Should I propose to my BF?

[sbkline]

I agree...did I just say that?

We finally agree on something! :wave: :lol:

What part did you agree with me on? The part about me being in the minority, or my point of view? :lol:

 

[unkadug]

Your POV! :lol:

 

[Dis_Villain78]

Wow, stripping a guy of his manhood? Hey may not think you're "marriage material?" That is horrible advice likely derived from one too many s e x and the City marathons

I'd like to agree with this post, however one of the characters from that show, Miranda, did in fact propose to her boyfriend.
------------------------------------------------------------------------

I'd just like to say that I regret posting this, I almost have to laugh at some of the people "warning" me. Many of you did not read my second post, regarding a conversation that he and I have had since the first post. This said conversation has sparked following conversations as well. This is what it boils down to...only he and I know our relationship and the dynamics within it. I thought that an outsider's view would be refreshing because anyone that knows us as a couple would tell me to DO IT! I'll make my decision in time and who know's he might just as me before I get the chance! Happy planning to those of you that are soon to be brides!!

Take care :wave:

 

[Dis_Villain78]

My husband proposed to me at the MK in 2000. At the time of his proposal he couldn't afford a ring either. So in lieu of the BIG ring, he purchased a super inexpensive Mickey head ring with a stone in the center (by inexpensive I mean like $11). Then as we walked down the right side of the castle (coming from Fantasyland) he grabbed my hand and asked me to marry him. It's been 7 years since he's asked and over 6 years that we've been married and I still have that ring tucked away as a priceless memory.

Some people dream of the details, I just enjoyed the moment. The ring was secondary to the commitment that the proposal promised.

Maybe you could mosey around when your in the world and casually admire a ring and he'll get the idea himself. Or you could print this post out and edit it a bit and leave out somewhere obvious for him to see.:lookaroun


You'll be fine. You sound like 2 people in love and if Disney has taught us anything it's that true love conquers all.

I just wanted to add that this is a beautiful story!! I'm right there with you about how the ring was secondary to the proposal itself. So very sweet!!

 

[Pixiedust1983]

I'm gonna have to go with no. Personally I agree with alot of what the guys had to say on this thread!! I have been with my guy for 5 years now and yes I badly would like that ring - but I know whatever he planning is going to be worth the wait!

I agree.....i've been with my partner for three years now and if it's going to happen it will eventually. All good things come to those who wait! (quote from guiness advert lol) If you can't wait and you want to know if it's on his mind I would just talk 2 him.

 

[Katybug]

A good friend of mines boyfriend wouldn't ever ask her after 8 YEARS!! Finally she just went and bought a dress and said we are getting married June 19th go get a tux. :lol: They lived together and that whole thing, he just wouldn't ever ask her. He went the next week and bought her a ring!

 

[PolynesianMedic]

This is what stands out to me the most. I don't think there's anything inherently wrong with you asking just because you're a woman...if he's a shy type and you're more assertive, it might make more sense in context of your relationship.

But I don't think it would be a good idea to just pop the question without ever discussing it beforehand. The typical rule for proposals is you only ask if you're pretty sure you know what the answer will be. If you propose without ever discussing the issue with him, you could find some underlying anxiety that causes him to say no, leading to an embarrassing or awkward moment for you.

I'd say you should have a few more of those "forever" conversations and cover more specific ground before going any further. Ask him outright what he thinks of the idea of marrying you, and use that conversation to show your openness to the idea. That's one way to get closer to the response you're hoping for without setting yourself up so starkly, like a proposal out of the blue would.

To me, this is your answer. Follow what has been said by Wilt, and I don't think that you can go wrong. If you are reasonably sure he will say yes to you asking him after these conversations, then go for it!

 

[34Angels]

I would like to comment on the what some of the posters have said about waiting. I will be 30 years old this year. My now bf and I have discussed marriage and we will be getting married Nov 09. I don't have a ring, I haven't been proposed to, but that is coming. Now, the only reason all the marriage talk came about was because of my age and the fact that I want children and the older I get, the harder it will be for me. I flat out asked my boyfriend if he wanted to marry me and about how far into the future he would want to get married. I told him that if he didn't want to marry me, or wanted to wait 5 years to get married (he's quite a bit younger than me so that wasn't an irrational thought) then we were wasting our time. The way I see it, I don't have time to wait around. I'm only interested in a relationship that is actually going somewhere. At the time the conversation came up my bf was floored because he hadn't even thought about the fact that pregnancies in older women could be more complicated.

So, for those of you waiting, that may be working for you, but every situation is different, and sorry to the men on the boards, but sometimes guys are just oblivious to some things and those things have to be brought to their attention or they will never know they exist! So a woman's reasoning for not wanting to wait anymore should be brought to the table and they should decide as a couple if waiting, or not waiting, is right for them. I would have walked on my bf if he didn't have the intention of marrying me, and he knew it. I didn't scare him into saying he wanted to marry me. We talked about it and we both thought about it (for more than 5 min) and came to a decision: we love each other and we want to spend the rest of our lives together. It was just something he felt like we had plenty of time before we would discuss it.

There is always the route that my bf and I went, engaged but not "officially". I have a wedding date, I can start planning and saving, I can rest easy because I know he wants to marry me. And he still will be able to propose to me in the way and when (as long as it's before Nov 09 that is!) he wants to.

Good luck to you!

 

[kirst_al UK]

but how would he feel if he too is old fashioned and believes its his job and you go do it....i know if i had got in there before my boyfriend did wouldn't have been happy.... :zipit: !?

 

[aurora1982]

I found this website quite interesting. It's gentle and humourous, but also quite astute:

http://www.ehow.com/how_9809_him-propose.html

It also points out that phrasing things in a "we need to talk" "where's this relationship going?" is likely to have him bolting for the pub in seconds - an essential piece of advice.

I'm in a similar boat to you, 2 year relationship, joint account, even discussions of how our wedding will be, all a bit "close, but no cigar".

I have to say that I've chosen the traditional route - he knows how I feel, but I'm happy to wait until he's ready to pop the question. While I am horrified by earlier people's comments about the man being "head of the household" and "the breadwinner" (I'm currently more qualified than DBF, and so earn more money than him - he's man enough to handle it) I do feel that some roles can still be assigned to a specific gender - we girls give birth and wear the dress on the big day, the boys do the proposing and wear the morning suit.

I think it's down to the rule of thumb (yes I know there are exceptions) that women feel more comfortable with commitment sooner than men do. Please don't yell at me for saying that - I appreciate that some men turn all soppy within five minutes of meeting a girl (I've met some of those!) but essentially, the man acts as a pacemaker to the speed of the relationship. Men generally propose as soon as two factors are in place - all signs are pointing to the answer being "yes", and most importantly when they are ready. If he hasn't proposed to you, either he isn't certain you'll say yes, or he still has some things to go over in his head - "what if I can't measure up as a husband?" "what if we run into troubles?" "what if we fall out of love?" "will we still be happy when we're old and wrinkly?".

Men are practical creatures, and generally the concept of true love isn't enough to allay those fears - they have to sit down and rationalise it all, and once they've done that (it's a growing process), then they are ready.

Once again, I would like to emphasise that I am going with rules of thumb - generally accepted differences between the sexes that soooo often present themselves. Obviously you and your BF might be completely different and my ramblings might not apply, but only you know how it all works!

Best of luck, XxXxXx

 

[kitten2299]

I say go for it!!!! You can make it as romantic as you always wished for or as simple as you want. I kind of wished I did it as my proposal was a text message :hammer: but that is the way he is and I wouldn't want him any other way!! Just wish I had some think a little more romantic to tell our daughter.
If you want a suggestion on how to propose to him I would say buy him a watch and ask him if he would spend the rest of time with you.

good luck please let us know what you do and how everything goes!!!

 

[aurora1982]

On a slight side note, I've got to stop reading the threads on this forum. I start getting all these hopes up about DBF secretly planning something spectacular, when in reality he probably wouldn't think of getting CM's help, or checking Wishes schedules. The stupid thing is that it's him that I want - even if he slipped a ring into my pack of peanuts on the plane and said "hey babe, how's about it?" (He doesn't talk like that - don't worry!)

Reading other people's reports kinda takes the shine off, and that's the last thing I want!