Eh, to heck with it. I'm posting my project now.
THE LOONEY, LOONEY, LOONEY, LOONEY, LOONEY, LOONEY BUGS BUNNY RIDE
One thing that has provided me with a lot of nostalgia is
Looney Tunes. When I was younger, I was as big a fan of the franchise as anyone. I got the DVD box sets. I watched the cartoons on Boomerang. And when I went to Six Flags Great Adventure - the theme park that was closest to where I lived - my favorite part was, without a doubt, the Looney Tunes-themed sections. So with that in mind, I thought, why NOT do a Looney Tunes attraction for Six Flags Great Adventure? Seeing as the park is also a source of nostalgia for me, it'd be a twofer. And who doesn't love twofers?
Thus, I present to you
The Looney, Looney, Looney, Looney, Looney Bugs Bunny Ride. One thing that Six Flags Great Adventure lacks is family-friendly dark rides. It has one - Justice League: Battle For Metropolis - but ONLY one. A dark ride on par with Six Flags Over Georgia's Monster Mansion would be a welcome addition to the park... it would provide something that the whole family can enjoy. And who doesn't love Bugs Bunny, Daffy Duck, Porky Pig, and the other Looney Tunes characters?
The attraction is located in Bugs Bunny National Park. Its entrance resembles a small cliff with a rabbit hole dug into it... presumably by Bugs Bunny, seeing as there are rabbit tracks leading to it and a shovel lying nearby. Wooden signs shaped like arrows point the way to the cliff, reading things like
"THIS WAY TO BUGS' RABBIT HOLE" and
"WALK THIS WAY (YOU WON'T REGRET IT)" in bold letters. Stepping into the rabbit hole, guests find themselves in a subterranean tunnel. On the dirt-covered walls occasionally hang another arrow-shaped sign encouraging us to walk further into the tunnel (among the things written on the sign are
"KEEP WALKING",
"FUN AHEAD" and
"LONG LINE, ISN'T IT?"). The tunnel is dimly-lit, but there is SOME light, provided by candles... wait a second, those aren't candles, they're lit sticks of dynamite!
Eventually, the tunnel leads to a larger room, still subterranean in appearance but brighter-lit. It's none other than Bugs Bunny's living room. Boxes of carrots are scattered about. Framed pictures of carrots hang on the walls. In the center of the room is a large green armchair, and sitting in that armchair is Bugs Bunny himself, strumming a banjo.
"What do they do on a rainy night in Rio? A rink-a-bink-a-bink-a, what do they do when there is no starry sky? No starry sky..." he sings as his eyes wander over to us.
"Meh, what's up, docs? Welcome to my humble abode. I was just about to go out and have some fun. Ya wanna come with me? Good, good. Just head through dat door over on the left. I'll meet ya outside, okay?"
We walk through the door on the left, as Bugs instructed us, and arrive in a shack filled to the brim with ACME products. Anvils, disintegrating rays, boxes of bird seed, you name it. It's here that we board our ride vehicles - cars that look like giant carrots, complete with an orange paint job and a long green stem sticking out the back. Each carrot car fits six people (three rows of two). As we climb into the cars, Bugs' voice can be heard:
"Looney-lookin' cars, aren't they? We're gonna have fun out there, but I don't want any of you gettin' hurt, so remember to stay seated with your hands, arms, feet, and legs inside the carrot at all times. And keep an eye on those kids. All right, let's get going!"
The carrot car goes into motion, drifting through a pair of swinging doors and emerging outside. It's a beautiful day in the forest. Bugs reappears on our right, leaning against his mailbox.
"Hey, what took ya so long?" he jokes.
"I'm just kiddin'. What say we go lookin' for some fun? It's Rabbit Season, so I'm expectin' a few maroons to show up in the forest today..."
Turning away from Bugs, our carrot car takes us further into the forest. Signs reading
"RABBIT SEASON" are nailed to trees. Eventually, we spot Elmer Fudd, creeping around the forest with a gun in his hands. Upon noticing us, he says,
"Sssssh. Be vewy, vewy quiet. I'm hunting wabbits. Hahahaha."
The carrot car follows him as he heads over to Bugs' rabbit hole and pokes his head in to see if there are any "wabbits" inside. Bugs, of course, nonchallantly wanders over munching on a carrot. Tapping Elmer on the rear, he asks,
"Meh... whatcha doin', doc?", prompting Elmer to raise his head and say,
"Oh, I'm hunting wabbits." "Ya don't say," Bugs replies.
"Any luck?" Shaking his head, Elmer admits,
"Not much... hey, wait a second!"
Elmer lifts up his gun, prompting Bugs to run off with a mischievous grin. The sound of gunshots can be heard as we race after Bugs.
"Hee hee hee! What did I tell ya, folks? Ain't dis fun?" he asks us as we approach the entrance to a mine, the words
"KEEP OUT (SIGNED, YOSEMITE SAM)" written on a sign atop it.
The mine is reminiscent of the Seven Dwarfs' mine sequence featured in many of Disney's Snow White attractions. Tweety Bird and Sylvester the Cat make a brief cameo here - Tweety is sitting in a birdcage hanging from the ceiling, and Sylvester is using a pickaxe to try and get the cage open so he can eat Tweety. Most of the mine is very dark, but dimly-lit gold nuggets poking out of the rocky walls and the occasional glowing eyes of a bat provide a bit of illumination. Eventually, we run into the mine's owner... who, as you might have guessed, is Yosemite Sam, a pickaxe in his left hand and a gun in his right.
"What are y'all doin' in my mine?!" he demands.
"This is private property! Didn't ya see the sign out front?! 'KEEP OUT' it says! 'KEEP OUT'!"
Before Sam can do whatever it is he plans on doing to us, there's suddenly a massive explosion behind him, knocking him off his feet and shaking the walls of the mine... and sending our carrot car down a mine shaft (actually an elevator) into another level of the mine below. Here, we learn just what - or rather, WHO - caused the explosion: Daffy Duck, who is standing next to a box of dynamite and now eagerly shoveling gold nuggets into a mine cart.
"I'm rich! I'm wealthy! I'm comfortably well-off! Whoo-hoo!" he exclaims.
"What in tarnation?! Mah mine is infested with trespassers!" Sam can be heard shouting.
"I'LL BLAST YER HEAD OFF FOR THIS, DUCK!" The mine wall in front of us collapses, allowing us to make our escape.
Next, our carrot car leads us right to the farm where Foghorn Leghorn lives. We drive into the barn, startling all of the chickens inside and getting the attention of Barnyard Dog, who starts barking at us. Leaving the barn, we encounter Foghorn himself.
"I say, where's the fire, folks?" the rooster asks.
"You're dartin' around the farm like a Road Runner with a flamin' tailfeather! What, does your car have too much juice? Carrot juice! That's a joke, fellas!"
Our carrot car circles Foghorn, then ducks into a nearby clump of bushes and re-emerges... oddly enough, at a city zoo! Animals can be seen in large cages on either side of us. Suddenly, an alarm goes off, and a loudspeaker shouts,
"Attention, zoo-goers! The Tasmanian Devil has just escaped from his cage! Please run around screaming at the top of your lungs until we somehow manage to fix the situation. Thank you." Shadows of fleeing zoo patrons are cast on the walls as we turn right and see the Tasmanian Devil wreaking havoc. Fortunately, Zookeeper Porky Pig is nearby with a large net... unfortunately, that's not enough to stop Taz.
"Now, be a guh-geh-eh-guh-geh-good Tasmanian Devil and return to your cuh-ceh-eh-cuh-ceh-cage! Stop suh-speh-eh-suh-speh-spinning me around like this! You're muh-meh-eh-muh-meh-making me nuh-neh-eh-nuh-neh-nauseous!" the flusted pig protests as Taz drags him around.
Turning away from this little situation, we see Bugs again, peeking out from behind a signpost.
"Hey, folks. How's your day been goin'?" he asks us.
"I gave ol' Elmer the slip, but I know he'll be back. How's about we throw him off our trail a little?" As he speaks, he gestures towards one of the directional signs on the post. Unlike the others, which feature the names of animals, the sign reads
"DESERT". Very peculiar...
Sure enough, by going in the direction that the sign points in, we're suddenly in the desert. Another, larger sign greets us, reading
"WELCOME TO ROSWELL. HOPE YOU BROUGHT SOME WATER WITH YOU (CAUSE YOU WON'T FIND IT HERE)". Perched atop the sign is Beaky Buzzard, who upon noticing us says,
"Uh, nope, nope, nope, I wouldn't go into the desert if I were you... nope, nope. Too hot out there. You'll get fried. Nope, nope..." Ignoring the buzzard's warnings, we continue into the desert. Scattered about are the remains of strange contraptions with the word
"ACME" stenciled on them, blueprints, and boxes of "ACME Bird Seed". And yes, it is indeed very hot. Fortunately, a cliff overhead provides some shade... but look up and you'll see Wile E. Coyote standing on top, holding a rope from which hangs an enormous anvil. Where there's Wile E. Coyote, there's bound to be Road Runner... and sure enough, he zips up behind Wile E. and goes
"Meep meep!", startling the coyote and causing him to let go of the rope. Down falls the anvil and it lands in our path, blocking it.
As if things couldn't get any stranger, a UFO appears overhead! Road Runner nervously dashes off, Wile E. giving chase after him, as our carrot car is caught in a tractor beam and lifted up (via another elevator).
Inside the UFO, we see Instant Martians working at control panels and riding around on scooters. Marvin the Martian is sitting in the captain's chair, K-9 faithfully standing next to him.
"Welcome to my spaceship, Earthlings," he greets us.
"You'll be happy to know that I do NOT plan to probe you or take you back to my home planet of Mars. Instead, I'll be doing a few harmless tests on you so I'll know what makes you Earthlings tick. It'll make things much easier for me when I conquer your planet. Isn't that lovely?" Our carrot car makes a left turn and approaches a large laser beam pointed right at us. It lights up.
"Oh, dear. Your car has turned on my plutonium-powered laser beam. I knew making it motion-activated was a bad idea," Marvin laments.
"Prepare for an earth-shattering kaboom!"
A gigantic explosion sends us flying out of the UFO, and we land in the middle of the forest where this big, crazy mess got started. Elmer has caught up with Bugs and has his gun pointed at him.
"Any you wanna say before I bwast you, wabbit?" he demands.
"Uh, just one thing, doc," Bugs replies nonchalantly.
"Look up." "Oh, come on. You think I'm that dumb?" Elmer asks... just before each and every Instant Martian that was aboard the UFO land on top of him, followed by a dazed Marvin.
"Maybe I should conquer Neptune instead..." the Martian groans. Bugs just snickers.
Turning away from this, we enter a tunnel that simulates the iconic "rings" featured at the beginning and end of every Looney Tunes short. At the end of the tunnel, the words
"That's all, folks!" appear, followed by Porky Pig bursting through the "wall" and going,
"Eh-buh-dee-eh-buh-dee-eh-buh-dee-That's all, folks!" The scene fades to black, and the "wall" in front of us opens up, revealing that it was actually a door, allowing our carrot car to enter the unload area, where we disembark.
With its very loose but fittingly looney storyline, large amount of gags, and appearances from your favorite Looney Tunes characters, The Looney, Looney, Looney, Looney, Looney, Looney Bugs Bunny Ride is bound to become a popular attraction that everyone who visits Six Flags Great Adventure will want to pay a visit at least once.
