Well here we are, one month into the ****fest that is 2025. I have very little positive to say about the month thus far between terrible wildfires in Los Angeles, political upheaval and instability, and worst of all, Emilia Perez getting 13 Oscar nominations, but what I can say positively is: this month wasn't all that bad for movies!
January is famously the dumping ground for the worst movies of the year and there have been previous years (last year especially) that are incredibly lame. This January, somehow, managed to be pretty strong all things considered. While I can't say most of this month's offerings were the best movies I've ever seen by any stretch, I can say I was pleasantly surprised by most of this month's offerings. I was able to catch 28 new releases this month so it's time to go through 'em.
#28- Diddy: The Making of a Bad Boy
[Watched on Peacock]
Obviously there's some level of intrigue and interest in everything going on with Diddy and I do think there could be some value in a documentary about it all... once the case is all settled that is. As of right now, this "documentary" was really more of a bunch of people saying "I can't talk about that yet" and not really offering any insight on account of that. An eventual Diddy documentary once all is said and done and the accused are either convicted or exonerated makes sense, but right now, no, this was not necessary and was made exclusively to capitalize on the controversy and get a few clicks. Definitely not worth watching.
#27- Don't Die: The Man Who Wants to Live Forever
[Watched on Netflix]
Every January 1st there's always some documentary put out by Netflix about some weird guy and this year is no different except that this may be the weirdest guy yet. This documentary is about a dude who wants to live forever (as the title implies) and does that by doing the exact same routine every single day. Filled with ridiculous pseudoscience and some alright but not revolutionary health advice, this is such a nothingburger of a documentary I can't begin to imagine anyone really enjoying it. Even if you're one of the alternative health people this just doesn't have anything beyond a weird dude being weird. Definitely a skip.
#26- Henry Danger: The Movie
[Watched on Paramount+]
I have never seen Henry Danger the series, it came out past my time watching Nickelodeon so if I weren't doing the 365 movies in a year thing, I'd definitely have skipped this one. I decided to give it a go just to up those numbers and yeah, that's pretty much all this was good for. It has all the Hallmark's of a garbage Nickelodeon movie with all of the cringe of a Saving Bikini Bottom and all of the tact of Good Burger 2. Definitely not the worst thing I've ever seen and it has a tiny bit of that Nickelodeon charm, but yeah, it's a kiddie movie and is not worth the watch.
#25- Peter Pan's Neverland Nightmare
[Watched in theaters]
Coming from the guys who are making the Winnie the Pooh: Blood and Honey franchise, this is the next installment which I was actually really interested in checking out. Peter Pan feels like the best children's story to turn into one of these slasher films just based on the inherent creepiness of a never aging boy sneaking into kids windows at night and taking them to a far off land. Unfortunately, despite their cinematic universe being titled "Poohniverse" these guys seem to be entirely allergic to leaning into the cheese that comes with something like that. This movie is "Peter Pan" in name only with minimal nods to the source material beyond just calling a character "Tinker Bell" an referencing "Neverland." At absolutely no point does Peter Pan's shadow come into play, Tink and fairies are at best a misguided attempt at LGBT commentary and at worse an offensive joke, "pixie dust" just being heroin is a cop-out, crocodiles just show up on a documentary on the TV and that's it, Captain Hook is a lame cop-out too, and the most egregious is Peter Pan doesn't fly! I really think this series could be fun, the guys making it have upped their game and I actually enjoyed Blood and Honey 2 last year, but this playing it straight thing just isn't working for me. We'll see how the Bambi one does later this year I guess.
#24- Dark Match
[Watched on AMC+]
I like supporting indie movies and indie horror and with Shudder you never know what may be a diamond in the rough that you never would've seen otherwise, so I decided to give Dark Match a shot. A story about semi-pro wrestlers who get dragged into performing for a satanic cult's ritual is certainly a novel and interesting enough concept I guess. If nothing else it's original. I will commend the production here; the wrestling is pretty well done and as campy as it needs to be and the visuals are pretty solid too. It's absolutely insane how far off the deep end this movie goes though. It's one part a satanic cult which turns out is a front for a money-making scheme (usually the other way, no?) and then it jumps the shark straight into supernaturalville equipped with the second worst CGI thing of the year so far (we'll get to the first soon enough). It's wacky and unique so if that sounds like your thing, maybe it's worth it, but for me, it's not really that great.
#23- Look Into My Eyes
[Watched on MAX]
This was a documentary about the most insufferable group of people I can imagine hanging out with: theater kids turned mediums living in New York City apartments. I don't believe in spirituality or mediums or any of that mumbo jumbo but there actually was some interesting stuff here involving the idea that whether it's real or not it doesn't really matter if it helps someone cope with struggles in their life and, yeah, that kind of makes sense. I certainly wouldn't want to hang around with any of these people, I definitely can appreciate the value it brings people more after this.
#22- Back in Action
[Watched on Netflix]
Netflix action slop entirely carried by the stars Cameron Diaz and Jamie Foxx. The two are fine here and both have certain charisma that works effectively enough for what it is, but no amount of charisma can save a Netflix action comedy from being a Netflix action comedy.
#21- Love Me
[Watched in theaters]
I really wanted to love this movie. The broad swings of "movie about a buoy and a satellite coming to life" is such an insane one and man did I want it to work for me, but it ended up being way less WALL E and way more Metaverse advertisement by way of praising AI. Kristen Stewart and Steven Yeun are solid here and the actual robots themselves are super well made and designed and I really enjoyed that element. Unfortunately, a huge portion of this movie is shown with this ugly gummy AI type animation that you see in like a Cricket Wireless commercial or something. I think if this had been a 45 minute short film instead of a full feature this would've landed more because there are some really solid elements here it just doesn't really stick the landing.
January is famously the dumping ground for the worst movies of the year and there have been previous years (last year especially) that are incredibly lame. This January, somehow, managed to be pretty strong all things considered. While I can't say most of this month's offerings were the best movies I've ever seen by any stretch, I can say I was pleasantly surprised by most of this month's offerings. I was able to catch 28 new releases this month so it's time to go through 'em.
#28- Diddy: The Making of a Bad Boy
[Watched on Peacock]
Obviously there's some level of intrigue and interest in everything going on with Diddy and I do think there could be some value in a documentary about it all... once the case is all settled that is. As of right now, this "documentary" was really more of a bunch of people saying "I can't talk about that yet" and not really offering any insight on account of that. An eventual Diddy documentary once all is said and done and the accused are either convicted or exonerated makes sense, but right now, no, this was not necessary and was made exclusively to capitalize on the controversy and get a few clicks. Definitely not worth watching.
#27- Don't Die: The Man Who Wants to Live Forever
[Watched on Netflix]
Every January 1st there's always some documentary put out by Netflix about some weird guy and this year is no different except that this may be the weirdest guy yet. This documentary is about a dude who wants to live forever (as the title implies) and does that by doing the exact same routine every single day. Filled with ridiculous pseudoscience and some alright but not revolutionary health advice, this is such a nothingburger of a documentary I can't begin to imagine anyone really enjoying it. Even if you're one of the alternative health people this just doesn't have anything beyond a weird dude being weird. Definitely a skip.
#26- Henry Danger: The Movie
[Watched on Paramount+]
I have never seen Henry Danger the series, it came out past my time watching Nickelodeon so if I weren't doing the 365 movies in a year thing, I'd definitely have skipped this one. I decided to give it a go just to up those numbers and yeah, that's pretty much all this was good for. It has all the Hallmark's of a garbage Nickelodeon movie with all of the cringe of a Saving Bikini Bottom and all of the tact of Good Burger 2. Definitely not the worst thing I've ever seen and it has a tiny bit of that Nickelodeon charm, but yeah, it's a kiddie movie and is not worth the watch.
#25- Peter Pan's Neverland Nightmare
[Watched in theaters]
Coming from the guys who are making the Winnie the Pooh: Blood and Honey franchise, this is the next installment which I was actually really interested in checking out. Peter Pan feels like the best children's story to turn into one of these slasher films just based on the inherent creepiness of a never aging boy sneaking into kids windows at night and taking them to a far off land. Unfortunately, despite their cinematic universe being titled "Poohniverse" these guys seem to be entirely allergic to leaning into the cheese that comes with something like that. This movie is "Peter Pan" in name only with minimal nods to the source material beyond just calling a character "Tinker Bell" an referencing "Neverland." At absolutely no point does Peter Pan's shadow come into play, Tink and fairies are at best a misguided attempt at LGBT commentary and at worse an offensive joke, "pixie dust" just being heroin is a cop-out, crocodiles just show up on a documentary on the TV and that's it, Captain Hook is a lame cop-out too, and the most egregious is Peter Pan doesn't fly! I really think this series could be fun, the guys making it have upped their game and I actually enjoyed Blood and Honey 2 last year, but this playing it straight thing just isn't working for me. We'll see how the Bambi one does later this year I guess.
#24- Dark Match
[Watched on AMC+]
I like supporting indie movies and indie horror and with Shudder you never know what may be a diamond in the rough that you never would've seen otherwise, so I decided to give Dark Match a shot. A story about semi-pro wrestlers who get dragged into performing for a satanic cult's ritual is certainly a novel and interesting enough concept I guess. If nothing else it's original. I will commend the production here; the wrestling is pretty well done and as campy as it needs to be and the visuals are pretty solid too. It's absolutely insane how far off the deep end this movie goes though. It's one part a satanic cult which turns out is a front for a money-making scheme (usually the other way, no?) and then it jumps the shark straight into supernaturalville equipped with the second worst CGI thing of the year so far (we'll get to the first soon enough). It's wacky and unique so if that sounds like your thing, maybe it's worth it, but for me, it's not really that great.
#23- Look Into My Eyes
[Watched on MAX]
This was a documentary about the most insufferable group of people I can imagine hanging out with: theater kids turned mediums living in New York City apartments. I don't believe in spirituality or mediums or any of that mumbo jumbo but there actually was some interesting stuff here involving the idea that whether it's real or not it doesn't really matter if it helps someone cope with struggles in their life and, yeah, that kind of makes sense. I certainly wouldn't want to hang around with any of these people, I definitely can appreciate the value it brings people more after this.
#22- Back in Action
[Watched on Netflix]
Netflix action slop entirely carried by the stars Cameron Diaz and Jamie Foxx. The two are fine here and both have certain charisma that works effectively enough for what it is, but no amount of charisma can save a Netflix action comedy from being a Netflix action comedy.
#21- Love Me
[Watched in theaters]
I really wanted to love this movie. The broad swings of "movie about a buoy and a satellite coming to life" is such an insane one and man did I want it to work for me, but it ended up being way less WALL E and way more Metaverse advertisement by way of praising AI. Kristen Stewart and Steven Yeun are solid here and the actual robots themselves are super well made and designed and I really enjoyed that element. Unfortunately, a huge portion of this movie is shown with this ugly gummy AI type animation that you see in like a Cricket Wireless commercial or something. I think if this had been a 45 minute short film instead of a full feature this would've landed more because there are some really solid elements here it just doesn't really stick the landing.
there’s a reason that like 2020, 2025 starts with the days W T F…
