Man, what a lively Imagineer's council@spacemt354...Just...wow.
I honestly had no idea you harbored so much resentment and animosity. If what you're trying to do here is make me feel as bad as I must have made you felt to begin with, job well done. I feel terrible about the whole situation and am ready to outright leave the community if you guys don't want me around any more.
I guess I'll go through this piece by piece. On the lying thing...It's Survivor. Everyone lies. I just happened to get caught in more of them than the other two people I'm sitting next to. That's what happens when you're hosting a podcast talking about a strategy game you're actively involved in. It gives people easy and ample opportunity to compare notes which is why the Tribal Council podcast has always put me at a disadvantage.
Having said that, I think it's a bit unfair to quote me out of context on the "not going to lie" thing. I'm CERTAINLY not lying about the thing I was actually talking about in that quote...being the least appealing of the final three.
Ohh boy. You really want to drag my personal conversations into it. If you remember them so vividly, then what I was talking about is the precise reason why I fail at this game so hard pal...
I CAN'T MAKE FRIENDS IN REAL LIFE. I AM ENTIRELY UNLIKABLE. I DRAW PEOPLE AWAY FROM ME. I HATE MYSELF FOR IT.
I don't know how much more I can draw it out for you. There's a BIG reason why I have no friends. I am simply IMPOSSIBLE to be around. My autism makes it that way. You want to talk about my autism...THAT is the reason I take these games the way I do. That is why I get so deep into the strategy.
I went to you in private as a friend because I still firmly believe that I'm a hard guy to get along with in real life...unless you've known me online before meeting me in person and thus are already used to my quirks...Hi MEW and Monkey! Just meeting "Tiki" the actual unemployed autistic man child 25 year old obsessed with Disney when you have no context behind me is about the most unappealing person you're liable to walk into if you're just minding your own business. People genuinely AVOID me at school and there's some people that strongly personally dislike me. I am an incredibly unlikable person to some due to the quirks that arise in my autism.
And here you're basically throwing the fact that I'm unlikable right in my face. Yea, I'll admit I get really jealous when I see people make friends super easily and when everyone seems to like them. I'm NOT that person. I'll NEVER be that person. The friendships I make take a lot of time and nurturing to develop, and most of the time due to poorly timed panic attacks even those blow up in my face. I've literally had nightmares about having a panic attack in front of Monkey and him wanting nothing to do with me after I met him in person last month.
Now as far as people knowing how much of a liar I am...That is something else I've got to at least assign a bit of blame on the podcast for. Like I said, the podcast clearly put me at a disadvantage both as a clear venue for people to compare my strategic notes and as an outright display of how cut throat I was willing to get.
Can I answer your question. THIS is by far the biggest strategy move I regret in the game. I should have never taken the trust issue to a personal level considering I was about to break it. That was me being wrapped up in the moment and genuinely being a selfish A-Hole about the whole situation. For that I can't apologize enough.
That's one of the reason I'm retiring as a player after this season. I can dish it, but I can't take it. You're absolutely right about that. I have some pretty severe emotional problems I still need to work past and this game absolutely brings out the worst of my personality. I never wanted or meant for anyone to get hurt in the process, but if that's the case then I'm truly sorry for my actions.
I'm also strongly considering taking the murder mystery element out of SYWTBAI season 13 or at least reworking it. I want to do something "spooky" for the 13th season but it shouldn't come at the expensive of creating an in-game atmosphere that's thick with paranoia.
Do you know the definition of Autism? It's basically having a very narrow view of certain things that you're incredibly passionate about and disregarding other things. I obviously had a narrow, short sighted view on my actions this season and I only have my horrible disease to blame for that.
Exactly how did I handle the situation that was soooo immature, outside of bluffing with trust issues that I've already apologized for. Was it the fact that I did the TSI podcast on the ONE time that weekend I'd actually be able to get it out and you still think I somehow purposely ignored you in that process and deliberately didn't let you have a final say on the podcast? You need to get over that because that is NOT how it played out. I had a super busy weekend, DSquared was available when I asked on the ONE time I was available who else was. It's as simple as that. I really didn't mean to snub you from coming on the podcast and I'm sorry you have such strong feelings over what was essentially a misunderstanding.
And it's Survivor dude. Of course you should have a bit of personal responsibility in putting your faith in me to begin with. I do have a track record and a play style that you were well aware of before aligning with me. I also very rarely take personal connections into the equation of a strategy game where you're trying to knock out other people who have a better shot at winning than you do. I think some of this residual bitterness might come from the game itself and not so much my own actions. Which I understand. Survivor is a BRUTAL game from a mental standpoint and I've certainly had enough of it myself after your speech.
Like I said, if I had to do one thing over it would be not guilt tripping you about trust when I was about to stab you in the back. That was the one thing this season I can point do as being the morally WRONG thing to do and I should have never antagonized you. Your'e absolutely right in that I was stepping outside of the parameters of the game at that moment.
To answer the group question...I would have not put all the other IPs into the Ratatouille project if I could go back and change it. I discussed this at length in the podcast, but there was a moment about a third of the way into writing the E ticket when I realized this whole crossing over with like five other movies was NOT going to work. I had a strong foundation built with the shipwreck and designing a primitive Paris. I'm curious how well that would have turned out if I would have stuck to that.
But in all seriousness Tiki. No one wants you to leave the community. No one on here hates you. We all think your fantastic, both as a person and as an Imagineer.
