Question for parents....

[Wolfclan Dan]

We are to leave for WDW three (3) weeks from this Wednesday. The trip is paid for and we are good to go. I am personally in desperate need of a vacation.

However, my question to the parents is would any of you be willing to cancel a trip to WDW due to bad behavior from your kids. Or have any of you done this with success in teaching a lesson?

 

[Monty]

It would have to be incredibly bad behaviour!

My son has always had the same punishment for bad behaviour - he loses his reading time at night. Since he really loves that time, he's only lost it three times in his life [he's now 13]. I can't imagine what he could do to warrant a WDW cancellation! :shrug:

Maybe if he came home and told me he got a classmate pregnant?



:lol:

 

[Wolfclan Dan]

My girls are still young (9, 8, 6) however, have developed an attitude of "no consequences". We take away the fun stuff like DS, TV, etc which has no lasting impact. The straw which is tilting my scale was lat night when my two youngest lied to my wife's face about how their 3 year old cousin ended up with a busted lip.

We are considering canceling our trip and re-booking for the summer without telling them. If their behavior improved, we would let them know we are going a few weeks out.

 

[swimmom]

In the past, I have warned my daughter that she would not be going on the trip if bad behavior continued. That seemed to always turn the behavior around. Bad behavior/attitude doesn't go on vacation with me!!!

 

[Wolfclan Dan]

In the past, I have warned my daughter that she would not be going on the trip if bad behavior continued. That seemed to always turn the behavior around. Bad behavior/attitude doesn't go on vacation with me!!!

This is precisely why I am considering canceling. We have told our girls on several occasions, if the behavior is not corrected, perhaps we would not go.

Now, as a parent, as heartbreaking as it is, I feel almost obligated to actually follow through.

 

[GenerationX]

I'm not a master of discipline myself, but my wife could probably teach it. One of her key rules is to NEVER threaten a specific punishment you aren't willing to carry out and, when making the threat, be as specific as possible as to what behaviors will warrant the punishment. Then, follow through with the punishment if you're challenged.

You used the word "perhaps" in your last post, which leads me to believe you've hedged a bit with them. You've also mentioned that your plan would be to rebook for the summer. My guess is that you want to go, you know you want to go, and you'll wait for a time when they've all been good to tell them you've rebooked. It's not really a cancellation then, but a postponement.

I'm not sure how exactly you threatened them or how severe their infractions were so I'm not sure if the punishment is warranted. Regardless, you'll probably be more careful in how you threaten them in the future. Good luck.

 

[Monty]

I'm with Gen X on this, if you've told them the trip was in jeopardy if their behaviour didn't change then you're on the hook to cancel. Consequences should be clearly defined and once defined followed through on.

If you don't follow through then their no consequences attitude is no-one's fault but yours.

My apologies if my first reply sounded trite, I wasn't trying to be. Your initial post didn't indicate you'd already set the groundwork. My next bit of advice is to not use things you don't want to lose yourself as the consequential loss for them. My son is an avid reader and I knew early on that taking his before-bed reading time away would be a punishment that would hit home. He pushed back once and lost his reading.The second time, he lost his reading but kept doing what I was punishing him for... So he lost a second night's reading. When he realized it was cumulative, he never pushed it again! I've been lucky that he learned early on that Daddy doesn't back down.

Hard as it may be, you need to crack down. No prevaricating, if you say something, mean it every time. From the way you've phrased your comments, it looks like you use less than clear terminology. Start saying "If X, then Y" and then if X happens, make sure Y follows quickly and it's clearly defined that Y is happening because X happened. If you allow wiggle-room, your kids will run rough-shod over you in a heartbeat.

 

[HoneyMnShawnee]

I know this may be difficult, but is there any way you could still go and leave the kids at home. That would send a major message. Not sure if you have family at home able to care for your children or not. I agree with Monty. Once you threaten, you have to be willing to follow through, or they will know there will be no "consequences". If anything that is the one thing I learned about parenting from my mom. If she said it, she would do it.

 

[Master Yoda]

We have left as many as 2 of our kids 3 with the grandparents while the rest of us went to WDW twice in the last 8 years. Once was due to discipline reasons and the other was due to grades. We also on one occasion came home a couple of days early due to bad behavior. Let me tell you there is no bigger break check for your kids then staying at home while the rest of the family goes to WDW.

 

[JustPlainBill]

Our family's trips to WDW are too big a deal for us to cancel just over the poor behavior of one child. What my wife and I have done was to tell our kids that if they misbehave we would hire a babysitter to sit with the misbehaving child in the hotel room all day while the rest of the family enjoyed themselves at the parks or whatever. This usually has done the trick for us. We would have followed through on the threat, as expensive as it would have been. My wife and I really enjoy our WDW trips and we don't feel that the whole family, including our other child, should do without if one child decides to misbehave.

 

[Raven66]

Our family's trips to WDW are too big a deal for us to cancel just over the poor behavior of one child. What my wife and I have done was to tell our kids that if they misbehave we would hire a babysitter to sit with the misbehaving child in the hotel room all day while the rest of the family enjoyed themselves at the parks or whatever. This usually has done the trick for us. We would have followed through on the threat, as expensive as it would have been. My wife and I really enjoy our WDW trips and we don't feel that the whole family, including our other child, should do without if one child decides to misbehave.

This is what my DH and I have done. Our DD is usually very well behaved but she has her moments. We just told her that if she acted up we would hire a sitter and she would stay in the room. The end. We would not cancel a trip that is already paid for and planned.

 

[Nemo14]

I wouldn't cancel MY trip, but I would definitely cancel theirs. As others have said, never threaten without intending to carry through, or your kids will figure that out in a hurry. I would make arrangements for the kids to stay with a relative or friend who will not tolerate poor behavior, then go and enjoy yourselves on vacation. The kids will learn eventually!

 

[sbkline]

Like others have said, don't threaten a punishment that you're not willing and prepared to follow through on. Myself, I think cancelling a whole trip would be out of the question, unless it was some kind of a MAJOR thing. So I wouldn't threaten that as a punishment, since it's not something I'd really be willing to carry out. But when I threaten punishment with my son, I always make sure it's something that I'm willing to do, whether it be a spanking, or telling him that he can't do play with his crayons and paper the rest of the evening, or whatever. But it won't take long before a child knows that Mommy or Daddy is all talk and no action, which is why it is vitally important to follow through when it comes to discipline.

 

[marcriss]

With three weeks to go you have the option of letting them earn back their trip. This gives you the option of going through with the punishment and giving them the option of redeeming themselves. I caution you to explain that this is a one-time chance to turn their behavior around (in everyday use this doesn't work, my son thought he would always get the option to earn back what he lost, this isn't a great deterrent then). But you could tell them that based on their behavior they have lost their trip to WDW, you're still going. If their behavior changes over these next three weeks you'll consider letting them go. It gives them the power to make this right. A professional told us to use "When/then" instead of "If/then" statements, admittedly I find myself still using "If/then." The "When/then" statements give them the power to change and the understanding that you know they can do it.

I hope this helps. As others have stated, we use the threat of a babysitter while we are at Disney. That usually cuts the nonsense out immediately.

 

[juscet]

Just remember, follow through is the key. If you are going to make that threat you have to be willing to actually do it (Psychology 101). I personally would never take away a WDW trip because there is just so much planning involved. The hoops you would have to go through just to cancel everything would be a "minor" inconvenience.

You may be able to take away something in WDW, a character meal, etc. that they might be excited for.

 

[disneygirl1]

I find it funny that you bring this up, b/c I am in the same situation. My son is 7 and at the age that he just does not care! I have told him that he is not going on our trip w/us as of now b/c of his behavior. With that said, I told him if I see a total 360 from now until the end of the school year, I will consider letting him go again. While he does still have his moments, it seems like this is working. Both my parents (who watch him after school for me), myself and his teacher (he can't seem to keep his mouth closed in school) have seen a big difference in the last month. So lets hope he continues. If I have to leave him home, I am going to be extremely upset:veryconfu I will ruin my trip!

 

[Craig & Lisa]

Since 1997 the family has gone a total of 18 times, our sons were 4 1/2 and 2 the first time we went. Over the years we have had to warn them that if their attitudes did not improve they would not be going, it has worked. Even more when the DW and I went without them, they didn't know we were going without them till the day we left, (of course we brought back guilt gifts when we returned) but none the less, they knew from that point that we would not hessitate to go without them. So, if to get the point across you have to go with out them do it. And by the way, when they are not around to watch, you'd be suprised at how much fun you actually have, just you and the spouse seem to enjoy things in a different way, and discover things that you didn't with the kiddies hanging on you.

 

[charatijennings]

Whew! This is a tough one. My DS is now 14 and has been pretty mild mannered through childhood, but had his moments like every other kid. I was given some good advice by a friend of mine years ago. She said the punishment should be two fold: #1. Don't punish YOURSELF by eliminating any type of event, and #2. Don't threaten a punishment that you will end up not carrying out. I'm sure my comments are basically repeating the other posters in a sense. But if you really need a vacation, don't punish yourself. I like the suggestion to put them in the hotel room while everyone else is out and about. And maybe a little shame like announcing when you check in at the resort to whoever is in earshot that sadly (insert child's name) won't be able to go to the parks because of his/her terrible behavior which might be seen by Mickey (or insert favorite character) if you allowed them to attend with you. Maybe the room restriction and embarrassment will work and they'll be begging to show you how much of an angel they can be the rest of the trip. Best of luck.

 

[WDWRLD]

I dint know if I would cancell the whole trip..but...mabee come up with something special that the kids were going to get or do there and if they dont behave as expected take it away from them. If they see the other kids getting that special something then mabey they will take notice.

 

[whitney37354]

I'd take them, but no soveniers (sp?), no character meals, no pool time, no extra snacks, tv, etc. and if you want to go out without them at night, get a sitter.

We are going for the first time for DD & DD in June 2010. DD is now 3 3/4 and still not potty trained. We've told her Mommy & Daddy are going to Disney World and we're leaving her here unless she ______-pees and poops in the potty all the time like Mommy and Daddy. She understands that but still won't potty train! She'll dirty her Pull-Up and them cry and say "You're gonna go to Disney World and leave me here!" We're not REALLY gonna leave her, but I just figured it might speed up the potty training since she has no sense of time right now!