See your kid a few times a year?

[englanddg]

This is a thread for single parents, divorced parents, or other circumstances.

I use an iTouch (facetime) to keep in regular touch with the kid now, and before that it was Skype.

Does anyone else only see their kid a few times a year? How do you keep in touch regularly? How do you plan for your Disney trips?

 

[englanddg]

And I'd add, what experiences do you plan for them in the future?

 

[englanddg]

My Dad asked for a Cirque DVD, and he loves James Horner. I miss my Dad...My mom asked for a Figment nightshirt (they don't make those anymore)...

I think the Chantix is playing with my mind...

 

[englanddg]

Sorry all...

 

[sweetpee_1993]

My parents divorced when I was 3. I essentially "grew up" w/my mom, her 2nd husband, + his 3 kids which made us a blended family of 7. My dad was in the Navy so visits were limited. Most years we had 2 visits: summer & holiday breaks from school. We always went places and did stuff. Most things were not planned the way Disney travel needs to be. We lived in the Orlando area so trips there were easy. I remember when I was about 10 or so Dad brought his new wife down for a long weekend and we spent it out off I-Drive and going to Epcot. Another time when I was 12 or 13 Dad's ship was in Tampa or something for several days on short notice. Without even calling to say he was in Florida he managed to get a full day of leave, got a buddy to chum along, rented a car, and showed up at our door early on a Saturday morning itching to spend the day at the MK. We had seasonal passes already so it saved him a few bucks. Was a fun day but the best part was the surprise/bonus day.

Back then we didn't have all the tech (FaceTime, Skype) to keep in touch. If dad was on Med cruises (usually 6-9 months +) we could go months without hearing his voice. But then imagine the thrill of getting phone calls from all over the world. Mostly we did the old-fashioned thing: we wrote letters. We would send photos, draw pictures, all sorts of little things. I know it sounds practically medieval now but I'm grateful we had to do it that way. I have an old shoe box tucked in my closet smashed full of every card or letter I received from about 6 or 7 years old until I got married at 19 years old. At least half of my box is letters from Dad. The oldest ones got pretty frail from being read so much. I may or may not have slept with those held near my face so I could smell them....LOL! Those are laminated now. I can't imagine those years without the thrill of mail from Dad. those bits of paper were so much more to me than just his words talking to me. It was paper his hands touched that I could hold like holding his hand. I could usually smell the smell of the ship (its a distinctive smell I can't describe) from the paper. Odd as it sounds, that was a huge comfort smell because Dad's clothes and belongings often smelled like the ship so it was a comfort thing I associated with him. I love that I have my box of letters to read all these years later. I love that my kids can read my letters from dad and understand what it was like for me. They also get a little more understanding how good they have things. If we'd had all the tech stuff then I think we might have talked more often but I'm not sure it would constitute being in better touch. And I probably wouldn't have my treasured box of letters, many of which traveled to me from places all over the world.

And, ya know what? In his closet, tucked amongst boxes of his trinkets is every letter we wrote to him. I've not read back thru them but I know they are there. I've seen them.

 

[luv]

Has to be hard, only seeing your child a few times a year.

 

[sweetpee_1993]

Has to be hard, only seeing your child a few times a year.

Longest I've been away from my kids is 3 weeks when I worked thru Hurricane Katrina & they were evacuated. It's hard to imagine what it was like for my dad. Just being the kid I can say it completely sucks. Longest stretch I went without seeing my dad was about a year because the way his cruises fell conflicted with when we could get away from school. My step-mom still flew us up for the holidays and was a champ for us. We were blessed with strong involved extended family. But, from the kid's perspective, it really blows to always miss a parent. When I was with Mom I missed Dad terribly. When we spent weeks or months (summer) away from Mom I missed her really bad, too. It was a no-win thing.

Buuuuuut, the biggest kicker is that both my parents went on to divorce their subsequent spouses and remarried each other in 2001 or something like that. Only the older of our kids even vaguely remember before Nana & Grampaw were together. At their wedding I got asked a dozen times "Is this the happiest day for you or what?!?!" Um, not entirely. Part of me wanted to smack them both for not being able to get their crap together 23 years sooner. Could've saved me a lot of misery. LOL!

 

[luv]

Longest I've been away from my kids is 3 weeks when I worked thru Hurricane Katrina & they were evacuated. It's hard to imagine what it was like for my dad. Just being the kid I can say it completely sucks. Longest stretch I went without seeing my dad was about a year because the way his cruises fell conflicted with when we could get away from school. My step-mom still flew us up for the holidays and was a champ for us. We were blessed with strong involved extended family. But, from the kid's perspective, it really blows to always miss a parent. When I was with Mom I missed Dad terribly. When we spent weeks or months (summer) away from Mom I missed her really bad, too. It was a no-win thing.

Buuuuuut, the biggest kicker is that both my parents went on to divorce their subsequent spouses and remarried each other in 2001 or something like that. Only the older of our kids even vaguely remember before Nana & Grampaw were together. At their wedding I got asked a dozen times "Is this the happiest day for you or what?!?!" Um, not entirely. Part of me wanted to smack them both for not being able to get their crap together 23 years sooner. Could've saved me a lot of misery. LOL!

It's wonderful that they got back together, but...yeah! Would have been nice to have done it sooner!! I'd want to smack them upside the head before hugging them, too!

 

[englanddg]

This made me think a lot..my kid doesn't see me so often. Not that I don't want to be there for her (and I am, I paid for her communion to be sure she had it, and I am there for many things she doesn't realize...)...

And I miss her....deeply...

My time with her is coming up...only a few months, and more than going back to Disney, it's getting to see her again, getting to share our lives and her smiling with me as we enjoy things.

That makes me very excited.

Two vids (yeah, I always have vids)...



And...

 

[englanddg]

I've been cold, I've been hungry, but not for a while, I guess most of my dreams have come true...

With it all here around me, no peace do I find...

But, I'll never get over losing you!

 

[englanddg]

Less than 90 days...and my kid will be with me again.

I'm so excited!



I know I went sad with the thread...I just miss her very much!

 

[englanddg]

Though, here's something fun! SEA OF ORANGE!

 

[englanddg]

One day I'll get to take her to a UT game...

 

[dave&di]

One day I'll get to take her to a UT game...

You have a whole lifetime of memories to look forward to with your daughter. I'm sure your daughter has an amazing time every time she sees you, think 'quality' not 'quantity'.

Try to be positive, although difficult at times Im sure.

 

[englanddg]

You have a whole lifetime of memories to look forward to with your daughter. I'm sure your daughter has an amazing time every time she sees you, think 'quality' not 'quantity'.

Try to be positive, although difficult at times Im sure.

I try, I really do. But, once a week or so, I just miss her too darned much. We keep in touch, thanks to modern technology...I get to read stories to her (right now we are on "Mrs. Frisby and the Rats of Nimh"). But, it's not the same as seeing her every day.

I'm less than 90 days out from seeing her again, and unlike last year, I'm not keeping her all summer, just for our trip, and I'm excited. She knows nothing. I am going to wait until she gets the call from Mickey while we eat at Chef Mickeys the morning we depart for the cruise...

But, I miss her deeply. I missed her confirmation ceremony, I missed her first dance recital...and she is growing up too fast!

All because her mother and I couldn't work things out...

 

[englanddg]

Funny story though, she has a crush on a boy (Andrew)...but it seems Andrew likes someone else. She frumped at me last night about it...

Growing up too fast.

 

[sweetpee_1993]

Awwww.... Definitely focus on the quality vs. quantity. The time you do have will be precious to your daughter, too, even if she doesn't always show it. All those months I was without my dad I can tell you I thought of him every day. I worried about him a lot being overseas and me being the natural worrier that I am. One of his letters says to me that "yes, baby, I'm warm at night". I used to worry a lot that he was cold and alone. If your daughter isn't already aware of how much you do for her, she will be someday. When I was younger I didn't think about it much, how we would have our amazing adventures with Dad. Well, he was just a seaman & didn't make much money. NOW I know he did without, scrimped and saved every day so that when we were with him he could have the funds to do all the things he wanted to for us. In between visits whenever we needed something extra we could always call him or call his sister who was there for us, too, and we had whatever it was we needed. Just because you aren't with your daughter every day physically doesn't mean you aren't together. And I know from being the kiddo with split parents and a dad that was away, she thinks of you and has you in her heart just as much as you do her. You're going to have so much fun on your vacation together! Can't wait to hear all about it!

And don't worry so much about not being able to work it out with your daughter's mother. That's another thing that comes in time. As a kid I had a hard time understanding what the big deal was. As I got older and got to know my parents individually, the people that they are, and understanding circumstances and things made it a lot clearer. Plus, I'm sorta grateful for the way everything went. I don't believe any of it was accidental. I had a wonderful step-mother for 10 years. She was amazing and taught me a lot about being a mom, things I didn't get from my mom. I had a step-dad for 12 years that also brought a lot of perspective and important contributions to my life. I wouldn't give either of those people up for anything. It all will work out the way it's supposed to be so don't worry too much. K?

 

[englanddg]

I've been considering getting back together with my ex/ex... Not my kid's mom, but the one love (not date) before that...

She's from Tortola. And is visiting there next month, seeing family. She sent me (and posted on her facebook) this picture...

Her family loved me, and I loved them (they kept calling me Frenchy...long story). I really do miss the islands...not that it's my home, but being with her for 5 years, I felt like it was.

That would mean two new kids (both Disneyphiles) that she brings with her, as well as my own, and a ton of drama (as my ex doesn't like my ex/ex)...and that has me holding back. My ex/ex is interested, as am I...<shrug> dunno where this is going to go.

Yeesh...I started a Jerry Springer thread, didn't I!

 

[MOXOMUMD]

That's awesome that you do so much wonderful stuff for your DD. My DD and her father go to BK once a month and that's his idea of "quality" visit time. Then he's back with the GF and forgets about us. My hat's off to you to making the magic happen!

 

[englanddg]

Fishing. I'm thinking about taking the kid Fishing (dockside) at age 8.

She asked me at 7 to do it, but I was nervous about hooks.

Thoughts?