OSC 1a critiques
Yea, I know I’m a bit early, but I’ve got to get up early again tomorrow for work and I’m ready to post these. I hope you find them helpful, constructive, light-hearted when appropriate and encouraging where needed. Also, remember that this is just one guy’s opinion, and that one guy might be full of… uh…for those of you who’ve been to Disneyland Paris, I might be full of
merde. No arguments there. I had a great time reading them and critiquing them.
@spacemt354
“The Happiest Millionaire”- terrific choice for this challenge. This is a classic Disney film with a catchy score that needs to be reintroduced to the general public, and locating it on (or just off) Main Street is a great touch. Main Street U.S.A. has always needed more attractions, and this fills that need perfectly with a period-appropriate theme. I wouldn’t have thought of including it as a float in the Main Street Electrical Parade, but when you used the word “glistening” I could see how it would fit perfectly…and I’d love to see the animatronic alligator and the crowd’s reaction to it. This would reintroduce a valuable part of Disney’s history to modern audiences who now hear “Disney” and think “animated.” Hopefully the Disney Company would rerelease this film theatrically in conjunction with this new dark ride.
This was a well-crafted proposal, well-written and I could tell you take care and think about how your words present your proposal.
@TwilightZone
“The Absent-Minded Professor”- Great idea for a dark ride, and really outstanding to even think about Disneyland Paris! It contains lots of physical stuff that would give riders a huge variety of visuals to watch, and would really challenge the Imagineers to develop. You did confuse me when you mentioned “test track-styled,” which makes me think of Epcot’s Test Track speed/performance/banked-turns/flat roller coaster portions (I told you I’m a Cedar Point coaster guy) but then I remembered the beginning, indoor sections and hope that is what you meant. If you meant to include an outdoor section ala Epcot that would be a great addition if the available space would permit- however, if that is the case, you’d need to find a way to mention that in the proposal. When dealing with one (or two) sentences, every word takes on added importance and can change the reader’s perception of the concept as a whole.
Also, when dealing with one or two sentences, everything matters, including the use of capital letters (I said I was picky about stuff like that). Really, how you present a written proposal is the same as how you present yourself for a job interview. First impressions are vital. I’m only emphasizing this to help you take a really good proposal up to a Really GREAT proposal! (see the difference a few capital letters make?)
Please take this as constructive. I think your proposal would have great potential as a landmark dark ride, especially in Disneyland Paris. Very good work- and I know you’re capable of great work!
@englanddg
“Zorro” is the perfect choice for a new, major dark ride- for Disney California Adventure, not for Disneyland Park…but I’ll forgive this minor infraction. It would be the perfect centerpiece for DCA if they ever decided to actually depict California in that park. I have to admit that I never realized Zorro was such a political and social activist- I thought he just rode around defeating the bad guys with a rapier and a whip. I certainly hope you were writing this with your tongue firmly planted in your cheek- I’m not sure how else you could have come up with the “gluten free candies” idea!
You also used just one sentence, which is to be commended. I’m not sure how you could get his condemnation of urban spread presented to the average rider, but I have a feeling that most people, after experiencing “Zorro” at the Disneyland Resort (whichever park it would appear in), would come out and say to themselves, “?!”, then get back in line and ride it again to try and figure out what they had seen. Personally, I’d love to ride “Zorro”- probably the closest to Monty Python we’ll ever see in a Disney park! This is what I call “thinking outside the box.”
@D Hindley
“Victory Through Air Power” is…uh…well…I can predict two events being instigated by this dark ride during it’s probably-brief run at Tokyo Disneyland. 1) The citizens of Tokyo would march on Tokyo Disneyland, and after politely making sure that everyone had been evacuated from the building, they would burn it to the ground (with thousands more visitors to the park politely sitting to watch it burn while taking selfies with the smoldering ruins behind them, and 2) The Empire of Japan would sever diplomatic ties with the United States and resume its attack on Pearl Harbor.
I think this short-lived attraction would work better as a motion simulator ala Stormrider rather than as a dark ride. The float inspired by “Victory Through Air Power” could be artistically beautiful if just a bit (!) controversial. Actually, I think this entire concept would work better in one of Korea’s theme parks, where Japan is still viewed with as much disdain as it was by America during WW2.
Mr. Hindley, I think you’ve spent too much time overseas. The strange food and beverages have had an effect on you. Time to get back on your medication.
@Evilgidgit
“So Dear To My Heart.” This proposal has everything I would want in a proposal. It takes a nearly unknown but worthy Disney property and gives it new life in what I can visualize as a breathtakingly beautiful, fun and memorable dark ride in the best location possible. In Danny you’ve reintroduced a Disney character that the Japanese, with their insatiable thirst for cuteness, would probably line up for hours to buy every stuffed toy, backpack and water bottle with his image on it. The writing was superb, and I have to ask if you’re from Britain or a Commonwealth nation- “learnt” is almost exclusively used in Britain, but the sound of that word fits into a more rural, country manner of speaking. It was the perfect choice of word for this proposal.
I was totally unfamiliar with the movie, and after reading your proposal I did some research on it. Your proposal’s description did its job- what I “learnt” from my research was exactly what I had visualized from your proposal’s description. Probably my favorite part of it was how you used the float to further your proposal and tell even more of the story line.
This was an outstanding proposal!
I've been thinking about this challenge since it was posted, and just couldn't get past the "realism" part, since that is something I've long preached while competing and judging Theme Park Apprentice over in Theme Park Insider. I guess I built myself a wall that I couldn't get past, and now I've run out of time for this challenge due to work schedule. I'll be back, and the proposal already posted shows that it can be worked around professionally and creatively. I'll be back for the next round!
