Admiral Bates: Now, since your ______ is on the line, sailor, I authorize you right now, to do whatever you can to aid in the arrival of the SEAL Team. Because if I can't control you, I might as well support you. Correct?
Casey Ryback: That's affirmative, Sir!
The Cat: [as the cook] Delicious cupcakes are just minutes away.
The Cat: [as a cooking show host] Did you say minutes away? that's impossible!
The Cat: [as the cook] You're not just wrong, you're stupid.
The Cat: [as a cooking Show host] now, wait just a minute...
The Cat: [as the cook] And you're ugly, just like your mum.
Charles: How do you do, my name is Charles. Old man: Don't be ridiculous, Charles died 20 years ago! Charles: Must be a different Charles, I think. Old man: Are you telling me I don't know my own brother! Charles: No, no.
Droz:Well, here's all you need to know. Classes: nothing before eleven. Beer: it's your best friend, you drink a lot. Women? You're a freshman, so it's pretty much out of the question. Will you have a car?
Tom: Uh, no.
Droz:Someone on your floor will. Find them and make friends with them on the first day.
Vizzini: You only think I guessed wrong - that's what's so funny. I switched glasses when your back was turned. Ha-ha, you fool. You fell victim to one of the classic blunders, the most famous of which is "Never get involved in a land war in Asia", but only slightly less well known is this: "Never go in against a Sicilian, when *death* is on the line.". Hahahahahah.
[Vizzini falls over dead]
Gordie: Mickey is a mouse, Donald is a duck, Pluto is a dog. What's Goofy...?
Teddy: He's a dog, he's definitely a dog...
Chris: He can't be a dog, he wears a hat and drives a car...
Vern: Yeah, that is weird. What the hell is Goofy?
Edgar Friendly: You see, according to Cocteau's plan I'm the enemy, 'cause I like to think; I like to read. I'm into freedom of speech and freedom of choice. I'm the kind of guy likes to sit in a greasy spoon and wonder - "Gee, should I have the T-bone steak or the jumbo rack of barbecued ribs with the side order of gravy fries?" I WANT high cholesterol. I wanna eat bacon and butter and BUCKETS of cheese, okay? I want to smoke Cuban cigar the size of Cincinnati in the non-smoking section. I want to run through the streets naked with green jello all over my body reading playboy magazine. Why? Because I suddenly might feel the need to, okay, pal? I've SEEN the future. Do you know what it is? It's a 47-year-old virgin sitting around in his beige pajamas, drinking a banana-broccoli shake, singing "I'm an Oscar Meyer Wiener".