me.

 

[GenerationX]

Some folks (introverts?) prefer to tour only with their immediate family. Personally, I look forward to vacations when I am accountable to no one but my wife and kids. I'm not interested in compromising or coordinating schedules with others; I do enough of that every single flippin' day at work.

My advice: do the minimum. Make dinner reservations with the family. That becomes the "meeting point", and you'll probably have to tour with them the rest of the evening.

 

[wannabeBelle]

Your significant other needs to be the point person here in dealing with the family. For you to do it will only make them not like you. In my family, it's my side that's always putting the pressure on. In dealing with it, I've made it a point to be the one to do the talking and not my wife. Before we came to that arrangement, my wife was always taking the heat. Now, I'm the one who takes the heat but I don't care if my family gets upset. They always seem to get over it.

You might want to appease the fam a bit with a meal get-together. Other than that, don't feel guilty for wanting to do your thing away from them.

I agree, your other half needs to be point person on this. What are the feelings coming from that side of the fence?? Belle

 

[cm1988]

Would suggest asking if they'd like to join you for the late dinner you have planned (8:00 pm or later). Then (after they accept) say great, it will be fun, and of course we won't hang out too late... understanding it will have been a long day. If they say they'd like to meet earlier in the day, you might say anything earlier we'll have to "play it by ear". Leave your cell phone off until 5:00 pm that day!

 

[justducky78]

Why is it selfish to want to spend some time alone with your other-half after spending the holidays with the family? Don't let them guilt-trip you. Put your foot down (have your other half do it if she's on the same page) and tell them you planned a romantic getaway and you have some special things planned - alone. It's rude of them to invite themselves along. They'll survive without you for one day.

I sympathize with you - my husband and I need always need a break from the family after the holidays, just to maintain our sanity!

 

[miles1]

I can appreciate the situation, Merf.

Here's the plan. Tell them you will be visiting EPCOT together. Since it's a very busy season you and THEY will have to be at the turnstyles one and one half hours before opening. When the gates open, EVERYONE will have to run to Soarin' to get fast passes. From there, all must run to test track before the line gets too long. By then, time to run back to Soarin' for the fastpass return. Surprise! You made breakfast reservations for Chef Mickey's for everyone, but you must RUN to catch the monorail to the Contemporary.

By the time breakfast is over, they will think you are a lunatic and Grandma will need oxygen. Hopefully they'll let you go on ahead and enjoy yourselves!

Good Luck

 

[Anthony95]

my mom and my sister seem to think we always have to do stuff together.

what makes it hard is: so does my son. he loves group things.

me on the other hand, i can do without it unless its for a fam reunion specifically. i live with my family, so, my wdw vacation was suppose to be a very expensive break from them.

that did NOT work because suddenly my mom included herself, my step dad, my sister and her two kids and i was like WTH?

so to reduce the amount of time of exposure from my slow family and bad neice and nephew, i purposely

a. stayed at a deluxe hotel they couldn't afford
b. instead of meet at their hotels where it would have taken longer to get to the park and then my family is slow getting ready, told them i'd meet them at the park
c. start eating breakfast without them
d. go the opposite direction of the park they would go
e. leave earlier or later than they did
f. ate at restaurants they wouldn't eat at

during the trip they caught on and expressed that it seems i was avoiding them and i feign ignorance 'HOW DARE YOU SAY THAAAAAAAAAAT? I would NEVER do that!'...

i then spent a free day and hung out with them. that seem to cover me for a minute. but i knew my mom and sister was mad. lol...

you just gotta go left when they go right, up when they go down.