Surprise wedding guests & dress blues

[rufio]

That's a mouthful...

My fiance's best friend (with his girlfriend) is planning on surprising him by showing up for our WDW wedding in December. As of right now, he thinks that his friends can't afford to come. The girlfriend is my MOH, little does he know...

My problem is that now the best friend also wants to be in the wedding. However, he doesn't want to pay to rent a tux, and we can't afford to rent one for him (especially without my fiance finding out). He's asked if he could wear his marine dress blues instead. I'm prior military, and I have no problem with dress blues, but I feel like it might look strange for everyone else to be in matching tuxes while one groomsman is in blues. I don't want it to take any of the focus off of the groom at the event or in photos.

The other problem is that some people have said it's not a good idea to surprise my fiance with his best friend being in the wedding party. I've also had suggestions to have him come and then ask to be in the wedding. But there are problems with that as well. My brother is not currently in the wedding, but if this friend were to be a groomsman, I would ask my brother to jump in for me to keep the numbers even...

What are your opinions on this?

 

[ddbowdoin]

from the perspective of a photographer... its tux or he's not in the wedding.

that's a clash that doesn't look great in the final product

 

[Gabe1]

Sounds like he is trying to be the focus of your wedding and wants the drama and attention for himself. Wedding surprises, recipe for disaster. Most couples make these decisions together not others making them for the couple. I'd say come to the wedding but sit down in your suit or blues with the rest of the guests and honor the couple with your attendance and stop re-arranging the happy couples wedding plans.

 

[rufio]

from the perspective of a photographer... its tux or he's not in the wedding.

that's a clash that doesn't look great in the final product

Thank you! That is honestly what I thought. Granted, I am not a photographer by any means, but I am a stickler for detail. I feel like it would be weird and draw attention to have one person in blues while the rest of the wedding party (even though right now the only men are my fiance and his best man) wore black tuxes.

 

[ddbowdoin]

Thank you! That is honestly what I thought. Granted, I am not a photographer by any means, but I am a stickler for detail. I feel like it would be weird and draw attention to have one person in blues while the rest of the wedding party (even though right now the only men are my fiance and his best man) wore black tuxes.

I'm not a fan of military uniforms in weddings... it's tacky if you ask me

 

[rufio]

I'm not a fan of military uniforms in weddings... it's tacky if you ask me

Agreed. Maybe I'll go ask this in the photography board.

 

[ddbowdoin]

Agreed. Maybe I'll go ask this in the photography board.

lol, I do this for a living haha

 

[Weather_Lady]

Making decisions without your fiance is a bad precedent to set, even if you want to do it for the best of reasons! Your wedding is just that -- your wedding, not Jedi Training Academy -- by which I mean you are not obligated to include somebody simply because they "want" to be in it. You'll have enough stresses on your wedding day, without gambling on a "surprise" that your groom may not welcome as much as you think. It's lovely of you to want to arrange a nice "a-ha" moment for him, but the only surprise he needs on that day will be how beautiful you look when he sees you at the end of the aisle.

 

[rufio]

lol, I do this for a living haha

I know! I just meant to get more opinions from people who also know what they're talking about.

 

[Monty]

I was married in my Navy Dress uniform. My Groomsmen between them wore: A Tux, an Army Dress uniform and an Air Force Dress uniform. I was honoured to be allowed to wear my uniform and have my best friends there. To hell with what the photographer thinks [nothing personal @ddbowdoin], but it's your wedding. If you are comfortable with him wearing his Dress Blues [which I think is a really sharp looking outfit] and it would make your fiancé happy to have him there, do it! The wedding pictures will be an absolute treasure because they're YOUR wedding, symmetry be damned!

 

[Nemo14]

I totally agree with Monty, with all due respect to our photographers here. It's not all about the "look" - it's all about you sharing this most special day with someone who obviously means a lot to you both.

 

[rufio]

I totally agree with Monty, with all due respect to our photographers here. It's not all about the "look" - it's all about you sharing this most special day with someone who obviously means a lot to you both.

It is kind of about the look for me, though. My fiance will be excited that he's there regardless of if he's in the wedding. My wedding photos are going to be on my wall forever and I'd like them to look nice with everyone matching.

 

[Nemo14]

So, if he shows up not in a tux, you wouldn't want him in the wedding?

 

[MLIDisney10]

So I just came across this, and we kind of surprised DH's Dad that he was Best Man when he got down here. But he already had the tux.

Few things, First you need to find out that if "in a perfect world" would your fiance have this guy as his best man or a groomsman? If he says no then you know your answer. If he says yes then you can keep going. Now, this friend would have to rent a tux. If only one person wears dress blues it should be the groom (or someone who is important but not in bridal party ie FoB, Brother who does a reading etc) My cousin had her brother in his dress blues as her Man of Honor, but it kind of made sense since he was the only guy on her side and it balanced out.

Now, don't surprise your fiance on the day of the wedding. Set something up about two days before. As everyone has posted the wedding day is about you and your fiance not this guy. Not saying you can't surprise him, but at least give him a day to soak it in (so even avoid during the rehearsal etc).

Also, keep balance with the party. It is not traditional but, have your brother on your side if this guy is in the party. That way numbers are even, and your brother can be at the end. One of my sisters best friends was a guy and he was on her side. Its not common but its not something that isn't heard of.

I hope that helps a little bit!

 

[The Mom]

I totally agree with Monty, with all due respect to our photographers here. It's not all about the "look" - it's all about you sharing this most special day with someone who obviously means a lot to you both.

Exactly. Take it from two Moms who have been married for decades. 30 years (or even sooner, I hope) from now you're going to ask yourself why it was such a big deal that everyone match, or there are an even number of attendants, etc.

Is it worth hurting someone just for the perfect photo?

 

[MichWolv]

That's a mouthful...

My fiance's best friend (with his girlfriend) is planning on surprising him by showing up for our WDW wedding in December. As of right now, he thinks that his friends can't afford to come. The girlfriend is my MOH, little does he know...

My problem is that now the best friend also wants to be in the wedding. However, he doesn't want to pay to rent a tux, and we can't afford to rent one for him (especially without my fiance finding out). He's asked if he could wear his marine dress blues instead. I'm prior military, and I have no problem with dress blues, but I feel like it might look strange for everyone else to be in matching tuxes while one groomsman is in blues. I don't want it to take any of the focus off of the groom at the event or in photos.

The other problem is that some people have said it's not a good idea to surprise my fiance with his best friend being in the wedding party. I've also had suggestions to have him come and then ask to be in the wedding. But there are problems with that as well. My brother is not currently in the wedding, but if this friend were to be a groomsman, I would ask my brother to jump in for me to keep the numbers even...

What are your opinions on this?

I vote to tell best friend you aren't interested in a surprise member of the wedding party. Presuming he values being in The wedding party over the surprise, I'd say dress blues is good enough. The wedding isn't about the photos.

 

[Tom]

My two cents:

1) First and foremost - no surprises! If this guy really is your hubby's BFF, he would have figured out a way to get him to come to the wedding. There may be an underlying reason why your hubby didn't work harder for it to work out already. Don't make him mad by surprising him on his wedding day. That day is already hard enough....NO SURPRISES! (Caveat: if hubby's friend were coming back from Iraq and this would be the first time your hubby would see him in 4 years - THAT would change my response completely. But since it sounds like friend is essentially a civilian now, it just comes down to them being able to make it or not).

2) If the friend's GF can afford to be in the wedding, and buy the dress you picked out, there's no reason he can't rent a tux too. If HE wants to be in the wedding party, he needs to adhere to the rules set by those getting married. If he just wants to attend, he can wear whatever he wants while he sits on the groom side of the church (or whatever building you get married in).

I'm not siding with the Photographer because of "looks" - because honestly I side more with Monty....a US serviceman's dress uniform carries FAR more class than any tuxedo in the world. But, since this isn't a military wedding, and you've already got the rest of the party setup and compliant, he needs to comply with your dress code if he wants to invite himself to the party. Otherwise, he can park it out in the seats. Grated, I'm assuming that you're requiring his GF to wear your stipulated MOH dress...and that she will look like the rest of the party.

If they want it to be a surprise, he should remain a guest. If there's a chance of him being in the party, time to tell your fiance now, get his input, and make a formal decision this minute.

That's all I have.

 

[Becky]

That's a mouthful...


What are your opinions on this?

My advise and opinion. Ignor everyones advice and opinions. It is YOUR wedding. Do what feels right for you after also remembering that your fiance is the other half of your wedding. You may now feel free to ignor my advice and opinion. Best wishes to you both.

 

[ScoutN]

My two cents:

1) First and foremost - no surprises! If this guy really is your hubby's BFF, he would have figured out a way to get him to come to the wedding. There may be an underlying reason why your hubby didn't work harder for it to work out already. Don't make him mad by surprising him on his wedding day.

THIS THIS THIS! Nothing more than this. Summed up perfectly.

 

[wdwmomof3]

My two cents:

1) First and foremost - no surprises! If this guy really is your hubby's BFF, he would have figured out a way to get him to come to the wedding. There may be an underlying reason why your hubby didn't work harder for it to work out already. Don't make him mad by surprising him on his wedding day. That day is already hard enough....NO SURPRISES! (Caveat: if hubby's friend were coming back from Iraq and this would be the first time your hubby would see him in 4 years - THAT would change my response completely. But since it sounds like friend is essentially a civilian now, it just comes down to them being able to make it or not).

2) If the friend's GF can afford to be in the wedding, and buy the dress you picked out, there's no reason he can't rent a tux too. If HE wants to be in the wedding party, he needs to adhere to the rules set by those getting married. If he just wants to attend, he can wear whatever he wants while he sits on the groom side of the church (or whatever building you get married in).

I'm not siding with the Photographer because of "looks" - because honestly I side more with Monty....a US serviceman's dress uniform carries FAR more class than any tuxedo in the world. But, since this isn't a military wedding, and you've already got the rest of the party setup and compliant, he needs to comply with your dress code if he wants to invite himself to the party. Otherwise, he can park it out in the seats. Grated, I'm assuming that you're requiring his GF to wear your stipulated MOH dress...and that she will look like the rest of the party.

If they want it to be a surprise, he should remain a guest. If there's a chance of him being in the party, time to tell your fiance now, get his input, and make a formal decision this minute.

That's all I have.

I agree with all of this. I understand about wanting all of the men to wear a tux too. While i really wanted everyone there for our special day, i also wanted our pictures to look good and since this is not a military wedding it would atand out. IMO. If your fiancé wants him to be in the wedding and the guy couldn't afford a tux, I might bite the bullet and rent one for him if it ment that much to my fiancé. If it wasn't that important for him the be in the wedding, but instead there as a guest then I wouldn't force it.