Oh no...
OH NO...
FLASHBAAAAAACK!!!
I was in 5th. grade. The school play was some sort of (I think) Disney-authorized version of THEIR version of Robin Hood, including use of the songs. I was Prince John, with a Sir Hiss sock puppet. My first scene begins. There's a giant canvas flat behind me, painted to look like my throne and the palace behind it. It was at least 12 feet high. And it wasn't secured. I was in what we in the biz call a "stage freeze" while the narrator of the play gave a little bit of exposition on what kind of a turd Prince John was. And the canvas flat sloooooowly starts to fall forward. And cracks me on the head. I get the wooden border of the frame, all filled with kid friendly staples and splinters, on the back of my skull. I see stars. Everyone in the audience thinks it's part of the show (hey, abusing kids for laughs? Why not? It's the seventies, baby!), and they're all cracking up.
I'm in pain, I'm comfused, I'm embarrassed. And everyone is pointing and laughing. If I were Carrie White, everyone in the audience would be so dead. But I'm not, so I put my head down and try not to cry.
Then come the chorus of "awwwws." Big sarcastic "awwwws" because, again, everyone is so doped up on downers and "roller skaters' high" in the seventies, they all think this part of the show. I'm the local answer to Chevy Chase. Finally, the curtain is closed as the teachers' make sure I'm not bleeding, and finally everyone gets it through their thick heads that I wasn't pulling a Buster Keaton and breaking my neck and back for their amusement. Once I get my cr@p together, the narrator comes out and says Prince John is OK, and the show can continue. I get applause from the audience's shameful guilty filthy hands, and the show, as it always must...goes on.
I HATE Robin Hood.
Ok, I actually like Robin Hood, but I always have a twinge of memory when I watch it. And I'm really more well-adjusted about my 5th-grade ordeal than that, but if you're gonna tell a story, ya gots ta sell it, baby! It's all true, but I can see the humor in it now...
...from the comfort of my padded cell...
And one day, I'll get a picture taken with Prince John, and the circle will be complete. My own little Hakuna Mutata...