Um...I think I love you too...the jury's still out...:lookaroun
And yay for watching the Top 7! So proud of you!!!!!
Basically I'm just feeling like... entirely enlightened... as dumb as that may sound.
But honestly... I've been feeling so sorry for myself like... well like a loser. Think about how absurdly lucky I am.
Here are the facts;
1. Girl breaks up with me... 6 months shy of me proposing to her, whom I spent 7 years with.
2. I move out into Boston with one of my best friends and one of his good friends who I know call one of mine too.
3. I struggle a bit financially, and then get hit with a 15% paycut. Basically unable to make it anymore.
Those are the facts, and these are my realizations... I'm friggin blessed.
1. When said girl breaks up with me, I make the decision I want to better myself FOR HER... I don't really do this, I pretend to... we spend 6 months having the ugliest breakup... completely flushing it down the drain. Finally fully crashes down on me, making me realize I can no longer better myself for her... but ummm... I can still better myself
I start doing so with some reflection. I learn about my mistakes I made as a bf, as a person, as a friend... a lot of mistakes. I learn what I like in a partner, what I don't like. I learn A LOT... I get stronger as a person... I become more able to deal with conflict, I mature, I realize a lot...
And I was able to get all of these life lessons by losing the Wrong girl. How lucky am I that I didn't lose the RIGHT girl by my mistakes? But rather, the wrong girl was able to show me my mistakes so when I find the girl for me I'll be a much better person.
I also learn about the "high" people get in general from affecting others lives. That's the only purpose of "Drama." It causes an emotional high. Is it a conscious act? No... but your emotions get the same "high" from making someone cry as they do from making someone laugh... I'm able to learn this fully and appreciate and make the decision to affect one person's life everyday; positively (make one person smile everyday, and that's a full day.)
2. I get broken up with at a time when two kids need an apartment. I NEED to move out. I could NOT face being home... it was driving me insane... and one of my best friends is looking for an apartment... verrrrry lucky not to be broken up with even just a month or so later...
3. The economy is inevitable and I can't control it. I didn't lose my job though, I got a paycut... I'm very lucky for that... Also, how lucky am I to have gotten a paycut in February, and not September??? I was able to mvoe out, and get out and start a new life with two amazing people put in my life to make it all easier for me. And then the paycut comes; and it's taught me a lot about financial responsibility, about overall responsibility. It taught me to look at my life and the way I saw things.
Had I been broken up with slightly later (or a lot later and she became my ex-fiancee or ex-wife...), or had i lost my job, or had my paycut come just a short few months earlier... Where would I be?
But... I'm unbelievably happy with my life... and I'm UNBELIEVABLY blessed and lucky...
And... to have found THIS website because of Allie... and then to have you guys help me every step of the way...
It's unbelievable how lucky I was the way this all worked out.
Do I wish i had a better paying job? Sure. Do I wish I'd met someone? Yeah... but... I'd be an entirely different person and not nearly as strong if this all didn't happen this way.
Maybe by some miracle I still find a new job in time and can stay in Boston; but if not... I am prepared to move home and embracing it fully now. It will give me a chance to eliminate all my debt and start saving again. Unbelievable blessing.
Sorry guys... I wanted to share this; cuz... I'm a tool.