The Chit Chat Chit Chat Thread

[Songbird76]

We got a lot of those too. And since my husband is a pastor when we first got married the church ladies were a little out of hand about making heavy comments about the patter of little feet and every time there was a baptism we would hear comments and questions about when we would have kids. And maybe the next baptism would be our kid. Eventually they figured it out and we haven't heard a lot of those types of comments in a long time. I know people probably mean well enough, but it was still annoying.

Did you get the "It's your Christian duty to have children! The Lord said, 'Go forth and multiply!'"? I have a friend here who really is very nervous by nature, is a clean freak and germaphobe...she and her husband are very strong Christians, but don't feel like they would be very good parents, so they chose not to have children. An acquaintance asked me why, if this friend was a Christian, she wasn't going to have children as the Lord tells us to. I explained and she said "Then why did they get married??" So I asked her, because she was divorced and was past childbearing age, why she needed to marry her second husband, since they wouldn't be able to have children. She informed me that SHE had already done her duty and had children from her FIRST marriage. Well who died and made you the procreation police??

 

[MOXOMUMD]

 

[Songbird76]

Yup, that's right up there with "my dog ate my homework" . . .

A dog actually DID eat my homework once...fortunately, it was my professor's dog and the homework had already been turned in and graded...it just happened to be on top of the stack that the new puppy got hold of, so I never got the graded homework back.

 

[Songbird76]

I sometimes think that there are people who lead boring lives--and they have nothing better to do--than to be busy bodies.

We all could go on forever about these types of people (relatives were usually the worst ). But I think my favorite example of unsolicited, misguided "advice" happened to me when I was about 19. I was into the dating scene, but hadn't really found Mr. Wonderful yet. Somehow, my dating status came up in a discussion in the back yard, when some neighbors stopped by. (Nothing like having the neighbors discuss your dating life. ) So, one of them brought a guest with her that day, and this woman (a total stranger to me) started giving me all kinds of advice about where I could find decent, God-fearing men, who were good providers, etc.

But here's the best part: she was a NUN!!! Now, I ask you--(nothing against nuns)--um, but where in the convent does a NUN learn about how to find the best men?! No response needed . . . just sayin . . .

Sister Act 2: "You don't have to bite the donut to know it's sweet."

 

[Songbird76]

Just remember to stay awake! Our theater doesn't have recliners but if they did I'd probably fall asleep.

I was just thinking the exact same thing!!

 

[Songbird76]

That is good about the Netherlands.
Speaking for myself (and those who have been here long enough have seen my posts about this before), and without going back into details, I was a VERY involved father. With the exception of giving birth and b r e a s tfeeding it was pretty much always 50/50. We agreed on that long before we ever had a family. We both worked full time, and I don't see how it could have been any other way. The parent doing all the care taking would be worn out, there would be animosity, etc. Especially, with 3 kiddos all so close in age, including one with special needs, it was like trying to herd cats so much of the time...!!! But, even with just one kiddo I would have been that way. I have always loved being a father...!
Funny thing is, I remember most other families dads my age that we interacted with being mostly the same way.
Although, I admit I probably don't pay much attention to how it is these days, as we're so far beyond those years.

Yeah, you and @Goofyernmost both seem to have been very involved fathers, and kudos to you for that. Your kids will appreciate that. I just never saw that in most dad's growing up, and really, to my dad, we were mostly an inconvenience when we were younger. I was in college before my dad and I really got along and I could be around him without breaking out in a rash from nerves and stress. When I was in high school, he'd call on the phone and suddenly I'd be itchy and have bumps all over my forearms and stomach. But even my friends' dads...they were good fathers, and they took their daughters to the girl scout daddy daughter tea, and came to all ball games and things, but as far as the daily things like...making the lunch for school, or taking them to get allergy shots, or cleaning up scraped knees...that was generally all moms. To be fair, most public restrooms did not equip the mens rooms with baby changing stations, which MAY be why moms are usually saddled with that particular chore, but I rarely saw a daddy with a bottle, either. My husband handled most of the diaper changes in our house....I had to do the feedings, so he got diaper duty to balance it out.

 

[Songbird76]

This Mom had more than 50% of raising kids not to say Dad didn't help a lot. But he started work earlier than I did and worked later than I did which meant I got them up, dressed, fed, packed food an either to daycare, walked to school or bus stop. And when I got home I made dinner while trying to interact with the kiddos until Dad came home for our family dinner. None of that changed throughout their childhood. If a kid got sick at school, I got the call. I think he took one kid to a Doc on a Saturday once. Doubt he could even know the name of the Doc or phone number. It was just how it was. His boss was not tolerant of leaving work or the thought of staying home cause your kid was sick. He would have been fired. I took them to their sports games and of course Dad would meet up with us after he left work. Just how it all played out.

That is how it was with all my friends' families, too. Even the ones with moms who worked outside the home, too. Mom was the one expected to get off of work when the kids were sick. Mom's were the ones who went to the school to help with parties, or field trips, or track and field day. I have to say, my husband is SO lucky his boss is great about that stuff. He has his own kids, too, so he knows what it's like. But I got the stomach flu once and could not get the lunches made, or get the kids to school. DH called his work and was cleared to work from home so I could just sleep and not have to worry about school runs, grocery shopping, cooking, etc. And if the kids need to be somewhere, I have no drivers license, so DH has to get time off to take them.
But even today, that mentality of the mom being the family manager exists. My best friend worked full time as did her husband. When their daughter was born, my friend wanted to quit her job because she was struggling with the needs of the baby AND work. Her husband refused to allow her to quit. Or to go to part time. Or to get a house cleaner once a week. His mother had done it all, and so must she. He conveniently forgot that his mom had only worked part time AND had a house cleaner. They moved to California, and the company she worked for was based on the East Coast, so she had to start work at 5 am, take care of a newborn baby, keep the house spotless, have dinner on the table when her husband came home, and work until 11 pm to make up for the work hours she missed while doing all the household stuff. But he wouldn't lift a finger to help her with anything around the house, either and he kept telling her she should be happy...they had a really nice big house and she could afford to get her nails done every two weeks, and they lived in a rich neighborhood, etc. He didn't understand what she had to complain about and she was EXHAUSTED. He got transferred to Australia and she had to quit her job and doesn't have a work visa there, so she finally got to let that ball drop. But only because she isn't ALLOWED to work there. Those gender role ideas are still alive and well.

 

[MouseDreaming]

Argh, today was eventful.

Called a job offer.. and the call went.. AWFUL.
The phone signal was cutting constantly, then I got nervous and said a mess.
I hope to call again tomorrow to fix all.. That has to be one of my most embarrasing phone blunders in my lifetime.
Specially when I can easily say the letters of words in english just fine, and this time I just.. couldn't!!!

Then we went to a restaurant, food was yummy!

Then when we returned.. turns out, our fridge that isnt even 3 years old.. kicked the bucket in a weird way. Every time you open the door it starts blaring alarms. They reviewed it and they suspect the main controlling card is fried.
I swear every rainy season some heavy equipment gets damaged somehow (our washing machine got its controlling card burned early january, last years.. its usually one of the a/c units. and now its our fridge)

Anyway, the fridge works but at very low speed/power. I hope nothing spoils.

I hope you all had a nice day thou..

Sorry you had such a rough day. Hope everything has turned around by now. (I guess I will have to keep reading along for the updates).

 

[Songbird76]

Yep, all family dynamics are different.
Believe it or not, my hours at the firm were a bit more flexible than DWifey's at the insurance company, and then, of course, the day care. The partners were all starting families at the time. Hours could be made up during lunch or by working a little late. Maybe doing a coupla' hours on the weekend.
I got all 3 kiddos ready (no matter how well
we planned the night before, there always seemed to be at least one shoe missing the next morning...!!! ) in the morning and took them to school for seven straight years into middle school, and spent my Half-day Fridays at their schools helping out.
I definitely remember the name of all 3 kiddos Pediatrician (same for all 3), our 3 favorite NICU docs and nurses, the doc that saved DSs eyesite. DSs local eye docs name after he got out of the hospital, his pediatric neurologists name, taking his heart/apnea monitor to be downloaded and recalibrated every month for the first year of his life, etc., etc., etc.
I, easily, took DS to more eye doc and neurologist appointments than DWifey did.
Yep, you work it all the best ya' can, but, there has to be some serious teamwork involved, especially if you're both working full time.
We got it done!
And, of course, as I've posted many times, there were sooo many fun family things we did all through the years (and continue to do) besides all the day to day necessities...!!!

Why is it always the shoes?? We got a shoe rack, just to have a consistent place for the shoes so we wouldn't lose them all the time. Just this morning DD couldn't find her dang shoes!! They don't always put them on the rack.

My dad probably knew the name of our doctor, but only because there was only one doctor in town.

 

[ajrwdwgirl]

I survived High School orientation today. I got hit up for money for band parents, band and chorus pictures, band summer field trip and lunch money. Anybody know if they still make Boone's Farm, that may be the only thing in my budget for a while

On a happier note my James and his bff have 5 classes together this year.

Sorry you had all the school stuff to pay for today, I hope there's still a little left in the budge for something better than Boone's Farm. I hear the $3 wine from Trader Joes is good for drinking, I use it for cooking. But oh the memories of Boone's Farm....

Glad that James got classes with his friend, that will make school a lot better.

 

[Songbird76]

I was terrified hearing all the horror stories almost scared me out of having kids but I was one of those annoying people who glowed for 9 months gave birth went home the next morning and cooked myself real food. Runs and hides under large rock. Labor was long and boring both times but not painful, runs and hides under even larger rock. James was born during a month long heat wave and my doctor was worried about the heat bothering me and she couldn't understand my blood pressure didn't go up at all. I might as well just find a boulder

Better be a bus-sized boulder. I had terrible morning sickness, particularly with my son. Well...all day sickness. And I had what they call pelvic instability, which I had never even HEARD of, but I could hardly walk for the pain. There were 3 midwives in the practice we went to and the first one, I asked her why it hurt so badly to walk. She told me what it was and told me it was because I'm fat and basically told me I deserved it and she wouldn't do anything to help me. The next appointment I had was with a different one, and as I got up and waddled into the office her jaw dropped and she said, "Oh my goodness, we need to get you into physical therapy!!" And that helped a lot, and the PT told me under no circumstances was I to climb the stairs for the first four days after delivery. Once I was installed in bed, I was allowed to get up to use the bathroom and shower, but that was it, and I was to make sure that my bed was installed on the same level as the shower/toilet so I didn't have to use stairs to get to it. And then after those 4 days, I was allowed ONE trip up or down the stairs, so once I was downstairs, I'd better bring everything I needed with me because I wasn't allowed to go back up and get anything until I went back up for the night. She taught me how to get in and out of bed, the bath, etc safely. She said if I didn't follow her instructions, I might have problems for the rest of my life because as the pelvis hardened back up, the shifting of weight caused by walking stairs could cause it to heal crooked and I'd have a permanent issue. As soon as we thought I was pregnant the 2nd time, I reverted to the once a day stair rule, the no bike riding rule, etc...I still landed in a wheelchair for 3 weeks because I could barely get from the couch to the bathroom without crawling. I literally had to crawl up the stairs at night because I could not lift my feet and I had to sit and have DH put my shoes on and take them off because I physically was not able to lift my feet an inch off the floor. My son is 9 and I still have some issues, though not what it was when I was pregnant. I hate to think what it would be like if I hadn't followed doc's orders.

 

[MouseDreaming]

And a few more
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I always enjoy your scarecrow festival. Thanks for taking us along!

 

[ajrwdwgirl]

Did you get the "It's your Christian duty to have children! The Lord said, 'Go forth and multiply!'"? I have a friend here who really is very nervous by nature, is a clean freak and germaphobe...she and her husband are very strong Christians, but don't feel like they would be very good parents, so they chose not to have children. An acquaintance asked me why, if this friend was a Christian, she wasn't going to have children as the Lord tells us to. I explained and she said "Then why did they get married??" So I asked her, because she was divorced and was past childbearing age, why she needed to marry her second husband, since they wouldn't be able to have children. She informed me that SHE had already done her duty and had children from her FIRST marriage. Well who died and made you the procreation police??

Oh my! No we never got any of those direct kind of comments and nothing with hellfire and brimstone types of comments. If we had I would not have put up with it. The only thing we had close to disrespect was when I was hospitalized do to some complication with my diabetes and a lady at church started telling people that I was in the hospital due to a miscarriage and complications from that. Neither reason was anything to be ashamed about but I and my husband did NOT like that this lady was making things up about me and spreading them around the community. This lady worked at the gas station and was a huge gossip. When my husband heard about what she was saying he went to the gas station where she was working and had an extremely stern conversation with her. The lady's manager overheard what my husband was saying and the manager had heard this lady saying this stuff about me and other gossip about other people and had a conversation with her as well about professionalism. Who knows what this lady has been saying since, none of it has come back to us, but I know she didn't learn her lesson she was fired a few months later. Being a teacher in a small town and having my husband a very active member of the community I'm sure people talk and gossip but they don't need to say lies.

 

[Songbird76]

View attachment 221671

That is gorgeous!!!!

 

[Goofyernmost]

He's part of the band and in chorus with his bff so he wanted those pics and plus they'll be good blackmail someday I put some money in his new lunch account in case there's an emergency and his lunch doesn't get packed and my dh said yes to the field trip yesterday. Next year it won't be so bad because music expenses will be spread out over the spring and summer not all at once, I'll make sure there's money in the lunch account before the end of the school year. New school new account

Sorry, somethings are unavoidable.

 

[Goofyernmost]

Yeah, you and @Goofyernmost both seem to have been very involved fathers, and kudos to you for that. Your kids will appreciate that. I just never saw that in most dad's growing up, and really, to my dad, we were mostly an inconvenience when we were younger. I was in college before my dad and I really got along and I could be around him without breaking out in a rash from nerves and stress. When I was in high school, he'd call on the phone and suddenly I'd be itchy and have bumps all over my forearms and stomach. But even my friends' dads...they were good fathers, and they took their daughters to the girl scout daddy daughter tea, and came to all ball games and things, but as far as the daily things like...making the lunch for school, or taking them to get allergy shots, or cleaning up scraped knees...that was generally all moms. To be fair, most public restrooms did not equip the mens rooms with baby changing stations, which MAY be why moms are usually saddled with that particular chore, but I rarely saw a daddy with a bottle, either. My husband handled most of the diaper changes in our house....I had to do the feedings, so he got diaper duty to balance it out.

I can't agree with that ... you got the good end. The other end can get downright nasty.

 

[MinnieM123]

When i had a dog he got my steak, just part of being a mommy

You have absolutely no idea how often my hubs gives the dog treats--like DAILY . . . no matter what he's having, some always goes to the dog, too. That dog eats better than I do!!

 

[ajrwdwgirl]

Went to the farmers market today and got some veggies. Also got lunch a woodfired pepperoni pizza. It was delicious. My friend was eyeing up my pizza and I gave her a slice, I must say I didn't want but she was looking so longingly at it I decided to give her a taste. #friendoftheyear

 

[Songbird76]

I can't agree with that ... you got the good end. The other end can get downright nasty.

Well, I had both ends all day long. He only worked the southern half after he got home from work. It was kind of funny...he had the first 2 weeks off of work to help me, especially as I had physical limitations set by my Physical Therapist. So when he went back to work and I was on my own, he came home one day and I really needed to go to the bathroom, so I set DD down in the play pen and DH had to go as well, but he didn't move toward the stairs. I was like..."what are you doing? We've got two bathrooms." He says "I know, but I'll wait until you get back." I asked him why. "Well, I don't want to leave her alone!" I said "She's in the playpen...she's 2 weeks old...do you think she's going to have a raging party in our 2 minute absence? What do you think I do all day if I need to go? Hold it until you get home?" He says "Oh...I hadn't actually thought about it...no....I don't suppose that's realistic." He had never really thought about the fact that I, as a human, would need to eat, sleep, go to the bathroom, even when he wasn't home, and that I wasn't going to sit on a toilet with a baby in my arms. He really honestly thought everything just waited until he got there to help out. Well, if he had actually thought about it, he wouldn't have thought that, but it just never occurred to him that life carried on...diapers still needed to be changed, laundry still needed to be done, food still had to be prepared...groceries don't buy themselves. Once I clued him in, it was fine, but it was just such a funny moment..that look on his face like...he really needed to go, but thinking I hadn't gotten to go all day long, so he'd let me go first. Very sweet, and noble, but really rather funny.

 

[Songbird76]

If there was steak, Jack wasn't sharing!

FTFY